


I Know You Want Me

by aeval, thelastpen



Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe, Childbirth, College, Dubious Consent, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/F, Gender Dysphoria, New Orleans, Postpartum Depression, References to Suicide, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt, Teen Pregnancy, Trans Character, Transitioning, Unplanned Pregnancy, Voyeurism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-30
Updated: 2012-07-06
Packaged: 2017-10-30 08:53:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 32
Words: 177,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/330000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aeval/pseuds/aeval, https://archiveofourown.org/users/thelastpen/pseuds/thelastpen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rachel's longed after someone since the first day they met, but will a big secret bring them together or destroy them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I Get Off

**Author's Note:**

> Co-written with Maura and she'll be linked as co-author once she has a AO3 account.
> 
> We started this out as a pure smut fic, but it found a heart and a serious plotline. This story does deal with Gender Identity Disorder and we want to be very frank in saying that that is something that has many aspects to it. We do not seek to cover them all, this is just one.
> 
> Also, to clarify, the Rape/Non-Con tag is in regard to a situation which could be interpreted that way. At best, it is a dub-con situation.

**Chapter One - I Get Off**

She thought about it sometimes. What she'd say when interviewers asked her - as they inevitably would - how it started. What the starting point of the torrid affair between her and her partner had been. She gave it a lot of thought. Eventually, she decided on an answer.

_Skirts._

Extremely simplistic to be certain, but relatively accurate. It was a skirt that had drawn her eyes to the firmness of the muscles of upper thighs, the delightful shape of the ass under those whipping pleats. After that, the athleticism of the tanned cheerleader's dance and the delicious smokiness of her voice had caused heat to pool between her thighs like none of her boyfriends had managed to do. She'd almost gasped as she realized what was happening as she watched the other girl's performances. She _wanted_ her.

She wanted her _bad._

She'd always known she _liked_ her, even when she was at her worse. All it had taken was the taller girl yanking a hulking brute away from her in the sandbox and kicking him square between the legs when she met her for the first time in elementary school and she knew she'd never be able to hate Santana Lopez. She detested violence - even then - but having someone come to her defense when the bigger boy was harassing her - _again_ \- for being the daughter of two gay men for the first time - even if the boyish looking girl had insisted it was just because it wasn't cool to pick on someone cause their dads were gay or whatever - had won her over.

At that moment, she'd wanted - even more than the pony she'd been begging her dads for - to be able to call the taller girl her friend. It hadn't worked out that way - Santana had connected with first Quinn Fabray and then Brittany Pierce and she may have been small, but Rachel certainly wasn't foolish enough to not realize that the Fabrays did _not_ much care for the Berrys. If it had been the other way around - if Santana had made friends with the cheerful dancer first - maybe it could have been different, but in fifth grade, Quinn Fabray was already making strides towards being one of the prettiest and most popular girls in school and she surrounded herself with pretty, popular people that would make good underlings. Rachel may not have agreed with the idea of Santana as an underling to the confusing blonde - she was usually mean, but every once in a while when bullies destroyed Rachel's lunch, she'd offer her the apple slices or carrot sticks from hers to the tiny girl - but she knew better than to mess with the dynamics developing.

So finding herself liking the beautiful Latina certainly wasn't a surprise - even after the generally unpleasant manner in which she treated her as her place as Quinn's right hand girl became more and more established. But realizing just _how much_ she was liking her - or at least how very _attracted_ to her on a sexual level she was - was a bit of a surprise. Rachel Berry was never one to back down from a challenge. Her relations with the men in her life were chaotic and tangled - and sometimes it felt like they were just slipping away entirely - but none of them excited her as just a few stolen moments in Santana's company.

And then the rumors had began that Santana and Brittany's less than secret trysts had ended - the two girls that had been seemingly constantly connected by their pinkies since they'd become friends in fifth grade going their separate ways as Brittany decided to be exclusive with Artie. It was the chance Rachel had been hoping for from the time she'd realized that just being around the slim, boyishly beautiful cheerleader made her heart race and her sexual dreams become more and more focused on the Latina. The problem was the more she observed her potential partner and tried to figure out a way to approach her, she simply couldn't find a method that would keep her from being rejected out of hand.

It took months - almost all of their junior year - of carefully observing Santana. Trying to see a way that she could gain the other girl's attention. It wasn't stalking - exactly. One simply couldn't be too careful and efforts made towards maximizing the potential for success in one's pursuit of a potential lover deserved to be made. But Santana was far more difficult and frustrating than any of the boys had been and the more she watched - and heard her deny any possibility of lesbian tendencies over and over - the less certain she became.

Noah had been simple. He was a sweet boy - when he wanted to be - but like all boys, he thought less with the head between his ears and more with the one between his thighs. All she'd had to do was flirt a little in a manner that flattered his ego and suggested an offer for potential consensual oral contact and he had dropped the slushies in the trash and followed her about like a little lost puppy. They'd stayed together for months - more from her desire to have a boyfriend as popular as him giving her the impetus to go to her knees for him than from lasting affection, though she did like him. It was from him that she was taught how to please a man orally and how much guys liked it when girls took over after catching them masturbating. But she hadn't been willing to offer more than that and it hadn't been enough to keep his attention. They'd drifted apart as he left to chase cheerleader skirts. Particularly one belonging to one Quinn Fabray.

Finn had been somewhat of a challenge, but only because he was attached to _Quinn_. Her biggest rival, whom she wasn't especially given to liking after she'd obviously corrupted the attentions of the only acceptably attractive Jewish boy in the school. Noah had had leading man potential until he made the unfortunate mistake of calling for the blonde head cheerleader as he spurted into her mouth as she fellated him one of their last times together. So Finn had been more than acceptable as a replacement considering that in taking him she would be returning the favor of Quinn stealing Noah's attention and - she hoped - he would make an admirable distraction from her awkward attraction to the inaccessible Latina.

Then she'd gotten him to the auditorium - her go-to place for romantic interludes - and up on the stage. Everything had been set - picnic blanket stretched out and comfortable pillows piled around. She was even willing to touch him the way Noah suggested when she'd asked how to win the quarterback if that was what it would take to seal the deal. Then she'd been on top, snaking her hand into his unbuttoned jeans and squeezing his hard length - longer than Noah, though a bit thinner - getting ready to pull it out when it happened. He'd tensed and climaxed all over her hand. Before she even got him out of his pants.

It was incredibly disappointing. But she'd thought that possibly they could work on it. Help him establish a greater control and staying power. Unfortunately, they never got beyond her stroking him a couple of times before he'd let go. She didn't know what to do besides reassure him she wouldn't tell. They'd continued dating off and on, but she was distracted by Santana and the anxious feeling that clenched her chest whenever they began to move things beyond making out - certain that his problem was some how related to her. She wished her fathers were home more to reassure her, but she didn't at all know how to ask them if her boyfriend's premature ejaculation problem could be her fault over skype.

Then there was Jesse. Handsome, talented Jesse. She'd had such hopes for him and there had been the dual purpose of hooking up with him giving her an in to scouting their biggest rivals - Vocal Adrenaline.

They'd dated for almost a year and she'd held isuch/i hopes. Right up until she'd been stripped naked and kneeling in front of him on her bed, her nipples so hard they iached/i and her pussy just _dripping_ with her need to have him _inside_ her. He'd been slow and gentle, working her up before undressing her and urging her to her hands and knees on the bed. She could hear him behind her, stroking himself as he ran his hand over her bare ass sticking up in the air, slicking lube on to himself - though she hadn't any idea why he'd need ithat/i as she held onto her headboard and braced herself for having her virginity taken.

She'd thought she was ready to give herself to him. That he would be the one she'd share her life with. The one to distract her from _Santana._ He'd slapped her ass - though it made her blush to think about, she'd really liked _that p_ art - and ran his fingers through her wetness with a strange hesitation she wasn't quite sure about. Then she'd felt the tip of his straining cock, slick with lube, pressing against an orifice that had _not_ been offered.

Before she'd been able to bring voice to her vociferous protest, he'd pushed inside and they'd been drowned with the shock of him taking her anally. He'd grunted and pumped into her, his fingers hard enough to leave faint bruises on her hips as he pulled her into him. She could feel his balls slapping against her with every pump, her fingers straining against the headboard as she squeezed her eyes shut. The feeling was so bizarre - not quite painful because he was so thin, but not wanted. With every thrust and guttural groan coming from behind her, she felt her heart break a little more.

When he'd finally come inside her ass and she'd felt the overflow dripping down into her folds, she'd jerked forward, pulling him out of her. She couldn't do anything but stare at him with shocked disgust and betrayal, hurrying into the bathroom to try and scrub the filthy feeling of his touch lingering on her body as much as she could. He'd begged and pleaded with her to forgive him, but she'd come out wrapped in her robe, taken one look at his flaccid member with disgust and gathered his clothes, throwing them at him and inviting him to leave as quickly as possible. It had ruined his chances of being her leading man if he couldn't even understand that she hadn't _wanted_ what he'd forced on her.

She'd wanted her daddys as she'd collapsed on her bed once she heard her front door close. Wanted them to come home and hold her. Tell her it was okay, that she hadn't deserved what he'd done. She just wanted to be touched by someone she iwanted/i to touch her, _how_ she wanted them to touch her. It made her think of Santana and her tears just came harder. She didn't even have a _chance_ of gaining the taller girl's attention as she was.

After that night she'd gone back to dating Finn again and began developing a plan to change. To be what the sensual Latina would want. Her skirts got shorter, her shirts tighter. She began watching videos on the Internet trying to learn how to flirt with her body language instead of words even though it made her feel entirely awkward. She wanted the girl to notice her. To "never say no" with _her_ and not with Brittany or Noah or any of the other guys that bragged about being with her.

When she'd felt dark eyes on her legs and the cleavage she'd exposed while emulating Britney Spears in her manner of dress, something had clicked. She thought she had what she needed to snag the sexy Latina. All she had to do was encourage her to want to be with her physically as much as possible. Brittany was the only girl she knew that had managed to be with her, so she decided to try and emulate the dancer's over the top sexuality and well known promiscuity as best she could. She'd give herself to the other girl if that's what it took to get a chance with her.

She wondered how it would happen in her more anxious moments. If Santana would pull her into a janitor's closet or the bathroom, throw her up against a wall and just _fuck_ \- the crude term sending a thrill through her just _thinking_ it - her? If she'd take her against the lockers? Perhaps on the piano in the choir room before Glee, their fellow club members moments from coming in as she ripped screams from her body with those slender and doubtlessly talented fingers?

She would have to cross her legs tightly and bite her lip as arousal would surge in her body just _watching_ the Latina perform. She let Finn date her as she chased the other girl, needing isomething/i to relieve the tension, even if it was just him pawing at her breasts - with his little problem, they couldn't very well do any more and she didn't want him to - as he kissed her sloppily. Usually she ended up with touching herself as she thought about Santana being between her legs after he left to go home.

It was getting distracting, finding herself drenched and imagining the girl shoving her up against a wall and just taking her every time she saw her. She'd found herself not even bothering to wear panties to school anymore since they were often soaked through by the end of first period anyway. She had a fairly good feeling that Santana had figured out about the missing piece of her daily wardrobe when she'd given her a sharp look that first day she'd gone commando. She wondered if perhaps the cheerleader had been looking - if she'd seen her waxed pussy swollen with arousal for the other girl as she crossed and uncrossed her legs as she realized the Latina was looking her direction in Glee.

She tried not to care that she was likely giving other members a free show as well. She knew Noah had figured out that she went pantyless by the telling leer and the way his eyes darted to the hem of her skirt when he'd stopped her heading out the second week. She'd had to back him up against the wall and unzip his pants before dropping to her knees to blow him between classes to get him to stop trying to reach under her skirt.

It had been slightly more difficult when he'd walked into the choir room during lunch and found her with her legs on either side of the piano bench and her fingers knuckle deep in her pussy as she frantically fucked herself after an intense daydream about Santana eating her out on top of the piano. She been so turned on she'd hadn't been able to wait until she got to a bathroom before bringing herself relief. But he'd mainly been interesting in watching - and recording the action with the camera in his phone for "later viewing" with a dire threat that if he even considered sending it to anyone Quinn would find out about him calling out for her as she blew him - as she fucked herself on the piano bench, skirt pushed up into a band around her waist, thighs trembling and glistening with arousal as the fingers of one hand pumped in and out of her with wet sounds and her other hand's fingers pinched and teased and flicked over her clit until she came. Once she finally pulled out of herself, he'd hit his knees beside the bench and buried his face between her legs, happily licking up the cream of her juices leaking out of her body - the roughness of his tongue against her clit sending her over the edge again, barely managing to bite her lip to keep from calling out Santana's name as she did.

She knew that Noah knew she was after someone in Glee. Knew that he knew it wasn't him or Finn too. She assumed he thought she was after one of the other guys on the team - following in the pattern of her quest for a leading man. Unfortunately, none of the other boys from the club had any sort of real leading man potential. And beside, her eyes were set firmly on the alluringly dangerous Santana Lopez.

She _wanted_ that woman. Wanted to taste her essense, her lips. Wanted her fingers ieverywhere/i. Wanted her lips and teeth and tongue on her breasts and between her legs. She wanted her so badly that sometimes it seemed like she walked around with perpetual slickness coating her thighs with want as her pussy throbbed in time with the rhythm of the Latina's name. It made the hyper-sexualized role she'd set for herself easier to play, but she walked home alone each day berating herself for throwing herself at the girl and feeling worse with every day it didn't work.

So when the last auditorium session with the Glee club had finished - and she'd felt the Latina's gaze scalding hot on her body the entire time - she'd gotten permission to stay and practice further on her own. She simply _had_ to touch herself and the idea of doing it on stage, where anyone - but _especially_ the object of her shockingly lustful fantasies - could walk in and see her, just made a heavier surge of arousal pump through her body. It left her tingling and riding on the edge of orgasm.

So she was more than a little frustrated when she felt someone watching her - perhaps she might experience a momentary titillation at the iidea/i of someone catching her, she certainly didn't want anyone to _actually_ do so. Glancing as slyly as she could from her place organizing her music by the piano, she spotted Santana and Noah in the back of the auditorium talking. Her intrigue grew as she realized that only Noah had left and that Santana was settling herself into the seats - apparently to watch.

A heady flush channeled through her as she realized that she could be getting her chance to push her intensely sensual fellow Glee clubber over the edge. She turned to the soundboard backstage and cued up a far more explicit song than she'd originally intended when she'd requested use of the auditorium. Moving to the center of the stage and trying to give the impression of not seeing the Latina in the back of the auditorium she started moving with the careful but driving rhythm filtering through the speakers, letting her hands run over her body.

She began to sway across the stage, keeping the girl in the back of the room in her peripheral vision as she danced. Letting her fingers catch on her clothes, she let bits and pieces of skin flash. Running her hands up her legs, she drew her skirt up until her ass was exposed to her observer, making it obvious that she'd forgone panties, the lights of the stage reflecting off the arousal coating her thighs before she moved her hands away again, letting the skirt drop back in place.

She tried to move as sensually as she could - though she knew she wasn't anywhere near in Brittany's class, she felt she still had something to offer. Her hips swiveled as she opened the lines of her body, moving as smoothly as she could, but showing off her flexibility from years of dancing as well as as much of her body as she could in brief flashes without actually stripping. A slide of her hands up the tops of her thighs as she dropped into a squat and she knew Santana had seen under her skirt. She continued dancing as the song kept playing.

Thanks to her talks with the cheerleaders in Glee regarding her sexual approach to Jesse, she knew the Latina liked sex and she was hoping - more than a little - that if she offered herself as a sexual outlet it would peak the other girl's interests. Perhaps it was a struggle to keep from blushing as she danced, but if it got her the girl, she was willing to be as erotically wanton as necessary. All she had to do now was wait for Santana to come to her.

And if she had her way, it'd be both literally and figuratively.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two - Closer**

Santana tried to get Puck to come home with her, she was so uncomfortably turned on by the glee rehearsal from that day. Though she often felt like this after being in a room with the likes of Quinn, Brittany, Puck and god, even Rachel. _Rachel_. Always prancing the fuck around in the skimpiest of skirts _teasing_ everyone.

"Sorry Babe." Puck shrugged, "I got football then..." he looked at the girl with a dejected grin.

"You're still chasing Quinn's tight little pussy?" Santana scoffed, "You know she's never going to give it up to you again," She crossed her arms, "I mean shit, she walked out of some serious lovings with us like three weeks ago. She ain't gonna give you anything after we pulled that."

* * *

A few weeks back after another lost football game, Puck took Santana and Quinn down into his basement bedroom during his bi-weekly house party. Puck headed upstairs to find some booze; Santana and Quinn had already got quite the buzz going and they fell to the couch with a loud giggle.

"Sannn." Quinn whined as she pushed her into the couch further, "Come on San. Please?"

"No, Q." Santana whispered, her hips pressing up as she tried to get out from other the other cheerleader. "Seriously, dude."

"Lemme see it." Quinn asked, her hips rolling down against Santana's. "Please." She leaned down and pressed her lips against Santana's; it had been far too long since Santana had been touched by anyone and she just melted into Quinn's mouth.

Everything about Santana oozed sex. Her body was tight and muscular from years of sports and just _really_ good genetics. She had procured a lovely set of C-cup breasts last year to make her form look more _feminine_. Brittany had been mad at her for altering her body, but then again it didn't really matter what her blonde friend thought anymore. Brittany had decided that she only liked boys and sprinted off into the direction of the _roller-geek._

The funny part about that was Santana, she had more than her share of _masculinity_. It was hard to explain, she didn't consider herself a boy, but she had to deal with the daily reality of the seven and a half inch penis that rested tightly against her hip in her tight panties.

"Santana." Quinn whimpered, her lips drunkenly finding the girl's earlobe as she slid her hand down and cupped the darker girls package. "Please. I wanna see it." Santana sat up, pulling her cheerio top up over her head, so her bra was showing, so she was able to at least remind the blonde that she was a chick. "I know you have boobs, San." the blonde rolled her eyes and slid her hands to the other girl's thighs.

Santana pushed aside the pleats of her cheerleading skirt, and pulled her panties and spanks down and finally releasing her _dick_. She was hard - who wouldn't be after watching those cheerio skirts all night. Quinn sat back on the couch looking at it. "Quinn. Say something." Santana asked quietly, no one but Puck had ever seen her member. Quinn had always known it was there, but this was the first time she had ever _seen_ it.

"It's huge." She gasped, her fingers flitting over the tanned girls thigh to run her fingers over the smooth skin. "Do you wax it?" she asked, her eyebrow raising at the feeling. "Puck's isn't like this."

Santana shrugged, leaning back and watching the blonde watching her cock. "Yeah. Hate when it looks like a boys. If it's like this I can think it's fake... or like whatever." Quinn nodded and slid her fingers up the girls shaft.

"I leave for five _fucking_ minutes, Santana!" Puck exclaimed as he put down the bottle of vodka next to the couch. "You take your cock out and have Q rubbing all over it. Thanks, bro.." He pouted, sitting on the floor, subtly licking his lips at his naked friend. He watched the pale girl's hand slid up and down the dark shaft, causing the girl to moan softly. Puck palmed his cock through his jeans, quickly pulling his shirt over his head and moving his hand so he could slide his fingertips up Quinn's thigh.

"PUCK!" Quinn exclaimed, pulling her hand away from Santana and jumping up. "Don't. We talked about this." She quickly pulled herself up and grabbed her stuff. "I'm sorry... I can't. San... I... this never happened!" With that, Quinn ran out of the back door. Santana grunted and slapped Puck's head.

"Dude. I was getting a hand job!" She exclaimed, her dick throbbing from the attention it was getting. "What the fuck."

"Sorry, dude. I wanted her... she looked into it." He shrugged, sitting up on his knees. "Wanna jerk off?" He smiled, his calloused hand moving to wrap around his own dick after he pulled off his jeans.

"You're such a fag." Santana laughed as she leaned over and took him into her mouth. She knew he never lasted long, but she didn't really want him too.

"God, San. Do you want me to finger you?" They did this, he knew how she felt about her _male_ parts. He played their relationship like he did any girl, he was his _girl_ even if she did look like him in the lower regions. He smiled as she sucked him gently, her teeth running up his length as she moved. Puck moaned, thrusting slowly into her mouth as he leaned over and spit into his hand before sliding a finger into Santana's ass. She moaned, her mouth vibrating against his cock, as he thrust into her. After a minute or two, he pulled his damp cock out of her mouth and pushed her up onto her knees and slammed his dick into her ass.

"Fuck!" She moaned, her head falling down and she reached between her legs and grabbed her dick. She thrust her hand up and down her hot shaft. "Fuck. I'm gonna..." She moaned, as he grunted in her neck. He, with a final thrust, exploded into her ass, his cum dripping out and down their thighs as she blew her load into her palm.

* * *

When Puck turned her down in favor of chasing after Quinn she shoved him and groaned. She turned back to the auditorium. _Rachel_ had taken to the stage. "Fucking diva," Santana mumbled to herself as she slid into the back of the theatre and looked for her backpack. That's when she heard the song. She looked up and saw glimpses of Rachel's bare ass and she sank down into the chair and her eyes became glued to the show in front of her.

* * *

Rachel could feel her eyes on her like dark brands from the shadows in the back of the auditorium. But she didn't come to the stage. Didn't give in to the desire that she felt the other girl simply _must_ be feeling by now. Frustrated and fully aware that everyone else would have left the school by now - and maybe a bit aroused by the idea that someone could still walk in on the private show - she decided to step things up a notch.

She risked a glance to the back of the auditorium as her fingers rose to the buttons of her shirt. Santana was still there. She flung her hair back to the beat of the music and made short work of the buttons of her shirt, peeling it from her body to trail on the ground before letting it drop as she continued to dance. She let her eyes partially close as she ran her hands over her body, cupping her breasts through her bra, thumbs brushing over her nipples where they strained against the fabric.

* * *

Santana's jaw dropped. What was that little hobbit _doing_! She might have been disgusted, but her little buddy wasn't. Her cock strained against her spanks pushing up against the waistband of her skirt. After a few minutes she muttered, "Fuck it." She slid down her spanks and fisted her dick in her hand before taking it out. She was hiding far enough back that no one could see her as she stroked her meat to its full size, letting the pleats of her skirt fall around her skin as her eyes stayed glued to Rachel's body.

* * *

Rachel watched her as she continued to dance, becoming less and less shy about it as her arousal built. She loved the feeling of the other girl's eyes on her as she danced in the most sensual way she could imagine. Reaching back, she thumbed free the catch for her bra, rolling her shoulders forward to slip the straps from her arms as she held the cups to her modest breasts. Her hips gyrated as she slowly let the red cotton slide from her hands to expose her straining tits to the girl's hot gaze.

She was all but staring across the auditorium at Santana as her hips continued to swivel. Her hands cupped her sensitive breasts, kneading then, rolling the nipples between her fingers as she carefully only danced in a way that kept her actions in full view of her audience. After a while with no reaction, her hands slid back down the flat, muscular planes of her stomach to the waistband of her skirt. Her fingers toyed with the clasp before releasing it and slowly easing the zipper down. Freed, the gray fabric fluttered down from her swaying hips to the floor leaving her clad in nothing but her white knee high socks and black Mary Janes as she continued to sway and arch her body around the stage, her hands freely roaming over her skin.

* * *

"Fuck." Santana groaned as she spit into her hand and squeezed the tip of her throbbing cock. She watched as a bead of pre-cum slid down her girth and she leaned her head back and tried to hold on for as long as she could.

* * *

She couldn't believe it. She was on the stage under the hot Kleig lights, almost completely nude and Santana was _still_ resisting! She didn't understand. Puck would have been all over her by this point if she'd allowed him such a show. And now Santana wasn't even _looking_ at her anymore!

She stalked to the edge of the stage and carefully hopped off. Disregarding nudity, she stormed up the aisle to where Santana was sitting. "Honestly, Santana, _what_ do I have to do to make you want to..."

Her words trailed off as the biggest dick she'd ever seen made itself known coming out of pleats of the Cheerio's skirt. Santana's small hand was wrapped around it's nearly eight inch length, her hand unable to close around it's girth, pumping furiously. She was startled by its appearance, but also a little relieved. She hadn't any idea on how to actually pleasure another woman, but her experiences dating Puck had left her with a good working knowledge on pleasing a man. Making her way into the aisle, she dropped to her knees in front of Santana and pulled her hands away.

"You may be unaware of this, Santana, but I am completely lacking a gag reflex, which I was informed by Ms Pillsbury would come in handy later in life. I find she is entirely right because I most sincerely wish to see if I can take your entire penis into my mouth and suck you off right now." She reached between her legs to gather some of the moisture of her arousal onto her palm before wrapping her glistening hand around Santana's cock, leaning forward to swirl the beads of pre-cum oozing from the tip with her tongue. "God, Santana. You're the biggest I've ever _seen_..." she whispered before taking the girl's cock into her mouth, resisting the urge to choke when she felt the tip hit the back of her throat and slid down slightly as she worked her throat, swallowing around the shaft.

"What?" Santana's head snapped up look at a naked girl dropping to her knees. The rest of Rachel's words were lost as the girl's head started to go into overdrive. She started to move her hands to cover her cock, but then Rachel pushed her away. The next instant she felt warm mouth on her and bottoming out in the back of a warm throat. Santana groaned and rocked her hips up, the only time she had ever been sucked off was from Puck when he was really drunk. Her balls tightened as gaping lips touched the soft skin where they meet hard flesh.

"Fuck..." Santana groaned her hand tangling into hair, pulling it into a ponytail and starting to guide the girl's mouth faster down her shaft.

Rachel chuckled around the cock almost choking her out, reaching up to cup and fondle the soft skin of the girl's balls. She pulled up and off the hard shaft to take them in her mouth, gently teasing with her teeth at the tops of the sack before pulling away again. Licking her lips, she placed her hands on Santana's thighs and surged up to nip at her neck, biting at her earlobe and tugging lightly before releasing her.

"I want you to fuck me, Santana," she hissed in the other girl's ear, her cheeks reddening with a blush at her wanton demands - Puck had always loved it when she talked like that about giving him oral stimulation and she was hoping Santana would as well since they were built similarly - one hand curling around the base of her cock and squeezing lightly, "I want you inside of me. I want to feel your cock stretching my walls and slamming into me. _Fuck_ me, Santana."

"Shut. The fuck. _Up_ , Berry," Santana tugged her up by her hair, using her hands she twisted Rachel's hips to the side and ran her fingers down Rachel's spine. "Such a fucking slut, stripping and coming over here begging for me" She pulled the girl and slid down in the chair a bit so Rachel could straddle her thighs. She grabbed Rachel's ass and ran her thick shaft through the wetness spread all over the girl's thighs.

"Fucking soaking. Jesus, Berry." She grunted, her penis pushing into Rachel's hole. She brought her hands around to Rachel's front and pushed her hips down and impaled the small girl onto her pulsing member. She cried out at the intense tightness that her dick met inside the diva. She whimpered having the odd feeling of loosing her virginity and not realizing she was also talking the smaller girls.

Rachel couldn't hold back a cry when Santana's massive cock stretched her for the first time. Or the strange painful - but in a way that made the heat in her belly coil tighter and clenched her inner muscles around her penis - feeling of the bulbous head smacking up against her cervix. But years of dance had taught her to move _through_ pain, so she lifted up until she'd nearly pulled off and slammed back down. Again the oddly pleasurable pain as Santana struck her cervix. She rocked against her, causing the tip to rub against her cervix as she rode the girl. Rachel scrabbled at Santana's wrists with a needy mewl, her cunt squeezing Santana's thick member as she pulsed with need, growing closer and closer to the edge.

"I need," she gasped, arching her back so her breasts swayed closer to the other girl's face as she rode her. She needed more stimulation and could only think of the thrill she'd felt the one time she'd allowed Puck access to her breasts and he'd bitten one of her nipples by accident. "I need... Oh God... Suck my tits, Santana. Please... Please... Suck me... _bite_ me..."

Santana's hand hit hard down against Rachel's ass, "Don't tell me what to do!" She exclaimed as she pressed her nails into the girl's flesh. Her lips moved to come down on one of Rachel's straining nipples, sucking it harshly before clamping her teeth down on the nub. She thrust her hips up and moved to the side and started pounding her harder.

Rachel let out gasping cries, whimpers and the occasional moan, but when she felt the sharpness of Santana's teeth closing around her nipple as she was slammed hard, she actually _screamed_. It was good there wasn't anyone in the auditorium but them or they'd be getting quite a show. Rachel rode Santana hard, loving the way it felt to have the thick member straining her walls and rubbing hard against her g-spot. The way the head slapped against her cervix with each powerful thrust. "S-Santana! Oh _God_ , yes! You're so _big_. Fuck! Yes! Oh God! Yes!"

Santana was panting, holding onto the arm rests for leverage and thrusting up as hard as she could. She was close, her dick spasmed inside the other girl every time she thrust, "Fuck. I'm gonna blow my shit." She grunted her head falling back against the seat as she shook and shot hot, thick ropes of cum deep into Rachel's pussy.

Feeling Santana blow her load inside of her was all it took. She came hard, her pussy clenching over and over around the member still firm inside her, milking every last bit of her cum. "Oh, fuck, _God_ yes Santana!" She tried to keep rocking against, not ready to stop yet, but her trembling body wouldn't let her.

Santana groaned her hips thrusting again, her fingers sliding down to Rachel's clit and twisting it and tweaking it until she felt the girl shaking again. "Fucking cum slut." Santana groaned pulling her dick out quickly and pumping the rest of her cum onto Rachel's stomach. "You just wanna be fucking covered." She slapped her dick against Rachel's thighs as she shoved her fingers deep inside her.

"Yes," Rachel gasped out, slowly starting to ride the girl's fingers, "Use me, Santana. I just need that massive cock in me. In my," she swallowed hard, searching for the sorts of terms that made Puck happiest, as her body began to tremble towards another orgasm, "i-in my _mouth_. In...in my _cunt_... Up my ass...over my tits. Oh God, I don't care as long as you keep _fucking_ me with that big penis!"

Santana faltered, realizing that Rachel was _only_ with her because of her _appendage_. She removed her fingers and slammed into Rachel again, on the edge of an orgasm already from anger and pure lust. She stood up quickly balancing Rachel's ass on the seat in front of them and pounding away as she bit and sucked at Rachel's chest, leaving a trail of bruises as she did.

"Oh God, _yes_!" Rachel screamed, throwing her head back, her nails biting into Santana's shoulders through her Cheerios' shell, "Fuck me hard, Santana! Please!"

She ground her hips down against Santana's, reaching up with a trembling hand to press a hand against the other girl's abdomen under the edge of the shell as they fucked. It was everything she had hoped for in her fantasies and far far more. Santana seemed to just know how to drag her to the edge and throw her over. And with a twist of her hips, Santana's penis hit _just_ the right spot and sent her screaming Santana's name as she tumbled into another orgasm.

When she felt Rachel tightening around her dick, she quickly pulled out and shot her orgasm all over Rachel's breasts and stomach, accidentally. She quickly tucked her trembling member away and stood up leaving Rachel dripping onto the floor. She grabbed her bag and smoothed out her skirt looking back at the absolutely fucked diva.

She didn't know what just happened. Where that part of her came from. She didn't know she could feel like that. She tried to ignore her penis most of the time, but she couldn't help acknowledge that her body wanted it. She blinked back the tears that came to her eyes when she realized what she had done and she quickly ran out of the theatre.

Rachel sat there for a moment, fingers digging into the back of the chair she was still perched on, head bowed and looking down at the semen dripping off her body. She felt bad, like she'd just sold herself. Sliding off the back of the seat, she tried to wipe the worst of it off onto the already sticky floor of the auditorium as she bit her lip and fought not to cry. It hadn't worked. Santana hadn't stayed and she just felt vaguely dirty from everything she'd done.

Still marked and dripping with Santana's cum, thin ropes trickling down her thighs as some oozed from her tight channel, she carefully walked back up the aisle to the stage where she climbed up and retrieved her clothing before heading backstage to do some cleaning up before walking home for the day. She was sore from the rough pounding but delightfully so. Santana had more than exceeded her expectations as a lover.

Now she only wondered if she'd ever have a chance with the beautiful cheerleader again.


	3. Untouched

**Chapter Three - Untouched**

It had been nearly two days since their auditorium encounter. Rachel's eyes followed Santana whenever she came into view, the hot throbbing between her thighs growing with every second she could see the fiery girl. She didn't understand why giving herself to the other girl hadn't worked, hadn't served to draw her to her.

But Santana didn't show any signs of wanting to repeat the encounter and it was intensely frustrating. Even letting her boyfriend Finn fumble finger her or Puck eat her out after he caught her fingering herself to keep him from telling everyone - _again._ And what was he doing to catch her so often? _Stalking_ her? - wasn't enough to give her the overwhelming explosion of feeling that Santana's thick cock slamming into her could provide. She wanted to be released by Santana, to be _wanted_ by _Santana_. Only with Santana had she ever felt completely sated and fulfilled, even if she had felt so _worthless_ when she walked away from her.

Finally, when she was knuckle deep in her soaking core in the bathroom - with the door securely locked to keep from having to touch Puck again - her skirt high around her hips and her free hand alternating between pinching and stroking over her aching clit and nipples, the idea came to her. If Santana wouldn't come to - and on and in - _her,_ then _she_ would go to Santana. A slow smile curled her lips as the heat built to overwhelming force in the pit of her stomach and she climaxed, clenching around her fingers as she thought about sneaking into Santana's home for an afternoon rendezvous.

* * *

It was Saturday, which meant that Santana was passed out on her bed after her pre-dawn Cheerios practice. She didn't even bother changing out of her uniform, she had come home and stripped out of her top and collapsed onto her bed in just a bra and her skirt. Her entire body ached and the only thing that she wanted to do for the next few hours was sleep, then maybe have Puck over for some 'bro time' as he like to refer to it. He mostly had been aching to get his dick back into Santana's mouth since Puck couldn't get the girl he really wanted.

She feel asleep with her arm over her face, laying on her back snoring softly in the dark room.

* * *

Rachel had never been quite so happy for the heat of the day that Saturday than she was when she realized the heat had encouraged the other girl to leave the window to her bedroom open. Smiling to herself with a mixture of nervousness and anticipation, arousal already starting to coat her thighs as thought about the girl possibly sleeping in the room, she clambered over the fence into Santana's backyard and carefully hoisted herself up into the tree beside the girl's window. Almost ten minutes - and a bit of scratching on sensitive places - later, she was slipping into the window, her eyes on her prize.

Her mouth had gone dry, all the moisture seeming to have flowed down to the pit of her stomach at the sight of that tight body stretched out on her bed. She couldn't help it, she wanted to know the other girl's touch again so bad her nipples where aching just from the touch of her shirt and bra. Watching Santana carefully, she quietly stripped out of her clothes until she was completely nude before slipping across the floor and eased onto the bed, pausing once she was on to make sure Santana hadn't woken. She didn't want the other girl to kick her out and she just _needed_ her so bad it hurt.

Slipping her fingers carefully under the spankies and tight panties containing the beautiful girl's secret and carefully eased them down her legs and off, watching to make sure she didn't wake her. For a moment she thought about removing the skirt as well, but in the end, she settled for unfastening the bra and gently running her fingers over the other girl's full breasts, tweaking her nipples until they stood in stiff peaks. She smiled and licked her lips at the sight of the girl's responsive breasts and the way her nipples felt under her fingers, wondering what they might taste like. But she didn't want to wake the girl too soon and get kicked out, so her hands slid further south, sliding through the pleats of her cheerleading skirt and gently squeezing the flaccid member she found there.

Sliding down to lie between Santana's sprawled open legs the way Puck had told her guys liked to be woken up, she carefully slipped the limp penis into her mouth, sucking slowly as she watched for signs of the girl's wakefulness. Her fingers gently fondled her balls, even sucking them into her mouth with the slowly hardening cock for a bit before it all got too much and she had to focus on the arousing member. She licked it, coating it with her saliva, the tip of her tongue flicking over the bulbous head as she carefully watched Santana.

The sleeping girl kept her arm over her eyes and stayed asleep. Her body shook slightly as her cock was sucked on gently by her intruder. She grunted in her sleep, hips thrusting slightly as she played out a wet dream inside her sleep addled mind not knowing that it was happening in real life.

Rachel barely stifled the moan that wanted to come out as she swallowed around the dick sliding down her throat when Santana's hips bucked up into her. It was what she wanted she told herself, the unconscious sexual prowess of the other girl. She let the stiff, saliva soaked cock to slip from her lips, a thin line of spit connecting them for a moment before she straightened and crawled up to position herself over the proud member.

Licking her lips and holding herself open with one hand while she carefully guided Santana's penis with the other. The bulbous head sitting at her entrance, she hesitated for a moment, taking a deep breath and reassuring herself that she was taking the right path, carefully lowered herself onto the other girl's erection with a low groan she couldn't help at the feeling of once again being so filled. She whimpered softly as she raised herself and started sliding up and down on the slick shaft. Rolling her hips, she reached forward and tweaked Santana's nipples for a bit before turning her attention to her own breasts, squeezing the girl's cock with her inner muscles as she rode her, her hands pinching and rolling her nipples between her fingers as she let her head fall back.

Santana's eyes blinked open when she felt the weight slink down on top of her. The arm across her face slapped down to her side and she stared at the girl fucking herself on top of her dick.

"The fuck?" she grumbled, "What are you doing, hobbit?"

If Rachel was startled by Santana waking up, she certainly didn't show it, continuing to ride the girl and toy with her nipples. "You," she groaned, coming closer and closer to orgasm, "and not nearly as well as you do me. Oh God..."

"Fuck." Santana growled, using her strength to flip them over. She started pounding into the smaller girl, taking her legs and pushing them back so her knees reached her ears. "You come into _my_ house, _my_ room and wake me the fuck up? Just so what? You can get yourself off on me?" Santana punctuated every statement by a sharp thrust of her hips that beat the inside of the girl's body and bounced the tip of her dick against the back of Rachel's pussy.

Rachel moaned as the pleasure built higher and higher which each smack against her cervix. She writhed beneath Santana, her legs pressing up against her arms as she struggled to arch up to meet each pound. "Oh God, _yes,_ " she ground out from between clenched teeth, desperately wanting to be what she felt Santana wanted or needed, her head thrown back against the mattress, "Oh God, fuck me, Santana! Fuck me _hard!_ "

Santana grunted and pushed the girl's legs further into the bed, "Shut. The _fuck_ up, treasure trail." Santana groaned, as she moved herself so her dick pushed into the girl sideways, "Stay quiet so I can picture that you're someone else." She continued to slam into her, "Anyone else."

"Like," Rachel gasped, "Q-quinn? Or... or B-brittany?" She sounded slightly bitter, but she was _so close_ and Santana felt _so_ good between her legs.

"Fuck you." She spat, stopping her fucking all together. "You know nothing about my relationship with them." Santana started to pull out of the diva.

Rachel whined and tried to push up into Santana held down as she was, doing her best to keep the still stiff cock inside her, "I know you like them. I've seen you look at them. You can imagine I'm them. I don't care. Just fuck me, Santana. I don't care how rough you are. _Hurt_ me if you want! Just don't stop! _Please_ don't stop!"

Santana chucked softly, "Bitch, you don't know what you're talking about." She said pulling the entire length out of the girl, "I want to hear you beg for it. How much you want me to pound into your pussy."

"Oh God, _please,_ " Rachel sobbed, teetering on the edge of climax, "I _need_ you, Santana. You're the only one who can fill me like that, the only one who makes me come so hard. Please, oh _please_ fuck me! I'm begging you, Santana, _please_! I need you! No one else feels like you do or can fuck me like you do! You're the only one who can make me come, Santana! Fuck my pussy! Fuck me hard! I'll do anything! You can fuck me anywhere or anyway you want! Just _please_!"

"Good." Santana smiled evilly as she slammed back into the girl. She pushed hard until she bottomed out in the girl's core. "How does that feel? Does that make you feel like a slut? Me punishing your cunt until it weeps with cum?" She dug her nails into the girl's thighs as she rotated her hips and groaned at the feeling of her head getting squished against the hard wall.

Rachel gasped and moaned, almost biting her tongue when Santana first slammed back into her, "Oh... Oh _God_ , yes! It's... It's wonderful! I love it when you fill me!" Her walls pulsed against Santana, gripping the thick shaft tightly as she started to slide back into nearly orgasming, "I'm your wh-whore," her voice caught on the degrading word, "Santana, Just fuck me! Please, _please_ fuck me!"

"Good girl." Santana grunted, pulling out and slamming into her, over, and over again. She shuddered feeling her dick swell more, knowing that she was gonna cum soon. "Fuck, your pussy is tight." She grunted as she slammed one more extremely hard time when she felt Rachel's orgasm approaching. She shot her white hot cum into Rachel's body letting out a loud scream of pleasure.

"O-oh _God!_ _Santana!_ " Rachel gasped, her body flooded with the intensity of her orgasm at the girl's hands. Her eyes rolled back as her back arched, forcing her up tighter against Santana, her pussy spasming around Santana's dick, milking it for all it was worth. Everything was white and she hovered on the edge of passing out from the force of her climax.

Santana quickly pulled out and started rapidly jacking off her wet dick, she used their mixed cum as lubrication as she tented up to full arousal. She closed her eyes, but couldn't help the few glimpses of cum dripping out of Rachel's hole and onto her bed and the flush naked body sprawled out beneath her. She moaned softly as she frantically got to her orgasm again and shot thick ropes of cum all over Rachel's stomach and breasts. She kept stroking her cock and came again right in Rachel's face.

Rachel moaned as the thick fluid splashed over her body, the way her nipples tightened as the warmth spread over them, causing them to almost visibly harden. She brought her hands up while Santana stroked herself to a third orgasm, rubbing the semen over her body and groaning as it began drying on her skin, her fingers slipping between her cum-soaked folds to stroke herself. When the hot cum splashed over her face, she couldn't help gathering as much as she could with her tongue, licking every drop she could reach with a low groan. "Yes..." she groaned out, her voice deep and husky with arousal, "Come on me, in me, I don't care it's all wonderful. Oh God, you're so _delicious_."

Santana's dick fell semi erect out of her hand, as she sat back on her bed with a groan. She looked up at the spread eagled girl on her bed. She wished it was anyone else, anyone other than _Rachel_ _Berry_ that found out about her extra parts. She wanted to kick the girl out, to make her walk home limping and cum soaked; but she just sat there with her hand covering her dick as she waited for Rachel to move. She was scared, of everyone finding out she was biologically male. Of Rachel telling people her secret.

Rachel blinked up at her, pearls of cum clinging to her eyelashes and streaking her cheeks where her tongue couldn't reach. Her fingers worked between her folds, urging her body to another climax as she pinched and rolled her sticky with cum nipples. The entire time she she worked her body, she watched Santana, her eyes roving over her tanned body with a lusty gaze, taking in erect nipples and just wanting them in her mouth. Wanting _Santana_ in her mouth.

"I want you," she groaned, pushing two sticky fingers into her still dripping hole and fucking herself, "I want you so _bad_ , Santana. I want you in my mouth, I want to suck you so bad and feel your hot cum sliding down my throat. I want you all over my body. Just take me, Santana. However you want me... I'm yours. I'm your slut. Treat me as your property and _use_ me..."

Santana slowly removed her hand from her member, wondering how this all got so fucked as she did. She held it up, pushing the Cheerios' skirt to the side and made no effort to move. "If you want it. You come get it." She said unsure but her fingers stroking the smooth skin slowly as she spoke.

Rachel slowly pulled her dripping fingers from her hole and pushed herself to her hands and knees. "Do you mean that?" she whispered, trying to speak as wantonly as she could as she crawled forward, hoping that the room was dark enough to hide her embarrassed blush, "Will you let me drink your cum? Let me feel it pouring down my throat in a hot stream as I swallow it down? Let me take you in my mouth and suck you off? I have excellent breath control and a non-existent gag reflex and can take you to the hilt if you let me. Let you all the way down my throat..."

Her breath was hot over Santana's erect dick as she rolled her eyes to look up at Santana with a tiny smile. She didn't mind being used by the girl as long as she got to be with her. It wasn't like she was worried about her reputation - there was no way Santana would let any of this get out while she was still hiding her own special secret.

Santana licked her lips and moved to slide off her skirt before Rachel took her deep into her throat. Santana was trying to act like the breath on the tip didn't drive her crazy, even though her dick was now at her full length. "Suck it." She demanded, raising her hips to rub the tip against the other girl's pouty lips.

"As you command, Santana," Rachel breathed, slowly wrapping her lips around Santana's erection and carefully easing down, her teeth lightly scraping over the veined length as she kept her eyes rolled up to watch Santana's reaction as her tip first bumped against the back of Rachel's throat and then slid down into that slick tunnel. She swallowed against the feeling of too much in her throat, the muscles working the cock she was sucking as she reached up and fondled her balls, rolling them between her fingers.

"Fuck." Santana moaned, her hand going into Rachel's hair. She tangled into it roughly and got ready to guide the girl. She groaned, her hips arching a bit when the full length was in Rachel's mouth.

Rachel groaned around the cock filling her mouth and throat and just nodded, her head slowly sliding up and down Santana's stiff cock. Being with the other girl was nearly everything she'd hoped for when she'd set her sights on the other girl and more - _far_ more - than she'd dreamed she _could_ hope for when she'd found out about her little friend. Then she sucked Santana's dick back into her throat, choking slightly until she readjusted to having her throat fucked.

Santana pulled Rachel's hair so she could thrust down the girl's throat harshly. She grunted and watched as Rachel's nose pressed into her hip before pulling herself out and slamming back down the girl's throat. "Fuck. Take it." She mumbled pulling herself out and smacking it against the girl's face hard enough to leave a light mark. Santana fisted her cock and pressed it against the girl's lips. "Open up." She said as she felt her cock quivering in lust.

Rachel knelt in front of her, knees splayed to the side, the mixture of her arousal and Santana's cum dripping from her cunt, hands on Santana's hips and her mouth gaping open for Santana's cum, begging in the humiliating way her research implied men enjoyed, "Please, Santana. Give it to me. I want you in my mouth. Please. _Please_ come on me. Come in my mouth. Please..."

Santana pumped a few more times and the hot cum spurted out and hit Rachel's face, splashing into her mouth. After several pumps, the abnormal amount of cum slid into Rachel's throat as Santana shook. Rachel swallowed as quickly as she could, taking down the thick ropes of cum and licking her lips to catch every last drop.

"Oh God," she groaned, her voice slightly muffled by the sheer amount of semen filling her mouth, "So good... _so_ good. I want more... I _need_ it, Santana."

Santana sat up and pushed Rachel back and slammed her fingers into Rachel harshly, she pushed her back and slid three fingers inside her. "So fucking wet, you little whore." She kept pushing and slipped her little finger in and rotated her wrist. "I wonder..." Santana remarked, her smirk broadening as she worked her entire fist into the girl. "Well. Look at that. You really are a fucking slut. You can take my whole fist into your cunt."

It hurt, but Rachel just laid back and spread her legs as far apart as she could, moaning as erotically as she could and arching her back so her tits pointed up, nipples straining and begging for attention. "O-oh _God_ , yes! I'm your slut! Your slut, Santana! Just fuck me!"

Her walls were already started to pulse and clench around Santana's fist as it rammed in and out of her. Her body ached and she knew she'd be beyond sore tomorrow, but she didn't care. She wanted Santana's touch, _needed_ her slamming her pussy to quench the burning flames of her arousal. She could feel the slick wetness of her arousal sliding from her body, dripping down her thighs to pool on the sheets beneath her. She'd never been so hot, so _painfully_ turned on as she was with Santana's cum drying on her body and her fist wrist deep in her cunt. She groaned and bucked her hips, trying to draw Santana even deeper.

"Please fuck me, Santana! Fuck me hard! Take me and make me _yours_! Oh god!" She gasped out the words, tightening her muscles around Santana's hand, "Or d-do I need to go to Noah after this?" She hoped the suggestion would inspire Santana to the passion she craved from the fiery cheerleader.

Santana slammed her fist into the girl's body, "Shut the fuck up." She spat, her hand releasing and tightening inside the girl's hole. Her other hand moved up and twisted the girl's nipple and watched as she screamed out into the room. She leaned over and ran her teeth against the girl's breast, sucking and biting roughly to leave dark, angry marks on olive skin.

Rachel cried out, her back arching pressing her breasts harder into Santana's rough mouth, her nipples straining painfully at her arousal. "God, I need you so badly it hurts! I'm on f _ire_ because of you! You make me want you just walking down the hall at school! I imagine you shoving me against the lockers and just taking what you want!" Her hips thrust into the first slamming against her, wrenching an almost painful cry from her with each slap of knuckles against her cervix.

Santana grunted and bit the other girl's nipple hard as she twisted her hand inside the girl. "Come, come all over my hand."

The words, the twist rubbing hard over her g-spot, the bite - she wasn't certain exactly what it was, but it definitely _was_. All of the overwhelming sensations that had been building and building to a fever pitch in the pit of her stomach suddenly exploded out of her. Her body clenched down hard on Santana's hand, trapping her in place as she trembled and shook with climax. Hot fluid spurted from her body, sliding over Santana's wrist and arm as she cried out, actually blacking out from the force of her orgasm.

Santana pulled out, leaving the blacked out girl on her bed and headed into her bathroom to clean up. A couple moments after she left, Rachel managed to return to herself, fighting against the rubbery feeling pervading her body to push to her feet and pull her clothes on. She couldn't help the feeling of weakness or uncertainty as she brushed her fingers over the dark bruises on her chest or felt the mini tremors that hit as every step flexed her abused pussy as she crossed the room and carefully pulled her clothes back on. She'd supposed she had gotten what she wanted - Santana's passionate and the most intense orgasm she'd ever experienced - but she'd been left alone again, the sick dirty feeling filling her as she made her way to the window.

"I wish I knew what I was doing wrong with you, Santana Lopez. Why can't you see me?" she murmured at the closed bathroom door before slipping out the window and down the tree. She nearly fell twice her legs were so limp feeling, but she managed without too much mishap, beginning the long walk back to her home.


	4. Crazy Bitch

**Chapter Four - Crazy Bitch**

It had been nearly a month since their last sexual encounter - a rough foray into the realm of titty -fucking by the girl she was rapidly starting to think of as _her_ cheerleader under the bleachers after the Titan's last loss - and nearly two since she'd snuck into Santana's room to wake her with sex. Rachel felt the loss of the intimacy - though not so much the loss of the vauge dirty feeling each encounter left her with as she tried harder and harder to keep Santana's attention - but she also felt almost unbearably tired and occasionally nauseous lately and it didn't make her feel very up to sex. Which isn't to say she wasn't turned on - her body was almost painfully sensitive lately and even her clothes seemed to turn her on sometimes.

Glee would be starting in another nearly forty minutes and - like always - she was the first one there, having free period for her last period of the day on Glee days. It hadn't taken much convincing to get Mr. Schuester to allow her to use the choir room during the free period to practice and get properly warmed up before Glee. Honestly, after fifteen minutes of Rachel going on - and using elaborate PowerPoint presentations - he would almost agree to anything just to get her to stop.

The end result was she had the room to herself for the entire last period of the day. Now though she was bent over his desk, back to the door, jotting down a change in notation on the piece of music she was working on. She didn't usually go into his office while using the room, but her breasts were protesting being pressed up against the side of the piano too much to use it as a table. At least she resisted sitting in his chair since she had left her panties behind after they'd gotten soaked during the activities of gym class and her body wasn't allowing her to stop being aroused as her breasts moved against the slight roughness of her shirt.

* * *

Santana rounded the corner leading her into the choir room. She needed to think, she needed a minute to try to understand the feelings that were running through her body. In the month since she last had sex with Rachel, she had begun to _feel_ things. Of course she ignored them - going out of her way to ignore the smaller girl during the day - but she couldn't stop the replay of their sexual encounters in her head.

She didn't know how to feel in regards to their encounters. Rachel wanted her dick, she was more than vocal about it; but it also left the other girl with a sense of guilt and self hatred after every session. Santana hated her penis, she hated everything that came with it. She wanted it gone for as long as she could remember, it made her feel things that a _girl_ shouldn't feel.

She threw down her bag and ran her fingers through her ponytail and then fixed her spanks to better cover her unwanted parts.

* * *

Rachel hummed to herself as she worked, dancing almost unconsciously since she knew she was alone. She was trying to keep focused on working on the music, but her mind was insisting on slipping to thoughts of the girl who so often occupied her attention. She smiled softly, her eyes falling closed for a moment as she envisioned the pert breasts and tight muscles of the beautiful girl as she'd seen them last - nearly two months ago when she'd removed the cheerleader's bra as she slept.

She licked her lips and rubbed her thighs together. It was hard to deny that she was attracted to the entire package that was the sexy girl. She'd been attracted before she discovered her secret. The fact that she _had_ that secret had just been a bonus. Rachel had long been aware that she was physically attracted to both men and women - with Santana it was like getting the best of both worlds.

She let her elbows rest on the desk and tapped her pencil against her lips as she thought. She rather regretted that she'd never get the chance to attempt cunnilingus on a willing partner, but she would rather surrender that then surrender what she had with Santana. She frowned. _Whatever_ it was she had with Santana - it was hard to tell since she'd been avoiding her lately.

She sighed and turned back to her work, unaware of the door that lead from the choir room into the hall opening or the person walking in. Rubbing her chest with a frown at a brief surge of heartburn she made a note to avoid the spicy vegan burritos for breakfast. It was becoming painfully obvious that her body didn't care for them.

* * *

After a few minutes Santana snapped out of her self pity and looked up a the sound of soft humming. She moved over to the office and raised an eyebrow, slinking closer and leaned against the door frame as she watched Rachel in the office. She smiled softly for a moment watching Rachel then quickly snapped back into her more typical demeanour.

"Is Schue your new fuck buddy?" Santana snapped as she crossed her arms over her chest. "Is that why your bare assed in his office?"

"What?!" Rachel shot up, spinning around, hands pushing her skirt down before the voice registered, "I... I thought I was alone! Who... Santana?"

There was a slight softness to her voice when she said the other girl's name. A tiny quirk of her lips hinting at a pleased smile, a warmth in her eyes suggesting that the pleasure hinted at in her expression was because it was Santana. She bit her lip and tried to repress the smile, but it just made the smile seem shyer.

"So? You never answered my question, hobbit." Santana stated as she moved closer to Rachel as she moved to the edge of the desk. "Are you getting dick from Schue now? Puck can't satisfy you, Jesse and Finn are weak and what you abandon riding me?" She asked almost hurt at the thought.

"I... I'm not..." Rachel looked slightly horrified at the thought, shaking her head as she pressed back into the desk, "You're the only one I've been with in the last few months, Santana! Mr. Schue has Spanish now and he lets me spend my free period in here so I can practice and warm up before Glee. I... I was just using his desk to work on an arrangement..."

"From what I've heard," Santana said as she moved to pin Rachel against the desk, "Is that you're quite friendly in the sex department." She moved her hips slowly as she spoke her semi -hard erection rubbing against Rachel's thigh as she spoke. "Puck tells me that you're more than willing to drop to your knees and suck his dick whenever he wants.... So tell me, _slut_ , why should I believe that you're only letting me cum all over your body?"

Rachel's eyes widened, her jaw dropping, "He... he said _what_?" She was off balance and flustered, unable to pull up the sex -toy persona she'd been using to try and entice Santana. "Santana, I haven't touched him in more than a purely friendly hug in the last two months! Y -yes, I _used_ to s -suck him to discourage him from vaginal intercourse, but I _stopped_! I swear, Santana, it's been _months_..."

"So you're telling me to believe _you_ over my boy?" She asked pushing against her a little harder and stopping when she felt the button of Rachel's skirt open. "Dear god. Are you really that slutty that you wear no panties and leave your skirt unbuttoned or..." She smirked and ran her hands to Rachel's stomach, "Or is it because you got too fat to close it?" She pulled away, loving the fact that Rachel wasn't being confident, that she wasn't being how she normally was during their sex sessions. She was being weak and if there was anything Santana Lopez preyed on was weakness.

"I...I," Rachel bit her lip, not knowing what to do and looking a little scared, "It wasn't unbuttoned, it just popped... I may have gained a little weight but it certainly doesn't effect my ability to dress myself. I haven't even _touched_ Noah!" She felt almost like she wanted to cry \- loyalty was one of the few things she felt she could offer, even if whatever she and Santana were doing wasn't dating, "You have to believe me... I swear I've only been with you..."

"Prove it." Santana said simply as she pushed her special spanks to the side and released her dick so she could stroke it more languidly. "Prove to me only I have been inside you, that only I've been making you come. That your cunt only stretches for me." Santana knew she was being irrational, she knew that Puck wasn't fucking Rachel... but she couldn't stop the words that were coming out of her mouth.

"Bend over." She demanded as she looked at the desk.

Rachel bit her lip and ducked her head, but nodded, carefully turning to face the desk and leaning over until her elbows and forearms were resting on the cool surface. She shivered at the feeling of her bare ass brushing against Santana's erection. "W -what are you going to do?" She couldn't help the slight tremor in her voice or the way she sounded tiny and uncertain, but she wasn't entirely certain if it was from trepidation or the arousal building in her at what was happening.

Santana had begin sliding herself up and down Rachel's wet pussy and ass as she spoke. The darker girl stopped slightly as she heard the waiver in Rachel's voice. "I'm gonna make you remember who you belong too," she whispered softly, her hands moving to the smaller girl's hips as she slid the tip of her penis into Rachel's tight channel.

Santana sighed softly as she felt her head become engulfed in warm, _wet_ pussy. She moaned softly and extremely girlishly in Rachel's ear as she slid her entire length in slowly. "How's that?" She asked softly, trying to not hear Rachel's uncertainty in her ear again as she attempted to get herself off.

The girlish moan in ear and the feel of the swell of Santana's breasts pressing into her back as she was filled made her shiver and just increased the sense of arousal flooding her senses, cementing her belief that she was getting turned on by the way the cheerleader straddled the line between male and female. "Oh..." her breath hitched, voice catching in her throat as the sensual groan pulled itself from her lips. "I'm yours... only yours, Santana," she whispered, unable to keep herself from tightening her muscles around the cheerleader's member as it was sheathed inside her.

"Good girl," Santana grunted as she began to thrust inside the tight channel. She clutched onto the side of the desk and lost her resolve in partaking in soft sex as she pounded into Rachel's body. "Fuck. So tight." She moaned resting her forehead on the back of Rachel's shoulder as she abused the girl's core with her dick.

Rachel moaned, pressing back into Santana with each thrust, feeling the satisfying slap of her head against her cervix with each thrust, almost to the point of grinding against the edge of the desk with need. "Oh God, I've missed this," she groaned out, biting her lip at the feeling of her sensitive breasts - far too sensitive for her bra that morning, so she'd forgone it since she was small enough to get away with it occasionally - brushing over her shirt and against her arms, "Only you inside me, Santana. Only you..."

"Good," Santana husked, sneaking her arms up and letting one move to stroke Rachel's clit and the other to palm the girl's tits. She took one in her hand and squeezed it roughly as she move her lips up to nip at Rachel's neck. She knew she was crossing a line, she had never touched a part of Rachel's body with her mouth before but she couldn't stop her body. She continued to assault any part of Rachel she could reach with her hands, dick, or mouth.

The nip at her neck, soft lips warm against her skin as strong fingers relieved the almost painful need for pressure on her clit made her moan but the rough squeeze of her breast made her all but scream - barely biting it off into a strangle cry as she jerked back against Santana. Her entire body trembled at the intense sensations flowing from the rough cotton of her shirt being pressed into very tender flesh. Her nipples were achingly hard against Santana's hand through the cloth and she nearly sobbed at the firm hold her partner had on her.

Santana began twisting the nipple between her fingers as she continued to pound into her from behind. She pinched the girl's clit as she continued to roll their hips together, "I'm close." Santana whispered, her breath coming in gasps as she used all of her energy fucking Rachel. "Are you gonna come? " she asked, switching nipples to tug on as she spoke.

The continued assault on her sensitive breasts was quickly flashing past the line dividing pleasure and pain. It was fairly high for Rachel, but her breasts were overly sensitive right then and the pain was sending white hot jolts through her body. "S -stop... p -please... they _hurt_ ," she sobbed, "Please... they're tender! They hurt, just... _please_..."

Santana dropped her hand down to Rachel's waist and wrapped it around her body as she shivered and continued to thrust into her. Santana groaned and muffled a cry into Rachel's neck as she gave into her orgasm and thrust one last time as she shot her load deep into the smaller girl's core. "F -fuck!" She cried out against Rachel's skin as she convulsed.

As soon as the overwhelming attention to her breasts had stopped, Rachel had been able to get back into what was happening. Her breath came in short pants and tiny cries as Santana pounded her. The arm around her waist was a strange comfort as she ground back into the cheerleader's thrusts, relishing the feel of Santana's body against her as she was pounded. Her muscles tightened and her arms trembled on the desk, fingers digging into the far side as she tried to keep up right against the weakness in her knees as she tumbled over the edge at the feeling of Santana coming inside of her. "S -santana!"

Unlike every other time they'd fucked, Santana stayed inside the girl for a few moments as she caught her breath. "Fuck." She whispered a few minutes later as she pulled out of the girl and quickly grabbed a tissue out of the box and began to clean off her soaking wet dick. Santana cleaned herself off and threw away the tissue before tucking herself back in. She spent a long amount of time adjusting and _re_ -adjusting herself until she was satisfied that her extra appendage couldn't be seen or felt. It was uncomfortable having to tuck herself in after having sex - it was _always_ uncomfortable to have to more or less sit on herself to hide it from the world. She didn't look up to make eye contact with Rachel until she was done.

Rachel carefully cleaned up with a handful of tissues, watching as Santana adjusted herself until her secret was hidden again. "You're beautiful, you know." It was almost too soft to be heard and she didn't really look at Santana while she said it, but it was just them and in that moment, she felt like it could be okay to say it. "Far more beautiful than me. I know you don't really like me and I'm just a convenient outlet for sexual frustration, but I just wanted you to know that. You're beautiful. All of you. The most beautiful girl I've ever seen."

Santana snorted as she pulled her hair back into a ponytail. "I'm not really a girl, as you're well aware." She blinked as she said it like it was more than obvious to the girl she was just deeply inside. "It's... It's not that okay?" Santana crossed her arms over her chest and leaned against the wall. "I'm not beautiful, I'm not a girl and I'm just convenient for you to fuck." She swallowed, "Since you're the one who sought me out and outted my secret."

The smaller girl cocked her head to the side as she carefully shifted to sit on top of the desk - still not wanting to use the chair, "But you are. Just because you have something extra doesn't make you not a girl. You obviously consider yourself one, look like one, and live as one, and you're very truly beautiful, so," she shrugged, "you're a girl to me. Some girls have to go out and buy a phallus to wear for sexual encounters with other girls, but you get to know what it's like to be inside your lover like a man would be." She offered a shy smile, "I'm rather envious, to be honest."

"I," she bit her lip, ducking her head to look at her hands where they were folded in her lap, "I like you, Santana. You don't have to believe me, but I do and I promise you, I won't tell anyone. Besides, what would it do to my reputation if I did? Nothing good and I'm already nearly at the very bottom of the pecking order in this school. People already assault me on a regular basis and I'd rather like to not find myself in the hospital when slushies are changed to fists or stones after all."

"Right because I'm sure when everyone finds out _I'm_ the tranny and _you're_ normal everyone will be attacking _you_." Santana huffed as she continued to look at the floor. "Look, people who don't like you because you're special... people will hate me because i'm different. Do you think being gay is bad in this fucking town? Try trying to hide a dick under your Cheerio skirt. I'm fucking lucky my dad is in reproductive health and I don't have to go to anyone else..." Santana shuffled her feet on the floor as she spoke, the obvious discomfort with her body coming through as she spoke.

Rachel hopped off the desk and cross the room with legs that slightly trembled from what they had just done, carefully reaching out to brush her fingers over Santana's arm. "I'm sorry things are hard for you, Santana, but... just another few months and we graduate and you can leave. I promise you that I will never tell anyone your secret. I'll go to my grave not telling anyone, okay? You're amazing and maybe you have a penis, but to me? You're 100% girl, okay?" She offered a shy smile, "I was attracted to you before I knew your secret. I know that's probably not much of a consolation, but I truly did want you without knowing about it. I just, " she bit her lip, not wanting to destroy the carefully built facade of wanting Santana sexually even if she did want her far more than that, "I wanted you to touch me. You're 100% a girl to me, Santana. Always. And I will never tell anyone that you are anything different."

Santana sniffled slightly and tried to pull herself together as she heard the footsteps coming towards the choir room. "Yeah. Okay. Whatever." Santana stumbled over her words as she tried to sound like she didn't care. She walked out of the office and over to the chair where she left her bag and plopped down next to it. She searched through her bag as the rest of the glee club started to come into the choir room with a clamor of voices and laughs. Santana looked around and offered a smile and a head nod to Puck and Quinn as they sat down next to her.

"Are you okay?" Quinn whispered as she looked over at her friend's flushed features and sad eyes, "You don't look so good."

"I'm fine, Q." Santana lied as she rested her overwhelmed head on the blonde's shoulder.

Rachel finished straightening up and gathered her music back together, tugging her skirt down a little before heading out into the choir room. Flashing Santana a tiny smile - that she immediately berated herself for as it was probably completely unwanted - she took the seat in the front row in front of the other girl, legs neatly pressed together. If she was quieter than usual for the meeting, she was willing to explain it away as working on a suitable Sectionals set list in her mind - she doubt anyone would ask for more information than that, though if necessary she did have a working list of possible songs - but her mind was occupied with other thoughts.

Namely, _what_ was happening to her body? She was far more sensitive and tired than usual and the random nausea that was starting to make itself known was decidedly unpleasant. She made a mental note to check WebMD when she got home and consider making an appointment with Dr. Canavan for a checkup.

* * *

WebMD had delivered an entirely troubling possibility when she entered her symptoms. Rachel had spent the rest of her day fretting before getting in her car and driving to the Walgreen's in Bluffton to buy several boxes. It wasn't possible. It just wasn't.

Yes, they had unprotected sex. But Santana was a _girl_. Perhaps she had extra parts down below, but everything she'd read after finding out said that most intersexed individuals were _sterile_.

She'd read the directions almost obsessively on each box, waiting until she really had to go before using the tests - using three different brands and two sticks each in the interest of being as certain as possible. As she found herself huddled over the toilet and peeing on little white sticks, she suddenly felt very grateful for the fact that her fathers' work kept them overseas for most of the year, she didn't want them to start treating her differently. Or worse, possibly pushing her towards an option she wasn't certain she even wanted to consider.

The next ten minutes were terribly anxious. No matter how she watched the clock, the second hand seemed to drag, barely moving from moment to moment. She wasn't sure what answer she wanted - all she knew was it would change everything if it was the one she was half -afraid it would be. Finally she set the microwave timer and tried to watch TV to distract herself until it was time.

When the timer sounded, she didn't move for a long moment, just looking over at the bathroom where the sticks were waiting on the counter with trepidation, biting her lip. Eventually she managed to gather herself and climb out of the sofa, crossing the room to the bathroom. She closed her eyes as she fumbled for the first stick.

Licking her lips, she slowly opened them, swallowing harshly at the two pink lines glaring back at her. "That's not possible," she whispered, dropping it to the counter and grabbing another. Blue plus. "No!"

Six tests. All positive. She couldn't really deny it any more. Rachel Barbra Berry was definitely pregnant.

With Santana Lopez's child.


	5. Typical

**Chapter Five - Typical**

She didn't know what to do.

Rachel paced back and forth on Santana's porch, rubbing at her forehead and biting her lip as she tried to work out the various possibilities in her mind. The only thing she was certain of was that she had to tell Santana. She wouldn't keep it from her and - if she was entirely honest - she wanted the other girl's help in figuring out what to do now.

Finally, she took a deep breath and centered herself as if she was going out on the stage at a full house production at the Lima Community theater and rang the buzzer. Biting her lip, she bounced on her heels, glancing nervously at the window beside the door and smiling with all the wavering confidence she could find. She was incredibly nervous, but really what else could she do? When the doorknob rattled and began to open, she clasped her hands in front of her anxiously and looked up with her best smile, hoping it would be Santana on the other side.

After a few moments the townhouse door opened and a Hispanic man in his late 30's opened the door with a slight smile. "Hello, can I help you?" He asked as she looked at the obviously distraught girl on his stoop.

Rachel's face almost fell but at the last moment she managed to cling to her smile. "Um, hello, Mr. Lopez? My name is Rachel Berry. I'm a, um... _friend_. Of Santana's. From Glee club? Is she here?"

"Hello, Rachel Berry," He smiled and he pushed open the door to the house. "I'm Miguel Lopez, Santana's father." He brought the girl inside out of the chilly weather. "I believe my child is upstairs napping, Cheerios takes way too much energy out of that girl."

"Ah, yes, cheerleading is quite an invigorating sport and Santana is one of our best after all." Rachel smiled up at him as best she could, feeling incredibly nervous since she was there to tell his _daughter_ that she'd knocked her up. "Do you mind if I go up and see her, sir? I just need to talk to her about something for a little bit."

He looked down at the girl curiously, "I think that you can..." he nodded his head up towards the stairs, "Her room is the second on the right... if you'd like I'm making salad for dinner you're more than welcome to stay."

"That's a very generous and kind offer but I may have to head home soon," she bobbed her head with a smile and headed up the stairs feeling more nervous with every step closer to Santana's room. Her hand fidgeted nervously over her purse - the damning sticks felt like they each weighed ten pounds in their separate plastic bags. She took a breath and knocked on the door before carefully turning the knob and easing it open.

"Santana?" She almost whispered the other girl's name as she slipped into the darkened room, her eyes slowly adjusting until she could see the other girl stretched out on her bed. Closing the door behind her, she crossed the room - almost tripping over Santana's desk chair at one point - to stand beside the bed. For a moment, she hesitated at waking her, smiling softly down at the almost peaceful expression on her face, her fingers itching to brush the dark hair from her face where it had fallen from her ponytail. She bit her lip and pushed down the awkward warm feeling she felt towards the girl - the mother... father? other parent of her unborn child. Santana wouldn't appreciate it.

"Santana? It's Rachel... please wake up," she finally gave in to the urge to brush her fingers over the other girl's shoulder, trying to ignore the slight tingle she got whenever she touched soft, tanned skin. "I have to talk to you..."

Santana mumbled as she tried to come out of her slumber. She had come home from Cheerios and her therapy and gone straight to her room, changed into baggy basketball shorts and an tank top and fell asleep. She curled up into herself as she clutched a bunch of papers in her hands as she sniffled in her sleep.

"Don't wanna wake up." She mumbled as she fused her eyes closed more.

Rachel licked her lips and carefully sat on the bed behind Santana. "Santana, please wake up," she whispered. "I really do have to talk to you, it's im... por...tant," her words trailed off as her eyes managed to pick out words on the papers clutched in Santana's hands. Reassignment. MtF. Surgery.

Biting her lip, she looked at Santana worriedly. "Santana... what's going on?"

Santana jolted up as she heard a voice and the bed move and she woke up. "The fuck?" Santana mumbled as she pushed the papers under her pillow and she rubbed her fist into her eyes as she tried to come back to reality. "What are you doing here?"

"I needed to talk to you about something that affects both of us," Rachel bit her lip and tried not to look completely worried and anxious but she was having more and more trouble hiding her reactions around Santana. "It's terribly important and I truly didn't want to have this conversation in public..."

"What's wrong?" she asked, sitting up and rolling her neck as she did so. Santana ran her fingers through her hair and tightened her ponytail. "Why do you look like you're gonna puke?"

"I, um," Rachel dropped her eyes to her hands, unable to keep looking at Santana and just feeling terribly nervous, "Please don't be mad. I don't know if I could bear it if you were mad at me." She sounded scared and nervous. "I just..." She bit her lip, wringing her hands in her lap, "I didn't think it was possible. That's why I never insisted on protection and... oh, God... you're going to hate me..."

Santana sniffled her head still reeling from her earlier session in the day. "Look, Rachel..." Santana stated as she crossed her legs, "I'm not really in the mood to read through the crazy right now so please just tell me what the hell you're freaking out about."

Rachel took a deep breath and just blurted it out. "I'm pregnant. I didn't think it was possible, but I took six different tests and they're all positive and I don't know what to do!"

She froze, "W-what?" She stumbled over her words. Santana never thought about the repercussions of her actions. "P-puck got you pregnant?" She asked, almost hoping that Rachel would tell her that it was her best friend's child and not hers. That she wouldn't have to deal with that issue.

Rachel shook her head, looking scared, "N-no... I told you, I've only... I've only been with you like that. I... I'm sorry, Santana... I'm so sorry..."

"I... it's not possible!" Santana jumped off the bed and started pacing around the room. "I can't. It's not real. It doesn't work like that!" Santana yelled, "I'm not a fucking boy... I can't..." at that moment Santana looked in the mirror and slammed her fist into it.

Rachel flinched, "I'm sorry! I know you're not a boy! I didn't mean for this to happen! I didn't think it could! Please don't be mad, Santana. _Please_!" She was crying. She didn't _want_ to cry, but she was scared and she couldn't seem to help it. "I... I'll," she bit her lip almost hard enough to bleed, hating herself for even thinking about what she was about to offer, "I'll get rid of it..." She sounded broken just forcing the words out.

Santana fell to the ground with a sob as she pulled her knees to her chest. She just looked at Rachel for several minutes as she rocked back and forth. "I... I'm a boy." She whispered out into the eerily quiet room. She just accomplished the single most masculine thing a person could do, and it also just caused the facade that she had allowed herself to build for the last 17 years crumble down around her.

Rachel gathered the shreds of her tattered confidence and crawled off the bed and over to Santana. Even though her heart was breaking at the idea of getting rid of the child they'd made, she wrapped her arms around Santana, "You're not... you're a girl. It happens sometimes. A freak accident. I'll," her voice caught, cracking, "I'll get rid of it. I won't tell anyone else. Only you and I have to know this even happened. You're a girl, Santana..."

Santana sniffled as she tried to not break down anymore. "No." she stammered, "You can't. You can't kill it... it's real." Santana whimpered, her Catholic upbringing coming into light as she spoke. "Don't kill it because of me."

Rachel rested her cheek on the top of Santana's head and rubbed her back, "I know it's real." She whispered, as if talking any louder would bring the fragile almost calm crashing down, "I don't want to kill it. It's _ours_ , Santana... I know you don't want it to be, but it is. I... I'll talk to Noah. Maybe I can convince him to tell people it's his. I just... I want to make this right for you. I'm sorry..."

"I'm sorry I ruined your life." Santana whimpered as she sniffled in Rachel's arms. "I'm sorry... I didn't know I could... I didn't think... I should have known... I forgot... I forgot it's real... I forgot it can do things." She babbled as she spoke, not really talking to anyone in particular.

"You didn't ruin my life," Rachel wasn't entirely certain she believed it, but she wanted Santana to, "you improved it. Okay, perhaps getting pregnant wasn't in my life plan for another eight years, but I can work with that. Improv is spice of life, right?" She chuckled waterily, just holding the other girl close as she seemed to be breaking apart in front of her. "I don't regret any of it, Santana. I promise you I don't. I don't know how I would ever get a beautiful girl like you interested in a loser like me after all."

"I'm a freak." Santana mumbled, pulling away and moving back to her bed. "Maybe... Maybe you should go and let Puck think he had sex with you and got you pregnant... you can be with him and be normal." Santana looked up almost hopeful that she could give her best friend all the glory of getting the beautiful diva pregnant and she could continue to be a coward and hide. "If you want... you can do that... no one will know."

"But I don't want Noah," Rachel whispered, looking far more fragile than she had earlier, "I'll pretend for public if you want me to... but I don't want him. I haven't been with him in any way for months, Santana. Don't you know I want you? But... but if that's what you want." She drew away, her shoulders slumping. She felt awful and rejected - again - by a woman she wanted in her life. "I don't want Noah. I want you... but if you don't want me, I don't know what I can do."

"I'm.. I'm not right." She explained the best she could. "I can't be what you want. I can't even be normal! I don't know how to make you understand but you can't be with me. Not until I'm right... I'm not right okay? We made a mistake, I never wanted to use _it_ like that. I never... I never wanted to use it!" Santana almost yelled, pissed at herself as she gave into her physical wants more then her emotional and mental needs.

"I'm sorry," Rachel's arms wrapped around her stomach, her voice tiny, sad and a little scared. "I... I pushed you. It was wrong of me. This is all my fault."

She felt sick and hated herself more than she ever had in that moment. She liked Santana - if she was honest with herself, she _really_ liked her - and she'd completely ruined any chance she might ever have had with her because she'd been too _stupid_ to think it was possible to become pregnant with what they were doing - had been doing anyway, Rachel rather doubted Santana would even want to look at her again, let alone touch her in a sexual manner - and didn't even think to use protection.

"I'm sorry, Santana," she sniffled, getting to her feet, "I won't tell anyone anything. You don't have to worry. This is my fault... I'll fix it. I," she worked her jaw trying not to cry, "I really liked you, you know... I thought maybe we could," she shook her head, shrugging the idea off as pointless, "never mind. I'll," she risked a sad glance at the other girl, "I'll see myself out. I'll try not to bother you anymore, Santana. I know it doesn't mean anything, but I'm really sorry..."

Santana looked up, tears streaming out of her eyes. "Please don't kill the baby." She whimpered, her voice cracking as she did so. "Please. I'll help take care of it just don't kill it. Please. God hate me enough, please don't." She was pleading, her _condition_ was god-given, but she had always assumed god hated her. "Please..."

Rachel paused in front of the door before she opened it and shook her head. She didn't turn around, afraid that if she looked at Santana, she'd lose control and start crying. "I won't. I promise. I'll figure something out. You," her voice cracked, making her pause to swallow and try to clear her throat, "you don't have to do anything, Santana. I'll just," she shrugged, "make up a story. I'm fairly good at that. I can do this on my own if I have to. You don't have to be a part of anything you don't want to be. I just," she bit her lip, hand trembling slightly on the door knob, "I wanted you to know. I'm sorry. Please thank your father for inviting me to dinner, but I really can't stay..."

It was all too much. Santana just looked back down at the floor. Ashamed of herself, ashamed of her body and ashamed that she should stand up and take honor in the child that she helped produce, but she knew she couldn't. She hadn't thought it was possible to get someone pregnant. Santana just looked at the floor, attempting to try to fight herself.

"I'm sorry." She choked as she watched Rachel's feet carry the mother of her child out of the room.

Rachel didn't want to see anyone after she closed the door to Santana's room softly behind her. Everything just _hurt_. She'd known she didn't really have a legitimate chance of winning the beautiful cheerleader's affections, but she had let herself pretend and hadn't thought about how much it would hurt when the rejection she'd finally received came. All she wanted to do was get home. She hurried down the stairs and slipped out the front door without even pausing to say goodbye to the friendly gentleman who'd greeted her earlier. She just ran, as fast as she could, back towards her home, taking the shortcut through the cemetery to avoid anyone who could be out that evening.

* * *

Santana hadn't come to school in over a week. Rumors had spread of illness and jail time, but when the girl's father came into Glee and talked quietly to Mr. Schuster is when Quinn and Puck started to get worried.

Puck quickly hurried over to the older man when he was getting ready to leave the room. "Mr. Lopez, Sir... Where's San? Is she okay?"

"Santana is okay. She's just sick, she'll hopefully be back at school soon." He lied to his daughter's friend, "I'll tell her to call you when she feels up to it." Puck sighed as he slinked back to his seat.

Mr. Lopez eyes fell onto the small diva who had shook his house to the core a week back. He sighed, noting the dark circles around the girl's eyes and her vacant look. He wanted to talk to her, he needed to talk to her about his child's well being. "Ms. Berry? May I speak to you for a moment?" He called out, "You have class with Santana and I need clarification on her assignment."

Rachel looked up at the genial older man and attempted a smile. "Certainly, Mr Lopez." She gathered her things carefully and climbed to her feet, crossing the room to stand beside him. "I don't really know what I could possibly clarify better than our instructor, but anything for an ill classmate," she tried the lackluster smile again, following him out of the room. Biting her lower lip, she asked softly, "How is she? Really."

Every day Santana hadn't come to school, Rachel had felt a little more lost. She hadn't realized how much she had come to depend on seeing the other girl's sardonic smirk or hearing her laugh or cut someone with her words until there was a hole where Santana had once been in her life. She liked her and she was the other parent of the child growing under her heart, but it had been made fairly clear to her that Santana didn't want her. And it broke her heart, but she still wanted her to be okay and as happy as possible. Something she just seemed to drive further away from the beautiful girl.

"My child decided to try to kill herself _again_ , Ms. Berry." He said softly, "Luckily, I know her better than she knows herself and I got to her before she could hurt herself too badly." He ran his fingers through his hair. "Santana is my whole world," he exhaled and looked down at the young mother to be. "Much like my grandchild will be your whole world..." he said knowingly as he looked at the girl's stomach. "I think that you and Santana need to talk... but I know that she won't tell you. So why don't you come to the house and you can see her..."

Rachel had started physically shaking as soon as the words that Santana had tried to kill herself - _again_ \- sank in. All she could do was stare wide-eyed at Mr Lopez and shake her head. "N-no, I... I can't. She doesn't want me or," her hand went over her belly. "It was just a mistake. I just make things worse, Mr Lopez. I don't want her to hurt herself because of me again..."

She was trying not to cry, but her emotions were getting harder and harder to keep in check. "She doesn't want me," she whispered, shaking her head and staring at the ground, "better that I should stay away..."

He looked down tiredly, "Santana is very confused... She has had to deal with a lot since she was a child." He sighed and looked up, "My daughter wants to be around you, but she thinks she ruined everything by following her _instincts_ ," he titled his head, "I want to explain everything to you, and so does she but she's scared."

He touched Rachel's shoulder and smiled sadly, "I need you to understand why Santana is taking this so hard... I can't tell you here though."

Rachel was scared to go back to the house where everything came apart, but she nodded slowly, hugging herself. "O-" she swallowed against the thick feeling in her throat, "okay. I'll go. I'll listen. I just..." she shook her head, trembling and sounding even smaller than she was as she whispered, "I don't want to be rejected anymore..."

He smiled sadly, "Neither does she." He waited for the smaller girl to gather her belongings from her locker before heading back to the house that his daughter plain refused to leave.

* * *

After Miguel escorted Rachel into the house, he quickly headed upstairs to check on Santana before coming back down. "She's still sleeping." He smiled fondly, honestly just glad that his child was sleeping and not dead. "I'm sorry about all of this, Rachel." He said as he picked up one of the books from the shelf and put it on the coffee table. "Would you like some tea or something to eat?"

She shook her head, standing awkwardly in the entrance to the living room, clutching the strap of her bag with both hands, speaking softly, "No, Mr Lopez, that's quite alright." She felt off-balance and out of place. Nothing seemed quite right since she'd seen positive marks on all six tests - she'd barely even been able to sing. Santana insisting their making a child together was a mistake and they couldn't be together made it worse. But standing in that house again with the father of her child's other parent fully aware she'd been a stupid fool with his daughter and gotten knocked up just made everything worse yet.

"Please sit down." he smiled, as he put down Santana's backpack and sat down himself. When Rachel sat down, he took a breath. "You are well aware that my daughter is... _special_." He looked down at his hands and sighed, "Santana... Santana was born biologically male. She... he was a transgendered child and she told us at a very young age that she was a girl. Being a boy made my daughter very unhappy. She tried to... when she was five she tried to _remove_ her penis to be like the other girls. That's when I decided to raise her in her chosen identity." He looked up at the diva and he sighed, "My wife did not support this and when Santana almost killed herself by removing her boyhood we decided to leave and I'm raising her as my daughter. That's who she is, that's who she always was."

"She's Santana," Rachel shrugged, dragging her tired, sad gaze up to meet Mr Lopez's eyes, "That's who she is. It doesn't matter what's between her legs. She's _Santana_ and one of the most compellingly beautiful girls I have ever had the fortune to know." She sighed, curling in on herself, "I didn't know that she was born a boy or any of that. She's just Santana to me. I like her, Mr Lopez. She doesn't like me. People like me," she smiled wistfully down at her twisting hands, "just don't have a chance with people as beautiful and popular as her. I pushed and I made a terrible mistake doing so and I ruined everything in the process. I just want her to be happy." She risked a glance up at him, her eyes beginning to water as she tried to smile at him, "I know I made a mistake that ruined any chance of her being happy with me, but I still want her to be happy. Is that such a bad thing?"

"Rachel?" He said softly, "Santana does like you. She spent several hours crying on me about how she ruined your life... She didn't know that the _appendage_ was functional." He looked at his hands and avoided the girls eyes. "She's been on medication since she was a kid... she didn't know that she could get you pregnant. She feels so guilty... Santana is so scared right now. She doesn't want to be a boy but she just accomplished the most masculine thing her body knows how to do... and that is scaring her. Do you understand that?" He asked as he looked at the other girl.

Rachel swallowed and bit her lip, "I know she's scared. _I'm_ scared too. But she's still a _girl_ to me, sir. I didn't think this was possible," she glanced down at her hand resting over her stomach, "but it doesn't change that she's a girl to me. It doesn't change that she's the only person I want, no matter how she's shaped under her clothes. But she said we can't be together and I can't ignore that." She took a deep breath, avoiding his eyes, "I pushed our relationship to a sexual level because I thought it was the only chance I had to be with her. That was wrong of me."

"This is my fault, sir. I've made my mistakes and I'll live with them to the best of my ability." She licked her lips, finally meeting his eyes, "I would be beyond thrilled if I could be with Santana but I am resigned to whatever I must do. I know she's scared. I know she doesn't want to be a boy, but, sir, she _isn't_ a boy. She's a _girl_. A beautiful, _wonderful_ girl who is very important to me."

"And I'm very happy you understand that... but it's not that easy for Santana. She's been holding onto this for years... she's been living with this... self hatred her whole life and she doesn't know how to take someone coming in and loving her for who she is... all of her." He smiled and moved to sit on the table in front of Rachel. He opened a photo album and picked up a picture of Santana as an three year old as a boy, with short hair looking absolutely miserable. "This is when her mother cut her hair." He smiled and pulled out a picture of Santana a few years later with little pigtails and a bright smile. "This is the day we left her mom and I told her she could be whoever she wanted to be..."

"She was adorable," Rachel smiled at the photo, unaware of just how soft and warm her expression was, "even as a scowling little tomboy." She glanced up at him with a wry smile, "I'm sorry, I know she was technically a little boy in this photo," she tapped the one of the scowling three year old, "but I simply cannot think of her as anything but as a girl. I just hope whatever this little one turns out to be is even half as cute as she was. I was an exceedingly awkward child and am not much better now, so it would be better if this little one takes after Santana instead of me."

She wasn't even thinking about what she said, distracted by the photos, "You are a wonderful father, sir. I'm glad she has you."

"I'm glad I have her." He smiled, "She's always - _always_ \- been my little girl." He put the photos away and closed the book. "She's got plenty of awkward pictures too, but they're more just sad and depressing once you realize you're looking at a depressed little girl stuck in a boy's body." He smiled and stood up. "Alright. Why don't you go up and see Santana. She actually asked me to get you so don't give me the crap that she hates you or what-not." He nudged her shoulder and tilted his head to the stairs.

Rachel glanced to the stairs and bit her lip, remembering how upset Santana was the last time she was up there. She shivered, shaking her head. "I... I don't want to upset her. I promised her I wouldn't bother her anymore, sir."

Her voice trembled as she spoke. It had hurt bad enough walking away the first time - she didn't know if she was capable of doing it again. She felt raw and vulnerable where Santana was concerned, even shying away from conversations about her in school and Glee for the last week.

"She hasn't tried to contact me," she whispered, licking her lips and looking at the stairs. "I'm the one who made her feel like a boy. It's my fault she's hurting now..."

"She's always hurting." He stated, "She's always hurting and you made her feel normal..." He smiled, "I'm not happy that she got you pregnant, because it was irresponsible and immature, but it's okay... I never thought I'd have grandkids..." He smiled softly and looked at the girl, "Go see Santana, I know you're worried since I told you that she tried..."

Rachel looked tired and more than a little nervous and scared, but she rose to her feet. "O-okay," she didn't want to admit she was more afraid of Santana telling her to get out then the fact that the other girl had tried to take her life.

She paused at the bottom of the stairs glancing back at Mr Lopez with a frightened expression before slowly climbing up to the second floor. For not the first time, she wondered how she would hold herself together being rejected by the cheerleader again - especially after being pushed to face the other girl so soon after the first rejection. Her hand trembled as she reached for the doorknob, slowly turning it and easing the door open.

"Santana?" She hated that she sounded so tiny, scared and hurt, her voice wavering, "I'm sorry for bothering you. I know you probably don't want to see me but I'm afraid your father insisted. I... I'll go if you want. I don't want to bother you..."

Santana looked up from the Vogue she was flipping through and over at Rachel, smiling softly and watching her for a moment before she spoke. "Hey," she croaked, nervous at hearing her voice for the first time in a few days. She looked paler than normal, and she had bandages covering her right wrist. Santana was tucked into her bed, pillows and blankets around her. She looked just as tired as Rachel but she tried to hide it. "I'm sorry I was an ass the other day..."

Rachel shook her head with a weary smile, slipping into the room and closing the door with a soft click behind her. "You weren't. I asked too much of you. I've always asked too much of you. I'm the one who should be sorry." She leaned against the door, uncertain if she was allowed to come closer. "I never should have pushed you for sex, Santana, I should have just accepted you didn't want me like that. I'm so so sorry..."

"Rachel... did any part of my body say that I didn't want you like that? I was a willing player in this... I had sex with you and neither of us thought of the repercussions." She said calmly, her anxiety medication working wonders. "I didn't know I could get you... I didn't know..."

"You may have been willing, but I still pushed when I shouldn't have." Hesitantly, she pushed away from the door to cross the room and sit on the edge of the bed. Her fingers itched to touch Santana, but she folded them in her lap and tried to ignore it, offering a wry smile. "After all, someone as beautiful and popular as you wouldn't have been caught dead having sex with an unpretty loser like me on your own." Her eyes dropped back to her hands, the smile slowly dying as if she just didn't have the energy to keep up the facade for long.

"You're beautiful." Santana said softly as she looked at the blanket. "I think you are beautiful." she reached out and ran her fingers over Rachel's with her non bandaged arm. "Please forgive me for being a douche..."

Rachel carefully turned her hand over and twined their fingers together, "There's nothing to forgive, Santana. Your reactions were justified and completely understandable. I'm the one that should be asking you to forgive me, but... it's very nice of you to say, but I know I'm not beautiful." She smiled tentatively up at Santana, not quite lifting her head, "That's why I hope this baby takes after you and not me. They'll have a difficult enough time in life as the child of a teenaged mother. Better that it's evened out with attractiveness and a fierce attitude than an overbearing ego and a modest helping of talent."

"As long as all of its parts are in the correct places and are of the correct gender? Then yeah hopefully the kid will be normal but I don't want it to be like me... I don't want it to grow up like me." Santana's tone turned serious as she spoke, her eyes diverted out the window and she took a breath. "I want to get the kid tested for like issues or whatever... If I have problems it's likely that the kid will too and I don't really know what the hormones did to me or whatever and..." She was rambling and trying to hide how scared she was as she spoke and tried to make everything sound normal.

"Santana, I'm Jewish." She gave the taller girl's hand a gentle squeeze, "Genetic testing is de rigueur for Jewish pregnancies because we have high risks of very severe genetic diseases. But, I want to assure you as assiduously as I possibly can that this child, no matter if they are a boy, girl, intersexed, asexual, bisexual, straight, gay... _whatever_. They will be loved." She took a breath, nibbling at her lower lip and glancing shyly up at Santana, "Because they're a part of _you_ and they weren't even supposed to be possible to be conceived, so that makes them a miracle, right?" She offered a tiny smile, "All I want is for them to be happy and healthy. Everything else is just details. I want our child to just be themselves and whatever that may be, I am going to love them with every ounce of love I can muster. Because they're part of _us_ and I couldn't do anything less."

"Okay..." Santana replied softly as she looked out the window. "Look. I don't know how to do this... I don't know how to tell you that I'm okay with the fact I _fathered_ a kid with you." She stumbled over her use of the term. "But... I'm sorry... I can't be... I don't want everyone to know about me... Only Puck and Quinn know and my dad and you... that's it... even they don't fully understand okay. No one does." She sniffled as she looked at Rachel. "I'm sorry I know this sucks for you. I know we should just get an abortion or like give it up for adoption or whatever so you can go on to have a life... I just don't know what to do okay?" She rubbed her wrist unconsciously as she spoke.

Rachel chewed on her lip for a moment, thinking things over. "Santana," she began, speaking slowly and carefully, "I already promised you I won't tell anyone. We can talk to Noah and see if he'll be a cover for us or I can just invent someone that was an unfortunate drunken incident at a party as I had already half planned on doing. But this is a life. An important one," she carefully rubbed her stomach with a soft smile, "it may be hard, but this is when it came into my life and besides," she glanced up with a tiny smirk, "this will do wonders for my auto-biography, right?" She nudged Santana with her shoulder before sobering.

"But, Santana, all I really need to know is one thing. Do you want to be this child's other parent? Obviously not the father - you're a girl - but," she glanced at Santana, shy and uncertain, "perhaps a second mother?"

"Yeah..." She said softly, "My dad more or less told me if I don't take responsibility for my actions he'll kick my ass." She sighed softly and looked at Rachel. "I just don't really know if I'd be a good parent or whatever since I'm so fucked... and in like 6 months I'm not even going to be functional as a person... so I don't even know. I want to be in the baby's life..."

Rachel frowned in confusion, "Not functional in six months? Do you have a degenerative nerve disorder?" She gasped, eyes widening, "It's not contagious, is it?"

"No." She shook her head, "Well... yeah, it's a disorder called Gender Dysphoria... It's what makes my crazy fucking head think i'm a chick when I have a dick... So I'm getting the dick taken off on my 18th birthday..." She said, not really sure about what she was saying, but it's what she knew trans kids did, they got the parts that didn't match removed.

Rachel cocked her head to the side, regarding her curiously, "O...kay. If that's what you want. If you'd like I can be there at whatever hospital the procedure is being preformed at for you or come visit during your recovery. But I fail to see how this would render you non-functional as a person, Santana..."

"Well I'll officially be able to become the _it_ my mother spent 4 years referring to me as..." She sniffled as she looked down at her hands, "It's what trans kids do... It's what we do. First, get the surgery to scrape the cartilage out of our throat to make sure we don't have a visible Adam's apple... then we get breast implants." Santana said as she pointed to the scar on her throat then she cupped her breasts. "Then we get our junk cut off and we start to look like a barbie doll." She laughed callously as she pulled the papers from under her pillow and handed them to Rachel.

Rachel scanned the papers, seeing a few things that concerned her about potential problem with the surgeries involved, but what was bothering her most was the way Santana was talking about it. "Santana," she began, glancing up from the papers, "you're saying a lot about what "trans kids" do, but not much about what _you_ want to do." She leaned over and set the papers on the nightstand. "Forget about these trans kids or anyone else. What do _you_ , Santana Lopez, want?"

Santana rubbed her wrist again and looked away. "I don't wanna be a boy." She said simply, knowing that her gender didn't live in her reproductive organs, but her brain... but when your reproductive organ is hard to miss and you have to hide it everyday it become more about that then what you _think_ you are.

"You're not a boy," Rachel's tone was matter of fact and straight to the point. "Current circumstances notwithstanding." She blushed slightly, rubbing her still fairly flat stomach, "And for what it's worth, contrary to my previous behaviors, your _penis_ is not actually what draws me to you. It is nice, I would hardly deny that, and you are quite adept with its use as far as I'm concerned, but it's just an appendage. It doesn't make you any less of a girl to me than if you were using a strap on phallus instead. With it or without it, the Santana I like is here," she gently tapped the side of the other girl's head, "and here," she tapped her chest over her heart, "not between your lovely thighs."

"That's very nice and trust me when I say that i understand where you are coming from... but I just don't get it." She sighed, "I know that's the real me is in my head or whatever... but when you have to live everyday knowing you're in the wrong _body_? Knowing that my mom bailed because she didn't want a freak for a kid? That I tried to take my dick off with scissors shaped like a panda when I was a toddler? How do you live knowing that every day?" She turned and looked in Rachel's eyes and was almost pleading for her to understand. "I wake up every day.. every _fucking_ day Rachel and want to die. Because, maybe, fucking maybe god will let me go into the right body in heaven..." She licked her lips trying to prevent herself from crying, but it was failing to stop the tears that were welling up in her eyes.

"You're right," Rachel whispered softly, sliding her fingers over Santana's arm to take her hand and squeeze gently, letting her head rest for a moment on the other girl's shoulder, "I don't understand, not really. All I'm trying to tell you, Santana, is that if you want to get this surgery, then do it. If you don't, do that. Whatever you need to do to be comfortable in your body, I support you, for what it's worth. I'm just trying to let you know that whatever you chose won't change how I see you or," she licked her lips and smiled shyly, "how desirable you are to me sexually. If any of that matters. With the surgery or without it, with a penis or without, to me you're still Santana. And that seems like the important part to me." She nibbled on her lip, "But none of this explains how you would cease to be a functional person with this surgery..."

"I just don't know who I'll be if i have it..." She said softly, "I won't be a sexual person anymore and I'll just be a girl in breasts... like I wont even have the ability to do any of the girly things that you'll get to... So i just don't understand. I don't understand why I just can't match my body like everyone else." She growled, getting frustrated at the inability she had to properly express how upset she was at her circumstance. "I might as well just live as a dude... it would just be easier." she sniffled and drew her knees up so she could rest her head on them and still talk to Rachel.

Rachel sighed softly and wrapped her arm around Santana's shoulders, giving her a gentle hug. "As to the first thing, that's easy. You'll still be Santana. Maybe a little calmer," she tried teasing, "but still you. Unless they're doing brain surgery, that won't change. As for you being a sexual person," she licked her lips, her cheeks coloring as she blushed, "do you enjoy it when you touch me? I'm not asking if it gives you an erection, but if _you_ enjoy it. Mentally. Do you like the feeling of touching me like you do without your penis? Like when you," the blush darkened, her voice softening shyly, "when you use your fingers to penetrate me. Do you enjoy it? Because if you do, I don't think you'd be completely not-sexual... Maybe less, but some of what I saw in those papers said they could use part of your penis to build a functional clitoris. That wouldn't be so bad, right?" She smiled tentatively.

"Right cuz a total Frankenstein pussy is better than a dick." Santana rolled her eyes and tried to fight off the hug before giving into it. She sat for a moment thinking and with a dramatic sigh she finally spoke, "Yes, I like when I touch you. Gets me hot not just in the junk regions..." She rolled her eyes and smiled slyly. "You want me to get castrated cuz that mean more sex for you and you'll never have to reciprocate again... I see your motivation, hobbit."

Rachel rolled her eyes and slapped the other girl's shoulder lightly, a blush staining her cheeks, "For your information, I _like_ reciprocating with you. It," she bit her lip, ducking her head with a shy smile, "it makes me feel good to know I can make you feel good. I'll actually be sad if you stop having any desire for sex any more or if I can't reciprocate any longer. You won't have any more use for me then," she looked down at her hands, her voice trailing off as she fidgeted, twisting her fingers together in her lap.

Santana giggled softly and patted the other girls stomach. "You're housing my spawn in there... I'll still need you even if I lose your favorite toy." she winked and left her hand on the baby. "I like making you feel good too..." she blushed slightly and looked down at the bedspread.

"Good to know I have some purpose beyond sex," Rachel smiled wanly, trying to make it sound like a joke but not really succeeding. "You don't have to say that, Santana. It's okay. I know I'm just a convenient outlet for sexual frustration. So if you don't have that..." She shrugged with a little smile, liking the feeling of San's slightly larger hand resting almost protectively over their child but not wanting to say it out loud in fear she'd encourage her to pull away sooner.

"I never had a need to be sexually frustrated before you..." Santana stated quietly, "Sure, Puck and I might have gotten drunk and fondled each other a few times... but that's it... You're the first person who I've _ever_ been with..." she looked down and then back up. "To be honest... I kinda know your rep with dudes as of late and I just thought you wanted to get off... but then you kept coming back to me and I liked it..."

"E-ever?" Rachel looked up startled, "B-but you said to never say no! A-and... _ever_?" Now she felt even worse about pushing. She hadn't realized that Santana hadn't been with anyone before her. "I... Santana, I was only ever with my _boyfriends_. You know how long I was with Finn and Jesse. I came to you and Brittany for advice about Jesse, remember?"

She bit her lip, "I'd thought Jesse would be the one I would stay with but I didn't want him to do what he did... I couldn't stay with him after that and he never even hugged me since. Noah was more to try and keep him from trying to push me for vaginal intercourse and Finn... isn't actually capable of maintaining an erection long enough for any kind of penetrative sex. The only reason I indulged either of them after our first time was you wouldn't come to me and... Well, technically I was still dating Finn." She blushed, "I broke up with him the morning I climbed in your window and woke you up riding you..."

"I just," she worried her lip, wrapping her arms around her stomach, "most of what I was doing around you was an act." She looked miserable, "I just wanted you to notice me... to want me on some level. I didn't think I had a chance with you if I didn't offer you sex. I had a crush on you since forever but I saw you dancing and I... I... I just thought maybe someone as sexual as you was only interested in sex and," her arms tightened around herself as she looked over at the floor, "I was willing to let you use me if it meant I could be close to you. I'm such a fool," she whispered harshly, "I ruined everything..."

"I kinda don't know what to think about that." Santana replied honestly, "I know I come off as a slut and I got Puck to talk a big game for me... but I'm not like that." She looked down at her legs, "I had never even thought about using _it_ before, I just pretended that it didn't exist. That whole week was so confusing. Puck and I started whatever it was we were doing and I just couldn't control it when you were dancing and _stripping_ onstage."

Santana swallowed as she looked sideways to her child's mother, "I would like you to start wearing panties again... I know you think I like slutty girls or whatever but please I just want to make sure I don't further crush any of your self worth..." She sighed and played with the blanket under her fingers. "I'm sorry the Cheerios called you _tranny names_. Most of them have no idea what they are saying, or what a transgendered person is... but like Quinn only did it to protect me. She was scared that they'd notice and find out and she didn't want that for me... I know it like ruined your life but she was trying to protect me."

Rachel shrugged, not really able to bring herself to meet Santana's gaze, feeling miserable about the choices she'd made. "It's okay. I don't mind. After a while, it's just another name, you know? I'm glad you had people who cared enough about you to want to protect you," she whispered. "And I only forwent panties when they were either ruined early in the day or when I was trying to get your attention. But, well," she nibbled her lips, smoothing her hands over her denim covered legs, "I haven't even been wearing my skirts since we, um... talked last. I know I don't wear jeans or slacks very often, but might as well wear them while they still fit, right?" She chuckled, but it sounded almost self-deprecating.

"Stop that," she said sternly, "if both of us are gonna be miserable and pissy, this kid is gonna be fucked up more than it already will be..." she sighed. "I just don't want other people all up in my baby momma..."

"That is a terribly crude term, Santana," Rachel's voice was prim, but the tiny smile teasing about the corner of her lips gave away the strangely pleasurable feeling of being called that by the cheerleader. "And this child," she sounded determined, "is going to be _amazing_. Not _fucked up_. Or at least," her lips twitched, "no more so than I am, having been raised by two men."

"Yeah, well I'm just raised by a dad... And hey, poor bastard get two moms and half a dad I guess..." Santana sighed as she spoke not really knowing how any of this was gonna work.

Rachel frowned, and squeezed Santana's hand to get her attention, "Santana, the first thing I need you to do is _not_ refer to our child by a term as vile as _bastard_. Maybe they were not conceived under optimal conditions but they are still a _child_ and they've done _nothing_ wrong. They will not start out their life being judged like _either_ of us might be and _especially_ not _by_ us."

"I know." she looked down. "I'm not gonna say the right things or do the right things... You know that right?" Santana sighed and shifted slightly to readjust herself. "Are you like hungry? Or does being pregnant feel weird? My dad's a doctor he can take care of you if you want..."

"No, I'm fine," Rachel smiled softly, "but thank you for asking. I'm only a couple of months along at most," she sighed, rubbing her stomach, "and aside from the nausea and fatigue, I don't feel much different than I usually do yet. Santana?" She bit her lip and smiled hesitantly at the taller girl, "I know we're not really well, _friends_ or anything, but... I do like you - in more than a sexual way - and, well... we have another nearly nine months to figure out how what the right things to say or do are, right?"

"We're friends... Awkward and fuck buddies... But yeah we're friends." she replied, they sat in silence for a few minutes before Santana needed to get up. She hopped off the bed, wearing tight black boxer briefs and a tank top as she shyly bounded into the bathroom. A few minutes later she came back out and looked in her laundry for pants. "Sorry, I haven't really worn pants in a few days... And I needed to change my bandage..."

"Oh, um," Rachel fiddled with her fingers, having moved to sit cross-legged on the bed while Santana was in the bathroom, "I suppose I should head home... I don't wish to overstay my welcome." She smiled tentatively up at Santana, "I am fully aware of how aggravating I can be over long periods of time and I don't wish to strain our... friendship." Her smile warmed as said the word, brightening at the warm sensation of someone - another _girl_ \- actually calling her their _friend_.

"I mean, you can stay... I'm obviously not doing much," Santana shrugged and kept her eyes at her laundry instead of looking at Rachel, "Except for looking sadly at my penis and watching X-men movies... I can do both those things with you here if you wanna stay..."

"I say again - and I will _keep_ saying it until you start to believe me - your penis does not define you. And, well," she blushed, "it _is_ nice what you can do with it. For someone who didn't use it before I well..." she wasn't sure what to call what she did any more - it made her feel bad just thinking about it, "you're quite adept. I, please don't judge me, but I felt _wanted_ when we had sex... If you are certain you would like me around, I suppose I could stay a little while longer." She glanced shyly at Santana, "Though I admit that I lack knowledge of what _X-men_ movies are and I likely will not engage in _sad_ looks at your penis, but I'll keep you company if you want it."

"How do you not know what the X-men are?" she shook her head and popped in the first DVD and bounced back to the bed. "You like that my dicks fucking huge," Santana teased as she set up the movie and rested back, "but it's cool. Watch movies with me and whatever."

Rachel blushed sat with her back against the headboard next to Santana, trying to keep a distance she didn't really want between her and the other girl as they watched the film. It was strange how easy it was to just be around the cheerleader given that all of their previous interactions had been either almost purely sexual or varying levels of unfriendly. She just wanted to be able to offer some level of comfort to her child's other parent.

At some point during the film, she abandoned sitting up and stretched out next to Santana. A little later, her fingers drifted to dark hair, gently combing through it as the girl's head came to rest on her shoulder. The credits were nearly ready to roll on the film when she finally succumbed to the fatigue of her pregnancy combined with the long day and the sheer relief of knowing the other girl was - more or less - okay, her eyes falling closed as she curled around the taller girl who had fallen asleep earlier.

It was nearly an hour later when Miguel came up to check on them, peeking around the door and smiling softly - if a bit sadly - to see the unlikely pair tangled together, sound asleep, Rachel's head somehow coming to rest on Santana's chest. He walked quietly into the room and unfolded the blanket from the end of the bed and carefully pulled it over both of them, tucking them in before leaning down to place gentle kisses on sleeping heads. "Sleep well, girls," he whispered before heading back out, the door clicking quietly shut behind him.


	6. As Soon As You Let ME

**Chapter Six - As Soon As You Let Me**

It had been a month since Miguel had pulled Rachel back into Santana's life, explaining the truth behind his daughter to the mother of her child. Santana had returned to school, though she was grateful for the cooler months affording her the ability to wear the long-sleeved undershirt under her cheerleading shell to cover her arm. The two girls had fallen into an awkward sort of friendship at school with the cheerleader not exactly becoming best buddies with the diva, but being a bit more openly nicer to her.

They hadn't engaged in sex since the pregnancy news and resulting fallout - at least, not as anything but a solo act. It was strange not having that connection any more, but Rachel at least attempted to console herself with Santana's continued niceness towards her and the bond of their child. She still wasn't entirely sure _what_ they were, but she was hopeful that their slowly developing friendship - that actually felt like a _friendship_ this time - would be strong enough to last with the changes they were making.

A couple of days each week, they both headed back to the Lopez residence together to watch movies - often until they fell asleep. It had become a habit once Santana discovered that Rachel was completely unaware of most popular films beyond the classics and musicals. And if it also allowed them to disguise Rachel's first trimester checkups with Santana's dad - an entirely awkward situation for the mother-to-be having the father of her sexual partner examining her in that manner - then so much then better.

Both girls breathed a sigh of relief when the first trimester screening tests and CVS came back clear. They'd celebrated with a dinner of veggie and rice noodles stir-fry - with a warning from Miguel that Rachel would have to take care with her diet as balancing a pregnancy with a vegan lifestyle could be difficult, especially given how small the mother to be was - and settled in with the first of the Star Wars movies. The anxiety of waiting for the results of the tests had taken its toll and Rachel wasn't awake to hear Miguel open the door to check on them halfway into the film, letting his daughter know he was leaving for a shift at the hospital and to be good.

Santana had fallen asleep a little while later. Between school, Cheerios and the extra amount of therapy she had found herself in, she was not getting nearly enough sleep for a young girl. She had also had her hormones and anti-anxiety medication and depression medications altered which always made her more tired then usual. She was trying really hard to be okay with everything. That she had _fathered_ a child. But she really didn't know how to feel about any of it.

She rolled slightly, nestling in the space to the side of Rachel's body, her hips flush against the smaller girl's butt. Santana had given up trying to conceal her appendage when the diva was around. She used to wear her concealing underwear when the diva came over, but she eventually just gave up. She wore baggy sweatpants and a t-shirt, but in her sleep she seemed less worried about hiding herself. She accidentally rubbed against Rachel's backside and groaned softly still too deep into her nap to notice.

The movement against her back roused Rachel slightly from her nap, but it was the soft groan and the feeling of familiar hardness rubbing against her backside through the loose shorts she wore for dance that she'd taken to leaving at Santana's for their evenings together that made her moan softly and grind back against her friend's erection. She wasn't quite awake as she groped behind her for one of Santana's hands, dragging it over her side to press it against her breast. She let out a soft whimper at the feeling of the girl's hand covering her breast through the thin cloth of her t-shirt, nipple hardening at the slight friction as she rubbed her ass into Santana.

Santana groaned and pulled her closer. Her nimble fingers sought out the peaked nipple as she continued to rock slowly creating friction between Rachel's ass and her crotch. She rested her head against Rachel neck, grunting softly when she became fully erect.

Rachel moaned softly, coming fully awake as Santana continued manipulating her body. She blinked as the situation started making itself completely known to her, biting her lip as her head rolled back to rest on Santana's shoulder and trying to stifle a groan at the feeling of stiff nipples and soft breasts pressing into her back through their shirts. She wanted what seemed to be happening - the heat pooling between her thighs and the way her hormones had been raging lately all but _demanding_ sex made that completely evident - but she didn't want to take anything more away from Santana. If the other girl wanted to have sex, she was definitely taking a positive stance regarding it, but she wanted to be sure Santana really _did_ want it first.

"S-santana?" Her voice was soft at first, slightly broken by a gasp as the girl's fingers managed an especially sharp tweak of her nipple, but she cleared her throat and tried again, even though she still sounded decidedly breathy and hopeful, "Santana, are you awake?" She groaned at the feeling of the erection grinding into her ass.

Santana whimpered, her dick feeling the pressure of Rachel's movement squeezing it softly. She moved and laid on her back, her hand unconsciously began to stroke and grope her penis as it was tenting her pants. She grunted and her eyes remained closed as her hand lazily surrounded her member and her head moved so she could rest it on Rachel.

"Mmm Rach," she mumbled as she breathed against her partner's neck.

Rachel shivered, unable to stop the soft moan that slipped from her lips at Santana's breath on her neck or the way she called for her. She shifted in the bed as Santana moved away from her, rolling until she could face the other girl, breath catching in her throat as she watched the girl's tanned hand squeezing her erect member through her pants. Her eyes traced over the line of the beautiful girl's jaw and neck, following down over the soft mounds of her breasts. She licked her suddenly dry lips as she gazed at the girl's chest, wishing - not for the first time - that she dared take those beautiful tits into her mouth without Santana asking her to.

Her gaze continued down soon followed by hesitant fingers tracing at the waistband of her friend's loose fitting pants. She licked her lips, eyes darting uncertainly up to Santana's closed eyes before pushing the other girl's hand away and carefully slipping her fingers under the waistband, sliding the sweats down over slim hips to expose her erection. She bit her lip as she slid her hand over the smooth, veined shaft, just barely brushing it.

Santana didn't want it - the way she talked about it made that obvious - but Rachel couldn't really understand as she slid her hand over the velvety skin, watching as she stroked the other girl. It was a part of her and, just like the rest of her, as far as Rachel was concerned it was beautiful. As a drop of pre-cum welled up from the tip, she whimpered softly, shifting to be able to swirl her tongue over the head of her partner's cock, collecting the fluid. She kept stroking slowly, her lips and tongue plying the head, teeth delicately scraping over soft skin as she watched Santana for signs of wakefulness.

Santana breath caught and she arched up into Rachel's mouth as she started to wake. Her head rolled slightly as she tried to fight being awake. She moaned softly as she blinked her eyes open seeing Rachel sucking her dick.

"This is how you ended up pregnant," she whispered, her voice thick with sleep.

Rachel slid the tip from her mouth, a thin line of saliva connecting them until she ran her tongue over her lips, looking up at Santana with dark, hooded eyes and a smile. "Perhaps it _lead_ to the actions which impregnated me, but I don't have to worry about that any more since I already _am_ pregnant, right? And," she looked hesitant, "you enjoy this, correct?"

Santana hesitated slightly. "It feels good..." she whispered, "I just am trying to get over my feelings of wanting to cut it off... But then again it's really fucking hard and I don't know what else to do." She panted and tried to focus on Rachel and not her dick. "And we were never really worried about you getting knocked up to begin with."

"You're right," Rachel whispered, biting her lip with a hesitant smile, her hand still sliding up and down Santana's trembling cock, "but if I have to be unexpectedly pregnant, I," she glanced away for a moment before looking back at Santana shyly, "I'm glad it's by you." She kissed the tip of her partner's cock, squeezing her thighs together and trying to ignore her own burning desire to help Santana, "I know you hate it and... and want it gone, but it's a _part_ of you, Santana, and... and it made having a child together possible. I know it's not optimal, but couldn't that be a good thing?"

"Maybe," she sighed, "I think that I can live with that." she raised her hips a bit more so the damp skin could rub against Rachel's lips. "I know you like it, so I can deal with that for now, and using it hurts less than not using it."

Rachel squeezed the girl's erection gently at the base, leaning up to lightly kiss the soft skin of Santana's stomach just above her straining cock. "I like it because I like making you," she hesitated, _happy_ almost slipping from her lips, but she knew that wasn't true, "feel good." She looked up from where her lips had slipped to the curve of muscle between Santana's hip and groin, "I just want to make you feel good, Santana. Please," she whispered, her breath sliding over tanned skin, her voice low and husky, "tell me what you want me to do. I'll do anything for you. Anything at all."

"Can... Have you ever been with a girl?" Santana whispered, leaning up in her elbows and looking down.

"Have I...?" Rachel leaned up, looking confused and slowly shaking her head. "You mean besides you? No, I've never been a position where I had the opportunity. Why? Are you..." she bit her lip, looking troubled, "You don't think I'm only here because you have a penis, do you? I _swear_ that's not it. You're a girl to me, Santana, and I'd still want to be with you in a sexual fashion if you were more traditionally shaped..."

"I meant a real girl..." she said softly, "I wanted to have sex like girls but I don't know how and yeah..." she blushed as she spoke. "It's dumb, never mind."

Rachel shook her head, smiling softly, "It's not dumb." She let go of touching Santana and moved until she was lying stretched out against the taller girl's side. She hesitated for a second, then shifted so her leg rested over Santana's hips, her erection brushing against her thigh, and slid an arm around her waist. "I," she bit her lip with a shy smile, a blush spreading over her cheeks, "Santana, I meant what I use to say. I'm yours." She reached up and brushed a strand of dark hair away from the other girl's face, "Whatever you want to do, I am willing."

"I used to," her eyes slipped from Santana as the blush darkened and she swallowed a little nervously, "I used to try and pretend what it would be like. Being with you. Before I found out about," she nodded towards the girl's cock. "I used to try and imagine what it would be like to have you between my legs while I touched myself... imagined being able to taste you and slide inside you... Is... is that what you meant?"

"Yeah," she whimpered, "but I can't do that. I mean you can't to me, I can to you..." she was getting frustrated, she couldn't match what she wished for sexually to her body.

"Santana..." Rachel breathed her name with a soft smile, "I love it when you touch me." Her eyes shone in the soft light from the TV in the darkening room, glimmering with something suspiciously like tears, "I will _happily_ let you touch me however you desire in whatever manner you desire. I just," her eyes fell to Santana's chest, blush darkening again, "can I taste you? I... I mean, your," she swallowed, her eyes dark as they rose to meet Santana's gaze again, "your breasts... I just... I would _really_ like to taste them..."

Santana blushed and sat up, tugging off her shirt. She looked down then back up with hesitation. "Can you tell they're fake?" she asked softly. Her teeth worried her lip as she spoke. She had never let anyone see all of her. She just needed to know she was safe with someone... with Rachel.

"I mean of course you can but like..." she looked down her black hair falling in front of her face. "I never really look at myself naked..." she sniffled, looking back up. "I'm such a freak." she moved her hand down to tuck away her erection painfully between her legs then looked up proudly. "That's better," she said happy when she could pass as a girl.

Rachel sighed - not liking to see the other girl cause herself pain - and moved to straddle Santana's hips, watching her fingers trail over the taller girl's breasts with a fascinated smile. "They're beautiful, Santana. And they look just as real to me as mine. Would you like to compare?" She blushed, but her hands went to the hem of her shirt, pulling it up over her head, leaving her nude from the waist up, "See?" She dropped her shirt over the side of the bed, her hands returning to cup Santana's breasts, thumbs stroking over her nipples. "You're not a freak, Santana." Her voice was husky, her breaths coming a little quicker as she shifted, unaware that her arousal had soaked through her shorts and was likely very evident to her partner.

"You're beautiful..." she whispered, shifting and leaning down to carefully take one nipple between her lips, swirling her tongue around the bud as she sucked gently. She moaned softly against Santana's body at the taste of the girl's skin, quiet whimpers breaking out as she felt the other breast reacting to her hand carefully caressing the soft skin.

Santana gasped, she didn't realize how sensitive she'd be now. She ran a hand through Rachel's hair then down her back and back up before sliding her hand around to cup Rachel's breast. "You're beautiful." she whispered as she stroked the nipple between her fingers. "That feels so good, Rachel," Santana exclaimed as she whimpered and moaned into the air.

Rachel made a sound low in her throat that was almost like a purr at the feeling of Santana's fingers stroking through her hair and down her back, actually growling and just barely resisting biting Santana's breast as she felt the warm and every so slightly rough hand against her sensitive breast. She pulled back with a gasp and a low groan as she pressed into Santana's touch. "I want you to feel good when I touch you, Santana," she whispered, her voice shaky with arousal, her hands stroking over her partner's breasts as she gulped down trembling breaths, nibbling gently across the tops of her breasts and lightly sucking on her collarbone as she moved to the thus far neglected breast.

"God," she gasped, lips hovering over the nipple as Santana tweaked her nipple, "you taste delicious, Santana... I love touching you like this," she brushed the pad of her thumb over Santana's other peak, rolling over the stiff bud and pebbled aureole. "I always wanted to... I just didn't think you wanted me to touch you like this..." As the last word fell from her lips, they closed around the nipple they had been teasing, sucking slightly harder than before, the tip of her tongue flicking over the peak gently caught between her teeth.

"Fuck," Santana gasped, her hips moving up and her hands moving to push down Rachel's shorts, "off." She shuddered, trying to get the feeling of skin on skin.

Rachel pulled away long enough to stand and slide her shorts and panties off leaving her completely nude. The moment away from the intoxicating touch of the other girl was all it took for even her aroused mind to realize that Santana was seeing her nude for the first time in a couple months. She hesitated before rejoining Santana, rubbing her upper arm and looking uncertain due to the changes in her body from the pregnancy. The bump from the baby was more obvious without her loose shirt to disguise it and her arm crossing under her breasts as she continued to nervously grip and rub her upper arm just seemed to accentuate it even more.

She worried her lip with her teeth and looked down at her feet, uncertain. "I... I know I've gained weight... is... is this still okay?"

Santana moved her hands to stroke the hard bump where the baby they created was living as Rachel sat back down on the bed. "It's really in there?" she exclaimed, almost in awe of the fact they could create anything. "There's really a baby?" she looked up with a child-like wonderment. "That's cool," she smiled before leaning Rachel back a bit and kissing the swell.

Rachel smiled down at Santana's apparent excitement about their child - it was almost enough to distract her from the overwhelming throbbing between her legs as she settled down. Almost. Lying back on the bed, she combed her fingers through Santana's hair. "There's really a baby," she whispered softly, "They're really there. You're seeing them with me next week, remember? But right now they would _really_ like you to help relieve their mom's sexual frustration." She arched her hips up to press her core against one of Santana's thighs as the taller girl leaned over her.

Santana looked up for a moment and smiled softly, she slid her hands up Rachel's thighs as she kissed up the girl's chest. She started at Rachel's bellybutton and moved up to her chest, kissing across the girl's breasts and teasing a nipple between her lips as she slid her hand up to cup Rachel's core. She smiled when she felt the girl's essence and quickly moved to slide two fingers deep into the mother of her child. She slowly thrust, her fingers sliding in, then slowly moving out, and repeating this action until Rachel was practically humping her hand.

While Santana was touching Rachel, her penis was straining painfully back between her legs. She tried to ignore it put it got too painful to bear and she shifted slightly so it popped out of its hiding place and strained against her stomach as she continued to work up the Diva and suck softly at the girl's breasts.

Rachel moaned, tangling her fingers in Santana's hair and tugging. "O-oh," she gasped, "Yes... There... _there_!" She arched into Santana's hand, the movement pushing the taller girl's fingers against her g-spot causing a tremor to shoot through her as she let out a low cry. Her nails scraped against Santana's scalp as her legs curled around her, heels pressing into her back and pulling her closer as she rolled her hips to meet each thrust.

She loved the feeling of Santana's breasts pressing against her abdomen as soft lips caressed her still very sensitive breasts. She tightened her muscles, clenching around the girl's digits as soft whimpers broke from her with each thrust into her body. "S-Santana," she hissed, gasping for air, her heart racing from the slow, almost _gentle_ sex she was receiving, "C-close!"

Santana pushed the girl back and continued to thrust her fingers but she situated herself so she would be able to gently lap at Rachel's clit with her tongue. She made slow circles against the pulsing nerve with her tongue, raking her teeth against it as she continued thrust into the girl, hitting her g-spot with each careful stroke.

Rachel writhed beneath her, hands fisting in Santana's hair as she bucked up into her. Her breath came in quick pants, tiny mewls escaping her with each new touch to her clit. "S-s-Santana!" she moaned, head pressing hard back into the bed, her back arching so hard her hips nearly came completely off the bed.

Finally she froze, muscles clenching tight around Santana's fingers, her entire body seeming locked for a moment until she finally found breath enough to release a loud wordless cry as everything seemed to explode, collapsing back onto the bed. Her release flooded over Santana's hand as she came even harder than she normally did with their typical sexual encounters. She trembled and shook, clutching Santana to her, not wanting to let go yet.

Santana licked softly around the fingers that were still inside the other girl. She drank in the dripping essence on her fingers and palm until she was just left with damp skin. "That's really hot that you can do that." She said as she admired the girl's core with admiration and a tinge of jealousy. She smiled softly and moved to rest her head on Rachel's thigh and slipped her other hand down in between her legs and struggled to tuck her penis back and pray that her erection would just go away with no attention paid to it.

Rachel let out a breathy chuckle, "Only with you. You're the only one who makes me achieve such a powerful climax, Santana. But," she tugged the other girl up, giving her time to adjust the angle of her wrist when she showed no signs of wanting to pull out, "I am not the only one suffering from frustration." She squeezed her thighs around Santana's wrist as she rolled them until she was lying on top of Santana. "Mmm, I love feeling you inside me," she whispered sucking lightly on the taller girl's pulse point, sparing a moment of concentration to clench her muscles around Santana's fingers. "But I really love that I have permission to touch you like this." Her fingers stroked over the girl's breasts, teasing her nipples. "And like this," she caught a nipple between her teeth, tugging gently and flicking her tongue over the tip.

After she had spent some time suckling at Santana's breasts, she shifted to block the other girl's view of her lower body with her own as her hand slipped over Santana's smooth stomach. "Let me make you feel good," she whispered, caressing Santana's hip as she swirled her tongue over pebbled flesh. "Be my girl for a little while and let me touch you..."

"H-how..." she whispered, her resolve breaking little by little as Rachel worked up her body. "I-i'm okay.. I.. I'm okay." She was in pain from where she was trying to conceal her erection and she was fighting a losing battle with her inner demons. "You make me feel good I promise... we don't have too." she closed her eyes and gave into the feelings that Rachel was causing her.

"I'm afraid you may do injury yourself if we don't... so, I want you to close your eyes and imagine something with me, Santana," Rachel whispered as she watched the taller girl, her breath flowing over the nipple her lips were brushing as she slipped her fingers along the top of Santana's penis where it was tucked between her thighs, "You _are_ a girl, so try to imagine that what I'm stroking is your clitoris..."

She carefully eased the painfully hard penis from its trap, gently running her thumb over the tip in small circles. She stroked along the shaft, sucking on her partner's nipple as she did, careful not to let her fingers stray far from the sensitive tip without paying proper attention to the girl's breasts as well. Going back to drawing small circles over the head, she moaned softly at the feeling of pre-cum beginning to coat her thumb.

"You're so wet for me, beautiful girl," she breathed, "Do I do this to you?"

Santana was shaking, the stimulation to her painfully erect dick was almost too much. She moaned and ran her fingers through Rachel's hair and she tightly grasped her locks. "Yes..." She moaned as she arched up into her hand. "Rachel... Thank you.. I just need... Please more..." She was happy that Rachel was trying to make her feel like a whole person, but she anatomically was male and just stimulation to her dick-head wasn't nearly enough to get her off. She bucked wantonly and whimpered. "Please I need..."

Rachel nodded, taking a nipple between her teeth and tugging as she began to work Santana's shaft. Her tongue flicked over the bud and she sucked softly, squeezing gently near the base of her penis with each suck. Her free hand rolled over the neglected breast, kneading the soft mound carefully, occasionally rolling the nipple between her fingers or pinching gently and giving soft tugs.

"Fuck." She groaned as she arched up into the other girl and shook violently as her orgasm exploded into Rachel's hand and over her chest. Santana groaned and thrust into Rachel's hand several times until her orgasm was finished. She fell back exhausted and whimpered at her painfully abused penis when it fell out of Rachel's grasp. "Sorry..." She panted, once she noticed her cum all over her partner's hand and breasts.

"For what?" Rachel asked curiously, bringing her hand up to carefully lick it clean. "I enjoy the way you taste." She glanced down at her cum-slicked body, "Though, perhaps we should indulge in a shower? We seem to have gotten a little sticky... I just," she bit her lip, glancing at Santana almost anxiously, "Was that okay? I thought you might appreciate the fantasy and I didn't want to ruin you feeling like the girl you are just to relieve your frustration..."

Santana nodded and she sat up and cracked her back. "Yeah. I have a bathroom attached to my room, so we can take a shower or a Jacuzzi tub thing." She shrugged getting off the bed and carefully tucking her sensitive penis back between her legs. She walked to the bathroom and pointed at the large tub and shrugged, before going and turning on the hot water and putting a little bit of liquid soap into the water before climbing in. "My legs are still shaky from that _workout_ and cheerios today." She shrugged before tilting her head towards the other side of the tub.

Rachel sighed, certain she'd messed up again by trying to pretend like she had when Santana seemed to just ignore her concerned question. She got off the bed on trembling legs and carefully made her way into the bathroom just in time to see Santana nod toward the other side of the tub. Taking it as the invite the other girl likely intended it as, she carefully climbed in, hissing softly as the hot water hit her still sensitive parts.

"I..." she began, not feeling like she had the right to look at Santana in that moment, "Santana, I'm sorry." Her shoulders trembled as she stared down at the water, trying not to cry, "I shouldn't have tried to make you pretend... I was wrong. _Again_. Why do I always make such _stupid_ mistakes with you! I... I just can't do _anything_ right by you, can I?"

"Why are you crying?" Santana asked, honestly not sure what she did wrong. "You didn't.. I'm okay... I'm _always_ pretending so why should it be any different now? I liked what we did, I really did okay? I'm just sensitive about it sometimes." she looked down and moved the water around a bit with her hands. "I'm sorry. I'm really bad at this shit." she looked down and tried to hide how disappointed in herself she was. "I can't even keep you happy during sex..."

Rachel shook her head hurriedly, palming at her eyes, "No! You do! You really, _really_ do. It's the only time I really feel like I belong. No, I just... I don't want to do anything bad to you anymore. It's bad enough I forced myself on you, I don't want to make you feel bad..." She sniffled, trying to stop crying but failing, "Argh! I don't understand what's _wrong_ with me! Why can't I even control my own emotions anymore? I'm all over the place and I just don't know _why_!"

Santana sighed and reached over to rub Rachel's knee. "Cuz you're filled to the brim with my sperm and it's cooking a baby up in your vag?" She threw out there as she tried to comfort Rachel. "Look, you can cry all you want, just don't think you're causing me pain for whatever. I cause myself enough pain for the both of us and you and the baby are not the cause of that..." She assured her and she moved a bit closer and took Rachel's hand. "I know I have issues and I'm sorry if you're feeling off balance because of me."

Rachel looked down at their joined hands and sniffled, "You won't think that when I'm fat and hideously bloated in a few more weeks." She rubbed the small bump that used to be a flat stomach, "I'm sorry I'm in such disarray lately, Santana. You've been terribly nice to me, far more than I likely deserve having cast your life into a horrid tailspin..."

She wanted to lean on her. She wanted to lay in her arms and let Santana tell her that everything would be okay. She wanted to be _anywhere_ but Lima, Ohio. But none of those things were options as far as she could tell so she just sighed and continued rubbing small circles over the baby even she couldn't feel yet.

"First of all... my life sucked before you." Santana squeezed the girl's hand, "Now... it's not sucking so much because I know I have someone who I can talk too even if I don't wanna." She tried to shrug off her feelings for the smaller girl. "Plus you're not gonna get fat. You will get huge tits and a tiny baby belly, especially since were both pretty small people."

Rachel sniffed, peering up at Santana through tear beaded eyelashes, "Really?" She wasn't sure how well she believed the other girl when she said Rachel was making her life better, but she wanted to. "I make things better?" She dragged the back of her hand across her face, "Usually, everyone says I just make things worse. But," she bit her lip, glancing hopefully at Santana, "I really make things better for you? Even with..." she nodded at her stomach.

The taller girl nodded, "Yeah. I never felt worth anything and... now I have to be to be a parent right?" she asked shyly. "My shrink has been talking me through it... I'm scared, I'm overwhelmed and I'm reconsidering everything I thought I wanted... but yeah. You're showing me that some people won't care that I'm different..." she said softly, before sliding back to her side of the tub.

"You're only different to people who think they get to define normal," Rachel stated, leaning back against the tub wall and feeling oddly bereft when Santana moved away. "There's absolutely nothing wrong with you as far as I can see. Anyone who suggests otherwise to you is nothing but a jerk and an ignorant one at that."

She reached over and picked up a cloth, attempting to clean off the signs of their sexual coition to distract herself from how much she wanted to crawl across the space between them and just hide her face in Santana's shoulder. She wanted to beg her to hold her, but she bit her lip hard to keep the words inside. It was one thing to have sex or have a child or even be friends together. It was quite another to expect the sort of comportment one might expect from a significant other. Rachel sighed softly, trying to mask it by splashing the water slightly as she washed.

Santana shrugged and washed herself with vanilla bodywash before handing it to Rachel. "Want me to wash your hair?" She offered, holding up a bottle in her left hand as she looked bashfully at the other girl. "I mean I know you can do it yourself but when I'm upset my dad used to wash my hair and tell me everything was gonna be okay and I wanted to do the same for you, if you wanted it?" She said quietly as she played with the bubbles that had started to fade.

Rachel clenched her jaw and told herself furiously that she was _not_ going to start crying again despite the tight feeling in her chest. She nodded a bit jerkily, "If... If you want to, then I don't mind." She risked a glance at Santana with a shy smile. "My dads just brought me a glass of water. It's hard to tell the difference between being sad and being thirsty sometimes because of it but your father sounds really cool..." She scooted carefully around to put her back to the taller girl, trying not to splash too much water out of the tub in the process.

"Honestly? My dad is my best friend," she said softly, focusing on putting shampoo in her hand and starting to working it into long brown hair. "He left my mom to raise me as a girl, he left everything pretty much for me. Like, it's been really hard for us... but like he's got my back and I got his." She let her nails rake against Rachel's scalp gently, "Your dads must hate me... the tranny who knocked up their baby... my dad asked about them the other day. I was sure you would have told them by now, but then again I haven't been shot by angry parental units yet... do they know?" Santana asked as she halted her motions.

"Don't call yourself that, Santana." Rachel shook her head with a soft sigh. "I actually haven't told them yet," she murmured, swirling the water about, "I haven't yet decided yet if I will or not, to be honest. They don't really need to know, at least not yet..."

"Um. Okay, I mean it's your choice," she went back to massaging the girls scalp. "I... if you're scared they'll kick you out... you can always come here." Santana said quickly, "I want to take care of the baby... and you and yeah... I can do that right?" she asked kinda unsure of her abilities, "I mean I'd need to get a job and you have to graduate and go to college so yeah... but taking care of the baby is important..."

"They're not going to kick me out of my own home, Santana," Rachel responded with a dry chuckle, "Besides, unless I say something, they won't even notice. And if I do, they'll likely feel awful and blame themselves and I don't want that. But thank you for the offer of a home, Santana." She turned her head to smile softly back over her shoulder at Santana, "You have to graduate too, you know. And go to college." She rubbed her belly, "This little one is going to have two successful parents after all."

She bit her lip and reached back to squeeze Santana's hand. "We'll both get jobs. It may be a struggle at times but the important thing is our child knows they're loved by both of their parents. And... and... away from _here_. I don't want to be a Lima Loser, Santana... I don't want that for either of us..."

"Yeah. I don't think... no matter how much I love the baby... I don't... I couldn't be his parent here... Not like I could elsewhere." Santana admitted, "I know it's shallow and pathetic, but being gay is hard enough... but being biologically a guy and identifying as a chick and getting another chick knocked up?" she laughed curtly, "That sounds like something they'd have city meetings on and then run us out of town." she shook her head, "you deserve better and so does the kid. I'll follow you both wherever you want."

Rachel snorted, "They certainly tried to run my fathers and I out of town often enough. I have no doubt they'd find some horrid clause in the books to do the same to us. I wanted New York so badly," she sighed softly, "but there is no way we could afford to raise a child there let alone attend to out schooling. Besides, it's where I would be expected to go and... I don't want to be found after I leave here. At least not for a while."

"Like maybe down south? Or out west? Like, I need to go somewhere near a medical centre that understands my... _condition_..." she thought for a few moments, "Like... Miami, or San Fransisco or like New Orleans..."

Rachel cocked her head to the side, "New Orleans? Daddy graduated from the University there. That's where he met Dad. There are, of course, certain dangers inherent in that locale - voodoo being not the least of them - but also possibly advantages such as a thriving jazz scene that your lovely smokey contralto could possibly do quite well in... But, we have time yet before we graduate to compare pros and cons of various locales and find one suitable to our needs."

"We have 7 months..." she sighed almost sadly, "Yeah, I guess it will all get figured out." She said, rinsing out Rachel's hair and quickly washing her own. "I think anywhere has to be better than here, right?"

"There's a positive thought." Rachel laughed, turning to help her rinse the soap out of her hair, "Think of it instead as the remaining gestation period of our offspring _and_ the time we need to ensure, for example, that we will be able to attend the school or schools of our choice when we chose a town. We'll need to hurry and apply after all."

"You can go to school first... then I'll go so we can keep the kid out of like daycare and all that shit." Santana said as she wrapped herself in a towel then handed one to Rachel. "I don't know what I wanna do and you do so you go and that way I can watch the baby and work at night."

"Still, we should both apply to be assured we can both get in." She wrapped the towel around her and was wringing her hair out when and idea came to mind. "You know, this is a most unusual idea but... perhaps we could alternate semesters? At least for the first two years. That's all general education courses for the most part anyway as far as I understand it."

"I guess. I don't know. Make a list of the schools you're applying too and I'll apply too. Simple..." She headed back into her room and handed Rachel some clean clothing and pulled on her own pair of sweats and a shirt. "I'm kinda down with whatever..."

"Santana? Just so you know," Rachel's words became muffled as she struggled into the clothes, finally getting her head out the right hole, "I believe you have the drive and determination to succeed at whatever you set your mind to." She smiled over at the other girl, fluffing out her hair.

"Yeah... maybe, but you have the skill and the drive. I just have determination..." she shrugged, "I'll figure me out, but you have to promise to not hold back on your dream cause we made a mistake, okay?"

"Santana," Rachel bit her lip, folding her arms over her stomach protectively, "first, dreams change sometimes, but I'll promise not to hold back from chasing mine if you can promise to never call our baby a _mistake_ again."

"You know I didn't mean it like that. That I just... You know what I meant." Santana sighed, "I just don't want to be the reason you got held back." She said softly and with a shrug. "But no matter what we'll have the baby and we can focus all of our attention on him or her. Right?"

Rachel nodded. "You're absolutely right, Santana. But, for the record," she took a deep breath, "I don't consider any of this a mistake. Not being with you in a sexual way or what came of it. Perhaps it is naive of me, but I regard this child as a miracle just for existing given the circumstances of their conception and I will do whatever it takes to ensure that they are taken care of to the best of my ability. I don't believe you _can_ hold me back, Santana, but if my goals take longer to achieve so I can care for our child then so be it."

She smiled at the stunned girl and flicked the lights off, crawling into bed. "Come to bed, Santana. We're both tired and things will doubtlessly look better in the morning." She snuggled into the covers, smiling softly to herself at the dip in the bed and rustle of the covers as Santana crawled in behind her, sliding over until she was pressed up against her back.

Santana didn't hold her - she never did when they deliberately went to bed together - but she always seemed to be close or touching her in some way while they slept and it made Rachel feel warm inside just by her being close. And she wasn't at all about to complain about how often she woke up with thin arms wrapped around her. But she wouldn't say anything about how much she wished it was more than a sleeping reaction to cuddle into the warmth she brought to the bed.

They were friends. It was enough for her.

For now anyway.


	7. Bit By Bit

**Chapter Seven - Bit By Bit**

Santana had texted Puck earlier in the week, she told him she needed to talk. He was worried, but he agreed to meet up with her that Sunday night. He crawled through Santana's window after his date with Quinn and he looked around the darkly coloured room looking for his friend.

"San?" He whispered, "Where the hell are you?" Puck was scared of Santana's dad. He was a disturbingly unnerving man that did not like Puck hanging around his daughter, mostly because he had a tendency to always walk in on them getting drunk or high. He plopped down on her bed and laid back.

"How was the date?" Santana asked as she came into the room from the bathroom. She was honestly happy that Quinn had finally given Puck a chance and allowed him a trial date.

"Would have been better if I didn't have to come here, but yeah it was good." He smiled and sat up resting back on his elbows. "What the fucks the big problem, S? You've been hella cagy for weeks and I don't know what's going on with you." He said with a shrug. He missed her, Santana was his only real close friend.

"It's been a really long month," She sighed as she sat down next to him on the bed. "I'm having some _personal_ issues that I need your help with." she said quietly and looked down at the floor.

"San. What's up?" He asked, worried about his friend. The bedroom door slipped open and Puck looked up, regarding the figure with a less than veiled surprise. "I... what the hell? _Rachel_? What the hell are you doing in Santana's room?" he looked down at his watch and raised his eyebrow at his ex-girlfriend. "At like 11 at night?"

Rachel shrugged, tugging at the hem of her sleep shorts. "Santana and her father are kind enough to allow me to stay here a couple of times a week. I'm glad you could come, Noah. Santana and I truly did need to talk to you. I trust your planned assignation with Quinn went admirably?" She asked as she crossed the room to take a seat in Santana's desk chair.

"When did you start chilling with Rachel?" He asked, his head tilting as he looked confused as he spoke. "You know that's Rachel _Berry_ right? You hated her like a month ago."

Santana just shrugged and looked down at her hands. "Look, I don't question your thing with Q... don't question my friends alright?" She said curtly, "I fucked up and I need you to do something for me. You're my bro right? And you care about Rachel?" She asked quickly, needing to get this over with.

"Yeah. You know it." He smiled leeringly at his exgirlfriend for a moment before turning back to the other girl. Santana looked up and over to Rachel, her face was drained and tired. She didn't know how to tell her best friend that she got the girl pregnant. She looked to Rachel for help.

Rachel took a deep breath seeing the desperation in Santana's eyes and licked her lips. "Noah, I've been told that you are aware of Santana's... unique qualities, but what you are probably less aware of is the fact that, over the last three months, she and I have been engaging in fairly frequent and vigorously satisfying sexual congress."

Puck stopped, his jaw dropped and he looked from his ex-girlfriend to Santana. "WHAT?" He exclaimed, which earned him a quick hand slapped over his mouth by Santana.

"Shut the fuck up, my dad's home." Santana hissed as she kept her hand over his mouth. "Yeah. Rachel and I have been fucking, gape for a moment then get the fuck over it." Puck nodded slowly, waiting for Santana to remove her hand. After a moment she did and Puck just watched the girls.

"You wouldn't fuck me... but you'll fuck her?" Puck asked when he finally formulated words again. "That's totally not cool."

Rachel rolled her eyes, "As if your moaning Quinn's name almost every time I fellated you would encourage me to allow you to take my virginity. Honestly, Noah, sometimes I sincerely wonder about the state of your mental facilities. Perhaps you should consider seeing a specialist? Football is a known cause of concussions and other inter-cranial injuries after all."

Santana leaned over and smacked him upside the head, "You pulled that shit with her too? I mean damn, dude." she shook her head, but when Rachel said she was a virgin she looked over at the girl and raised her eyebrow.

"Dude. I really love Quinn okay." He pouted and rubbed the side of his head. "Look, I'm sorry for saying her name, Rachel... but I can't believe you actually got _Santana_ to let you touch her! She never even let me do that!" He shook his head and he laughed softly, "So what. Are you gonna decide to go back to being a dude now?" He stated before he realized what the words would mean. Santana's face fell, "San... i'm so sorry." He started and Santana got up off the bed and she quickly closed herself into her bathroom.

Incensed, Rachel bounced to her feet, took the two steps necessary and slapped Puck. Glaring, her hand still stinging from the force of the slap she growled, "How _dare_ you say such a thing, Noah Puckerman? Santana is a _girl_! She has _always_ been a girl and she will always _be_ a girl! How could you be such an insensitive _ass_!"

"Fuck!" He exclaimed, "God why do you have your tits in a bunch!" He rubbed his cheek. "San told me she'd never use her tool... and now she's fucking you? It's a pretty dude like thing... I don't understand whats going on. I love her and I've always accepted her, but i'm just fucking confused!"

Rachel glared at him, "It's my fault, okay? _I_ was the aggressor. I pushed and pushed until she finally _fucked_ me, alright! I thought she was just intersexed, I didn't _know_ until her father told me last month. So all of this is my fault but that woman in there," she pointed back at the bathroom, "is a _girl_ to me no matter _what_ she might have between her legs and I will _not_ tolerate her being called otherwise."

He looked at her dumbly, "What the _fuck_ is intersexed!" He looked so confused, and just overwhelmed. "You made her fuck you? Like i get it, biology trumps everything and whatever but damn." he shook his head and ran his fingers through this patch of hair. "I don't know... All I know is that Santana has a dick but we both just ignored it... That's it, so now i find out you two are getting down? I'm surprised alright?"

"What I did was wrong, Noah, but it happened and we are learning to live with the," she licked her lips, fingertips lightly brushing over the slight bump of her stomach, "well... _consequences_... Now, if you'll excuse me for a moment, I would like to insure that my friend is alright."

She walked over to the bathroom door, knocking gently. "Santana?" she called softly through the door, "Can I come in?"

A soft _yes_ could be heard over a faint sniffle. Santana was sitting, knees to her chest back against the sink counter. Her eyes were red from holding back tears. Her feelings were hurt. She thought Puck _understood_ , but she was faced with the reality that no one would ever really understand. That she'd always feel like this.

With one last scowl over her shoulder at Puck for making Santana cry, Rachel carefully turned the knob and eased the door open, coming into the room to sit beside Santana. She hesitated a moment - uncertain it would be accepted - then slipped and arm around the taller girl's shoulders giving her a hug. "It's just Noah, Santana. He can be a terribly insensitive jerk sometimes, but he didn't mean it. You're a girl - a wonderful and beautiful girl - and you're going to be an amazing mother to our little one so don't let jerks convince you of anything else just because they can't keep their stupid mouths shut. Okay?"

Santana just sighed, looking down at her hands. "Fine. Can we just get this over with?" She was looking down, she never realized that Puck was now standing in the door way.

"No. Fucking. Way." He gaped, causing both girl's head's to snap up. "You're... You got her... You didn't use... Fuck, Lopez," He shook his head, suddenly comprehending why his friend was freaking out so hard. "Wow... You're keeping it? Not getting an abortion or whatever?" he asked looked to Rachel while he was attempting to wrap his brain around the new information. His best friend had knocked up his ex-girlfriend. But, the world didn't know his best friend had that ability. "How the fuck are you gonna keep this quiet, San? Are you like coming out now?"

"No. No one will ever fucking know about my problem." She snapped quickly, trying to squash the mere idea of her being and living openly. "Ever."

"You got someone pregnant! Girls can't do that. Think about this, San. What happens now!"

"Noah," Rachel growled, her hormones making it difficult to not fly off the handle at the boy, "if you perhaps would _pause_ for a moment and _think_ , you may realize that there is a _reason_ you are being informed. We need your help, Noah. _Please_..."

He just looked baffled, "Look, I'm so confused right now." He looked at his ex and just tried to comprehend what was happening. "Just tell me what you need."

Rachel took a deep breath, her hands unconsciously seeking out Santana's arm for reassurance, "We need you to... claim the baby. Only publicly and just until we graduate and get out of this town! Please, Noah! We'll do anything! Just... _please_."

"How is this any kind of fair? You know that this will fuck shit up with Quinn... What the fuck happens if my mom hears from someone? Can't you just say you slutted it up and got knocked up?" He asked, understanding what the girls needed, but he didn't know if he could give it to them.

"She's not a slut, Puck," Santana said quickly, "Look, I just can't have people find out. I can talk to Quinn... and whatever we can figure it out... please... we can do anything."

Rachel swallowed back the tears that always seemed so close to the surface now, "I'll talk to your mom if necessary, but she never had a problem with me, remember? She liked that I was Jewish and we went to the same synagogue. It could be worse... imagine how unhappy she'd be if Quinn became pregnant! And it's not like my fathers would do something as foolish throw me out and I'd have to come live with you..." She sniffled, leaning over Santana towards him, "We truly would owe you so much, Noah."

Santana rested her hand on the small of Rachel's back as she spoke to Puck. The boy sighed, "I want to okay? But what the fuck happens when I don't bring a little Jew baby home to my mom? She'd be pissed and that ain't cool."

"We'll do our best to keep her from finding out, but if it comes to it," Rachel worried at her lip doing the math in her head, "I'll lie. I shouldn't be due until almost a month after graduation and by that time we can be out of here. I'll tell her they," her voice trembled slightly, "that they were stillborn."

Santana whimpered and she just looked up at him. "She won't find out." Santana knew the hours pucks mom worked, she wouldn't hear, she knew that she wouldn't. "Puck. Please. Do this for me..."

He sighed as he looked at the girls. "Yeah... I'll try okay. Only if people ask you, don't go telling people just for the fuck of it." he sighed as he looked at his friends. "You two gotta do something for me... you gotta give me something for putting my ass on the line for you both."

"Anything," Rachel whispered, too thrilled by his acceptance to think to put limits on the offer. "Whatever you want."

He watched them for a minute. "Go out to Santana's bed..." he stated, his eyes roaming over both of them as they started to move.

"Puck..." Santana warned as she clutched the back of Rachel's shirt. "We're not having a threesome."

"I just wanna watch." He stated, a little sad his first idea was already shot down. He watched as Rachel and Santana quietly moved back to her bed and sat down. Santana looked nervous, and rachel looked scared. "I won't tell anyone, just... just touch each other and I'll watch."

"What do you mean?" Rachel asked nervously, her fingers drifting over Santana's arm betraying her anxiety. "H-how?"

It was hard bringing out the sex kitten role she played for Santana - her enjoyment of the thrill of the idea of someone watching paling quickly with the fact of someone watching. She was nervous and a little scared so her fingers kept tracing light patterns over and over Santana's bare forearm. The contact soothed her and let her stay grounded.

"Puck.. I don't think... This isn't a good idea okay." Santana said timidly as she let her eyes slide closed as Rachel touched her.

"It's just sex right... I've seen both of your junk and touched both of you... just touch each other for me. Rachel... Just give her head or something." he smiled sitting back in his chair, leering at the girls.

Santana looked over to Rachel at that. _It's just sex._ She kept telling herself that it wasn't a big deal. She nodded slightly at him and leaned back on her elbows. "It's okay." She whispered, her voice trembling slightly.

Rachel nodded, catching her teeth between her lips as she moved to straddle Santana's waist, letting her hair fall down around her face and smiling down at Santana as she tried to ignore Puck's lustful gaze. "Hi," she whispered, the same as she had each time they'd had sex since they'd attempted to "have sex like real girls", "you're my beautiful girl, Santana, and I just want you to feel good. Just relax and I'll take care of you."

She leaned down, pressing her body along Santana's as she nibbled at her neck, licking along the rim of her ear, whispering for her to hear only, "Later, when he's gone, you can touch me however you want and I will do my best to help you feel like the girl I know you are."

Santana nodded and ran her fingers up Rachel's legs and rested on her hips when they finally reached them. "Okay." She whispered, her arousal becoming obvious to the woman on top of her as the moment went on. She whimpered softly as she felt the warmth emulating through Rachel's shorts against her member. "Just focus on me... He's not here." She said, her hands moving up Rachel's back to her hair.

Puck just sat back, not realizing how intimate the situation was between the two women in front of him as he watched, his hand starting to migrate lower to his thigh to start to squeeze his cock softly. Rachel did her best to ignore him as she nodded, sucking softly at and letting her teeth graze over Santana's pulse point as she reached down to slide the other girl's shirt up and expose her lovely breasts. She nipped and sucked her way down her partner's body, shivering slightly as she felt the hardening member press into her baby bump as she paid especial attention to Santana's breast, lacing them with her tongue and lightly tugging on the nipples with lips and teeth.

She'd made a point of including breastplay as part of the workup of Santana's body whenever she went down on her ever since she'd discovered how much the other girl associated it with femininity. She carefully moved her way down, glancing up along the girl's body periodically to make sure she was still okay. Her fingers teased along Santana's waistband for a moment before carefully sliding under and beginning to slide them over her hips.

Santana lifted her hips, watching as the tip of her swollen cock popped out of her sleep pants. She ran her own fingers over her breasts, gently tugging at her nipples as she watched Rachel. She had noticed over the last few times they had been together she was less focused on watching the act, but more fixating on her lover's actions. Her movements and how she reacted. The darker girl nodded slightly when Rachel looked up, telling her it was okay to continue her exploration.

It was almost easier to ignore Puck as she slid Santana's sleep pants away and dropped them over the side of the bed, kissing up the other girl's thighs before gently kissing her balls and running her tongue up the underside of Santana's penis. "You're so beautiful," she murmured, kissing the crease of her hips.

Rachel carefully grasped the cock around the base with one hand as she swirled her tongue around the tip, collecting the drips of pre-cum beginning to slip from the gland. Squeezing gently and slowly working the shaft, she groaned softly, "You taste so good, beautiful girl...so wet for me."

"Fuck." Puck whispered as he watched the scene play out in front of him. He palmed his erection, stroking himself as he strained to hear the words Rachel had said to make Santana moan softly and her eyes flutter closed.

Santana whimpered, her eyes had fallen shut at the feeling's surrounding her. She ran her hand through Rachel's hair and groaned when she felt the rough tongue against her dick. "God... yeah.. so wet." She replied, her mind addled with lust as she started to rock into Rachel's hand slightly. "More, Rachel... more." She asked, tugging her hair to pull her closer to her leaking cock.

Rachel chuckled low in her throat - Puck barely on the radar of her attention any longer - and kissed the tip of her partner's straining erection. "Anything for you, Santana," she murmured before taking the tip within her mouth and giving a sharp suck before sliding down, teeth gently scraping over the shaft. She made a soft almost choking sound as the bulbous head tapped the back of her throat before sliding down where she could work it by swallowing.

"Shit." Santana grunted, as her hips arched and caused Rachel to take down more of her dick. "God. That.." Santana just let her head fall back and her breathing get quicker as she lazily watched Rachel's mouth stretch at the girth of her cock. She whimpered and used the tuft of hair in her hand to guide Rachel's mouth up and down the length of her dick. "God, your mouth..." she mumbled, "You feel amazing."

Rachel moaned, vibrating her throat and lips around the stiff member filling her mouth. She was so wet, dipping a hand under her shorts to slide through her folds and come out dripping to stroke her juices over Santana's member as she pulled back, continuing to stroke her as she moved up to suck on one of her tits. "I love your breasts," she murmured, "I believe they may actually be the sexual part of your body I love the most. I love playing with them like this..." she squeezed at Santana's trembling shaft now getting slicked with her own essence.

"Jesus." She exhaled, her eyes hooded with lust. Santana's eyes looked up and saw that Puck was quietly crawling out the window. He shot her a smile and a wink before leaving the girls alone. Santana's focus came back to the girl and she she smiled. "I like watching you suck on my tits." She admitted with a moan, her back arching into her. "Please Rachel... I need to fuck you. Just ride me please."

"But what about..." her voice trailed off as she looked over to see that Puck had disappeared somewhere during her time focusing on Santana. Blinking for a moment, she quickly stood and stripped her clothes from her body, moving to straddle Santana's waist, the feeling of her erection pressing against her ass sending a shiver through her. "Are you sure?" She asked, wanting to be certain this was okay before doing it.

The other girl was beyond words. She reached between them and slid her girth through the sopping wet pussy that was exposed to her. She lined them up and slid the tip in with a groan before moving her hands back up to Rachel's hips and pushing her down so she was impaled with her length. "F-fuck!" Santana tried to muffle herself, since her father was sleeping down the hall. She grunted and leaned back to gather some leverage so she could thrust faster. Santana was dripping in sweat, fucking Rachel _hard_ and fast because she knew she wasn't gonna last very long.

Rachel bit her lip to muffle her cry as she slid fully onto Santana's member, her back arching and head falling back as the strangled cry slipped out of her. All she knew in that moment was Santana. Her cock filling her as her breasts filled her hands, nipples stiff against her palms as she rocked on top of Santana. Her own breasts swayed with each heavy thrust, bouncing the slightly fuller globes in time with their union. The bed creaked and groaned, almost loud enough to mask Rachel's soft whimpers and moans as the sensations built to a fever pitch inside of her leaving her trembling on the edge of climax. "C-close..." she whimpered, riding Santana for all she was worth.

With several more thrusts and a healthy bite to Rachel's neck, Santana muffled out a cry into the girl's salty skin. "Fuck. So.. close." She was writhing, her hips roating frantically and she wrapped her arms around the other girl, pulling her flush against her body as she shuddered. With a silent scream, Santana arched up hard and squirted out her orgasm into Rachel's hot passage. She rocked, trying to get all of her cum into the other girl which caused her hipbone to press into Rachel's clit, over and over again. She grunted feeling her dick tremoring as she started thrusting frantically again, knowing she had another load waiting for the girl.

Between knowing Santana came inside her, the way the girl's penis seemed perfectly shaped to hit her g-spot _every_ time, and the hard stimulation of her clit, Rachel came hard, her muscles clenching around Santana's member even as she started thrusting into her again. Feeling slightly dizzy from the intensity of her orgasm, Rachel clenched her thighs around Santana's hips and rolled them until her back was pressed into the bed and Santana was above her fucking her like she wanted to make her pregnant all over again. It was enough to curl Rachel's toes and make her press her heels into Santana's lower back with a low groan as she rolled her hips to meet each hard thrust.

Santana fisted the bedsheets, as she came a second time. She shook and filled Rachel up again, the smaller girl shuddering and quaking through another climax beneath her. She was spent, her whole body was limp. She rolled them onto their sides, her long dick still deeply penetrating the other girl as she did. She rested her head on the pillow, just watching Rachel.

No one said anything. They just lay there, basking in the feelings soaring through their bodies and shaking with aftershocks. Santana fell asleep shortly after her orgasm, remaining inside Rachel with her left arm looped loosely over the other girl's hip as she gently snored in her sex blackout. Rachel just snuggled close, treasuring the intimate connection to the other girl between her thighs and over her hip - for as long as it lasted, even though she realized it was only a product of exhaustion - even as she slipped into her own sexually induced slumber.

It was just sex after all.


	8. Possession

**Chapter Eight - Possession**

The day of the first - well, the first traditional - ultrasound had arrived and Rachel found herself feeling restless with anxiety as she sat on the table in one of Mr Lopez's exam rooms in a thin gown. She couldn't stop herself from running her hand over and over the swell of her bump as she watched the door. Every once in a while, her eyes flicked to where Santana was sitting in a chair, seemingly casually flicking through a older copy of Vogue. She didn't understand how she could seem so calm. This was their first time really _seeing_ their child and she was afraid that something horrible would be revealed.

"I don't understand how you can be so calm," she muttered, her gaze turning back to the door again. "I am a nervous wreck that something will be wrong and you can just... just _sit_ there..."

The other girl didn't even look up from her magazine. "I've been in this room so much in the last 10 years that it's a second home." Santana replied - one of her father's co-workers was her endocrinologist so she was in the office for appointments often. After a few more minutes of silence, Miguel walked into the room wearing a light pink dress shirt and a black skinny tie under his lab coat. Santana just looked up and shook her head.

"Daddy, you look like a homo," Santana said quickly which earned her a gentle slap to the back of her head. "Ow. Abuse," She mumbled before going back to looking at her magazine.

"How are you feeling today, Rachel?" He asked, ignoring his child and getting Rachel's chart. "You look to be about 14 weeks... So, second trimester. Have you noticed the decreased nausea? You should have some more energy from now on."

"Her boobs aren't as painful anymore." Santana interjected, earning her a glare from her father and a gaping expression of shock from Rachel. "What! They were painful before, you said so yourself!" Santana replied, as she threw the magazine down on the table.

Rachel blushed furiously, "Yes, but I didn't expect you to tell your _father_ , Santana!" She turned to Miguel, still blushing, "Actually, yes, I have noticed that it's easier to keep things down - a fact I am terribly grateful for - but your daughter is correct in that the hypersensitivity of my breasts has decreased as well."

"That's pretty normal." He said, as he started to get all of the machines in place. "I've learned that it's easier to just ignore some of her comments rather than give into her remarks." He smiled at Rachel, Santana just crossed her arms and pouted in her chair as she watched attentively. "Alright so we're going to do an ultrasound, the nurse already took your blood so we will get the levels on you back before you go... but, Rachel, have you thought about leaving your vegan lifestyle while your pregnant and if you breast-feed? I'm not saying you need to eat red meat, but I think that maybe moving to a vegetarian diet that included eggs and milk could help you gain more weight for the baby." He looked down at the chart and checked Rachel's weight, "You've only gained a pound and a half since I saw you at 8 weeks, you should have gained at least 3. So please, consider this."

What Rachel didn't see was Santana quietly writing everything down in a tiny black moleskin notebook. She always did this at doctor's appointments for herself, so the habit had carried over to her child. She wanted to make sure that she knew everything and had everything written down to reference back at a later time.

"Okay. Rachel," he pushed the gown aside and exposed the small bump that hat formed slightly above the girl's pelvic bone. "This is gonna be cold." he sated, as he grabbed the jelly from a warming station and put a liberal amount on the girl's stomach. "I keep it in a warming holder but it's still cold sometimes." He smiled and got ready to grab the ultrasound head.

Rachel shivered as the gel was applied. "I don't know if I'd be able to change my diet, to be honest. I've been vegan most of my life and the few times I have attempted to eat animal byproducts such as cheese I have become terribly ill." She watched him press the device to her stomach and begin moving it around as he watched the monitor, "I don't react well to animal byproducts..."

"Okay... Well, I'm just going to monitor you more closely and do some reading about vegan pregnancy tonight." He smiled and worked to get a full image of his grandchild on the screen. "There you go, mom." He smiled when the blob shaped image with little fingers and legs appeared on the screen. "The fetus looks to be normal sized, maybe a bit small but you and San are both kinda tiny so..." He smiled proudly as he looked at the image, "It's about 3 and a half inches... kinda like a little lemon right in your uterus." he smiled and clicked a few keys to 3D picture. "Santana?" He looked over at his daughter who was staring wide-eyed at the screen.

Rachel couldn't even see Santana's reaction, her own attention fixed on the screen. "Oh my gosh," she whispered, awed, "that's... that's amazing, Mr Lopez. Santana," she reached over towards the other girl without taking her eyes from the screen. "Santana, look... that's our baby..."

Santana got up and slowly walked closer, her eyes wide as she looked at the screen then down to the wand on Rachel's stomach. Then up to her dad who smiled softly at his daughter who looked absolutely freaked out.

"Everything looks good." Miguel stated as he pressed print on the machine and moved to flip on the sound and the soft thumping of the baby's heartbeat flooded through the room causing Santana to let out a soft gasp.

When Rachel heard her baby's heartbeat for the first time, she gasped softly and reached out until she could take Santana's hand. She knew she probably shouldn't, but she needed the connection to her baby's other parent in that moment. "Isn't it amazing, Santana?" she whispered, "Our little miracle baby..." She couldn't tear her eyes away from the tiny figure on the screen.

"Little..." Santana choked on her words, "Baby." She was trying to figure out how she felt but her emotions were almost too much to handle. Miguel looked at his daughter and reached over and rubbed her shoulder before cleaning off Rachel's stomach.

"You two look at the image for a minute and I'm gonna go check on the labs." He stated, snapping off his gloves and looking at them for a second before leaving the room. Santana was staring at the screen, not really able to move or say anything.

"Santana?" Rachel murmured, finally tearing her eyes from the screen long enough to look up and see the freaked out look in her dark eyes. She felt like something was seizing her heart in a cold fist when she saw it. Sighing softly, she let go of the other girl's hand - shivering as the connection was lost - and closed her eyes to try and block the image that seemed burned into her mind.

She sounded tiny and lost when she spoke again, "I'm sorry... I shouldn't have asked you to come. I pushed again..." Her hormones were running rampant through her and she just wanted to cry at the thought that thier child wasn't wanted by their other parent. It wasn't the first time she'd thought it, knowing that Santana would have been happier if they'd never been conceived.

Santana looked down and shook her head, "It's not... it's just a lot." Santana whispered, trying to fight her own feelings to make Rachel understand. "It's just scary." She bit her lip as she spoke. "Just seeing it... it's real and I don't know how to take care of it... or how to make it know we love it." Santana was just trying to make Rachel feel less scared, but she knew she was failing.

"I know," Rachel muttered, turning her head to the side, "you don't want to have impregnated me and you would rather not be here. I know, Santana. I'm grateful to you for taking so much responsibility for me and this baby - even if it is because your father basically forced you to. I," she rolled on her side away from Santana, sniffling softly, "I won't make you come to any more appointments, won't push you any further if I can possibly avoid it."

"Stop it!" Santana exclaimed, "I know this is hard. I'm sorry if I'm scared and whatever but don't fucking shut me out of my kid's life. Not now, we already decided that we're doing this so just fucking stop okay!"

"I'm not shutting you out!" Rachel snapped, rubbing at her eyes to try and stop crying, "I just don't want to hurt you any more! I hate making you scared or making you feel like you're not a girl!" She wrapped her arms around herself, giving up on trying to stop the tears, "I hate that I've done this to you. I like you, Santana, I have for years, but I've put you in this awful position..."

"You're right. I never wanted to be a dad..." Santana breathed through her nose trying to calm down. "I'm trying really hard to be okay with all of this. I want the baby and I want to be here okay, I just can't control my face sometimes!" She looked down as she heard the girl say she liked her, "You don't like me, Rachel. Don't lie okay?"

"Why does it have to be a lie?" Rachel turned to look up over her shoulder at Santana with red, pained eyes, "I've liked you ever since fifth grade when you made Evan Samuals stop harassing me because my fathers are gay. But I never was good enough to be your friend - let alone anything else - once you became friends with Quinn and Brittany."

"So you liked me..." Santana swallowed, just overwhelmed. "I'm sorry I don't know what to say. Brittany was too stupid to understand why I was different and Quinn knew and didn't care. I didn't become friends with anyone because I was scared..." Santana looked down and carefully joined their hands again and sighed. "I've never liked anyone."

"I'm not asking you to like me," Rachel whispered, sounding sad even though the feeling of her hand being taken eased the pressure in her chest a bit, "I know I'm at the bottom of the social ladder and you're at the top. I just," she sighed softly, blinking back the urge to cry again, "I just wish I could have had a chance with you without messing things up. I wish I could have been good enough to be your friend like they were without all this happening."

"I do like you." Santana whispered as she looked down under long eyelashes. "I do." She let her hand shake slightly as she spoke. "I'm here... and I don't care about the social ladder or whatever I never did."

Rachel glanced up again, smiling waterily, "I believe you, Santana, but... if this never happened," she ran her free hand over her belly, "I don't think we would be friends even now." She sniffled, fully believing that Santana never would have given her the time of day if things hadn't occurred the way they had, "We're from different worlds and you always said I annoyed you."

"Everything annoys me." Santana smiled as she tilted her head. "Please remember we were having sex for some time prior to this happening..." She reminded the pregnant girl, "I wouldn't have stayed if I hated you."

"You wouldn't have had sex with me the first few times if I hadn't basically forced myself on you either," Rachel swallowed, letting her head drop back down so she could look at the monitor again. "You don't have to be nice to me just because I'm carrying your child, Santana. I'm a big girl, I can live with the truth."

"I also wouldn't have had sex with _anyone_ if you hadn't come onto me. I wasn't a passive observer, Rachel, I was beating off to you," Santana exhaled and rubbed her tired eyes. "I'm being nice to you because you're nice to me. It's not pity, it's not maternal instinct or whatever I might have... I'm just being me. So, just stop."

"I don't know how," she sounded slightly defeated, staring at the ultrasound image of their child, "I'm not used to people liking me for any purpose other than sexual." She sighed and moved to sit up. "I wanted you to notice me - to like me - so I gave," she faltered slightly, " _pushed_ myself to you. Now we have a baby developing inside me. Our very own little miracle child." She looked down at the bump she was gently rubbing, "Maybe Noah will take credit and I will appear to be a terrible slut, but I don't care. I made a child with the girl I like and that's enough for me."

Santana just took a breath and looked down at Rachel. In the months that they'd been having sex, they'd done almost everything to each other - except one. She looked down at the woman carrying her child, a child that she never thought she'd have and moved on instinct. She leaned down and brushed her lips gently against Rachel's. It wasn't much - it wasn't really anything at all in the world of kisses - but it was their first.

Rachel gasped, her fingers coming up to brush over her lips. Her heartbeat had picked up just from the simple brush of lips on lips, leaving a slow tingle behind as Santana pulled away. "Santana?" she whispered, afraid to hope that there was any meaning behind the kiss.

Her eyes remained closed, no matter how much experience she had with Puck and how much sex she and Rachel had been having - Santana had never kissed anyone. She licked her bottom lip quickly before opening her eyes and looked at the other girl. "Stop thinking I don't feel anything for you."

Rachel let her hand drop from her lips, the tip of her tongue poking out to lick her lips as she watched Santana. "Okay, but can I... Can we do that again?"

A stifled laugh busted out of Santana's lips as she leaned down and brushed a gentle kiss against the girl's mouth once again. Rachel let her free hand rest on the other girl's shoulder for a moment before sliding down to take a handful Santana's shirt in a loose grip as she leaned forward. She let out a soft whimper as her lips moved softly against Santana's, her eyes falling closed as she let herself revel in the sensations.

The kiss remained chaste. Just silky lips against each other. Santana smiled softly into the kiss, her hand moving to Rachel's stomach to rest on the swell of the other girl's stomach as they remained intertwined.

"Sorry," Miguel's voice clamoured through the silent room, causing Santana to move away quickly and scuff her feet awkwardly against the ground. "I just wanted to let you know that you can go, Rachel. Your labs are okay, not really where I want them, but we can get you eating better and getting the nutrients you and the baby need."

Rachel blushed, looking down at her bump as she folded her hands over it, her hand feeling oddly cold with Santana's fingers no longer entwining hers. "I understand, sir. I'll do my best to eat more. Hopefully it will be easier now that the nausea is subsiding. I simply haven't been as hungry as I normally am the last few weeks and the smell of cooking food made me want to vomit much of the time, so other than when I joined the two of you for dinner and made myself eat, I've generally been living on vegan protein shakes..." She bit her lip and glanced up at Miguel, "I'll do whatever it takes to ensure this child is healthy, sir..."

He smiled and offered his hand to help the young woman off the bed. "Well, I will make Santana learn some vegan friendly recipes and I will learn what I can about what I need to do to make you medically fit for the next few months." Santana scowled and grabbed Rachel's clothing for her as she spoke to her dad. "I'm going to write you a prescription for some prenatal vitamins. I will see you tomorrow night for Sunday night dinner?" He asked with a smile. When Rachel nodded, he left.

"You change and I'll wait outside for you..." Santana blushed as she leaned against the wall.

"You don't have to wait outside, but okay," Rachel murmured with an oddly shy blush as she began to strip out of the gown and put her bra and shirt back on, having left her skirt on under the gown. After a moment she came out and took a breath before smiling shyly and hesitantly offering her hand to the taller girl without a word.

Santana took her hand and quietly led them out to her car. She climbed in and rested her arm on the arm rest and linked her fingers with Rachel's. "Um. Let's go get your meds and then I'll take you to get food if you want... I don't know if you're hungry or whatever..." Santana whispered as she started to drive back to Lima from her dad's practice in Dayton.

"Actually, as a vegan, I can't eat at most restaurants. Even salads tend to be unfriendly to vegans due to the addition of meat, eggs, cheese, or even the dairy in the dressings. It would be easier to just make something at home. Speaking of," she smiled hesitantly over at Santana, "you could come to my home if you'd like. You never have, after all..."

"Okay... I need to grab a coffee before we bounce though, okay?" Santana said as she pulled into the coffee shop. She drove up to the window and the 20 something year old man smiled brightly when he recognized who was there.

"Oh hey, Santana!" He exclaimed brightly, "Want your regular? I thought you didn't come to Dayton on the weekend? Did you have an appointment? Is everything okay?" He asked as he quickly left to grab Santana's coffee order.

"Yeah, Bryce, I'm good. It was actually my friend's appointment," she nodded her head over to Rachel.

"She's so pretty! Is she the..?" He said softly as he smiled checking the girl out.

"Yeah. Yeah, do you still have the vegan Chai? Rachel, do you want one? It's actually really good." She looked over to Rachel.

"That would be very nice, Santana. Thank you." Rachel tried to offer a shy smile, the overwhelming series of events that had occurred in Santana's father's practice washing away her normal confidence. Uncertain around the stranger who seemed to have an unsettling knowledge of the situation, she bit her lip and glanced out the window at the street, her hand nervously gripping Santana's.

"Sure thing!" Bryce smiled and went to quickly grab their drinks. Santana paid quickly and shot the boy a smile and waved.

"Alright bro, I'll see you on Tuesday?" She asked, he nodded and they headed back to the road. "Rachel?" She handed the girl her drink and took a sip of her own. "Bryce goes to my trans group with me... I've known him since he was Bridget and I was like 12."

Rachel sighed and nodded, accepting the cup Santana offered and letting the heat warm her hands as she thought. "I understand," she finally murmured, nibbling on her lip, "it's just... he _knew_ , Santana. I didn't even know who he was, but he knew what was happening with us. It was scary..." She glanced at Santana, hoping she'd understand.

Santana squeezed Rachel's hand. "I'm sorry. He's just excited. He more or less told me to get my head out of my ass and deal with my problems. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have told him." She looked down, "He's kinda like my big brother, he's four years older and has gone through some of the same stuff..."

"It's okay," Rachel managed a little smile, reaching over to lightly squeeze Santana's forearm, "Really. I don't mind you telling people if you feel comfortable with them knowing. I just didn't know who he was or that he knew and it was a bit of a shock." After a little while, she asked a question that had been bothering her since they'd left the coffee shop. "Are there a lot of people like you then? People born into the wrong bodies?"

She drove for a bit, thinking about how she would respond to Rachel. "There are... I guess statistically there are. I know like five people, maybe? Bryce was born female and transitioned when he hit puberty... I know a few others too but they're like adults and run the group..."

"I'm glad you know people who know what you're going through and can help you." She sipped at her drink gathering her thoughts, "I can try all I want, but I'll never truly understand how you feel no matter how much I might wish I could."

"Besides," she smiled shyly, turning her cup in her hands, "it feels like maybe you're excited - even a little - about our baby when you tell people. It," she glanced over at Santana, blushing lightly, "it feels nice..."

"I.. I'm scared. I won't lie and tell you I'm not. I don't really know how to handle this... but I am excited about the idea of the baby." She admitted, "I needed to tell Bryce because I promised a long time ago that whenever I was scared or contemplating doing... _stupid things_ that I'd talk to him and he'd try to calm me down."

Santana sighed and looked out at the road as she spoke. "I'm fortunate that I've been aware since I was a baby. That I didn't have to change my world when I got older. All my dad and I did was move to Lima. He sighed me up for school and registered me as a girl and not a boy. That was it..."

Rachel kept her hand on Santana, moving to watch her as the other girl drove, "I'm scared too, you know. I don't have siblings or really any family besides my dads and my cousin Leon and his wife and little girl, whom I hardly ever see. I have no idea what I'm doing. All I know," she licked her lips, smiling hesitantly, "is I want this baby... and I'm grateful that I can have it with you."

"So, maybe," she shrugged hopefully, "maybe we can be scared together? Lesbian couples have children together all the time and this is even better because this baby really will be part of both of us." She hesitated, biting her lip, "Not that we're a couple or anything..."

"Yeah," Santana said quietly, before she drank the last of her coffee. She drove in silence for awhile before it occurred to her what Rachel had said. "Not a couple?" she looked down at the their hands and back up with a confused face. "I thought... when we... we kissed, right? Doesn't that like imply that we are?" Santana was just so confused, she spent most of her teen years hiding her secrets that she lost some of the social interaction that everyone else learned. "I get that sex isn't dating... but I thought that... I never kissed anyone else before so I just assumed. I don't wanna be with anyone else and you are carrying a child..."

"You want..." Rachel bit her lip, glancing over hesitantly, a hopeful but unsure smile growing on her face, "you want to be a couple? With... with me? I'm not too frumpy or... or mannish or anything?"

She tried not to be self-conscious about her appearance, not often having opportunities to shop for clothes since she didn't drive or own a car. And with how often her clothes were damaged at school, she couldn't really afford it either. Between that and how often she was belittled based on her appearance, she didn't have much confidence in her looks.

"You're really cute." Santana admitted, "Plus, if anyone is _mannish_?" she tried to joke as she pulled into Rachel's house. "I like how you dress thought we need to get you some maternity stuff for when you get bigger. Actually, you're just really small, so you can probably just go up a few sizes and be fine."

Rachel lifted a brow, "You... like how I dress? Santana, you do realize that you have been one of the chief detractors of my clothing choices for years, correct?" She smiled, her tone teasing. "I would have thought you'd wish to encourage a change in my fashion choices." She looked around, unbuckling as she realized they'd arrived at her home. "Thank you for driving me home, Santana."

She got out of the car and opened Rachel's door and helped her out. "Your dads aren't back from their trip?" Santana asked, looking around and not seeing a car. The girl's dad had invited the men over, but Rachel had claimed they were on a trip - though during that conversation Santana was playing her X-box and not actually listening to them.

"Yes," Rachel knew she was disassembling and that she was often quite bad at disguising that fact, but she wasn't certain how Santana would react if she found out her dads worked overseas most of the year. "It's for business so it'll be a bit yet before they come home."

"Oh. That sucks. Um. Well since you don't have a car you can use mine if you need it... How long will they be gone for?" Santana stood behind Rachel as the girl unlocked the door to her home. She looked around, she had only been there once before and she was less nervous now that she knew she wouldn't have to face the girl's fathers tonight.

"I'm afraid I have neither a license nor the knowledge to properly utilize it, but thank you for the generous offer, Santana," Rachel smiled back over her shoulder as she opened the door and headed inside, "When will they be back? Oh... well, that depends on how well things go with their work, but not for a while yet."

"Um." She shuffled awkwardly once inside. She didn't do well with being in a place she didn't know or couldn't control. "Do you wanna have dinner? Or like just chill?"

Rachel hung her jacket in the closet, taking Santana's and hanging it up too before making her way toward the kitchen. "If you don't mind vegan, I can cook us something. I'm not especially hungry yet, but I likely should be eating more and," she paused in the doorway to the kitchen to smile shyly back at Santana, "I'd like to cook for you. You've been doing so much for me and I'd like to return the favor. Besides," the smile grew brighter, "we should celebrate becoming a couple, don't you think?"

"Yeah." She blushed nervously, "Sounds good. I'm not really hungry ether..." She replied and looked around the kitchen. She saw the numerous pictures of Rachel as a child in various competitions and award ceremonies. "You really did do a lot as a kid..." Santana remarked, "Gymnastics, dance, singing, plays..." She looked around then back at her new girlfriend. "Did you really like it? Was it fun for you to be that busy and around all the other kids and whatever?"

"Hmm?" Rachel queried, backing out of the fridge with an armful of vegetables. She glanced over at what Santana was looking at as she placed her selection on the counter. "Oh," she shrugged, "I suppose." She turned back to the vegetables sorting them out and beginning to clean them off, "Mostly I was just happy to be around people who seemed to enjoy having me around. But then I never really got away from people who didn't like the fact that I am small but have a big voice or that I have gay dads."

She glanced over at Santana with her best show smile, "The applause from the audience made it worth how much it hurt to practice twice as hard as everyone else and still be treated like I didn't belong. I live for applause. For the longest time, that moment - when I've finished a performance and I can hear the applause beginning to swell around me, people rising to their feet to cheer for me - was the only time I felt as if I was loved outside of my family." Her attention dropped back to her work as she reached for a knife to begin chopping, "It made me feel wanted. I couldn't give that up even if it made everyone in Glee hate me."

Santana didn't know what to say. "Oh." She came over to the island to sit down on a stool. "I guess. I understand that I think. I'm sorry you had such a hard time. I'm sure my dad would have been friends with your dads if he didn't spend all his time with me..." She played with her hands and looked at the counter.

"I understand the rush. I think that's why I was so happy when my dad let me be a cheerleader... like the rush of people loving you in that moment is kinda the best thing." She looked up and smiled sadly, "Takes your mind off of everything else in the world that sucks.

Rachel spun about and crossed the room to let one hand rest on Santana's hip as she pressed a cherry tomato to her lips with a soft smile that brightened as she bit it. "I never thought I'd ever be with someone who understood that about me, Santana," she leaned in and softly brushed her lips against the other girl's. "I'm glad you do and no matter how hard it is to get applause now... we can lean on each other and this little one will love us like no one else can. Now," she grinned brightly, straightening and moving back towards the counter, getting the pots and saut?pan out she needed to cook, "I have decided to prepare vegan vegetable fettuccine alfredo for us if that sounds alright with you."

Santana chewed slowly before speaking again. "Sounds good." she rested her head on her hand as she watched. "Well, given that I was assured that I'd never be with _anyone_ , maybe we'll understand each other more and more." she smirked and wiggled her eyebrows as she started her next sentence. "Also, I can always clap while we're fucking one day..." she smiled and enjoyed the surprised look on Rachel's face.

"First, I have no idea why anyone would tell you you couldn't be with anyone. That's patently absurd. Second," she fixed Santana with a sharp glare as she tossed a piece of green pepper at the other girl, "if you _ever_ do that, you will not be receiving _any_ form of sexual gratification from me for at _least_ a week."

Santana caught the pepper in her mouth and chewed with a smile. "Come on, I thought you liked applause. Like when you make me cum really hard? or when you moan on pitch? I can totally clap for you!" Santana was amusing herself by teasing the girl while she cooked.

Rachel pointed the spoon she was stirring the tofu based sauce at Santana after tapping it on the side, "While you are doubtlessly talented enough to do so, I maintain that should you attempt it, you _will_ be cut off. Beside," her lips curled up in a sly smirk, "I'm certain you can think of better things to do with your hands during our sexual encounters than use them for _applause_ , don't you?"

She leaned over the island to hold out the spoon after scooping a bit of the sauce onto it, "Taste?"

"Half of me thinks that you wouldn't dare... the other half knows that you would actually cut me off." Santana pouted and leaned forward and took the taste offered to her. "Yummy." She smiled sitting back down. "Though..." she smirked, "I know of other substances that have a similar consistency that you would enjoy so much more..."

"Mmm," Rachel smiled over the island at her, going back to cooking, "Play your cards right, beautiful, and I might be willing to indulge after dinner. Your father _did_ suggest I need more protein in my diet after all. Speaking of," she smiled shyly over her shoulder, "you are welcome to stay tonight if you'd like. If we are a couple now, then it only makes sense to be together as often as possible, right?"

Santana smiled and rolled her eyes at Rachel's comment. "Yeah. I'll call my dad and tell him." She said as she got up and grabbed her phone out of her pocket and dialed her father and walked into the adjoining room to speak to him. A few minutes later she came back in and wrapped her arms around Rachel from behind her. "He says it's okay if I stay."

Rachel leaned back against her with a smile as she finished transferring the pasta and vegetables into the sauce. "I'm glad. I like having you around, Santana. Is there anything you'd like to do after we eat? I truly would like you to consider my home to be yours as well after all."

"Well." Santana said as she pressed her lower body into Rachel's ass. "I'd like to fuck you." She started kissing up the back of the girls neck as she spoke. "Maybe in here... maybe in the living room, basement, your parents room, bathroom..." She continued to think as she kissed and nipped at the skin exposed to her.

Rachel shivered, letting her head fall to the side as a soft moan slipped from her lips. "R-really...?" She ground her ass back against the hardening member pressing against her through Santana's loose jeans. "You know, this food _is_ terribly hot.. We should," she swallowed hard as she felt warm fingers sliding over the bare skin of her lower thigh under the hem of her skirt, "we should probably let it cool a little, if you can," her voice cracked as she felt hot breath on her neck, "think of something to do for a few minutes..."

Santana continued to suck on Rachel's neck as she ran her fingers up and over Rachel's cotton clad ass and pushed down her panties. She ran her fingers down the cleft of Rachel's ass and up into her core with one slow motion.

"Wet." She pointed out as she felt the silky arousal coat her fingers. She repositioned her hand in front so she could toy with Rachel's clit as she kissed up the girl's neck and started to suck on her earlobe.

Rachel whimpered, one hand dropping to her panties and fumbling them down her hips as Santana raised her skirt to bunch around her waist. "O-oh my gosh..." she gasped, hips bucking almost involuntarily into Santana's hand as she kicked her panties off. She moaned, long and low at the feeling of Santana's lips on her neck and sucking on her earlobe.

She pressed her bare ass back into Santana's crotch, spreading her legs to make it easier for her lover to touch her. Her movements were wanton and fumbled on the edge of desperate, but she didn't care because it was _Santana_. Her nipples strained against her shirt and bra even as her head fell back against Santana's shoulder, her breath coming in short pants. "Yes," she groaned, her voice trembling with need, "oh God, _yes_... I love when you touch me, Santana."

Santana grunted, her right hand moved from the counter and moved quickly to her belt. She fumbled, but quickly got frustrated and had to pull her left hand away from Rachel. "Sorry." She whispered as she took a step back and pulled down her jeans and freed her cock that was straining out of her briefs. She quickly stepped back behind Rachel and bent her slightly, her dick pressed against Rachel's wet core. Santana started sliding slowly, the tip of her dick hitting Rachel's clit at every roll of her slim hips.

"How's that?" Santana whispered, one hand on the girl's hip and the other moved up to cover Rachel's breast.

"G-good," Rachel gasped, hands tightening on the edge of the counter little shivers going through her with every brush over her clit, "so g-good..." She moaned softly, grinding back against Santana's hips.

For a little while, the simple rubbing and pressure on her breast seemed like enough, but then she hit the edge and instead of falling over, she just trembled along it. She rolled her hips, changed the angle but nothing seemed to work. She whimpered in frustration, wishing she could get off without having to ask her lover to do something that made her feel like less of a girl.

"Inside..." she gasped finally, "Santana, please... I need to feel you inside me. I need you..."

Santana nodded and slipped her hand down to re-adjust her cock so it could slid into Rachel's hot passage. "Fuck, like that?" She asked as she filled her deeply. Santana moved and became flush against the girl's body, her lips traced down the other girl's cheekbone and sought out her lips as she slowly thrust into Rachel's body.

"God, _yes_ ," Rachel hissed, rocking back against Santana, very near her climax. When Santana's lips met hers for the first time ever while they were so intimately connected, she cried out into Santana's mouth, her body clenching around the other girl's member as she came hard, gasping out wordless little cries as each slow thrust through her orgasm sent another shocking jolt through her.

Santana kissed Rachel, her tongue sliding into her mouth when she gasped. She grunted as she thrust, her dick twitching inside her. She didn't wanna come. She wanted to take Rachel all night and she wanted stamina for the rest of the night. So when Rachel started to calm down she pulled her very hard cock out of her girlfriend.

Rachel whimpered at the loss, "B-but you didn't..."

The other girl tucked her still wet dick into her boyshorts, the head peaking out the top under her tank top. "I'm saving it." She smiled, pulling Rachel up straight and pulled her into a deep, wet kiss.

Turning to face Santana as they kissed, Rachel let her fingers stroke over Santana's hardness gently, pulling away from the kiss just long enough to whisper, "I hope you don't plan on saving it too long, beautiful girl. You know how much I love engaging in sexual congress with you." As the last words left her lips, she pressed against Santana, kissing her again and moaning softly at the delightful way their breasts pressed against each other. Her body ached slightly with the new depth Santana had been able to achieve with the angle she had fucked her from, but it ached in a good way and she could feel the rousing sensations building in the pit of her stomach as the girl kissed her.

"If we must wait though," she finally murmured, "perhaps we should eat. It's Saturday and I must admit... I would not at all be opposed to engaging in vigorous and frequent intercourse in various rooms, upon various surfaces and in various positions throughout this house until we finally pass out from sheer sexually induced exhaustion," she trailed her finger down through the valley between Santana's breasts as she looked up with a shy expression, "that is... if you're up to it..."

"Mmm. Sounds good." She smiled, "but you have to be naked the whole time." Santana added, pulling Rachel's shirt over her head deposited it on the floor with the rest of their clothing. Santana kicked off her pants but left everything else as she washed her hands and started to help Rachel plate up the food.

"If you want me _naked_ ," Rachel began while toeing off her shoes and undoing the fastener on her skirt, kicking it to the pile of their clothes, "don't you think I'm a little over dressed?"

She was still a bit self-conscious about her baby bump, but Santana never seemed bothered by it, so she tried not to be. Taking some of the lessons she'd made a point of learning while planning how to seduce the taller girl, she slowly bent over away from Santana to slide her knee high socks down her legs one at a time, tossing them to the pile before straightening and facing her with a smirk as she reached back to unfasten her bra, pausing for a moment with the bra dangling from her fingers before tossing it toward the pile. "Is this perhaps more the style of dress you had in mind for the rest of the day and night, beautiful?"

"Fuck." Santana's hand had moved down to pinch the head of her dick as she looked over her girlfriend. "Sexy as hell." She smiled as she moved over to kiss her again, her fingers moved up so they could palm one of Rachel's breasts. After a few minutes Santana pulled away, leaving Rachel breathless and brought the plates to the table. "Come eat, Rachel..."

Rachel growled softly, not at all liking being worked up and left hanging. "Keep teasing me like that," she muttered, nipples aching and her thighs slick with new arousal, "and it won't be _dinner_ I'll be eating." She sat in the chair right next to Santana with a sly smile, letting her fingers trace over her hip under the table as she did. "You know," she began conversationally, taking a bite of her food and chewing and swallowing before continuing, "I must say it's really not fair that you get to see all of me while I lack the equal privilege of being able to properly appreciate the aesthetic beauty of your breasts at the same time."

She let her fingers trace closer and closer as she ate, until they finally slid into Santana's shorts and slipped around her stiff shaft. She squeezed gently, beginning to stroke her, slightly wringing her cock every time her hand reached the head. "So, Santana... What do you think of vegan alfredo? I particularly love the creaminess of the sauce, don't you?"

Santana grunted and she arched up as she felt her dick getting stroked under the table. "Evil." She groaned as she tried to eat a little bit and focus on anything but her erection. After three bites she just slumped back in her chair and let Rachel continue to stroke her. "Fuck, commit or get off the goods." Santana mumbled when she realized Rachel wasn't going to put anymore effort into getting her off then the soft stroking that was going on.

Rachel leaned over until her lips were almost brushing Santana's ear, "Finish eating and I'll sit in your lap if you want. Or perhaps you'd like to bend me over the couch out in the living room? Or fuck me on the stage downstairs... Or maybe up against a wall? Wherever and whatever you want, lover, just... finish dinner first." She smirked, giving the cock in her hand a little extra wring and squeeze as encouragement.

"Stop..." She whined, taking Rachel's hand off her cock and trying to calm her breath. "Gonna come if you do that anymore." She took a sip of her water and took another bite. "I wanna fuck you on the stage, but I want you to eat me and I wanna come in your mouth." She said calmly as she looked at Rachel. "I wanna come down your throat and then fuck you."

Rachel smiled, running her tongue over her lips in a manner she'd read as being considered seductive, "Mmm... that sounds like a perfect manner in which to finish a meal. The," she teased the tip of Santana's cock with one finger, "perfect dessert as it were." With a final wink, she turned back to her plate to finish her meal. But not without running her toes up and down the back of Santana's calf as she did.

When plates were pushed away and somewhat empty, Santana grabbed Rachel's hand and pulled her to the basement - remembering the way from the party the year before. Santana went and sat down on the couch, lightly running her hand over her mostly erect penis as she watched Rachel walk closer to her. She abandoned her dick and moved her hands to her tits and began playing with her hard nipples.

Rachel was dripping as she stalked towards Santana, only the stage lights illuminating the room. She was pinching and pulling her nipples taut as she knelt in front of Santana, her hands moving from her tits to the girl's hips and tugging her briefs down and off, tossing them away behind her. She ran her fingers up the length of the girl's shaft, leaning over to swirl her tongue about the tip, moaning softly at the taste of her essence still coating the girl's cock. Rolling her eyes up to look at Santana, she slowly slid the heavy cock into her mouth, gently scraping her teeth along its veined sides until the head bumped the back of her throat and she had to change the angle slightly to let it slide down her tight throat. She moaned around the meat in her mouth, her throat vibrating and squeezing the head of the thick dick as she cupped and gently fondled her balls with her hands.

Santana ran her fingers through Rachel's hair as she arched her hips. She loved when Rachel deep throated her because she could watch. She couldn't watch when Rachel was just sucking on her dick, but like this... it meant that she couldn't see her penis sliding into Rachel's mouth. She groaned, arched her hips and thrust into the other girl's mouth. "Fuck.. Baby god. Do you like it? Do you like licking me?" She asked, her own fantasy of being biologically female playing out in her head.

Rachel nodded, sucking hard and swallowing to create friction around Santana's penis. "Mmhmm," she mumbled, the vibrations trembling from her lips and throat to Santana's member. She did her best to keep her lips as close to her lover's body as she could having gleaned from past behavior that she preferred sexual encounters where she couldn't see her member and could pretend she was physically just as much a girl as she was mentally and emotionally. So she deep throated her almost every time she was allowed to orally please the girl and tried to chose positions that minimized the visibility of their genitals as much as possible. She wanted Santana to be _okay_ with what they were doing.

"That feels good, babe." Santana whimpered, her fingers stroking Rachel's cheek. "I'm so wet for you." She whispered as she shuddered, "I'm gonna come." She arched up her hips and gripped the couch as she shot her orgasm down Rachel's throat. "F-fuck." She moaned her eyes closed and her head resting back against the couch, her body still trembling from the force of her orgasm.

Rachel swallowed desperately, trying to get it all down. When she saw Santana's eyes close and her head fall back against the sofa, she backed off her member. Swirling her tongue around it as best she could, she cleaned the remaining traces of semen away, eventually letting the still semi-stiff penis settle against Santana's thighs as she carefully crawled up to straddle her hips and hide the other girl's penis with her body as she kissed her, letting her taste herself on the diva's tongue. "I love licking you until you come, beautiful," she whispered, her hands coming up to cup and squeeze soft breasts. "You're so beautiful."

She rocked against her lap, the other girl's member slowly waking back up as she rocked her soaked core over its length. "Beautiful girl, will you play with me?" She asked softly, nipping gently at her lower lip. "I've wanted you to lay me down on that stage over there," she tugged gently on Santana's lip before letting it go and kissing her way over to the corner of her jaw, "and fuck me so hard I scream for a while now..." She nibbled at her lover's ear, sucking gently on the lobe before whispering in her ear, "I wanted you to do it the night of the party when you said you wanted me while I sang..."

"I-I can do that." Santana stumbled over her words as she spoke. Her hands slid around Rachel's ass as she got up and carried them both to the stage. She laid Rachel down and she kissed her soundly as she slid their bodies together. After a moment of kissing she slid down, kissing Rachel's breasts. She sucked gently at peaked nipples, Santana just contently sucked; her tongue sliding around and flicking over, and over again. Her other hand explored when she focused on Rachel's breasts, it came to rest on top of Rachel's bump gently stroking her hand over it.

Rachel groaned, arching her back as one hand came to rest in Santana's hair, gently scratching at her scalp. What was happening wasn't the usual frantic and forceful manner of coupling they usually engaged in. This was different. Gentler. Softer. It felt less about _sex_ and more about - Rachel wasn't sure what exactly but it felt suspiciously like _connecting_. Like there was more than a purely physical joining.

She liked it. The slow build sending fire burning through her. She didn't understand what was happening or what it might mean, but she knew she wanted it to continue. She wanted this woman - this beautiful woman - to continue to touch her. Then. Tomorrow. Ten years from then. Whenever. The slow, easy _tenderness_ threatened to bring tears to her eyes. It didn't feel like sex - even though her body insisted it was, her hips rolling and searching for Santana's touch - it felt like something more. Something that made Rachel's chest feel hollow and her eyes sting with unshed tears because it would be gone in five months with the dreadful surgery the girl wanted.

Rachel shook her head with a whimper and arched her body up as she tried to erase the thought from her mind and focus on the almost overwhelmingly pleasurable feelings the other girl was drawing from her body with gentle touches. "Santana, please touch me... Please..."

Santana nodded, she arched her hips and got her member lined up to penetrate the other girl. She slid in slowly, her dick filling Rachel to the hilt. She rolled her hips slowly as she kept her lips fused to Rachel's breast. Her body was trying to move quicker, to fuck the girl hard like she did every other time. But Santana was trying, she was trying to show Rachel that it wasn't just her dick and sex drive interested in her. That she really was starting to care, but she didn't know if she was doing it right. She pulled her lips away with a loud pop, "Is this okay?" Santana panted, moving up to rest her forehead on Rachel's as she kept thrusting.

Rachel nodded, her breath coming shakily as the sensations kept building slowly higher and higher. "It's," she had to swallow past the thickness in her throat, "b-better than okay... It's per-perfect... A-amazing..." Her eyes met Santana's for a second but she had to close them - deciding that she'd tell the other girl she was focusing on how she was making her feel if she asked. She just couldn't look into those dark eyes and see what looked like caring without wanting to breakdown in tears.

If it was all going to be gone in five months, she didn't want it. She didn't want to know what she'd be losing. What it could feel like to be cared for and wanted like she was afraid she might have saw beginning in Santana's eyes. She didn't want to spend the rest of her life knowing and regretting what she lost when her time with the beautiful woman that could make her feel more special than anyone else - even when she was just _using_ her and her body as a sexual outlet - finally came to an end. So she closed her eyes and tried to hide the pain knowing all that made her feel by focusing on the purely physical reactions of her body taking pleasure from the girl's slow and gentle sex.

Santana whimpered when the eye contact stopped. She was confused. She didn't know if what she was doing was right, or wrong. She kept her slow love-making as she asked the questions she was scared of knowing the answers to. "When.. when you close your eyes," Santana whimpered, "Are you thinking of me being whole? Or someone else? A real boy?" She was nervous. She knew Rachel knew she was a girl but in bed the lines were blurred.

Rachel's voice trembled as she spoke, "I only ever think of you, Santana. Of h-how you make me feel." She opened her eyes and met her lover's, biting the inside of her cheek to try and keep from crying at the vulnerability she could see there. "You make me feel," she had to choke back a sob, her arms jerking around Santana to hug her tight so she couldn't see the painfully hopeful expression anymore as she tried to talk, "c-complete... You make me feel whole when you touch me..."

Her hips jerked, her body finally clenching and thumbing her over the edge of her climax as their breasts pressed together through the thin material of Santana's tank top and bra. She bit her lover's shoulder, crying out into her skin as she came, her core clenching hard over and over around the other girl's member.

Santana let out a soft sob, "You make me feel whole," she admitted, her body shaking. "I just want you to feel the same." She whispered, as she arched up coming hard inside Rachel's core. She wanted to flop down on top of Rachel, but she remembered the baby and she rolled to the side and pulled Rachel on top of her so she didn't squish the baby between them.

"I'm sorry." Santana whispered in Rachel's neck. "I know you think I'm whole. I'm just.. I have a hard time believing it in my head..." She admitted, as she wrapped her arms around the girl's waist.

Rachel pressed her lips to Santana's sweaty neck. "You are whole," she whispered into soft skin, "I don't just think that, Santana. It's something I _know_. I wish I could find a way to let you know it the way I do. As a simple truth. You're beautiful just the way you are." She wrapped her arms around the other girl and held her tight as she tried to push away the thoughts that in five months she wouldn't be allowed to hold the taller girl like this any longer. That she'd no longer get to feel her lover hold her or snuggle up against her back as they fell asleep in the same bed. It'd all be gone and she didn't know if she could take it.

"Can... Can we go to your bed?" Santana whispered. When Rachel nodded, she carefully slipped out of the other girl and quickly pulled on her underwear. She took Rachel's hand and let her lead them up to her bedroom. Once inside, Santana quickly went into the bathroom and washed herself off so she wouldn't have wake up sticky and came back out to the room. She saw Rachel lying on the bed in a long t-shirt and she switched off the lights and crawled in the bed with her. Santana rested her hand on the swell of Rachel's stomach and breathed in the comforting smell of the girls bed. "I'm sorry I get upset and confused sometimes."

"It's okay," Rachel murmured, covering Santana's hand with one of her own. "Everyone does occasionally. That's why you have me, right?" She stroked her thumb over the smooth skin of her lover's slender hand, "To calm you down and remind you of the truth." She only wished she could do a good enough job to keep that awful surgery from happening and taking the sweet girl she was finally being allowed to see away from her, but she couldn't. She couldn't even say anything without sounding like she wanted Santana to keep the part of herself she seemed to hate the most.

"I'll be okay." Santana whispered, her body wrapped around Rachel's. "We will be okay? Right? We have to for our little one." She ran her thumb over the swell as she spoke, her eyes falling closed as she did so. She wore herself out between the activities of earlier, the ultrasound and her constant inner battles she was exhausted and fell into a light slumber on Rachel's shoulder.

"Yes," Rachel nodded with a soft whisper, unable to keep her tears in check any longer as Santana fell asleep cuddled against her. She ran her fingers gently through dark hair and wondered how much longer she would be allowed this sort of simple pleasure, "We'll be okay..."

She just wished she knew how.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine**

Santana woke up confused. At some point during the night she had rolled to the other side of Rachel's bed and ended up tangled in the sheet. She blinked, her eyes full of sleep and her body still tense with exhaustion from the night before. She rolled over slightly and looked at Rachel, noticing quickly that something was off about the other girl.

Rachel normally slept on her side, her body and face relaxed in a soft smile. But that morning her face was stained with tears and her body tense, her expression almost pained. Santana gasped, looking around trying to figure out if Rachel was hurt, or if something happened while she was sleeping to the mother of her child.

Rousing slowly from sleep as Santana moved, Rachel stirred, yawning and stretching against the lingering stiffness in her body from her awkward position before opening her eyes. Blinking tiredly, she smiled up at Santana, rubbing at her eyes to clear the rest of the sleep away. "Good morning, beautiful." As the expression on her lover's face registered with her conscious mind, she began to be concerned, pushing up until she was sitting in bed, "Santana, what's the matter? You look upset..."

"You're crying. Why are you crying?" Santana asked, her voice near frantic. "Did.. I do something? Did you not wanna have sex? Cause, you acted like you did. You said you did..." Santana looked at her like she was gonna tell the world she raped her or something. "Please... I'm so sorry."

Rachel's eyes went wide. "What? No! I'm... Santana, no!" She reached out and wrapped her fingers around Santana's arm. "You did nothing wrong, beautiful. _Nothing_. Last night was amazing," she smiled reassuringly, trying to let Santana see just how much she had enjoyed the night before.

"I wanted everything that happened last night," she stroked her lover's arm reassuringly, "I wanted you and I wanted to have sex with you. I," she nibbled on her lips, reaching up with her free hand to try and scour away the tears. "It must have just been a bad dream... I promise it's nothing you did. I _loved_ everything you did to me last night, how you made me feel so special. All of it. I promise."

Santana didn't know if she believed her or not. She pulled her knees up to her chest and looked at Rachel. "Something else is bothering you, I saw it last night. I see it now." Santana observed, "I was trying to make it different and you wouldn't look at me last night... I was trying to make it not _fucking_... I was trying really hard." Santana sniffled, "I tell you when I'm freaking out about something, but you're lying to me. I know you are."

Rachel swallowed, her lips thinning as she tried not to cry as Santana nailed on the one thing she wanted to avoid. She took a deep shuddering breath and closed her eyes. "But I _can't_ , Santana. I'm not allowed to be upset! You need to do what you need to do to be happy and I," she sniffled, scrubbing at her eye, "have to live with that." Her voice broke, coming out much softer when she got it under control again, "Even if it means I lose you in five months."

"What the fuck happens in five months?" Santana exclaimed, "We won't even have the baby and what? You think I'm gonna fucking leave?" She was outraged. She wasn't leaving. She had made it clear that she wanted the baby, that she wanted to raise it.

"No!" Rachel was crying, her arms wrapped around her stomach, "You said you were getting your surgery in f-five months. You won't w-want me anymore after that. I just... just want this to not stop and it _will_!"

She couldn't bring herself to look Santana, chafing her arms in some vain attempt at making the cold feeling in her chest go away. "You'll be what you want and... I won't have you..."

"How is me getting this _thing_ removed," she motioned to her penis, "have any affect on our relationship?" She was confused. She hadn't even decided if she would get her surgery. She just knew she _could_ get it once she turned 18. "I said I _could_ get the dick removed, Rachel." She narrowed her eyes at the other girl. "But thanks for letting me know that you think we're done the minute I lose my ability to fuck you... so much for being a real girl, huh." She was defensive, getting up off the bed and looking around trying to find her pants.

"N-no!" Rachel scrubbed at her eyes, "No! That's not it at all! You said you wouldn't want me to touch you! That I... I couldn't reciprocate anymore after..." She pulled her legs up, lip caught between her teeth. "It's not _fair_ ," she whispered, "I've wanted you for _years_ and I only get a few _months_..."

"Have you ever looked up what happens when this surgery goes through? There's two ways, one they just take the testicles off, the second is when they cut off my penis - reroute my urethra and a small part of the tip to make a Frankenstein clit. Sometimes they can make a hole in me, but then it needs to be pried open with like dildos and reinforced with plastic to stay open." Santana exclaimed, her hands shaking in frustration. "How the _fuck_ can you reciprocate when my body will be just so beyond recognition... I won't even be able to feel it, Rachel!"

Rachel's lips thinned but she finally looked up, meeting Santana's eyes and letting her see how much it was all hurting her. "Of course, I have! I've read _everything_ I could find about this surgery! I _know_ what sort of risks are involved! I know about it, okay!"

Santana crossed her arms tightly, "I want to be with you and our kid. I can still be with you sexually with my hands and mouth... but, I'm sorry, you can't with me if I have it done... which by the way I don't even know if I can..."

The smaller girl sniffled, "Can't you understand that if I can't make you feel as wonderful as you make me feel it's simply not worth it? Have you never wondered why I put _your_ pleasure before mine? Because it's _important_ to me to be able to make you feel good, Santana!"

"Because it's all I can give you to make you stay with me!" She sobbed, her hormones making it too difficult to keep anything back now that it was coming out, "Because if I can't please you, you won't want to hold me! You won't sleep with me! After the baby's born I won't have _anything_ to keep you with me anymore and I can't bear it!" She drew her legs up protectively, wrapping her arms around them.

"You make me feel good, even when you don't touch me!" Santana replied, "You treat me like I'm fucking normal! I don't have anyone else in my life who does that so the fact you don't believe that I'm enough of a fucking person to stay with you and my child..."

The hormones pumping though Santana's body were different than the ones in Rachel's, but they had a tendency to throw her over the edge in the same way sometimes. Santana punched the wall, her fist going though it with a growl.

"I fucking want you, I'll continue to want you if my fucking _dick_ is gone. I don't know how to make you understand that! How to make you feel wanted! I changed how I respond to you, I hold doors and kiss you hoping that it will make your knees weak. I like you and evidently i'm a fucking idiot who cant figure out how to make you understand!"

"It does make my knees weak," Rachel sobbed into her knees, "When you kiss me all I want is for it to never stop. I feel safest when I wake and your arms are around me." She squeezed her arms around her knees, gasping for breath. "I wanted you more than I wanted Broadway, but I always thought I never had a chance and...and then when it started to seem like maybe I _did_... I find out you want a surgery to _destroy_ part of yourself. The one part of yourself that was the only reason I had any _chance_! the part that gave us this baby!"

"I know you hate it," she whispered, her voice trembling, "and I can understand why you would want it gone... but if you don't want sex any more, what good am I? Just a...a what? A morale booster? I _like_ you, Santana. I _really_ like you. But if I can't give you sexual release, how am I anything more than just...the mother of your child and a friend at _most_? What can I do to make you see I want _more_ than that!"

She was afraid to look up, "Last night was amazing, but it hurt so much thinking I won't get to keep that connection with you if you get this surgery. That I won't be able to make you feel like you do me..."

"Why aren't you getting that you're my girlfriend? That's more than just fucking." Santana sighed, "I've never _wanted_ sex before. Yes, I love being with you like that, and yes, it created our child... but being with you, with the part of me that I hate so much makes me uncomfortable. I'm so much happier when I can kiss you and make _you_ feel good because it makes it worth-while." Santana whispered and looked at the ground.

"I don't even know if I'm getting the procedure. I don't think we can afford it. It's not covered by insurance and I just don't know... Everyone told me when I'm 18... when I'm 18, I can do it. I can become 'whole'. But no matter what I do? I'm never gonna feel right in this body so I don't know what I'm going to do..."

She sat down next to Rachel ad sighed, "I don't know how to make you understand that I'm here..."

When Santana sat down beside her, Rachel couldn't help but lean into her. She let her head rest on Santana's shoulder with a soft sniffle. "But that's all my boyfriends wanted," she whispered, "isn't that what a girlfriend supposed to do? And you're whole to me, Santana... you're my _girl_ friend no matter how you might be shaped. I love every part of you. You're _you_. And as far as I'm concerned," she swallowed, offering a watery smile, "you're perfect."

"I'm just so scared that if you _do_ get this surgery, you won't want to touch me, won't want to let me touch _you_ anymore... and it makes me feel like I'm a part of you, like we're connected, when I give you pleasure. I know it's selfish of me, but I don't want to lose that..."

"I know." Santana whispered, leaning over and pressing her lips to Rachel's head, "I feel better when I'm with you. I feel like I might be real, you know?" She sighed, "I understand all of your fears, but honestly, I don't know what to tell you. Being my girlfriend doesn't just mean that you should just get me off, your other boyfriends were idiots." She laced their fingers together and sighed. "I haven't decided if I am getting it done." She whispered and looked down at her underwear. "As much as I hate the existence of it, it's always been there..."

"It's a part of you," Rachel murmured, shifting to straddle Santana's hips and trailing her lips over the other girl's neck. She knew Santana said they didn't have to have sex, but right then, she wanted to. She wanted to show Santana that it wasn't about just _fucking_ for her either.

She trailed her kisses up to Santana's earlobe sucking softly as she ran her hands up under Santana's tank top to gently cup her breasts. "I know you said being your girlfriend isn't about getting you off," she whispered in her lover's ear, "but I want to show you something. I want to show you," she rolled her hips into Santana's lap, "how whole you are to me. I want to show you how I feel..."

"Rae..." her voice got caught in her throat when Rachel touched her. "I... fuck, Rachel, we just got through talking about how we shouldn't do this..." Her hands moved to cup Rachel's ass as she spoke, her body obviously disregarding her words. She whimpered out a moan as Rachel's stroked her chest, her tongue darted out to lick her lips as she tried to focus on what was going on.

"If you don't want me to, then I can stop," Rachel breathed into Santana's neck, "but I want this. To be able to show you this. It's not about _fucking_ to me, beautiful. It's more than that with you," she nipped gently over her lover's pulse point, "it always has been for me, but I never took the time to show you."

She carefully rolled Santana's nipples between her fingers as she ran her tongue up along the line of the taller girl's neck. "Do you know how long I've wanted the opportunity to touch your breasts? To _taste_ these beautiful mounds?" She blew lightly over damp skin, "Did you know you were the star attraction in the first wet dream I ever had? And many more after that as well. Just thinking about you could get me so incredibly aroused..." she moaned softly, waiting for permission to go further. "I want to show you something from my dreams of you... Can I?"

"Yeah... " Santana said breathlessly, her hands moving up and down the girl's back. "I was your first sex dream?" she asked, "As a girl? You thought about sex with me?" she smiled and pulled Rachel into a passionate kiss. Her tongue pushed past Rachel's lips and caused her to pull the girl closer to her body as she continued the kiss.

"Mmhmm," Rachel moaned into Santana's mouth, rocking into her lap. "First," she caught the other girl's lower lips between her teeth and bit gently, giving a light tug, "and best... always a girl. God, Santana, I'd wake up _drenched_ every time. You'd get so wet for me..."

She pushed Santana's top up, leaning back just long enough to pull it and her own t-shirt off and toss them aside, leaving only Santana's boyshorts as clothing between the two of them. "I loved dreaming about being able to suck on these," she murmured as she eased Santana back onto the bed, "but it's so much better in reality. You taste _divine_..." She moaned softly as she swirled her tongue around one tightening nipple before drawing it between her lips and sucking. Her hips straddled Santana's, wet core pressing into the bulge of her growing erection through her shorts.

Santana pressed up into Rachel as her hot mouth sucked on her sensitive nipples. Santana groaned and slid her fingers in Rachel's hair, she tried not to get too anxious and rub quickly into Rachel's core with her hard-on.

"Fuck, baby, please." she groaned as she listened to the diva's words.

Rachel slid up Santana's body, pressing their breasts together, the hard swell of her baby bump pressing into Santana's tight abdomen. "I loved being able to kiss you," she caught Santana's mouth in a deep, passionate kiss, her tongue slipping between full lips to stroke along the inside of her mouth as she ground against her erection, her juices beginning to soak through Santana's shorts.

"But what I loved _most_ ," she pressed their hips together, rolling in a way that shifted her upper body enough to rub their stiff nipples against each other, "what I would have to masturbate after _every_ time because I'd be so intensely aroused, was," her lips moved to bite lightly on an earlobe and tug gently before moaning into it, "rubbing our pussies together. Just the _thought_ of rubbing against you, clits bumping against each other, juices," she gasped, reaching down to part herself so Santana's wet cloth covered dick slid between her folds as she moved against her, " _mingling_..."

"Really?" Santana asked, her body on fire with Rachel's words and actions. "Like this?" she parted her legs a bit more so they were lined up and moving together. Santana's hard cock pressing up into Rachel's clit and pressing up against the nerve. Santana's arms wrapped around the diva and rested on the swell if her ass as the moved together slowly. After a few moments, Santana reached between them and freed her penis so they could be skin to skin.

Rachel moaned against Santana's throat, "Oh God, _yes_ , just like that." She whimpered, pressing her hips down harder against Santana, her core sliding against the smooth, hard length of the other girl's cock. "I love feeling your wet folds pressing against mine," she rocked her hips, her voice shaky with how she was panting for breath as their slow motions built the fire in her higher and higher. "The way it sounds as we grind into each other... the _feel_ of you..." She reached down between them, fingers brushing over Santana's stiff cock, slick with her arousal, as it slid between her folds teasing her higher and higher, "God, Santana, you're so _wet_!"

She gathered some of the juices on her fingers, licking a little off and moaning before bringing the dripping digits up to Santana's lips. "Taste, beautiful," she whispered, grinding against her lover, "Don't we taste amazing together like this?"

Santana opened her mouth, accepting the taste of their lovemaking when offered it. She moaned as she sucked on Rachel's fingers, her tongue wrapping around each digit and cleaning them off. She moved her hands down to cup Rachel's breasts, as they bounced with the pace of their rocking.

"F-feels, good. Rachel, fuck.." Santana gasped as she began to feel the tip of her cock weep with want for her girlfriend.

Rachel's core was beginning to clench, wanting Santana inside of her, but this, what they were doing - what she was _trying_ to give her lover - wasn't about that. It wasn't about a traditional coupling no matter how much her body craved it. She nipped and sucked gently along Santana's neck, biting lightly when she reached her collar bone even as she continued to rub against the other girl, pressing herself along her stiff cock, holding it between their bodies.

"I want to show you this," she whispered against tanned skin, "I want to _show_ you that you're a girl to me. That when I dream of you it's like this. Slow. _Intense_ ," she arched her back and rolled her hips to press her hard clit as directly as she could against the tip of Santana's penis, "and _female_." She cried out softly as her climax built and built, hovering and climbing higher instead of cresting.

"T-thank you." Santana moaned as she reached for Rachel's lips, she was close. So close to coming that her dick jumped and pulsed. She grunted, rocking faster up into her girlfriend before finally releasing. Her cum shot up, hitting the bulge of the other girls belly before dripping down to soak their sexes.

Just before Santana came, Rachel surged up and caught her lips with hers, moaning into her lover's mouth as she felt the hot cum splashing over her stomach and seeping down between them. She rocked a couple more times before coming with a shuddering cry, her nails digging into the other girl's shoulders as her body trembled through her climax. She buried her face in Santana's shoulder muttering something that almost sounded like "I love you" but it was too muffled against sweaty skin to be understood.

She stayed like that for a long moment, body still pressed against her lover, Santana's penis softening between her folds. She drew in a long shaky breath as she finally regained control, carefully kissing up from the bruising bite she'd left in Santana's shoulder as she came to the other girl's lips. She kissed her soft and slow, reaching up to brush her fingertips gently over Santana's face. "I know you said what we have doesn't have to be about sex," she whispered, her lips brushing Santana's as she spoke, "but it was incredibly important for me to give you that. I _needed_ to show you..."

"I know." Santana whispered, as she pulled Rachel closer and smiled when the girls legs wrapped around her. "I know it's a big decision... I know that it involves you too." Santana kept her close and she kissed her softly. "I'm just not sure what I want anymore."

"Okay," Rachel nodded, reaching down to tug the blanket over their still slightly trembling bodies. "I just... I really like you, Santana. You. _All_ of you." She snuggled close, pressing her lips to the crook of her lover's neck, "I don't want you to hurt anymore, beautiful..."

"I don't know how not to hurt." she ran her fingers through Rachel's hair. "I really... like you. I've never felt like this before, about anyone."

Rachel smiled softly, rolling slightly off Santana to nestle beside her, the swell of her belly pressing into her lover's side and her head resting on the other girl's shoulder as she let her arm gently drape over Santana's body. "I've never felt like this either, Santana, but I like it. I don't want this with anyone else..." She gently pressed a kiss to the top of one of Santana's breasts, "I don't want to be with anyone else like this. Surgery or not... you're who I want to lay with like this..."

Santana nodded and cuddled into Rachel, her fingers resting on the bump. "I think that I could handle that." she whispered, her head hurt from the stress of her wake up and she just laid with her and sighed. "I'm gonna sleep more.." she whispered as she closed her eyes tiredly.

"Okay," Rachel murmured softly, combing her fingers through dark hair, "I'll be here when you wake up." She leaned over and gently kissed Santana's forehead.

For a little while, she just laid there, content to watch her lover sleep. Slowly though, the weariness not quite worn away by her restless sleep overtook her. Her eyes drifted slowly closed until she was sleeping peacefully snuggled against the woman she cared for. The little family slept peacefully, ignoring the sun rising higher in the sky calling people to church on a sleepy Sunday.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter Ten**

It was almost unbearable.

It wasn't like she wasn't used to the looks. She'd been practicing to ignore the envious, judgemental and even hateful glances since she was three to prepare for her inevitable life in the spotlight. She could even handle the buzz of whispers and laughter around her or the inevitable threat of a slushie to the face.

But when she could _hear_ the whispers and _know_ they were laughing at the _situation_ she found herself in rather than how she dressed, it was much harder. But she wouldn't allow her detractors the satisfaction of seeing her break, so she clutched her binder to her chest a little tighter and raised her chin as she walked down the hall. She may have become a teenaged statistic by a thoughtless accident, but she refused to allow herself to be brought down by it.

Rachel tugged the sleeves of the soft, over-sized, grey sweater over her hands and resisted the urge to bury her nose in the collar to breath in the faint scent of Santana's perfume as she walked. The taller girl had left the sweater at her house when she'd stayed for dinner the other night and she knew she probably shouldn't have worn it to school, but she'd never seen Santana wearing anything even remotely like it before and she'd just wanted to feel close to the girl at school. The constant need of her girlfriend to all but ignore her in school was wearing on her, but she was doing her best to keep up a brave face and take her comfort where she could.

She reached the choir room without too much further difficulty, though she was getting unfortunately awkward in her movements with her growing belly. Opening the door and slipping through, she glanced up only to realize that unlike usual, she wasn't the first and was approaching the _last_ to arrive. It wasn't acceptable and she sighed softly, trying to come to terms with the change in her schedule - mainly having to spend her free period actually studying to keep up now that her focus was less on school and more on the life growing under her heart.

Santana looked up when the door cracked open. She breathed a sigh of relief when Rachel came in _not_ covered in slushy like the previous day. Puck had to physically hold her back when she found out someone slushied Rachel even after Santana and Quinn ordered that the the slushies stopped on the pregnant girl (though they increased the slushies on Artie, Jacob and Finn). When the rumors started going around that something was up with Rachel, Santana had to just keep her head down and try to not get involved. She knew she should be a bigger person and stand up for Rachel; but she also knew her life was at stake. It was one thing to be a gay kid in Lima... she didn't even want to imagine what it would be like to live openly as a _transwoman_ in Lima.

She carefully kicked her legs up on the chair in front of her as Quinn rambled on about something stupid that Puck had done the night before.

"Are you even listening to me, Santana?" Quinn asked as she pinched the skin on Santana's thigh.

"Ow! What the fuck, Q?" The Latina's attention re-directed to her friend when she was pinched. "What? I was listening! Puck was being a douche and trying to fuck you, what else is new!"

"You weren't listening," She replied and let her eyes follow where Santana's had landed. "I don't understand Puck's allegiance to that girl. Plus, what is she..." That's when Quinn saw it. The sweater that she had seen Santana curl up her whole body in during many a sleepover. The sweater that the girl had stolen from her father, "Santana..." Quinn looked over at the girl with a raised eyebrow. "Maybe the better questions is _why_ she wearing your fat sweater?"

"It's not my fat sweater, I'm never fat." Santana crossed her eyes and glared at Quinn.

Quinn scoffed, her eyes following Rachel as the clearly pregnant girl as she took her seat as primly as possible and waited for Mr Schuester's inevitable late arrival. "Please, S, I'm hardly an idiot and _that_ is _your_ sweater. You've had it forever. Why's the hobbit in it?"

The darker girl chewed her lip for a moment and watched as Puck headed to sit with his _public baby-momma_. Santana sighed, she knew Quinn knew that it wasn't Puck's child Rachel was carrying, but she didn't know if she was ready to claim it as hers to her best friend.

"Can you just not?" Santana asked, with a pointedly strong hiss of her voice. "Look yeah. It's mine. I gaves it to her when she got slushed the other day. Puck's clothing all smelled like ass and she needed something clean to wear." She shrugged and turned her attention back to the front of the room, but her leg bounced with nerves as she waited for Quinn's come back.

Quinn watched her friend, her eyes narrowing. "Bullshit," she hissed, glancing around to make sure no one was paying attention to them, "You and I both know you don't bring that into school cause you don't want everyone to know what a daddy's girl you are. So _what_ is going on and I know it's hard for you," she sneered, finding it too easy to fall back on the HBIC attitude she used as the captain of the cheerleading squad, "but _try_ being honest this time."

"Calm your fucking tits, Fabray." Santana hissed as she turned to the blonde. "Back the fuck off, okay. I thought you were a friend but evidently you're just a cunt who can't mind her own business..." She looked down and tried to fix her pony as she spoke.

Quinn's eyes went wide and she reached out and set a hand on Santana's knee. "Okay, hey, just... calm down okay?" She licked her lips, her eyes darting around to make sure they hadn't garnered any attention and glaring at Puck when he turned around to see what was going on behind him, "Look, I know I can be a bitch and all, but... you're my friend, Santana. I don't know what's going on with Manhands but she's got _my_ boyfriend wrapped around her little finger and letting people think she's carrying his spawn. And now you're getting tangled in her web too. I don't like it."

"Level with me now or later, but I'm not blind and I can tell some thing's going on with the three of you. I'm your friend, San," she squeezed the girl's knee then let go, "if you let me in, maybe I can help with whatever mess the three of you are in." Her lips quirked, "Not fond of helping RuPaul, but I'll do it for you and Puck."

"It's mine." She whispered, her eyes still looking down at where pale skin touched tan. "It's mine, Quinn." she swallowed and bit her lip.

"It's _what_?" Quinn hissed, eyes wide with shock, only to be interrupted when Will came in big and blustery to try and hide that he was late - _again_ \- and drew the attention her outburst had gathered back away. Once everyone was paying attention to the teacher again, she almost turned to face Santana completely before catching herself, settling for leaning over slightly and gawking at her friend. "Oh my god, Santana! You... you and _Berry_? It," she darted her eyes down at the girl's lap significantly, " _works_?"

Santana's eyes remained focused on her hands. She nodded slowly and tried to not feel like she did when they told Puck. "I... I just," she choaked, suddenly feeling suffocated. She quickly bounded up and out of the room with out a word given to Mr. Schue. Puck turned and gave his girlfriend a pointed look and mouthed _the fuck?_ when he saw Santana leave the room.

"I'm sorry. She's not feel very well, Mr. Schue," Quinn explained as she gathered their things and stood up with a pointed look at a confused and worried looking Rachel, "Might have been something she ate. I'm going to go make sure she's okay."

"Good idea, Quinn." He nodded, "Way to take initiative. You see, guys? This is what I'm talking about. You gotta watch out for each other!"

His voice faded out as Quinn closed the door, glancing both ways down the hall before heading for the one place she had found Santana every time she'd had an emotional break. The second floor handicap bathroom. It was the only one with a lock, but a few seconds with a nail file and she could be in.

* * *

Santana was leaning with her back pressed against the cool tile wall. She wanted to run, she wanted to just run away but she couldn't. She just closed her eyes and kept breathing; she didn't even notice when Quinn had let herself into the room.

Quinn stepped softly closer, reaching out to gently brush her fingers over Santana's bare upper arm. "Santana," she whispered, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have reacted like that. I was... I was just surprised..."

"Yeah. Me fucking too." Santana laughed sarcastically as she opened her eyes. "Look. I didn't want this to happen. I didn't want anything like this to happen. I shouldn't be able to get someone fucking pregnant, but I did. I made a fucking mistake and now I'm ruining her life... Puck's just being a good guy and helping me out. I can't let people find out about me, Quinn! I can't!"

Quinn shook her head, "She... well, she's apparently keeping it, so maybe it's not so bad?" She offered an awkward smile and tried joking, "Since when are you so concerned about RuPaul's life being ruined anyway, S? I mean, it's just Manhands."

"Since I told her she would be my girlfriend," Santana responded with a curt tone. "So stop fucking calling her that. It's bad enough she's still getting slushied and her ex-boyfriend has to take the dive for knocking her up, but just back off okay."

Quinn's eyes went wide and her jaw dropped in shock. "Her _girlfriend_? Santana, what is going _on_? Since when have you even _liked_ her let alone wanted to _date_ her?" She looked confused for a moment, "Since when is Rachel even a _lesbian_? I would have thought she was strictly boys only after the way we fought over Finn!"

"I don't know... I never asked and let's go to a technicality... can we call her a dyke when she fucking rammed my dick inside herself without so much as asking first?" Santana yelled at her friend, "No one else will ever wanna date me so why the fuck not."

"San," Quinn breathed softly, gently brushing her fingers over the smaller girl's arm, "did... did she _rape_ you?" She looked worried and scared for her friend, "God, San, if she did why in the world did you tell her you'd be her _girlfriendraping_ someone? That's _disgusting_!"

Santana rolled her eyes. "She was forward and I was shocked. She more or less caught me jacking off when it happened... Look, it's complicated, but yeah she's my girlfriend and I'm the fucking douche bag who can't control their unwanted appendage." Santana looked down and scuffed her shoes against the floor.

"Look... In reality who the fuck is ever gonna want me?" She looked up, her words might not have sounded heartfelt but her face looked just broken. "Seriously."

"San," Quinn's voice cracked suspiciously and she looked like she might want to hug the other girl for a second, "you're wanted. Just because you're," she shrugged, "different doesn't mean no one wants you. What about Brittany? There are people who love you. Don't shut them out just because the little freak assaulted you. What's so special about _her_ that makes her worthy of being your girlfriend anyway? Perhaps you haven't noticed, but you're _Santana Lopez_ , second in command of the Cheerios and she is just Rachel _Berry_ , lowest of the low."

For a few long moments Santana just looked at her friend and thought, "Actualy, it does. Brittany didn't want to be with a girl... She only wanted to be with _boys_." She laughed at how unfortunatly sad that situation was. "She didn't wanna be in love with me and she didn't want it." Santana licked her lips and looked down. "I just... Look. She likes me, she's liked me for awhile." She exhaled and looked at her friend, "Quinn... just don't be like this okay."

The blonde sighed softly, "I just want you happy, S. Okay so... so Berry likes you. Maybe she's even in love with you. But does she _deserve_ you? She's a freak who's obsessed with Broadway and being a star and is convinced that she's better than everyone." She squeezed her friend's upper arm gently, "Please don't think you're not wanted. Because you are. More than you know. The way you're shaped," there was a slight flicker of hesitation, "it doesn't matter, Santana. Not to me. Not to Puck. Not to anyone who matters..."

"Quinn, I'm gonna remind you that the only reason you _or_ Puck ever wanted me in a way that was more than friendship was because we were drunk." She sighed and hugged her arms around her chest. "I have friends. I have plenty of people who think I'm their friend and I have you and Puck who are my actual friends." She rubbed her hand across her face and let out a deep sigh. "But no one will ever want me like you want Puck... No one will ever want me for me. I know you don't understand what I have to live with, that I have to hide... but I don't believe you when you say that people will want me despite of my body."

"What about Berry then? You say no one will want you, but," she shrugged, "you're apparently with her and she wants you or whatever. So there's got to be other people out there who'd like you the same way. She's not that special, Santana."

"She is." Santana said quietly, "She doesn't care that I have... she wants me to be comfortable and she tries really hard to always make sure that I'm okay and that she's not making me feel like a guy..." Santana looked down, "Puck.. who has known how I am for a long time didn't know how to do that... and neither do you." She admitted.

Quinn just shook her head and sighed, "I don't know about any of this, Santana. It's way out of anything I know how to handle. But," she smiled sheepishly, "I'm your friend and maybe I have messed up at making you feel like who you really are, but I never meant to. I know I'm a bitch and I'll get into fights with you at the drop of a hat, but... if she makes you happy," she shrugged, "then at the end of the day, I've got your back, S."

She hesitated a second then pulled Santana into the sort of hug that had been uncharacteristic of the girl for the last three years of high school, "You're my best friend, Santana, and you're closer to me than my own sister. Now..." she pulled back with her hands sliding down to rest on Santana's upper arms, "you're having a _baby_ and you didn't _tell_ me?" She smiled as brightly as she could though she still held quite a bit of reservations about the whole thing.

"Only my dad... and I guess Puck, and you now, know the truth." Santana sighed as she tiredly moved to rest her head on Quinn's shoulder like she did when they were little. "I'm so freaked out... like seriously. I can't remember the last time I slept without waking up and having a panic attack or like wondering if I'm doing something wrong." She closed her eyes for a moment, breathing in the smell of her friend as she did so. "I know this is all fucked up. I know that this is _way_ too much for anyone to handle... but you're family and I need you."

She reached down and held out her pinky finger for her to take. "You never intentionally did anything other than make me your sister. It's mostly me, I'm not comfortable sometimes and I project that onto other people. Except Puck.. he asked me if I was going back to being a boy when he found out..." She sighed still not really over that moment.

Quinn smiled at her as she reached out and carefully linked her pinky with Santana's. When she heard about Puck's reaction, she snorted, "That sounds right. I might like him, but I'll be the first to admit that my boyfriend is a blockhead sometimes. But, we'll figure this out, okay? I've got your back. And, for the record, telling Sue about your implants? Not me."

"Yeah.. I know." She sighed and rolled her neck. "It was Brittany." She had found out when Brittany finally pulled away from her to be with Artie. "Brittany never did understand why _as a girl_ I was so flat. The hormones like gave me a little bit then the padded bra... but I wanted to look like you and her and I wanted tits. So, I bought a pair." Santana was quiet for a bit before speaking again. "Some days I just feel like the biggest freak in the world."

"You're not the biggest freak," Quinn teased, squeezing the smaller girl's pinky, "That's _obviously_ Jewfro. Seriously, I caught him hiding in the girls' bathroom again just last week. You're just my best friend and possibly dating the biggest loser in the school, but if anyone could rock that look, it's you." She bumped her hip against Santana's lightly. "So, how about we head back to Glee and let everyone know you haven't died before your hobbit finds some excuse to come looking for you."

"She is mighty annoying like that." She smiled softly as she started pulling Quinn to the door. "By the way, your _boyfriend_ is pretty much a freak too. And kinda gay." she teased and bumped the girl's shoulder. "I missed you Quinn, I missed us... I think that we should hang out more let the Jews do their thing and just eat bacon and make fun of them."

Quinn laughed softly, "You bring the bacon and I'll bring the DVD sets of obscure teen sitcoms from the eighties and popcorn with extra butter. Those two can have their Jewish time and burn off any excess freakiness before they come back to the two hottest girls in school." She cocked an eyebrow at Santana and smirked, "They're damn lucky they even caught our attention, right?"

"Totally, we's be fine ass bitches." Santana smiled and pulled the other girl to the glee room. They were giggling when they re-entered the choir room which caused everyone to look up. Santana just glared at them and pulled Quinn over to the chairs behind their partners. She kicked the back of Rachel's chair and winked at her when she turned around with a gape on her face.

Shocked as she was that Santana had lacked the public decorum to _kick_ the back of her _chair_ , she couldn't help but relax and smile warmly at the wink before turning back around to pay something like attention to Will. Quinn looked surprised for a moment at the obvious affection coming from the tiny diva. Leaning over she whispered in Santana's ear, "Okay. Maybe she _does_ really like you."

Santana smiled and blushed softly before turning her attention back to listen to Mr. Schuester. "Shut up." She whispered as she did so.

* * *

While Glee was still a major part of her life, dancing became even more of a chore than usual the bigger she got. Thankfully though, no one had felt the urge to tell her to sit it out yet - aside from Santana, but she was worried about their child so, while exceedingly sweet, Rachel liked to think it didn't count as much. They'd been working hard to put the final touches on their Nationals bid and everyone was getting tired.

She wasn't off-step, but she also wasn't paying as strict attention as she would have been if she'd been fully alert. So when, in an eerie flashback to junior year, Finn's hand came flying back while he watched Brittany somersaulting over Artie's chair, Rachel had been ill prepared to duck. His hand smashed into her mouth and her feet slid on the slick floor as she went down hard with a pained yelp.

Santana quickly turned on her heel the minute she heard a loud thump. Her heart stopped and she froze when she saw Rachel flat on the floor holding her face. She didn't know what to do, she just gaped.

Puck shot Santana a half second look before he was darting across the stage, sliding the last few feet to Rachel's side. "Are you ok? How's the baby?"

Rachel pulled her hand away from her mouth with a grimace, revealing bloody teeth an a split lip, "Hurts, Noah. How's my nose? Is it okay? It's not broken is it?"

He winced at the blood even as Will came over to see if they were okay, "Your nose is cool, Jewbabe, but you got a nasty split lip there. I think we gotta get you to the doc. You sure the baby's good?" He knelt beside her, around her shoulders to help her up, "Come on, Princess, let's get you on your feet."

"Finn, seriously, after all this time haven't you learned to watch where your arms are going?" Will scolded, helping Rachel up on the other side.

Santana was frozen, her rage at Finn hitting Rachel and the jealously that rose in her at puck's reaction and words. "Fuck, Finn, you're such a fucking douche! You should get a arm reduction!" Santana shakily spat.

Finn was stunned. "What the hell is your problem? Look, I feel bad enough already, I don't need you yelling at me on top of it! Why are you pissed anyway? You don't even _like_ Rachel!"

He didn't notice the way Rachel stiffened and looked back of her shoulder pleadingly at Santana as Puck lead her out to go to the nurse's office. Quinn put an arm around Santana's waist, "Let it go, S. He's not worth it..."

Santana struggled against Quinn's body, she wanted to lash out, to hurt the dopey boy that just endangered her child and Rachel. Her body calmed against Quinn's when she felt the girl whisper "you'll make it worse" against her shoulder. Santana turned and tried to avoid Puck's look and Rachel's bleeding face as he lead her out.

"You're just fucking stupid. Jesus, you fucking can't control your arms to not hit girls in the face! You think once would have been enough!"

"Santana!" Mr Schuester exclaimed, "Don't talk to your teammates like that! He's sorry and it was an accident." When Santana started to mumble again, he pointed to the door. "I'm tired of your attitude. You're done for the week."

"You can't do that!" Quinn exclaimed, as she used all her strength to keep the girl from killing him. "She's just telling the truth!"

"She's lashing out and she can come back when she's no longer angry for no reason," he explained. Quinn just tugged Santana out of the room.

"We can go check on them okay?" Quinn murmured as Santana held onto her arm and tried to move past the pain if getting removed from something she actually cared about.

* * *

"You're too damn _nice_ to him sometimes, Rach!"

Rachel was sitting on a bed with her head titled back as the nurse daubed the blood away from her mouth with gloved hands. Puck was leaning against the wall with a concerned scowl and folded arms. "Seriously. Let me talk to him. He'll damn well stop smacking tiny ass girls in the face by the time I'm done."

She huffed and did her best to speak while moving her lips as little as possible. "Violence is hardly an appropriate response, Noah. It was an accident and I'm certain he's very apologetic and contrite by now, just as he was last year. This is just a reminder that I need to be more cognizant of my surroundings, something which I was obviously lacking today."

"It just ain't right for a guy to smack girls, Rach! And this is the second time he's hit you!" Puck scowled, shaking his head. "Don't be so dumb about this!"

"Who's being dumb about what?" Quinn asked as her and Santana came into the nurse's office, earning them both a raised brow from the nurse, "No, Nurse Powell, we weren't fighting. We're just here to check on Rachel."

Rachel rolled her eyes to look at Santana and Quinn in confusion as they came into the nurse's office. "Why are you here? Is something wrong? Did something else happen in Glee? Oh my gosh, did the stage collapse?"

"Shut up!" Santana exclaimed before going over and hugging her girlfriend. "I was scared," she whispered in her lover's neck. "Is the baby okay?"

The nurse stepped away to dispose of the bloody gauze after she finally got the bleeding to stop with a couple of butterfly bandages, leaving Rachel free to wrap her arms around Santana and hug her tight. "I was scared too," she admitted, speaking quietly to try and avoid alerting Quinn of the nature of the pregnancy, unaware that she knew, "Our little one is okay I think, but I'd like to talk to your father to be certain."

"I'd like to punch Finn in the damn nose," Puck grumbled ambling over to give Quinn a hug.

Quinn rolled her eyes, but hugged him back, "Don't be such a drama queen, Puck. If anyone gets to beat on him for smacking Berry again, San gets first dibs. She's her girlfriend after all." She glanced over at Rachel's shocked expression with a wry smirk, "At least this time she isn't feeling compelled to try and imitate me via the miracle of modern medicine?"

For once in her life, Rachel was speechless. Her eyes darted back and forth between Santana and Quinn in utter confusion. "I... I don't... what?" she stumbled over her words, completely at a loss from the sudden revelation of the cheerleading captain's knowledge of her relationship with her second-in-command.

"Yeah.. She knows everything." Santana shrugged as she held her girlfriend. "Don't worry, okay? My dad will check everything out for you, okay?"

As Santana's words sunk in Rachel relaxed, allowing Santana to hold her as she rested her head on the taller girl's shoulder. Quinn watched them interact, frowning thoughtfully and shooting a glare at Puck when he nudged her and shook his head with a frown. "Don't fuck this up for them, Quinn," he whispered in her ear, "Rach is good for her no matter how weird and fucked up this might seem. You ain't seen 'em like I have."

Rachel closed her eyes and kissed Santana's neck gently. "Why are you here though? Noah was taking care of me, you didn't have to leave Glee early - though I am entirely touched that you were so concerned for the well-being of myself and our child."

"She didn't leave," Quinn grimaced, "so much as get kicked out by Mr. Schue for the week."

Rachel shot upright, looking horrified, "What? Why?"

Santana shot a glare over her shoulder at her friend. "I might have told Finn to get an arm reduction..." she looked down, "and swore at him for being fucking stupid." She ran get fingertips over the girl's nose. "I mean what the fuck..."

Rachel reached up and caught Santana's hand, giving her a soft smile as if it was only the two of them in the room. "This was as much my fault for my not paying attention as his for being off of his mark. As it is, the only damage appears to be a split lip and a minor bit of bruising to my tailbone if the ache I'm feeling right now is any indication." She kissed the taller girl's knuckles, wincing slightly as the torn skin of her lip stung at the contact, "Thank you for defending me though. Your techniques may have been slightly excessive, but I know your heart was in the right place."

"You're just happy I didn't punch him and get suspended." Santana replied. She heard Quinn making gagging sounds over her shoulder. "Shut up, tubby." She hissed.

"I'm happy you didn't try to punch him and get _hurt_ , Santana." Rachel frowned, "While I do admit I am equally grateful you are not suspended, your well-being is of a rather more immediate concern to me."

Quinn rolled her eyes both at the continued display of affection and at the nickname, "Whatever, Santana. I had a pregnancy _scare_ back then. _You_ actually managed to get yourself involved in something a bit more real."

"But will remain sexy as hell and under a hundred pounds." she beamed and teased the other girl as she stroked Rachel's hand with her thumb.

Quinn laughed, watching her calm Rachel's worries with a simple brush of her thumb, "Sexy as hell and skinny, sure, but I think we might have to add completely whipped to that list as well." She smirked at Santana, leaning back into Puck as he wrapped his arms around her in an attempt to ward off a fight.

"Come on, ladies... I know the Jewish are a hot as hell people - Jewfro completely excepted - but calm yourselves," He winked at Rachel who just rolled her eyes with a fond smile, "there's plenty of Jew to go around. And hey, what makes three of the hottest girls in school hotter than a healthy addition of Puckasarus to the mix?" He leered at Santana and Rachel over Quinn's shoulder.

"Puck.. I'm not scared of telling stories about you and me or you and Rachel around Quinn." she raised her eyebrow in wondering if Quinn knew about Puck's interest in her penis and jacking off together. "Also hands off... My Jew."

Rachel blushed and buried her face in Santana's shoulder, "Santana, honestly, you make it sound as if I engaged in far more than I did with him." After a moment though she raised her head enough to shoot Puck a glare more appropriate to one of the two Cheerios than her normal demeanor, "And, Noah, while I understand you are a man and given to certain inclinations and urges as well as being one of my dearest friends, I still feel obligated to inform you that if you are considering what I believe you are considering - particularly with _my_ girlfriend - you would be well advised to begin wearing a robust chastity device."

She narrowed her eyes, "Because if you were ever to attempt to actually _act_ upon what I have no doubt you are vividly imagining and approached her with lewd intent, I would feel compelled to engage in the removal and collection of certain - highly precious to you - selections of your flesh. You've known me for most of my life, Noah. You know I am capable of it."

His eyes went wide and his hips shifted until they were hidden behind his girlfriend, "Whoa, whoa. It was just a joke, Princess! No need to make threats to Little Puckie!"

"Little is the correct term." Santana whispered loudly enough to know they heard it.

Quinn and Rachel both burst into shocked laughter as Puck turned a hurt puppy look on his best friend. "Ouch, San! Seriously, _ouch_! I'm wounded here!"

"I'm stating facts. All I'm saying is that Quinn couldn't handle me in a foursome, Puck." Santana smirked and leaned closer and whispered for only Rachel to hear. "Unlike you who can take all if me."

Rachel's lips brushed Santana's ear as she whispered, "Everyday and everyway, beautiful girl." She smirked up at the shocked duo watching them, "My girl can't help it if she's amazing, Noah. I'm sorry."

Santana smiled and let her hand drop to gently stroke the baby bump. "Yup."

Quinn rolled her eyes, pushing away from Puck, "Gag me. Okay. Now that we're sure Berry and Baby," her lips twitched, " _Pez_ berry are not in danger any more, can we get going to practice now?"

Rachel opened her mouth, but Quinn cut her off. "No. No way. Absolutely not, Rachel. There is no _way_ you are allowed near the Cheerios' practice. First, Sue would kill you - and us for letting you - for showing up. Second," she looked pointedly at Santana, "you might be hooking up with my second and carrying her spawn, but that doesn't mean you get special privileges around here. _Third_ , and most important," she pointed between the two of them, "if you're there San won't be focused like I need her to be and could get hurt - not to mention give the whole game away to Sue. No. You can watch Puck hurl himself around the football field with the rest of the meatheads or practice in the choir room or whatever else pregnant midget divas do after school, but you _can't_ come to Cheerios practice."

"She's got a point... Like I gotta go. You know it's the only way I'm getting into an out of state school," she sighed and kissed Rachel softly. "Be careful and call my dad so we can get you checked out tonight, okay?"

"Okay," Rachel whispered, her eyes slightly closed as she pulled away from the kiss, "If I must, then I must."

"Puck, listen up and listen good," Quinn turned to the man in the room with a stern face and poked him in the chest, "it's your responsibility to make sure Berry's in one piece when we get done with practice. San's my second and I need her in peak condition as we head for Nationals this year. Berry gets hurt, she's not going to be that. So _you_ are gonna make sure that doesn't happen."

Puck looked vaguely offended, "Hey, Rach's my Jewish American Princess, Q. I've always got her back." Rachel glanced at him with a raised brow and he blushed, "Well, after I grew up and stopped slushing her, but I don't do that no more. Seriously, San. Your girl's safe if I have anything to say about it, 'kay?"

Santana pulled back, cracking her neck and trying to slip back in HBIC mode. "Alright. Also, touch her and die." Santana snapped as she eyed him and took Quinn's arm. "Let's do this."

"Geez," Puck grumbled, coming over to help Rachel down off the bed, "you'd think I didn't know how to keep it in my pants the way everyone's acting."

"That's just because you tend to act like you don't," Rachel smiled sweetly, rising on tip toes to kiss his cheek, "but we're just giving you a difficult time, Noah. Don't take it so harshly. We know you're secretly a sweet young man underneath that overly randy persona of yours."

"Awesome," he grinned, only for it to fall a moment later, "Wait, that _was_ a compliment, right?" He looked confused for a moment before shrugging and giving Santana a reassuring smile. "Don't worry, San. I might be a lewd jerk, but Rach's like my sister these days. You ain't got nothing to worry about. Now go on and get to your ass-shaking practice."

"Future strippers of America practice, actually." Santana winked as she tugged the blonde out the door.

"The other mother of my child is _not_ going to be a stripper, Santana!" Rachel scowled, "Go do your best, but you're going to be a success and will never have to take your clothes off for anyone you don't want to. And neither will Quinn either. Don't be absurd."

Huffing, she grabbed Puck's arm and dragged him out of the nurse's office in the direction of the choir room. "Come along, Noah. We have to practice now so we can properly serenade our cheerleaders at a later date."

"B-but... _practice_!" He sputtered, being pulled along by the wrist.

"Don't be absurd. I know the schedule of all the after school practices and football is Monday, Wednesday, and Friday with special teams - which I am fully aware you are not on - practicing on Tuesday. Today is Thursday and you have no excuse." Holding her chin high, she continued dragging him away.

"Please. I'd have to strip at a fetish bar if I were to strip.." she shrugged before leaving the room with a sigh. "Thanks," she said as they headed to the field. "I know you don't like her."

Quinn just shrugged, "Yeah, but you do. And really, as far as people in this school go, she's hardly the worst. Plus, it's kinda obvious you're planning on keeping her around, so time to suck it up and get used to her." She smirked, then chewed the inside of her cheek, "What are you going to do about the kid?"

"I guess keep it? She didn't want an abortion... I don't believe in it... But like I don't wanna be a father. It sucks enough being a girl in a boy's body... I hate it. She likes my junk though, she got really upset when she found out I was looking into surgery."

She sighed and looked down, "I just... I want kids someday. I never thought I could, you know? I feel like it's my only chance."

Quinn couldn't help her lip curling in her trademark sneer. "She got _mad_ about you wanting to change yourself to be more comfortable? Seriously? God, what is she? Obsessed with sex or something? S, you can like adopt or whatever if you have to. Later, you know. When you're older and ready for kids and stuff. You don't have to take this route..."

"She thinks it's the only reason I stay with her.. Which I don't understand. I'll still be able to do her... But she just can't do anything to me." Santana sighed, "it's kinda too late to not keep the baby now."

"While thinking of the two of you getting it on is pretty gross," she nudged Santana with her shoulder, trying to cheer her up a little, "maybe - and I can't believe I'm defending your little freak like this - it's not about your junk, San. How would you feel if stuff was the opposite and you wouldn't get to do her? I mean, I'm guessing you like her and stuff after all. And," she shrugged, pushing open the door to the gymnasium, "it's not like adoption's not an option, right?"

"I don't want that." santana sighed, "I want the kid. So does she." she sighed and licked her plump lips. "I just.. I understand. I just don't like the part of me she wants me to keep. Like I've tried to cut it off and I spend a lot of time wanting to kill myself because of it." She didn't want to tell Quinn about her recent attempt on her life.

Quinn sighed and shrugged, stopping them before they could get out into Sue's field of vision and lowering her voice, "Look, San. I don't have a clue what to tell you to make any of this better or easier, okay? I'm your friend and I'll do my best to help and support you however I can, but this... this is way beyond what I can understand right now. Have you told _her_ any of this? Does she get it?" She looked concerned, "Is there anyway you could just... learn to accept it? I mean, she obviously seems to..."

Santana's lips tightened, "If by accept it, you mean my body?" she narrowed her gaze. "Then you aren't understanding. It's like cancer. It's like having a dead half-formed twin on me. I hate everything it means." she swallowed, "I hate what it makes me."

"You're right, S. I _don't_ understand! And you know what I don't understand the _most_?" Quinn hissed, getting frustrated, "I don't understand why you're even _with_ Rachel if she makes you so unhappy!"

"She makes me happy! Fuck, she makes me really happy but I'm fucking stuck with something that makes me so anxious and depressed... I fucking tried to kill myself a few months back because I hated what it was doing to me. How it made me feel."

Quinn's lips tightened - she wasn't sure if she wanted to smack Santana in that moment or start crying for her, "If she makes you so happy then _pull your shit together_ and figure out how to make this work _for_ you. If you need to get that surgery thing, then freaking _talk_ to her and figure out a way to make it work! Jesus, San! Your hobbit talks all the damn _time_! About _everything_! Haven't you noticed that she _loves_ talking about things? Just _tell her_ how you feel and what you need to be happy!"

"She doesn't understand. No one does." Santana said before walking onto the court.

Quinn wanted to scream in frustration at the other girl, but she just followed her out and vented her ire on the unsuspecting cheerleaders under her command. Much to the pleasure of one Sue Sylvester watching with an eagle eye from the bleachers. Two sweat drenched and exhausting hours later, she finally bellowed into her megaphone for them to hit the showers.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Eleven**

"Noah Puckerman, while I appreciate your inviting me upon your excursion tonight while our romantic partners are elsewise engaged with each other, I will _not_ allow you to make me party to some... some," Rachel scowled at the young man standing in the bed of his truck, carefully unbolting the street sign, " _juvenile delinquency_!"

Puck just ducked his head back around the sign to raise a brow at her. "Dude, I'm like _known_ for this shit." He pointed at her with the crescent wrench he'd been using to twist the nut off the carriage bolt, "Don't go acting like you didn't know. And hey, I'm totally lightening up just for you, Princess. I haven't even _looked_ at a beer tonight."

Rachel scowled, sitting back against the cab of the truck and folding her arms so the rested on her baby bump. "I had better not be arrested. How would I explain that to this little one if their mama and uncle got arrested for... for _hijacking a street sign_?"

"Hijacking a street sign?" He shook his head and ducked back around the sign to keep unbolting, "Seriously, Rach, we gotta teach you a better way to talk. That kid's gonna be born completely confused if you keep up with that bizarre shit. Just be glad I didn't decide to take you tagging."

Rachel gasped, eyes wide, "Noah, _please_ tell me you don't do that!"

Puck rolled his eyes, "Babe, seriously have you seen the wall outside the rec centre?" He smiled when Rachel nodded, "Your baby momma did that pretty number. Her art skills are bitchin'." He smiled and focused on fixing the wrench to take down the sign.

Rachel huffed and looked away, "Santana's artistic talents notwithstanding, there is no cause for _us_ to be engaged in such behavior. It's bad enough you were in juvenile detention due to your misguided attempt to abscond with the automatic teller machine from the 7-11 in our junior year."

He jumped up on the mailbox and made quick work of taking down he sign. "Look, I wanted to get you and San a baby present and what's better than a _merge_ sign." he took down the sign like a pro and threw it to the ground before hopping down off the box. The change in his jeans pocket clattered as he did so.

"Be careful!" Rachel sat up straight, scrambling over to peer over the wall of the bed at him, "I am trained in first aid, but I'm afraid in my condition I won't be of much use if you're actually harmed, Noah, and Quinn would never forgive me if I allowed you to come to injury while in my company!"

"Calm down." He popped up and climbed back over with the sign. "Happy getting knocked up." He presented her the sign with a lopsided smile. "Like it?"

Rachel looked between the sign and Noah for a couple of long moments of jaw-dropped silence before she finally huffed a sigh and ran her fingers over his mohawk. "No matter what anyone else - or your rap sheet - may say, I still think you're the sweetest man I know, Noah Puckerman." She looked at the sign again, her lips twisting in a wry smile, "Even if your methods are occasionally somewhat suspect."

He smirked, "You know it Jew-Babe." He hoisted the sign up and carried it back to the car. He threw it into the back of his truck and got in. "Where to now? Burger? Strip club?" He wiggled his eyebrows as he looked over to the girl.

"Noah, you can truly be disgusting sometimes." Rachel huffed climbing down out of the bed of the truck and getting in with him. "Do you honestly believe it would be appropriate to take a pregnant girl to a strip club?"

"I don't know. Don't know any preggo chicks other than you." he shrugged, "Quinn won't go with me... Girlfriends are kinda annoying, dude. All she wants to go is talk and not let me into her pants."

Rachel raised a brow, "Noah, Santana and my relationship notwithstanding, you aren't honestly focusing all of your effort into getting into Quinn's pants again are you? After that scare in sophomore year, I highly doubt she'll allow it again before marriage."

"No, I mean I really like her, she's like the coolest chick other than you and San..." He sighed and looked at his friend before turning on the car. "I just... I have needs." He pulled out of the street they stole the sign from and started driving in silence. "Look, I really like her and she lets me get to touching sometimes but... like I just wanna make sure she likes it and whatever."

"Well," Rachel nibbled on her lower lip and stroked her belly as she thought about it, "you might not like to hear this, but... talk to her. Women find it very appealing when their significant other is willing to discuss things and perhaps even more importantly to _listen_ to what they're telling you."

"You're telling me Santana actually talks. And _listen_ s to you?" He was confused, he had known Santana for years and she never talked about real stuff to him.

Rachel's lips twisted in a wry grin. "Noah, didn't I just get finished informing you that the relationship Santana and I share is not exactly typical? But... she does sometimes. And when she does, I feel it is my responsibility as her partner to listen to her and try to understand what she's telling me."

He nodded, "I still have no fucking idea how you two happened... But watching y'all fuck was the first time I ever felt like I was intruding on something..." he admitted.

"I didn't even notice you leave, to be honest." She blushed, ducking her head so her hair swept down to hide her face, "I'm afraid I was doing all I could to block out that you were there and...and I never want her to feel like less than the beautiful woman I know she is."

"I get that... But isn't it hard? Or weird?" He asked, not meaning to offend her. "Like, she's a dude. She's lying to everyone and she won't take responsibility for what she did. She got you knocked up and she won't publicly admit it."

Rachel scowled, immediately defensive as soon as he started calling Santana a guy. "First of all - and I wish to make this completely and impeccably clear to you, Noah Puckerman - Santana, _my girlfriend_ \- is not now, nor has she ever been a _dude._ She is entirely, one hundred percent female no matter what mistake may have been made with her biology." Her voice came out hissing as she forced it between clenched teeth. "I do not wish to hear you ever refer to her as male in my presence again! And second, perhaps you don't understand the difficulties in simply being gay in this town, but I do and I most certainly do not blame her for wanting to keep the truth about us and this child a secret until we are away from this benighted town once and for all! So, no, Noah. To answer your question it is neither difficult or weird to be there for her in whatever capacity she desires or requires of me."

Puck focused back on driving, his jaw tight from getting yelled at. "I..." He sighed, "I've always been there for her, but I'm sorry, it's really hard for me to understand what the hell is happening." He looked over with a shrug. "She told me our entire relationship that she was a girl, but then she goes and get you pregnant and it just doesn't add up. If she hates her dick so much why does she use it?" He cracked his neck, "I'm not that smart, I'm not gonna pretend to get it..."

"Because," Rachel's lips tightened even as her words soften and she stared out the window trying to push down how guilty she felt every time, "because I forced her to... It was so wrong of me... I hate myself for not realizing what I was doing to her at the time."

"I doubt you could force Santana into anything," he assured her. "Look, I don't get ya'll, but Santana isn't staying with you 'cuz you're baking her seed in your vag." He reached over and held the girl's hand. "Don't dwell on that okay?"

Rachel glanced over at him with pained eyes but she smiled. "Thank you for saying so, Noah, but I know I hurt her by desiring her sexually and it bothers me. I just... I can't seem to make her believe that she's a girl to me. I," she swallowed, looking down at their hands, before continuing softly, "I love her, but I can't make her truly happy..."

"Why do you think that?" He asked, his eyes glancing over to her. "Just because she needs to learn to deal with _her_ problems doesn't mean she can't love you or she won't be happy with you."

Rachel shrugged, refusing to meet his gaze. "I don't know. I just... I know she's unhappy the... way she is. She's been talking about a surgery that could remove her," she nodded towards his lap, "you know. But, if I can't make her feel good when I touch her or...or when she touches me, then how am I anything more than just a friend who also happens to be the birth mother of her child?" She sighed, leaning her head against the window. "I can't make her complete or change that she's shaped the way she is. I'm just not enough for her to be really happy, Noah. No matter how much I may wish I was."

He look pained for a moment, just the thought of loosing his manhood making him wince. "Look, San will come around... I promise she'll work through this. That operation costs so much money, she and her dad? They ain't got it after all the medical shit she's gone through." He informed the girl. "She might think it will help her be happy to not have it, but I'm pretty sure she'll still be fucking depressed, angry and feel like a freak."

She sighed, her lips twisting in a sad excuse for a smile. "I wish I could have your optimism, Noah. All I know is she hates that part of herself and no matter what I do, I can't make her realize she's perfect to me just the way she is. Because she's Santana Lopez and there is no one in this world like her."

"She is pretty badass," he smiled as they pulled into the Lopez house. "...If they're having a naked pillow fight, I get to take a video before you go crazy."

Rachel's jaw dropped in shock, "A...a naked pillow fight? Noah! While I cannot deny Quinn's tendency towards pugilistic pillows, I highly doubt that either of our girlfriends would engage in such behaviors while nude!"

"You never know with those two." He smiled, his brain obviously engaged in the thoughts of the two cheerios naked and pillow fighting. "They both enjoy to be semi clothed and are freakishly comfortable with each other. When we were little the three of us used to chill and we'd be naked like all the time, that's how Q and I found out about _little Santana_... not that at five any of us cared. Her dad came in the play room once and saw three naked kids covered in paint and just shook his head." Puck smiled fondly, "He popped our asses in the bath and told us that Sanny was born a little boy but is just like Quinn."

He got out of the car and came over to Rachel's door to help her out, "And neither of us ever questioned that."

Rachel put her hands on his shoulders and let him lift her out of his truck. "It's things like that that make me entirely envious that I didn't get to know any of you until the fifth grade when my fathers moved us here. I feel like I missed out on so many opportunities to be friends with everyone instead of an outsider looking in."

"Would have been cool, Jew-babe." He smiled and escorted her to the house.

* * *

Santana and Quinn had decided on a full fledged girls' night after they woke up following Puck dropping Quinn off when he picked up Rachel for a Jewish friend time and temple. Santana was barely awake when Quinn crawled into the spot Rachel had just been in Santana's bed. She flopped down and fell back to sleep with her dark haired teammate with their partners looking on. Once Puck assured Rachel that the passed out cheerleaders was a normal thing and that they'd wake up at some point, they left the two girls to sleep.

A few hours later Santana groaned as she woke up, getting up and heading down to the kitchen where she noted that it was well into the late afternoon. She stretched and grabbed the package of bacon out of the fridge and turned on the broiler in the oven. She quickly put the pork on a baking sheet and slid it in the oven as she grabbed a loaf of bread and a tomato and quickly went about creating BLTs. When the blonde Cheerio woke up to the aroma of bacon wafting into her nose, she padded down to the kitchen to see Santana hunched over the counter reading a baby book while the bacon cooked.

"Do I really smell bacon? Or are you just a sexy bacon fairy haunting my dreams like an evil temptress?" The blonde yawned, rubbing her eyes with a smile as she padded into the room. "What are you studying so hard?"

The darker girl looked up and raised an eyebrow over her black rimmed glasses, "Sexy bacon fairy." She replied before marking her page and closing the book to pull the bacon out of the oven. She went about grabbing the bread and toppings and quickly assembled the food, sliding the bacon onto them and and the finished plate to the blonde. "Eat." She said firmly, as she poured two mugs of coffee and sat down at the island. She yawned and took a bite out of her food, "And I'm reading a book about babies. Rachel bought the whole store I think."

Quinn took a seat at the island and bit into her sandwich with a moan of delight. "Oh, this is heavenly. Can I stay over here all the time? Daddy doesn't approve of my eating like this at home," she mumbled around her second bite before realizing Santana had answered her question. She nearly laughed when it finally sank in. "Jesus, San! Just because she bought out the local stock in baby books doesn't mean you have to actually read any of them."

"Your daddy is a douche and you should totally live with me." Santana smiled and began to eat her own meal. She chewed and shook her head, "Well, I sure as hell ain't going to a parenting class. Them bitches be crazy. All hateful, hippy freaked chicks with armpit hair and no bra. So I'll read the damn book and stay in my house with my bacon and BFF." She said sternly as she tossed the book back on the counter where it came from.

Quinn nearly choked on her sandwich, "Parenting class? San you're not seriously thinking of keeping this kid are you? What about college? What about getting out of here?"

Santana sighed, "Still leaving. Still gonna go to school as long as I get a cheer and academic scholarship. And yes, Q; We're keeping the baby." She knew her friend wouldn't be happy. years of promising to go to college together, to get out of Lima together were torn down by a simple mistake. "I know you're mad, but you and I can still do all the stuff we talked about growing up."

Quinn glowered at her food, shaking her head, her sandwich in ruins forgotten on the plate. "I don't understand you anymore, S. What happened to my best friend? What happened to getting out of here together and never coming back?"

"Do you even have a way to support a baby, San? And what are you going to do with Rachel?" She looked up, looking more frustrated and hurt then angry, "You're really going to throw everything away because of a selfish little girl?"

"I have savings and I'll get a job." Santana said quickly, "We're still getting out of here, Quinn. You and me... but now we grew up. You can't look me in the eye and tell me that you're not thinking of finding a way for Puck to get out of here too, can you? You and I both know he's not going to college, so tell me Quinn if your boyfriend doesn't leave, will you?" She shook her head, "She might be selfish, but I'm not throwing my life away. I'm not letting anyone throw their life away. I don't want her to get an abortion, but I also don't think I could live with the thought of someone else raising my kid."

Quinn looked away with a sigh - she knew there was no reasoning with the stubborn girl once she had her mind made up. "You're only seventeen, Santana. Have you just... decided this is it for you? Rachel Berry and a baby she forced on you?"

"I got her pregnant." Santana said simply. "It's my job to take care of it."

Quinn's lips thinned as she pressed them together. "And who's going to take care of you, Santana?" She fidgeted, her fingers ripping the remains of her sandwich into tiny shreds in agitation. Finally she huffed out a sigh and shook her head. "Whatever, San. If you're so determined to do this, I guess my only choice is to support you, even if I think you're throwing your future away. But don't you dare come crying to me about how miserable you are in a few years, cause I'm just gonna remind you of right now and how I told you it was a bad idea."

"Not only my future is ruined okay? Rachel is now stuck with this situation which I'm not sure she knows how to handle. She should be a star, now she's almost an 18 year old mother." Santana started cleaning up to cover the fact she was unsure about what she was doing. "Honestly Quinn, do you really think I'm ever going to be happy with anything? Becasue more and more, I think it's a lie people tell to try to make me think that this right now is the worst."

Santana turned to look at Quinn, "In five months I'm going to be 18... The age that every doctor told me I could become who I really want to be at. But, now I'm confused. I have this penis that has a mind of it's own that, even though I hate using it or looking at it, clouds my judgment when it comes to sex. So what do I do? Do I go through with the surgery and become a _glorified barbie doll_ who can't have sex and can't feel sex because the surgery can't make me into a biological girl...? Or do I keep it? It's not like ether way is better. One way I put my family into more debit, the other way I make myself even more unhappy."

Quinn rested her chin on her palm as she watched Santana move around the room. "Do you think this baby is going to make you happy, S? I just want to know that you believe you're doing the right thing here. Rachel," she shook her head, "Let's be honest. With that voice unless she stops trying completely, she's going to be a star. Maybe it will take a little longer now, but neither of us can deny she's going to get out of here and be amazing." She offered a wry smile. "She seems quite taken with you right now and if you let her, I wouldn't be surprised if she pulls you along with her. But... San, you have to think of yourself too."

"Maybe..." She sighed, "Maybe... I don't wanna think for myself right now. Maybe, I'm okay with following Rachel where ever she wants to go... Maybe that will make me happy." She said, licking her lips and struggling to find her voice. "I'm just tired of being different. Needing to have everything be hidden and lies. I just want to have this kid and focus on that."

"Whatever, San," Quinn sighed, getting up to help clean up, "I get not wanting to lie and hide and all that. I do. I may not really understand how you feel about everything, but," she let her hand rest on Santana's shoulder, "I want you to be happy, S. I might not like Rachel very much or like what she did to you or the reason this child exists... But if she makes you happy, then ok."

The darker girl nodded and washed her hands, "I believe I was promised a movie marathon. I have the following: Buffy, Charmed, Boy meets World, and pretty much anything on Netflix." She grabbed the two liter bottle of grape soda from her fridge and pointed at the box of popcorn. "Also, get to popping blondie."

Quinn laughed, grabbing the box and pulling out a bag. "Now there's my best friend! And extra butter, mmm. I think your girlfriend might have a problem with it but I love it." She tossed the bag in the microwave after unwrapping it, setting the machine running. "I vote for Charmed. It's been too long since I've watched it with my BFF."

"Sounds awesome." Santana smiled, leaning over and kissing Quinn's cheek. "I'll go set it up, bring the popcorn in when it's ready." The other girl headed out of the kitchen and put the soda down on the living room table. She looked around and grabbed her Charmed boxset and put the DVD into the player. Once everything was set up she plopped down on the couch and kicked her legs up and waited for her friend.

A few minutes later, Quinn came out with a big bowl full of popcorn and rummaged in her bag before coming up with a big box of milk duds which she held up as she came in to drop on the sofa nearly on Santana's legs. "Milk duds?" she asked, shaking the box.

"Hell yes, woman!" Santana exclaimed, wiggling her finger out for the box. "Mmm chocolate carmel goodness." She smiled and grabbed the box and popped it open and put one into her mouth. "We're gonna have to work out so hard next week." She reminded her captain as she watched Quinn begin eating the popcorn.

"Mmhmm," Quinn replied, tossing a handful of greasy buttered popcorn in her mouth and crunching, "but so worth it. Now, come on, woman! You lured me here with promises of Charmed!" She slapped Santana's legs, smirking, "Where is it?"

Santana pressed play and watched the screen as the opening credits rolled. She leaned forward and grabbed the soda and cracked the seal and took a long drink before resting it back on the table. She ate a handful of popcorn and settled in for a calorie filled afternoon.

Quinn reached for the bottle and took a healthy swig before setting it back and leaning against Santana's shoulder with a content sigh. "Extra butter popcorn, Milk Duds, soda pop, and old tv shows with my BFF. And, most importantly, no Sue. Saturdays don't get much better than this."

"Mm. Totally." Santana replied, resting her head on Quinn's shoulder.

* * *

Rachel opened the door with the key Santana's father had given her and let Puck in. "Santana, Quinn, we're..." she stepped into the living room, a discarded soda bottle spinning away after her toe hit it as her jaw dropped in shock seeing the two cheerleaders sprawled on each other hands and faces greasy with butter and chocolate, "home... Oh my gosh, what happened here?"

The mohawked boy just shook his head and grabbed the bottle and put up on the counter. "This is nothing, I once came over after they won nationals and they had literally fallen asleep in a box of pizza." He smiled fondly, "they are grosser then most of the football players I know." He grabbed the box of milk duds and popped a few in his mouth. He looked down at Quinn who's head was resting in Santana's lap with a hand full of popcorn still clutched between her fingers. " _God_ she's sexy."

"Absolutely filthy an d covered in disgusting animal byproducts?" Rachel raised a brow at her friend, "I wonder about your standards sometimes, Noah." But even with her deriding his clear affection for the greasy blonde, she couldn't help the soft smile as she picked a couple of pieces of popcorn from Santana's hair and brushed it from her face.

A stray fiber of popcorn accidentally got inhaled as Santana softly snored. She awoke with a start coughing and holding her hand to her chest as she tried to sneeze. She let out a loud sneeze, causing Quinn to wake up.

"The hell, San!" Quinn grumbled as she sat up, her handful of popcorn falling to the floor. Quinn looked up and saw her boyfriend and Rachel. "Why is the hobbit looking at us like that?"

"You two are utterly disgusting," Rachel huffed, stepping back and crossing her arms, trying to make it look as if she hadn't been as lovestruck as Puck with Quinn when it came to Santana. "Did you eat anything healthy today?"

"Tomatoes on BLTs." Quinn offered up with a smug grin as she leaned over and lightly kissed Puck with butter covered lips. Santana finished coughing and took a drink of the soda.

"It's girls' day." Santana shrugged and stood up, ignoring the dull stomach ache that occurred when she did. "We do our thing on girls' day."

"Apparently." Rachel scoffed, picking up a discarded bag of popcorn. "I suppose if I assist you in cleaning up, we won't have to attempt an explanation to your father, Santana." She looked around with an expression of vague nausea. "And I'll prepare something suitable as a meal for all of us once we finish."

Santana looked sick at the thought of more food. "No more," she shook her head and ran her hands over her stomach. Moving closer to Rachel, she hugged her from behind and kissed her cheek. "You look cute when you're mad."

Rachel blushed at the kiss, then realized that the slick feeling on her cheek was butter when the smell hit her nose and promptly paled and looked nauseous. "Santana... did you just... on me? Butter?" She sounded faint, her hand slapping over her mouth as she tried to quell the urge to be sick.

"It's not like it's real butter it's all chemicals anyway." Santana shrugged, trying to ignore the fact Quinn was cracking up at Rachel's reaction.

"I know I just," she coughed slightly at the bile surging up in her throat, "it smells like... Oh my gosh, I'm going to be ill..." Rachel suddenly darted off to the bathroom down the hall, the door slamming shut and the muffled sounds of vomiting coming through it.

"Fuck." Santana whispered, "I suck so hard." she looked at her two friends confused about what to do.

Puck just rolled his eyes and threw an arm around Santana's shoulders. "Don't worry so much. You shoulda seen her reaction when Hudson tried to kiss her after eating a burger last year. Besides, it ain't your fault. She said she was feeling a little queasy earlier. Probably from being in the truck with me all day."

Santana sighed and went into the kitchen and washed her face and hands. She worked on cleaning up and hiding all the evidence of the bacon and butter fest from earlier in the day. She sighed and watched quietly as Puck and Quinn whispered closely. She was upset that she'd never have the same kind of relationship that her friends had. She rested her hand on the fridge as she opened the door and grabbed two beers and threw one to Puck. "Quinn, are you still not drinking?"

"No, just soda for me, San." Quinn tossed her a wry smirk, "One of us with a license needs to stay sober after all."

Rachel came out of the bathroom looking entirely sheepish. "I'm very sorry, sweetheart." She leaned up, awkward with her advanced pregnancy, and kissed Santana's cheek, "I'm afraid Noah's driving leaves something to be desired compared to yours."

"I'm sorry. I didn't realize you were so sensitive to smell." Santana sighed and slid Quinn's soda to her. "Do you want some tea? Or water or something." She pulled off the cap of her bottle and took a long swig. Her dad hated when she stole his beer, but he was also away for he weekend and she could get Puck to replace it before Monday. "I'm sorry..." She looked down at her feet, honestly feeling bad that she caused Rachel to throw up.

"Tea would be nice," Rachel smiled softly, ignoring Quinn and Puck to focus on her girlfriend as she gently ran her fingers along the girl's arm. "And, Santana, I didn't even know I was so sensitive to smell until that moment. Please don't feel bad."

"Okay." Santana shrugged and went to the kettle and flicked it on. She went about brewing green tea for Rachel and avoided turning around and looking at her best friends who had taken to making out on the couch. "They think we're gross?" Santana smirked as she nodded towards her friends. She moved out of their line of vision and curled her finger for Rachel to come over to her.

Rachel cocked her head to the side and followed her lover across the room with a tiny smile. "What do you have in mind, beautiful?"

The darker girl wrapped her fingers around Rachel's belt loops and pulled the girl's close. She leaned in and pressed her lips to the shell of the diva's ear with a smile. "I just wanted to touch you." She captured Rachel's earlobe between her lips with a smile.

Rachel shivered and slid her hands around Santana's waist. As soon as the other girl's hands were on her, her lips brushing her skin, her body relaxed, the tension of the day flowing out of her as she sighed softly, her eyes closing. "I missed you today," she whispered.

Santana kept kissing down Rachel's neck as she listened to her girlfriend speak. "I missed you too." She pulled away with a smile, "I don't like being without you and the baby. My head doesn't shut up. When you're here though? It's quiet." She rested her head against Rachel's with a sigh.

"I don't like being without you either," Rachel admitted, tracing little patterns on Santana's sides with her thumbs. "It's like I can't relax unless you're near. And I think our little one is happier with you too."

She slid a hand over to Santana's, tugging it until she managed to place the slightly larger hand of her partner on her stomach. "See?" she whispered softly, feeling the baby move inside her.

Santana's eyes went wide. "It's..." She looked up then back down at the other girl's stomach. "It's moving... I can feel it moving, Rachel." Her eyes were brimming with tears, she looked down at the bump and stroked her fingers over it. "Hi, baby." She whispered, her voice carrying loud enough to make Santana think that the baby might hear it.

Rachel smiled, biting her lip to try and keep the tears filling her eyes from falling at her lover's response, gently stroking her fingers through Santana's hair. "I know. It's amazing, isn't it? Our baby, Santana..."

The thumbs of the darker girl smoothed over Rachel's stomach gently, she could feel the slight movements under the hardened bump. "Does it feel weird? Having something moving around inside?" She asked as she continued to stroke the girl's skin.

"A little," Rachel admitted, watching Santana's fascination with a smile, "but in a good way. I know they're okay when they move."

"When who moves?" Puck asked coming around the corner, grinning when he sees how close the two girls are, "Whoa, gonna get some girl on girl action on or what?"

Quinn slapped the back of his head as she came up behind him, straightening her shirt, "Don't be an ass, Puck. What's going on, S?"

Santana backed up a little when her friends came into the room. "What? Oh..." She looked over at Quinn with a shrug. "The baby is moving and it feels cool. I hadn't felt it before." She smiled and pulled her hands away and shoved them into her pocket. "And Puck?" She raised her eyebrow, "Shut up. You two were just humping on my couch."

When Santana pulled away, it was like the tension came back with a vengeance. Rachel sighed and stepped back. "I'm a little tired so I'm going to go lie down for a little, okay, Santana?" She smiled weakly and turned to walk back to Santana's room.

"Okay..." Santana said softly as she watched Rachel walk away. She rolled her neck and sighed, "I swear to you, nothing I do is right." She took a long swig of her beer and closed her eyes for a moment trying to figure out what went wrong. She didn't wanna dwell on her issues with Rachel so she turned back to Puck and Quinn. "Are you two staying over? My spare room is open for you."

"Dude, why the hell did you jump off Rach? Just cause we walked in?" Puck looked confused, feeling defensive of the tiny pregnant girl walking away. "I thought you were cool with her and all this shit by now."

Quinn just shook her head, making her way over to the stove to shut off the whistling kettle.

"Look I got startled and whatever, back off." Santana grumbled and started fixing Rachel's tea. "Are you staying over or what?"

"Yeah, I'm staying." Puck ran his hand over his mohawk with a grimace, "Rach'll go ballistic on me if she finds out I drove home after drinking. I'll crash on the couch, though. My girl can have the bed."

Quinn looked at him, startled. "Are you sure?"

He shrugged, "Yeah. Look, I know I can be clueless and stuff, but Rach had a point when she said I don't listen. And well," he scratched at his head, looking off awkwardly, "this is me trying to listen for once."

Santana smiled and grabbed a package of rice crackers for Rachel from the shelf. "Good boy," She stated walking over and kissing his cheek. "Quinn, you have pajamas in the room and, Puck, you know where the blankets and whatever are for the couch, right?" He nodded and smiled.

"You two be good, no humping on my couch!" Santana called back over her shoulder after she kissed Quinn's cheek and picked up Rachel's tea and crackers and headed up to her room. She slid into the bedroom and closed the door behind her.

"Rachel?" She called out into the mostly dark room. "I brought your tea and some rice crackers for you..." She offered as a peace offering.

"Santana?" Rachel reached over an tapped on the bedside light, peering over at her girlfriend. Now that she was away from the other two, the tiredness and tension she was feeling from keeping up appearances around them was more evident. She smiled wearily at Santana, "Thank you, sweetheart. You didn't have to."

"I'm sorry for pulling away.. I'm still... I'm still new to being with someone." She moved closer to the girl and sat on the bed and put the drink and snack down. "I'm just... I was startled, I didn't hear them coming in I was so focused on the baby and I just got startled."

"It's okay," Rachel murmured with a quiet smile, reaching out to gently stroke her fingers over Santana's hand, "I really was tired. It's surprisingly exhausting spending an entire day with Noah lately. But, if you'd like an uninterrupted moment," she settled back in the bed, tugging up her tank top to reveal the swell of her abdomen, "your child has been restless since you first touched my stomach a little bit ago and spoke to them."

She smiled softly, encouraging Santana to touch the tight skin, "I think they already know your voice, Santana. They are going to love you so much, beautiful girl..."

pThe proud mother leaned over and pressed her lips to the soft skin of her child's current home. She kissed it several more times before resting her head on Rachel's stomach and smiling when she heard he soft heartbeat from Rachel echoing in her lover's belly. After a few moments of silence, Santana began speaking softly in Spanish to the bump. She was whispering gentle words of love, telling the baby that they'd always be there for it, always love them no matter what.

"Rachel?" Santana whispered after she finished talking to the baby. "What... What if I end up feeling like my mom did with me? Or you feel like that."

"Not possible," Rachel answered with a sleepy yawn. "I already love this child more than Broadway. And," she yawned again, "just seeing how anxious you are makes me think that it is possible you do as well. No matter what, Santana, we are going to love and do our absolute best to care for this little one when they come out to meet us." She stroked tired fingers through her lover's hair. "I know we're not perfect. But we'll do our best, right?"

"I know... I just don't really know how to be a mom... I mean, neither do you, we didn't have moms in our life to show us..." Santana got up and quickly stripped down to her boyshorts and tank top and crawled in bed behind Rachel. "I just don't wanna be like my mom. I don't wanna abandon my kid or you."

"I don't want to be like my mom either, Santana," Rachel whispered tiredly, snuggling back into her lover embrace. "I don't want to disappear, then manipulate our child into finding me... only to abandon them again when they get the chance to start to know me. We're not going to be anything like our mothers, beautiful. We are going to be better."

Santana held the mother of her child closer, "I don't think we could be worse, so there is always that." she sighed.

Rachel took one of Santana's hands and moved it so it was resting over their child. "We're going to be better, Santana. I know it."


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

It had been nearly five months since Rachel and Santana's life changed. Since they both had to take a step back from their own problems and focus on the child that was growing inside Rachel's stomach.

Santana was having a hard time focusing in school between the job she picked up at the hospital, trying to keep her GPA high and trying to decide what she was going to do when she turned 18 in a few weeks. She found herself zoning out, legs kicked up on the back row of chairs as she stared off into space during Glee. Quinn sat next to her filing her nails as Mr. Schue rattled on during a showing of West Side Story. Santana just rested her head back against the wall. She couldn't focus. Sometimes she felt like she couldn't even think anymore. Everyone wanted something different for her. Everyone had a different opinion on the surgery. Her doctor, her therapist, her group, her girlfriend... even _Quinn_ had an opinion on what she should do.

The only one who had no idea was Santana.

Across the room, Rachel watched Santana as covertly as she could. She'd noticed her getting more and more withdrawn and distracted as they got closer and closer to her birthday. She didn't like it and wanted to do something to make it better, but mostly all she could do was watch and try to be there as best she could.

An odd idea caught her attention and she observed Santana quietly for a moment longer before biting her lip to try and disguise a little smile as she pulled out her phone. She'd been thinking of trying something like this for some time and if it cheered her girlfriend up, all the better.

_To My Girl: Hello, sweetheart. May I enquire as to your undergarments? :)_

Satisfied that this was an admirable first attempt, she hit send and slid her phone away.

When her hip vibrated Santana jumped slightly. She wiggled her phone from her waistband and looked down at the text. Santana looked at her phone confused for a moment before looking over to the girl in the darkened room. She raised her eyebrow and slid her thumb over the screen lock on her phone and typed out a message.

_To Rae: purple boy shorts and spanks, why?_

Rachel pulled her phone out and read the text with a tiny smile. Catching her lip between her teeth, she tapped out a response before hitting send and sliding the phone away with a tiny smirk.

_To My Girl: I merely wished to know what I would be pulling off you with my teeth later. I can't hardly wait to push my tongue between your folds and suck on your clit. :)_

The darker girl's head snapped up once she read the message on her phone.

_To Rae: Rachel... What are you doing? We're in class and.. you know that you can't do that to me._

Rachel checked her phone when it buzzed again and rolled her eyes.

_To My Girl: I am aware of that. However, I would appreciate it if you would play along with my fantasy. If you do, I can promise I will take care of any resultant situations as soon as we are released from class._

Santana hesitated about continuing the conversation with her girlfriend during class. She thought about it for a few moments before texting back.

_To Rae: Okay. I think, I think that I'd like your tongue in my pussy._

Rachel smiled and wiggled slightly in her chair, pleased to have gotten her way.

_To My Girl: That's what I like to hear. :) I'd stroke my tongue between your folds, collecting your juices. Mmm delicious. I'd circle your entrance before pushing inside._

Santana licked her lips as she thought about the words on the screen. She let her hands move to her lap so she could press down against her hidden appendage as her fingers typed.

_To Rae: I'd slide my fingers through your hair. I'd want to have control over your mouth so I can tug and move your mouth where I want I. Would you like that? Me taking control?_

Rachel smiled down at her phone, casting sly glances at Santana as she licked her lips and typed out a reply.

_To My Girl: I'd love that. You know how much I love when you tell me what to do. I'd reach up under your top and squeeze your breasts, run my thumbs over your nipples. Would you enjoy that?_

_To Rae: Yes. I'd tug on your hair, pulling you up to my clit and whispering for you to suck._

Santana felt a familiar feeling beginning to stir in her lower region. Her right hand moved to slide under the pleats of her skirt to wrap around her cloth covered member. She squeezed it slightly, letting her eyes flutter closed as imagined her girlfriend's mouth on an bundle of nerves that she only possessed in her mind.

_To My Girl: I'd wrap my lips around your clit and suck hard. After a moment, I'd let up, only to drag my teeth across it. I want to put my fingers in you, beautiful. Can I?_

Santana stifled a groan as she read the text, suddenly very happy that it was dark in the room.

_To Rae: Please. I'd slide down so you have more access to me. God. Do you know what you're doing to me, Rae? I wanna fuck you so hard right now._

Rachel glanced around the room, meeting Santana's eyes for a moment before looking back to her screen. She could feel her cheeks burn with a mixture of embarrassment and desire.

_To My Girl: I hope I know what I'm doing to you. I can't wait to feel your fingers in me, your thumb on my clit. You know only you can touch me like that. Make me drenched with want. God, I'm just /dripping/. Am I making you as wet as you are me?_

Santana groaned softly causing Quinn to look over and scoff.

"Seriously!" She hissed, "You two make me wanna puke." Santana just rolled her eyes and squeezed her dick again when Quinn wasn't watching. She quickly typed out a message to her wanton girl a few rows in front of her.

_To Rae: I want to take you right now. Like that time I fucked you in Schue's office before glee._

Rachel started typing out a reply only to have the phone snatched out of her hands. Spinning around in shock, she glared at the lumbering quarterback. "Finn Hudson, you return my property immediately!"

"No way, I wanna see what's got you grinning like that." He smiled lopsidedly at her. "Probably writing some sappy love poems for your myspace about me."

"For your information, I'm doing nothing of the sort, now give me my phone!" She held her hand out expectantly, glaring at him. When he didn't return it immediately, she reached for it.

He just held it up out of her reach with a laugh. "Come on, Rach, I just want to see what's making you so happy!" He opened the phone and flicked open the latest text message, "Let's see... To Rae - aww, cute nickname, Rach. Should I call you that?"

"No! Just give me my phone, Finn!"

Rachel all but stomped the ground, causing Will to cue up the lights and stop the playback of the movie. "What's going on here, guys?"

"Finn has decided to help himself to _my_ phone and my _private_ messages!" Rachel spun around to glare at Finn, "And I demand he return my property immediately!"

Finn was staring fixedly at the phone and ignoring her demands, his face growing darker as he began scowling. ""Fucked you in Schue's office before glee"?" He shot to his feet looming over the startled girl, who backed away scared, "What the fuck is this crap, Rachel?"

Any arousal that might have been swelling in Santana's body deflated the moment she saw Rachel fighting Finn for the phone. Her eyes went wide, her hand dropped her dick and her feet dropped off the chair in front of her. She looked over to Quinn, who had caught on to the nature of the text messages and knew that _Finn_ should not be reading them. When Santana heard the gigantic boy read out the nature of her final text she turned a deep red.

"Finn! Stop being an ass and give Rachel her phone back." Puck called over once he caught on to what was going on. "Seriously, dude, stop being such a dick."

Santana sat, watching not knowing what to do.

"A dick?" He spun around to glare at Puck, "She's fucking _cheating_ on me and _I'm_ a dick? What the fuck, man! I thought you were my friend!"

"I am your friend, bro." Puck stood up, getting between him and Rachel, "And as your friend, I'm telling you to give my girl her phone back and sit your ass down."

"But she's _cheating_ on me!" Finn looked like he was about to cry, "I love her and she's going behind my back! How is this right, Puck? Huh?"

"I... I'm not cheating on anyone!" Rachel finally cried out from by the piano. "I broke up with you _months_ ago, Finn."

"No! You did not!" Finn's hands were clenched into fists, Rachel's bedazzled phone crackling ominously, "We're still together, Rachel. You and me. We're going to New York together, remember? This is just a break, baby..."

"Are you _kidding_ me?" Quinn exclaimed as she heard her ex-boyfriend bitching. "Finn, I knew you were self centered but, I'm impressed." She shook her head, she knew she had to step in for Santana who just looked like a deer in the headlights. "Do you not realize that she hasn't even looked at you in close to what, _six months_?" She said alluding to her pregnancy. "Are you really that blind? She's not with you!"

Quinn didn't want to stand up for Rachel, but she also disliked her ex-boyfriend and his immature behaviour a lot more than her obvious dislike for the tiny diva.

"Who is it?" Finn turned to glare at Rachel, making the tiny girl cower back, "I wanna know who the fuck you're texting."

"It... It's none of your business, Finn." Her voice wavered, but she did her best to straighten her back and stand up to him.

He hurled her phone at the wall, shattering it. "Like hell it's not! Who the fuck is "My Girl", Rachel?"

In the back row, he could just barely hear Kurt and Mercedes whispering to each other. Spinning around he pointed and accusing finger at the gossiping duo. "What the hell did you just say, Kurt?"

"I... I," the well-dressed boy cleared his throat, smoothing his jacket down, "I was just saying to Mercedes that I'm amazed Rachel managed to obtain not only a surprise pregnancy but apparently a lesbian relationship as well, and all without our finding out. Brava, Ms Berry. Brava."

Finn's jaw dropped as he turned back around, his hands reaching trembling for Rachel's belly, "Y-you're pregnant? We're having a baby?" He looked up at her with his goofiest shocked grin, "I'm gonna be a daddy?"

"Back the fuck off, Frankenteen." Santana called from the back of the room. Quinn and Puck's heads turned fast at the sound of her voice, "Your reputation got alls around school. You can't even get it out of your pants let alone in anything thing else. You're still a virgin, so sit the fuck down, _jolly green giant_." She hissed.

"Back the hell off yourself, Satan. You think you're hot stuff but you're nothing but a common whore." Finn peered down his nose at her, "You don't even _like_ Rachel so keep your nose out of things that are none of your business!"

"What did you call her?" Rachel's voice was low and angry.

"What the hell, Rach? It's Satan. She gets off on treating people like shit. It's about time someone gave her some of her own back." Finn shrugged, "Why the hell would you defend her? Just tell her I'm the baby's daddy and make her shut up."

"Why would I do that, Finn?" Rachel looked confused for a moment, but still angry, "You're _not_ the father of my child. In fact, unless you develop a method of impregnating a woman through your _pants_ , I highly doubt you will _ever_ be a father." She took a step towards him, anger all be radiating off her, "And Santana happens to be my _friend_ and I will _not_ tolerate you or anyone else bad mouthing her like that! She's a good, honest person, Finn Hudson, who has _never_ lied to me, which is far more than I can say about _you_!"

She poked him in the stomach, Puck standing nearby to get between them if necessary, "And let me make this perfectly clear to you. We are _not_ together. I am with someone who makes me _happy_ and makes me feel complete when I'm with her, which is more than you could do. This is _my_ child, not yours. Not biologically. Not emotionally. Not in any manner _ever_ will my child be yours."

Finn turned red, "You aren't breaking up with me, Rachel! No one breaks up with me!"

"Oh sweet god," Quinn hissed, "You are not hot shit, Finn!" She moved closer to her boyfriend so she could yell at Finn. "You only think Santana's a whore because _she_ turned _you_ down! You are not a good boyfriend, you are not even a good _guy_ and I second Rachel's comment on you not being able to impregnate anyone!" Puck quickly grabbed his girlfriend's arm and pulled her closer so she didn't punch Finn.

"Finn, Rachel's been over you for forever. Look. The baby's mine, deal with it and move on." He stated, taking the fall for his two friends' relationship and Santana's sanity. Santana watched from afar, her fists white knuckled at the situation and hearing Puck call the baby his.

"W-what? I...you... _again_ , Puck?" Finn finally just screamed and shoved his way past where Will was standing dumbfounded, kicking over the teacher's chair as he passed.

Will worked his jaw for a moment before thinning his lips and turning to Rachel. "Rachel, we can't have disruptions like this in Glee. I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to ask you to leave until you can manage to control yourself better."

Blinking in shock, Rachel shook her head before stomping over to grab her bag. "Mr Schue, I would like to make a point before I go. Namely that, while I am entirely aware that _you_ need _me_ , I, on the other hand, most certainly do _not_ need _you_."

Pivoting on her heel, she marched out of the choir room, letting the door slam behind her before she allowed even one tear to fall at being kicked out of the one place she'd felt like she fit in.

* * *

With that Santana was done. She was done pretending. She was done caring about the people in the room that obviously had no respect for Rachel and had no respect for her.

She got up, grabbed her backpack and pushed her way to the front of the room. She stood toe to toe with the Spanish teacher. "You are a failed performer. You suck at Spanish and you just tossed out the _one_ thing that makes this club good. She _is_ this club, and over and over you let everyone shit on her in favor of _Finn_." Santana yelled at him, not caring if she got in trouble. "She's under enough fucking stress being pregnant and now she's gonna have _Finn_ running around and bitching about her and no one's gonna stop him because he always gets his way!"

Santana pushed by him, her shoulder checking him with as much force as she could muster. When she got to the door she turned and stared down the dumbstruck club. "I was the one she was sexting. Rachel is _my_ girlfriend and ya'll should back the fuck off of her or learn what my fist feels like when it comes in contact with your face."

She pushed open the door and walked out of it, dead set on never returning.

* * *

Rachel was sitting in the alcove just a bit down the hall from the choir room when she heard the door open. Sniffling, she did her best to wipe away the tears as she gathered her things and prepared to leave again, not wanting anyone to see either how much being made to leave hurt or listen to anyone try to talk her into coming back. It was only two more months until graduation. It didn't even mean anything anymore.

She didn't notice that it was Santana who came out. She just sighed softly and hoisted her backpack onto her shoulder and started making her way as quickly as possible in her state down the hall towards the front doors and out of the school.

* * *

The minute Santana outted her and Rachel's relationship to the entire glee club, Puck and Quinn quickly jumped on their cellphones and typed messages out to Rachel's facebook.

_To Jew-Babe: Your girl just told off Shue and told everyone she was your girlfriend!- Puck_

_To Hobbit: San just went bat shit crazy on Schue_

* * *

Santana saw Rachel beginning to walk away and ran to catch up with her. She finally got to her side and slid her fingers into her girlfriend's.

"Let's get out of here."

Rachel jumped at the feeling of fingers intertwining with hers, looking scared for a split second before she realized it was Santana and relaxed. "W-what's going on, Santana? Glee's still in session. You can't be out here now. Mr Schue will kick you out and it's the best part of your day..."

The darker girl just shrugged, "I have two new best parts of my day," She explained simply as they walked towards Santana's car. She helped Rachel inside and they drove in silence for the ten minutes it took to get to Santana's house. She pulled into the driveway, and cut the engine. She looked like she was going to say something for a moment, but just got out of the car and went around to open Rachel's door for her.

Rachel just sat there for a long moment then sighed and levered herself up and out of the car. "I just... Santana, can we just go lie down for a little while? I," she swallowed, unable to really meet her girlfriend's eyes out of fear of showing how much losing Glee hurt, "I just would really like to be held right now, though I'll understand if you don't want to..."

Santana just simply nodded and escorted her upstairs. She helped her lie down and curled behind her, running her hand over the swell of Rachel's stomach, as she tried to make up for the fact she didn't know what to say with her actions.

Feeling safe in Santana's arms, Rachel let the tears that had been choking her go. "It's all over," she whispered, "Nearly three years, and it all ends because I wouldn't give in to Finn. Was I ever worth anything to them, Santana? Did I matter at all? Was I," her voice trembled, "was I just a lure to keep Finn involved? Is he that much better than me?" She hugged the taller girl's arms and snuggled back against her, sniffling sadly.

"You have an amazing talent and they weren't ready to understand or accept it." Santana said softly, trying to comfort her. "Finn is nothing more than an over-grown toddler that gets angry when he can't have his way." She pressed a kiss to the nape of Rachel's neck, "No one is better than you. You're gonna be famous and the baby and I are so proud of you already."

Rachel shivered at the kiss, but wasn't ready to be comforted just yet. "I don't see how when I keep messing things up. No one wants to stay with me. My mother gave me up... _twice_. My fathers are loving, but work keeps them away most of the time. They won't even be back for another five months." She sighed and brushed her fingers over Santana's hands. "I don't want to mess up anything else, Santana..."

"Wait," Santana stopped when she heard that her girlfriend's dads wouldn't be back for _months_. "Rachel, that's not okay... You can't stay home alone. Not now." She held the girl protectively, "Can... would you stay here with me? I don't want you to be alone. I don't want you to have something happen with the baby and be alone."

Rachel sighed softly and snuggled back into her girlfriend's embrace. "I don't want to put you out, Santana," she whispered, "I'm used to being alone. It's okay. I won't take any risks, I promise."

She tangled their fingers together, "I want to stay with you then. I _am_ staying with you and no one else matters anymore."

She was tired. She didn't want to be alone, but she felt like she was asking too much of Santana to be with her all the time. All she knew for sure was she felt safest in Santana's arms and her dreams didn't trouble her as much when she laid beside the taller girl. "I don't know what to do," she whispered.

"Stay here," Santana whispered, her lean tan arms wrapping around Rachel and holding her closer. "Just... stay here."

"Where do I fit, Santana?" Rachel sobbed, her defenses breaking down as Santana pulled her close, "I'm fat, unattractive and I just don't fit _anywhere_! All I have is my voice and... and without Glee..."

"You're not fat," Santana corrected her. "You're pregnant." She ran her hands over the girl's stomach. "And I find you very attractive and you fit with me, okay? Glee was gonna be gone on three months anyway. You're wanted. You have a pile of school acceptance letters and you have me and the baby."

"I _feel_ fat," Rachel groused, wiggling until she could lay on her other side and see Santana while they were talking. She looked miserable, "Do you really want me, Santana? Not because I forced myself on you and put you in a situation you didn't want and you feel responsible, but really? Would you," she bit her lip and looked away, her voice going soft, "would you want me at all if I wasn't pregnant? If you were biologically the same as you are in every other way?"

Santana knew it was a loaded question. "I don't think I know how to answer that. I've never not been this way so I don't know what it would be like any other." she shrugged and looked at her girlfriend. "I care about you, more than anything else. So stop doubting that okay? I'm here, I'm here for you and our child."

"I know you are," Rachel sighed and let her head rest against the pillow. She knew Santana was there for their child. The other girl was loyal like that, but she wasn't so sure she was wanted as well. She was never entirely certain where she stood with the girl and getting kicked out of Glee had made her afraid that in a few years she'd get kicked out of Santana's life as well.

"I know it's not perfect..." she whispered, "but like it or not? You're family now." Santana smiled and ran her fingers through the girl's hair.

Rachel just nodded, sniffling softly and wrapping her arms around Santana to lie as close as she could with her belly in the way. She did the best she could to cuddle close, craving the comfort of the other girl. She could accept she was family for now - while she was carrying their child - but for how long? She closed her eyes and did her best to hide her face against Santana's body, breathing in the unique smell of the other girl.

" _Te amo_." Santana whispered almost silently as she ran her fingers through long hair, but Rachel had fallen asleep, her fingers curled gently in Santana's shirt, clinging to her. The tears from earlier slowly dried on her cheeks as she moved in her sleep, trying to get closer to the taller girl. Between them, their baby kicked and squirmed in the womb, bumping against its other mother's body through the walls of its home.

Santana watched for a few minutes as Rachel slept. She sighed and ran her fingers through her own hair, looking down and covering them up with the blanket when she realized that her girl was shivering. She eventually fell asleep, feeling more discontent and worried then before, even with the rhythmic kicking against her body.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

Rachel woke up slowly, warm and content. She felt the familiar embrace of her girlfriend encircling her, one hand resting protectively over their child, and smiled even before she opened her eyes. She turned in the other girl's arms to watch her sleep with a soft, wistful smile.

It had taken a lot of thought, a lot of wrestling with herself in sleepless hours, but she'd finally come to the conclusion that she would stay. It didn't matter if Santana opted to get the surgery and never desired her sexually again - if she couldn't ever touch her like that again - or not. As long as she stayed the same caring, protective person, none of that mattered. Rachel would stay with her for as long as she allowed it.

But it was the girl's birthday, and - whatever she decided regarding the surgery that she could now choose - Rachel wanted to make it special for her. She kissed her girlfriend softly, lips tracing the curve of her neck as her fingers flitted down to slide up under the hem of the girl's sleep shirt and gently cup the swell of her breasts, whimpering softly at the feel of the nipple hardening against her palm as she squeezed the soft mound. She couldn't lay on the other girl, or crouch over her with her stomach as heavy with their child as it was, but she could lay beside her and caress her body with gentle touches and she did so.

The sleeping girl whimpered into the feeling of being touched, her body unconsciously moving to arch into Rachel's hand. Over the last few days, Santana had withdrawn a bit. Her affection was still there and she will still _present_ but it seemed like her mind was elsewhere. She was 18. She was legally an adult. She could choose to have a surgery that would alter her entire life. She could finally change her body to more match her mind, but she was torn. She knew the risks, both medical and emotional. She knew that it would be hard on her family finance wise, but she knew her father would support her 100%. She had spent many night sleeplessly watching Rachel and her unborn child sleeping in her bed knowing that this might be her only change at a child, at a real life with someone who accepted her.

The night before she had curled up in bed with her girlfriend and child and fell into a fitful sleep awaiting the day that could change everything.

It had been a few weeks since they had last touched each other intimately. Rachel missed the intimacy, craved the connection between her and their baby's other mother. Her body burned with hormonal desire for release, but she'd been afraid to ask, feeling the other girl withdrawing from her. She hadn't dared to touch Santana sexually while she was sleeping since their second - forced - encounter, not wanting to associate with the part of her that had done that to her lover on any level. But knowing that this day could be the last day she'd ever have a chance to know the girl who she wanted as a major part of her life overrode her hesitation. If she would only have one last time with Santana, she wanted to memorize every part of it, burn it into her mind to hold onto when she was lonely and missing it.

Tears stung her eyes at the thought, but she pushed them down, nipping gently at tanned skin as her fingers slid over the pebbling flesh of her aureole, rolling the peak between them. She brushed her tongue over the beat of the other girl's pulse, tasting the spicy sweet taste of her skin. She wanted this, being with Santana completely, to last forever, but if she couldn't have it, she would be satisfied with whatever she could have for as long as she could have it, so long as she could have _something_ with the other girl.

"Rachel," Santana sighed, her body still in a deep slumber, but still reacting to the touch. She let out small whimpers of pleasure when Rachel continued to caress her tanned skin. She rolled closer to her lover, her arousal starting to make it's presence known as she gently pressed against the girl's stomach. Evidently more comfortable with her body while asleep, Santana's hand slid down and wrapped around her protruding member through her sleep shorts and rested there.

The mother-to-be felt like she was going to cry so she bit her lip hard to hold back the sob that wanted to come out at the sweet sound of Santana whispering her name in her sleep as she touched her. She let her fingers slide and caress the darker girl's body, painting her with loving touches as she eased her shirt up and off of her body to give her lips better access. As her lips and tongue moved slowly down her lover's body, her fingers slipped down along the line of Santana's arm, gently stroking over her wrist and the back of her hand before sliding across the smooth skin of her abdomen and beneath the waistband of her shorts to delicately trace along the veined shaft of her growing erection.

"I love you," she whispered against the upper swell of Santana's breast with the barest of breath, almost inaudible to herself, let alone the slumbering girl she was touching. She knew it wasn't time for anything like that, but in that moment she just had to say it, even if it wasn't nearly loud enough to be heard even in the silence of the room.

Dark brown eyes flickered open when she felt a warm hand surround her member. She watched Rachel for a moment without letting the girl know she was now awake. She felt lips move to form words and a warm breath on her breast but they never made it to the girl's ears. After a few more moments she gently snaked her hand into Rachel's hair, letting her know that she was now awake. When Rachel's deep chocolate pools looked up, slicked with tears she smiled softly and whispered, "Hi." Her voice was gravely with sleep and want as she looked at her pregnant girlfriend.

"Hi," Rachel murmured back, smiling shyly, unaware of the couple of tears that had escaped to slip down her cheeks. "I hope you don't mind," she licked her lips and squeezed the other girl's erection gently, "I just... I wanted to wish you a happy birthday and... and," she shrugged, not sure how to express herself, "I just wanted to make you feel good..." She sighed softly, letting her hand slide away from Santana's member to draw little patterns on her stomach, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have assumed... I just... I'm sorry."

"It's okay." Santana whispered, cupping Rachel's cheek and brushing tears away with her thumbs. "It's okay, you can... We can." she caught the girl's chin and met her lips for a slow, languid kiss. She knew that Rachel was trying to respect her. She knew that Rachel was hoping to make her whole without the need of surgery and she also knew that was the reason why Rachel was crying. She wanted to tell her she didn't need to worry. That she wasn't going to leave her or become even more damaged _if_ she had the surgery. But she hadn't made a decision yet.

Rachel just continued stroking Santana's stomach gently as they kissed, not moving her hand back to touch her again. "I want this to be special," she whispered, drawing away slightly and resting her head on one arm so she could look at the other girl, "I just... if I don't get to touch you again, I want to make every time special before I can't any more." She sighed softly, "I've thought about it, Santana, a lot. And," she took a deep breath, "whatever you need to do to be happy, I support you. No matter what it is. I'm not going to leave until you tell me to go. I'll miss being able to give you pleasure," her eyes welled up with tears even though she was smiling - she _would_ miss the connection, the intimacy of being with Santana in a sexual manner, "but as long as I can sleep beside you at night and hold you when you need it, I think that's a small thing to miss."

"I..." Santana choked, "I don't know what I want anymore." she looked away trying to hide the tears. "Can... can we please... I need to feel you, just please."

"Anything," Rachel whispered, leaning in to kiss her again, her hands continuing to drift in slow patterns over the warmth of her girlfriend's skin as she laid beside her. She would give Santana anything she wanted, anything she needed, so long as it was in her power to do so. All she wanted in that moment was to be allowed to stay beside her as long as she could.

Santana kissed her, her lips teasing Rachel's as she urged for more. "I want you so much," she whimpered, "please."

She rolled them over so she could hover over Rachel, pulling the sleep shirt off her lover and looking down at the girl. "So beautiful," she whispered, traceing her fingers over the bump. They hadn't been intimate in a few weeks and the changes in Rachel's body had become increasingly prominent.

Rachel laid back and just watched her lover explore her body. Her skin burned with every gentle brush and she whimpered softly with need. "Please, Santana," she whispered, "please touch me."

Santana leaned down and captured a nipple in between her lips, her tongue gently stroking it and teeth pulling teasingly. She wanted to see the girl writhe, she wanted to hear Rachel moan her name and rake her nails down her back and arms. She wanted Rachel to leave _marks_ all over her body like a map of their explorations.

She continued to tongue Rachel's nipple while her fingers were drawing designs and words onto the stretched skin on her stomach. Rachel groaned softly, arching up into Santana's touch as best she could while seven months pregnant. Her fingers snaked into the other girl's hair, nails scratching along her scalp as she whimpered from the teasing touch. "C-careful," she gasped, afraid Santana would have an unhappy reaction at stimulating her breasts into leaking during their encounter.

Santana pulled away once she realized what Rachel was referring to and shrugged before switching to the other breast. She sucked softly, noticing a change in the taste but not really caring. She groaned slightly at the feeling of fluid coating her mouth, pulling away with a shy grin and looking down at Rachel."That's really cool," she whispered.

Rachel swallowed, looking up at her with a shy smile. "Really?" she whispered softly, looking uncertain, "I was afraid you might," she took a breath as a tremor of arousal pulsed through her body, "might not like it." Her voice trembled as she was distracted by Santana's touch, "I really like when you touch me, Santana..."

"You're having a baby," Santana said, dropping a kiss to the woman's stomach and gently sucking on the protruding belly button for a moment. "It's the most womanly thing you can do. Of course I like it." She explained, she was mildly obsessed with the pregnancy because she knew it was the one thing that kept her from really being a woman. No matter if she ever underwent surgery, she'd never be able to have a child in the way Rachel would be in a very short period of time. She rested her head on the girl's stomach and let her fingers trace the lines of her thin sides down to the swell of her belly.

Rachel combed her fingers through Santana's hair. "I know you don't like your role in the creation of this child, Santana, but I'm still glad it happened. I'm glad I can have a child with you. I'm glad I can give you that." _I love you_ went unsaid, but she tugged her up so she could kiss her. "Touch me," she whispered against her lover's lips, "and let me know you. I don't care how, Santana. I just want to be with you..."

Santana nodded and kissed her again softly before sliding off the bed so she could tug off the girl's panties and pull her own down and kick them to the side. Santana moved back to the bed and ran her fingers up Rachel's calves and thighs until she reached her apex. "Mmm," she smiled as she parted Rachel's legs to bask in the pool of want that has accumulated between her thighs.

The pregnant girl moaned softly, spreading her legs to make it easier for Santana to reach her. "Please," she whispered, her hands slipping to Santana's shoulders and kneading awkwardly as she tried to tug her closer, "please... I need you. I just... I want to remember how it feels to be with you..."

The head of dark hair dipped down behind the eclipsing belly and ran her tongue up Rachel's folds. She moaned into the girl's skin as she stroked slowly, running her fingers up and down Rachel's legs as she carefully licked and sucked sensitive flesh. Rachel groaned, her hips twisting under the gentle onslaught as her nails dug into her lover's shoulders.

She raised her knees, trying to wrap her legs around Santana in an attempt to draw the other girl closer. "More," she whimpered, "please..." Her hips bucked, pressing her core up against Santana's face, "I _need_ you, Santana... _please_..."

As she pulled her lips away, Santana nodded. She sat up grabbed a pillow from the top of the bed and helped Rachel arch up and slid it under her back so her hips were elevated. With a bit of mental trepidation, Santana reached between them and slid her fingers through Rachel's essence before moving to slide it over her dick. Once a little bit lubed, Santana slid it into Rachel's tight channel with a groan.

Rachel's head pressed back hard into the pillows as her back arched at the feeling of being filled by her lover. A groan choked off in her throat only to come out as a thready cry as she clenched around her, her body trying to pull her deeper into her. She hadn't expected Santana to use her cock to penetrate her, but she wouldn't complain. It had been weeks and she desperately craved the feeling of her lover filling her - fingers, penis, tongue, she didn't care how.

"S-santana," she gasped, her hands reaching for Santana's hips in lieu of anything else, needing to touch the other girl.

The darker girl pulled out, only the grooved tip of her dick staying inside for a moment before she arched back and thrust deep into the girl with a whimper. They hadn't had sex like this in months, Rachel had been respecting her and not touching her dick too much, but something about the idea of it not being around in the next few months made her want to touch her girlfriend like she did the night they conceived the baby growing inside Rachel. Santana continued this motion, before her hips started to speed up, thrusting hard with abandon.

Rachel keened softly, biting her lip and trying to stay quiet to avoid waking Santana's father. She wished her body wasn't keeping them apart, wished she could feel Santana pressing against her. But she knew it wouldn't be possible until the baby was born and then... she didn't want to dwell on it. Instead she dug her nails into her lover's hips, leaving long scratches over the smooth tanned skin as she did her best to arch up and meet each thrust, the force of their bodies joining drawing breathless grunts from her.

After a few minutes of pumping, Santana got frustrated. She quickly rolled away and helped Rachel to lie on her side before sliding behind her, pulling the diva's legs open so she could slip back into her. She whimpered in Rachel's ear as she thrust into her core from behind, their bodies pressed together and slick with sweat. "Couldn't get deep enough." Santana panted in Rachel's ear as she continued to slowly drive her dick deep within Rachel.

"Oh God," Rachel breathed, taking one of Santana's hands and pulling it up to cup her breast, encouraging her to squeeze the sensitive mound as she rocked back into her lover. She could feel Santana's breasts pressing into her back, nipples stiff against her shoulder blades. Her breath was a hot rush over her neck as they moved together. Rachel whimpered and moaned with each slow thrust, arousal building higher and higher as Santana slowly drove her to distraction with her fingers and cock. "Santana," she whimpered, mewling her lover's name in a plea as she lost all sense of where she was, who she was - of everything except the feeling of what Santana was doing to her.

Tanned hand's flicked over the pregnant girl's nipples and squeezed as Santana altered the angle of her hips and thrust a little more sideways so she could try to hit the even more sensitive spot deep within Rachel's core. She pressed kisses to the back of her girlfriend's neck as she did. "Come for me, Rachel." Santana whispered between kisses on sweat damped skin.

Rachel's hips bucked and ground against Santana's as she writhed against her. She clung to the edge of climax, trying to hold on and make the moment last, but when she heard Santana's voice and felt hot breath over her ear she couldn't hold on any longer. She came with a cry that seized mid-note, the tension of her muscles locking cutting it off. Her nails dug into Santana's leg and arm, leaving long red welts as she clenched hard, holding the girl's erection trapped within her as her walls fluttered and pulsed around it in aftershocks.

Santana muffled her scream of climax in Rachel's neck as she continued to pound into her girlfriend. After a few deep stokes she stiffened and shot her pleasure deep into Rachel's pussy. She thrust languidly until she felt them both subside, "Te amo," she mumbled into Rachel's hair, her body slackening And her arms wrapping around the girls middle.

Rachel relaxed back into Santana's embrace, her head resting back on the other girl's shoulder. She made no move to separate from the other girl, knowing it would happen soon enough and in no rush to have it happen. Her fingers slid along Santana's arms as she held her, warm palms splayed gently over their child's home. It felt right to be where she was in that moment and she wanted it to last even as her muscles trembled with the aftershocks of her climax.

She didn't understand the words mumbled against her hair. They had meaning, she was sure, but they were so soft that she couldn't quite catch them. So she just laid there, gently stroking Santana's arms and waiting for her breath to calm to the point where she could speak.

When she finally caught her breath again, there was only one thing she could think to say. "Happy birthday, Santana."

"Thank you." Santana whispered, her lips still placing soft kisses against sweat slicked skin. She kissed along Rachel's jaw until she found her lips and kissed her deeply. It had been too long since they'd been intimate and Santana wasn't nearly ready to stop, but she knew the effects of the advanced pregnancy was wearing on Rachel's energy level.

Rachel reached up and caressed Santana's cheek as they kissed, eventually pulling away slightly with a shy smile. "Give me a couple of minutes to recover and I'll do anything you'd like me to. It's your birthday after all. Anything for the birthday girl."

Santana just snuggled in to her a bit more and wrapped a leg around her. "Stay like this," she whispered, her body melting into the mother-to-be'.

Rachel nodded, relaxing into the embrace with a soft sigh. "Forever," she murmured.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

"Here you go." Santana said as she walked into the living room and plopped a Styrofoam container on the large stomach of the girl sitting on the couch.

Rachel was nearly full term, it was surprising to say the least that they had managed to be together for the better part of six months with out too many people having an issue or even caring. Quinn and Puck had been a big help in maintain their stability as a couple; when Santana got scared or too in her head Quinn took her off and spent a day doing girly cheerleader things together and when Rachel started to pull away from Santana and get worried about her girlfriends body image, Puck came over and took her to temple or out to movies.

"I got you that weird vegan stuff the pho place makes." She made a face as she plopped down next to her, she put down her own bowl that was filled with steaming broth with vegetables and chicken, she dumped a package of soya sauce, hot sauce and lime juice into the bowl. "I also grabbed the mail from your mailbox on my way back... "She said after she finished preparing her food. "Mmm. Fuck yeah Pho is the best thing ever." She smiled as she took a spoonful.

Rachel reached over and lightly tapped Santanas wrist with her fork. "Language, Santana. Thank you for lunch. I appreciate it." She adjusted herself up with a bit of effort and opened the container with a pleased sigh as the scent teased her nose. "You picked up the mail? What sort of things arrived?" She took up a forkful of food and blew on it before eating it, watching Santana curiously.

"Some large manila envelopes." She said softly, kinda scared to even look at the addresses of the things in the packages. "I think they're from colleges." She said as she ate some of the hot broth in the bowl. She had received several of her own but was waiting for Rachel to get hers before she opened them.

Rachel licked her lips. "From the colleges I applied to?" she asked softly, nibbling at her food. "Did... did you receive your responses yet?"

"Yeah. A week or two ago, I wanted to wait till you got yours." Santana shrugged as she continued eating, her eyes fixated on the television in front of them.

"Santana, how could you keep that from me?" Rachel looked at her girlfriend in shock, "Do you realize how much Ive been stressing waiting to hear if youd been accepted or not?" Tears were trickling down her cheeks though she wasnt very upset, her hormones getting the better of her. "It's bad enough Ive had to worry about whether or not Id be accepted, but you could have let me stop worrying about you too!"

Santana looked at her and said seriously, "you're gonna calm the crying once my baby's out of you right? Cause youre only getting a free pass right now." She raised her eyebrow, "Secondly, I didnt even look at them I wanted to wait and we could do it together. But damn if you wanted me to go ahead and look at them I would have." She got up and went to the drawer in the TV unit and took out five envelopes and brought them over and put hers down and grabbed Rachels. "

I'm sorry," Rachel huffed, wiping at her eyes, "I dont mean to cry so much. Its just everything seems so...so overwhelming lately that I cant help it."

She set her food aside and wiggled until she was sitting crosslegged on the sofa and accepted the envelopes. She looked up at Santana from the envelopes and smiled with such hope and brightness. "Thank you for waiting. Now that I think about it, that seems a far better option and I dont know if Id have had the patience to wait for my letters to arrive as well."

Santana just shrugged, "I've had other things on my mind." She said honestly, she turned back to her soup and ate it without even thinking about her letters for a second moment.

Rachel watched Santana for a moment then carefully set the letters aside and picked her food back up. She ate carefully, occasionally glancing at her girlfriend but doing her best to ignore the letters. After a while though, her food nearly finished, she couldnt restrain herself any further.

"I hope we get accepted together," her voice was shy.

"I... I dont want to go somewhere youre I didnt get in somewhere you wanna go... well go and then Ill apply in the spring." Santana said simply. She could feel how antsy the girl to her right was and she sighed putting down her soup. "Alright. Lets do this before you pass out from excitement."

Rachel looked up hopefully. She all but wiggled with excitement, setting her food aside and clapping her hands, "We can look at them now? And Santana, if I dont get in somewhere you would really like to go, I could always reapply in the spring as well." She leaned over as best she could and kissed Santana, "I want you to be happy as possible, get in everywhere. Santana said, Where did you get letters from?" She asked as she looked through her own envelopes.

Rachel sorted through the envelopes in her lap, "New York, UCLA, Penn State, the University of Michigan and New Orleans. you?"

"Mmm. Seattle University, Penn state, Columbia, Berkley, and New Orleans too." She said as she flipped through the papers and read off the headings. "I probably got rejected from all of them."

Rachel scoffed, "I've seen your grades, remember. Youre in the top five percent of the school. Your grades and extracurriculars are top notch." She stared at the envelopes in her hands for a moment, then handed them to Santana, "Could... Do you think you could see for me? Ill read yours if you want.."

"Yeah. I can do that." Santana handed hers over and took the ones that rachel offered to her. "How do you want to do this? One for one? Or at the same time?" She asked, looking down at the stack of papers.

One for one I think. Rachel smiled nervously, I dont think Id get through it if we did them all at once. You...you can go first.

Santana nodded and picked up the first of the pile. She carefully took the paper and tore the top open. She scanned the words. s UCLA. She said, her eyes reading slowly. "Sorry, Rae." She said as she slid the paper back into the envelope. "You got waitlisted for UCLA."

Rachel nodded, looking slightly disappointed as she picked up the top envelope for Santana and tore it open, scanning the letter from Berkley. She continued reading with a slowly growing bright smile, "We are pleased to announce youve been accepted... Santana, you got in!" Santana smiled bashfully as she looked down at the next one.

"Ooh Penn State. Good school," Santana remarked as she opened it and looked down with a smile. "You got into Penn, good job." She leaned over and kissed Rachel quickly. "Proud of you."

"I'm proud of _you_ , Santana." Rachel smiled before turning to the next envelope in her stack. "Penn State," she shot Santana a hopeful smile before reading, her smile slowly falling, "You didnt get in. Im sorry, beautiful."

She shrugged, "I dont really care that much. My dad wanted me to go because they have a good trans medical program at one of the hospitals near by." Santana rolled her eyes. "Okay next is U of M." She looked down and read the papers. "You got in, youre a rock star." She smiled as she put it on the growing pile of acceptance.

"Only two more," Rachel smiled shyly, but thank you. "Ooh, she held up the next envelope, Columbia! Impressive, Santana." She tore open the envelope, but sighed softly, Wait listed, Im sorry.

Santana looked dejected for a moment before hiding it with a slight shrug. She _really_ wanted to get into Colombia. She sighed softly as she looked at the folder for NYU. She tore into it and looked at the paper then looked up at Rachels hopeful face. "Um. Rachel..."

"Well? What does it say?" Rachel tried to hold onto her hopefulness that she got into the prestigious college, but it became more difficult as the Santanas hesitation lingered. "I'm all for dramatic build" she smiled weakly, "but this is getting a little ridiculous dont you think?"

"I'm sorry.." She said softly, "You didnt get into the theatre program." She looked down like the divas world would crash now that she didnt get though to the program she had wanted for years.

Rachel closed her eyes, swallowing softly for a moment before letting her breath out slowly and opening them with a soft smile at Santana. "It's okay," she ran a hand lightly over her stomach, feeling their baby move inside, "I find I have more important things in my life than New York these days." She picked up another envelope. She tore it open and quickly scanned the contents, sighing softly, "I'm sorry, Santana... "

Santana hissed under her breath. "I'm failing all over the place." She sighed and ran her fingers through her hair, "I guess applying to a Catholic university as what I am was a bad idea..." She sighed and picked up the last one. "Looks like University of New Orleans." She sighed and ripped open the envelope. "Damn Berry." She smiled, "They want you so bad they wanna give you a bunch of money towards it." She smiled, "You're a superstar."

"A scholarship?" Rachel looked surprised, smiling confusedly as she picked up the last envelope for Santana. "Let's see what New Orleans has to say about you then." She opened the envelope slowly, her heart beating faster and the baby practically doing somersaults in her womb as it picked up on its mothers anxiety. She desperately wanted Santana to get into a school with her.

Her hands trembled slightly as she pulled the letter out of the envelope. "To Santana Lopez," she murmured, "Thank you for your consideration of our institution... "She trailed off, her eyes growing wide and jaw dropping as she read further. "You got in," her voice was barely a whisper, "Santana, you got in!" She was smiling brightly as she flung herself awkwardly to wrap her arms around her girlfriends neck and kiss her cheek, "You got in!"

Santana let out a grunt when tackled by her girlfriend. "You are squishing the miniLopez in there!" She protested as she laid down and settled Rachel to straddle her waist. "So. New Orleans or we go to one of your schools." Santana said softly as she drew patterns onto the girls stomach.

"New Orleans," Rachel didnt even have to think about it. "The scholarship will help and I dont want to attend a school you cant attend as well. Plus, with the music scene in New Orleans we could possibly get work as singers. Besides," she hugged Santana tightly, "I dont want to live anywhere I cant acknowledge you as the other parent of our child."

Santana wanted to go where they could both go to school, even it if was part time. "Quinn told me she got into UNO too, Sue pulled strings or something..." Rachel looked determined, "New Orleans. Its a good school. Daddy went there and they have excellent hospitals and a good cultural scene. And youre accepted there too so I wont be completely alone." She looked shy, "It's better and...and you said Quinn was accepted too? Thats even better, right?"

"Of course." Santana assured her, "It's a really good school. My dad will be happy were both down there. Hes worried about my medical stuff and of course after the babys born he wont worry as much once he gets to hold his grandbaby." Santana smiled and hands still on Rachels stomach. "I mean it cant suck too much down there, Quinn might go to Miami or stay in Ohio... who knows."

When Santana mentioned her father holding the baby, Rachel found herself thinking about that very thing. "Santana, do," she trailed off, gathering her thoughts as her fingers played over Santanas hands, tracing tiny patterns on the backs, "I know weve talked about leaving right after graduation, but... Do you want to stay here until the babys born?"

"The baby is due like three days after we graduate... "Santana pointed out, "My dad said that hed like to deliver the baby... I want him to be able to see his grandkid. I know Lima sucks ass but, I want to have the baby when hes around. If we can convince him to come to New Orleans then Id be more than happy with that you want to do, "

Rachel smiled as brightly as she could, trying not to think about how her fathers wouldnt have that chance. How she was planning on stealing away and not even telling them she was having a child to avoid them trying to convince her to give the baby up for adoption. "Whatever you want. Youve been more than good to me, Santana. Ill do anything for you.I know... But we can think about it. Having the baby here would be a bad idea. Puck doesnt look like me. No one would believe hes the mind about everyone else," Rachel reached out to stroke her fingers through Santanas hair, "once we leave, were never coming back, right? We can go to the hospital near your fathers clinic and leave as soon as the babys old enough to travel. It... It may be more difficult moving after the birth, but given the circumstances, we dont have much choice if we wish to graduate high school."

Santana sighed. "I'll start looking for a place to live. I have some money saved we can use... " she stated. The money saved was the money she was going to use to get her operation, but Santana had decided that more so out of need to protect her child, shed use the money for her family.

"I have money too," Rachel offered shyly, "My college fund was saved with NYU in mind and my research indicates that attending the University of New Orleans is significantly cheaper, so there should be more than sufficient remaining for other costs."

"It's fine. I have roughly about 15,000 dollars." she turned her head and looked away. "Don't waste your money on that okay?"

Rachel frowned, "How is it wasting my money using it to help house and support my family? My fathers having been saving since I was a baby and the money is in my name as of my eighteenth birthday. Plus Ive been saving much of my allowance as I could by living as frugally as possible for the last few years... I can help, pay for your school, please this money has to go to something worthwhile."

"Please, Just let me do this." Santana pleaded, she knew if she held onto the money that shed get the surgery, but if she used it to provide for her family, she could live with that and be happy.

"Are you sure?" Rachel looked uncertain and unhappy, "Are you sure I cant help?" She chewed her lip and looked away, feeling unpleasantly like a burden. "I cant do anything to help?" she whispered, her shoulders slumping.

"You're having the baby," Santana said softly, "I cant ask for any more than that. Im sure well need money at some point, but please let me use this money."

"I'm not asking you to ask for more," Rachel sighed, her fingers fidgeting with Santanas shirt, "I just want to know I can help. I want to help support us too. I dont want you to have to do everything. You already do so much..."

"It's just a house or an apartment. Its fine, Rachel. Its my job okay? Let me do this." her fingers massaged small circles into Rachels hip as she spoke. "I was gonna use the money for my operation but Im not now."

Rachel froze, "You're not?" She didnt want to look or sound hopeful, but she was afraid it was trickling into her voice and facial expression. She was serious about wanting to support Santana no matter what her decision was, but she couldnt help the little thrill of hope that they could still be together _completely_. "But... but I thought you wanted," she shrugged, "to be more... you."

"No matter what my body wont match my mind." Santana sighed, "I cant ever be a fully functional woman and I cant figure out how to become that I dont wanna be half a person. I dont want to be like this but I really dont want to be half a person."

"You're a whole person to me," Rachel leaned down awkwardly and brushed her lips against Santanas, "a whole, beautiful woman. And no matter what surgery or not you will always be that to me and to our child." She whispered, "I'll try to believe Ill do my very best to _show_ you," Rachel smiled warmly, gently stroking her face, every day. "Youre my _girl_ friend, Santana. No matter how youre shaped. Youre going to be a _mother_ to this child. I dont care what anyone else says or thinks."

"I know the truth and thats all I care about. Santana whispered, looking vulnerable. "I know its stupid. I know I should think like you, but I cant. Its hard sometimes." she sighed and rested her head on the baby bump. "i'll be better."

"It's not stupid," Rachel murmured, combing her fingers through Santanas hair, "Maybe I cant really imagine how you must feel, but its not stupid. But, Santana, thats why you have people like me around you. To remind you of the truth and give you a place where youre safe to be yourself." She smiled softly, shrugging, "I'd do anything to be able to give you that."

"I never thought anyone would want me. That Id end up being someones sick fetish." she sighed and felt the baby kicking her head. "Hola, baby. I want you to come out whole, okay? If you dont, Ill still protect you from the world. So will your mommy. Te amo, little one." she spoke softly.

Rachel just watched her girlfriend talk to their baby and continued gently stroking her hair. She felt content in that moment, like everything was going to be alright. For that moment, she could almost pretend that she hadnt forced herself on Santana, that they were together out of mutual regard and feelings instead of necessity. She could almost pretend that they were happy and in love.

She leaned down awkwardly and kissed the top of Santanas head. She didnt care if how she felt was onesided. Shed stay with Santana as long as she was allowed. re going to be an amazing mother, she whispered against dark hair, "I cant wait to see you holding them."

Santana smiled. "I think its a boy." Santana stated as she continued to nuzzle her child. "My dad did the ultrasound and I thought I saw little boy parts on the last you now?"

Rachel teased, "I think you just want a son so you can teach him how to make all the little girls fall for them."

"This is true, she smiled, but I can do that with a girl too." Santana smiled proudly.

Rachel laughed, enjoying the playfulness of the moment, "And what if they prefer partners of the male persuasion? Do your Casanova ways also bring the boys into your sway?"

"I had all the boys wanting me, Im a Cheerio." she smirked as she nipped at Rachels nipple through her shirt.

Rachel jerked back from the playful nip with a laugh, "None of that unless you intend to follow through. Its bad enough my hormones seem determined to keep me in a state of near permanent arousal without you making it even worse," she wrinkled her nose at her girlfriend as she grinned, "And everyone wants you, do they? I suppose I should watch my back?"

"Nope only you get me."

She looked at her girlfriend curiously, a shy smile on her lips, "Do I? Get you? I know, Im being silly... I just," she sighed softly, "I've wanted you for so long that it still seems almost surreal sometimes that this time I get to be the one who gets the girl..."

"You get me, " Santana whispered as she looked at the pregnant woman. "I lo.. Care about you so much."

"I care about you too," Rachel smiled softly and leaned in to kiss Santana, laughing when her belly stopped her, the baby kicking excitedly, causing her to wince, "Except I think our little one seems to think they come first."

"baby is awesome." Santana smiled and ran her fingers over the swell. "I think he knows how loved he is, but hes also very excited,"

Rachel tried smiling through the winces caused by the vigorous kicking, as she went along with her girlfriends assumption of their childs gender, "Could you tell your child to calm down and please stop kicking his mommy in the bladder?"

Santana leaned closer and pushed up the girls shirt and kissed the warm skin. she began, continuing to speak in Spanish until the baby settled down. "Good baby." she smiled and pressed kisses to the hard belly.

Rachel rolled her eyes but smiled fondly, gently rubbing Santanas neck, "Oh wonderful. Hes being preculturalized to respond to Spanish. Dont make me teach our baby Hebrew in self defense." she teased, "because I will!"

"I think that would be nice." Santana smiled, "They'd be hella smart then. Hes going to be so smart already and if hes trilingual and all. Are we raising him Jewish?"

Rachel looked slightly confused, "Santana, youre Catholic, I would have thought youd want to raise your child in your can be both."

Santana shrugged, "I read that hes a Jew via birth so might as well raise him in two religions." Santana reasoned as she spoke, "I dont hold much to my religion besides holidays. We can raise him to understand both."

Rachel smiled slowly as what Santana was saying sank in. "Like me," she whispered, managing to bend over enough to kiss Santana softly, "I like that idea, Santana. Thank you."

"I mean, he has two parents. Its cool." Santana shrugged and laid down flat. "As long as the baby is happy, Im cool."

Rachel moved so she wasnt squishing her lover, sitting down at the end of the sofa where she could watch Santana. "As long as _you_ and the baby are happy, then Im happy," she murmured, cradling her belly as she leaned back against the arm of the sofa. "It's all I want. I want you and our baby to be happy. Everything else is secondary."

"I'm trying. Im trying to be happy, she said sitting up and looking at the girl. I do think you make me better than I ever have been."

"I'm glad," Rachel whispered with a shy smile, "I just... I messed things up so much in the beginning with stupid assumptions about what you wanted and I did _awful_ things." She bit her lip, "I wish I could take them back. I wish I could have done it right. But... Im happier than Ive been in a long time with where we are now, so no matter how awful I was to you, Im having a terribly difficult time regretting any of it."

"I didnt treat you great ether... Look, we both fucked up. We both used each other and Ill take responsibility for that." Santana sighed, "I also should have worn a condom, or asked if you were on birth control or told you I was a guy and not whatever..."

"I shouldnt have forced myself on you," Rachel said it like she was pointing out a fact. "I dont want anyone to do that to our child, I wouldnt want someone to have done it to me, and I never should have done it to you. But, " she took a deep breath and smiled shyly, "I'm still the happiest Ive been in years and if doing something different would mean that I couldnt be here with you, she shrugged one shoulder, shaking her head, then if I had it to do all over, Id do everything the same. Because youre the one I want to be with."

Santana shot Rachel a look, "We should never tell anyone how we got together..."

Rachel snorted slightly, "Yes, I rather doubt that most people would consider it very romantic that your girlfriend forced herself on you in an entirely misguided attempt to initiate a romantic relationship." She grinned wryly, "Why not just tell anyone who asks that we met in high school and let them make their own story?"

"Works for me," Santana smiled.

The other girl leaned her head on Santanas shoulder, "Two messed up people doing their best to make one normal life and child?"

"I can live with that as long as youre willing to." She laid her hand on Santanas thigh, palm up so Santana could take it if she wanted to, her eyes falling closed.

Santana intertwined their fingers. "Te amo," she whispered in the girls hair as she snuggled with her sleeping girlfriend.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

The last day of high school had finally arrived.

Rachel was so close to her due date that if finals weren't such a major part of her grades, she would have spent the time - as Santana would have preferred - at home, most likely in bed with her girlfriend's father keeping an eye on her just in case. Instead, she was sitting awkwardly at a desk next to Puck, hastily scratching out answers to the last exams of her high school career. It wasn't what Santana had wanted, but she felt she needed to do it so in the end, it had been allowed so long as Noah had been allowed to take his tests earlier and sit with her to be able to rush her to the hospital if necessary.

It was both ridiculous and sweet and the presence of her mohawked friend sitting protectively beside her made her smile every time she caught sight of him shifting in his chair out of the corner of her vision. Part of the smile was for him for taking the time to do this for them, but most of it was for Santana who had probably browbeaten him into offering. The baby kicked as if sensing that she was thinking about its other mother.

"Shh, little one," she murmured, stroking a hand over her belly, "we'll see your mami soon enough."

* * *

Even though it had been the last practice of the Cheerios for the seniors, Sue hadn't let up in the slightest. It had felt strange for Quinn, putting civilian clothes on after her shower, but it had been even stranger not seeing Santana or Brittany. Brittany at least made a sort of sense, having declared she was going to cheer her boyfriend on so he did "extra super great" on his finals, but not seeing her second in command sent the now former head cheerio on a search.

She found her out on the field still in her Cheerio uniform, lying on her back and staring up at the sky. Sighing, she walked over to stick a hand down and help up the other girl. "Santana, honestly, you know Sue will kill you if you get grass stains on that damn uniform before you turn it in. What in the world is going on with you lately? We're done today. This is it. Cheer up!"

Santana took the hand offered to her and instead of using it to get up she tugged and pulled her friend to the ground with her. "Just chillin'." She explained as she turned to look at the blonde now laying on her back in the warm grass. "I thought graduation would feel different. I thought _I'd_ feel different about it." She shrugged and looked back up to the sky.

"Why?" Quinn looked over at her curiously, folding her hands behind her head, "You're still you. Still in that thing you've got going on with Manhands." She shrugged, shaking her head, "I really don't get that. Yes, I know you say she accepts you and all of that, but I'm sure other people would accept you too."

"I spent a really long time wanting that surgery. Saving every piece of money I got for my birthday or baptism to get _fixed_." She let out a frustrated sigh, "But, then all that got changed. In one day, I spent half that money on rent and trying to get a house furnished." She closed her eyes, "I made the responsible decision... I don't have to like it."

"Jesus, San!" Quinn rolled so she was lying on her side, practically leaning over the other girl, looking upset. "If you don't like it, why the hell did you _do_ it? I'm sure Berry and her damn dads have money for whatever the hell she's doing with that kid!"

"Rachel and I are moving to New Orleans for college. I got accepted on a full athletic scholarship. Rachel got a partial scholarship." Santana chewed her lip for a moment. "Her dads don't even know that she's pregnant... She never sees them." After a few seconds she continued, "I just... I can't get the surgery when I don't know how long I'll be in recovery for. I know that there's a chance that I wont feel better about myself and I might get sicker from it. I can't be recovering for weeks when I have a baby, Quinn. It doesn't work like that."

Quinn flopped back down on her back with a sigh. "So... you're leaving. For this baby. With _Rachel_ ," she all but spat the name, "who you barely even _like_." She shook her head. "I don't understand anything you're doing anymore, Santana."

"I've been with Rachel for like six months, Quinn." Santana sighed, "I'm leaving so I can go to college, so Rachel can go to college and so I can get the baby the fuck out of this town." She snapped, "What the fuck, seriously, Quinn, I could ask the same as you. Are you staying in Lima with your loser boyfriend? Is that _your_ plan?"

"W-what?" She sounded flustered, a light blush blossoming on her pale cheeks, "I... that's not. I'm getting out. I just... Santana, I don't _get_ it. I get wanting to leave this place. But I don't get wanting to leave _with Berry_! I don't get why you're together! You're nothing like each other!"

"Maybe that's a fucking good thing, Quinn!" Santana yelled, "Fuck I mean you are my best friend, why can you get off my fucking ass about this?" She was pissed, she was at the point where she was done with Quinn's shit. "I'm having a fucking baby, Quinn. A child and what? You think I'm so pathetic and such a coward that I'd throw that away?"

"No!" Quinn sat up, her fingers tangling in her hair in frustration, but she couldn't face Santana, "I just don't _understand_! I don't understand why you're with _her_! Why not Brittany? Why... why not _me_ before _her_? I'm trying, San, but I don't get it! Why is she so special? And stop using the baby as an excuse. I know you won't abandon a kid like your mom did. That's not the only reason you're with her is it?"

"You never wanted to be with me." Santana said sternly, "You never wanted me, Brittany _never_ wanted me like I wanted her." She spoke carefully, "Brittany would have treated me like a freak if she knew. So when she dumped me for a _real_ boy, I tried to not care. Rachel didn't care that I have a dick. She didn't care that I'm some lifetime special wrapped up into a living person. She didn't give a fuck. I'm having a kid with her and that makes her worth it. I don't know if I would have fallen for her before that but I love her so back the fuck off!"

"You never gave me a second look," Quinn muttered, a tiny edge of bitterness in her voice. Then what Santana was saying sunk in. She turned to look at her slowly, her jaw dropping in disbelief. "You... you _love_ her? Like... you really love her?" She looked shocked, "Seriously?"

"Don't even pretend like you would have wanted to be with me. You're comfortable with me and I have a dick. That's all you would have wanted me for, sex without having to deal with the repercussions of a relationship with a guy. So please, don't ruin what we have for this." She sighed softly, "Look. I don't want you to hate her okay? She's annoying and OCD but I really think I love her so I need you to be okay."

She scoffed, "Seriously? That's all you think of me? Thanks." She shrugged with a little sigh, "Look, I don't _hate_ her. I don't _like_ her very much a lot of the time, but I've never hated her either. She just has this annoying habit of popping up to try and tell me how to live my life at the most bizarre times and before you got involved she kept stealing my boyfriends. But," she offered a wry smile, "if you love her, like for real, then okay I guess."

Santana reached out and took Quinn's hand. "Quinn, look me in the eyes and tell me that you actually wanted to be with me more than just because your my best friend." She looked into the girl's hazel eyes and raised her eyebrow.

Quinn could barely meet Santana's eyes, but she smiled wryly, "I never had the chance to find out. You had Brittany. Then you apparently went and fell for Rachel. I wasn't someone you considered like that. And that's okay," The smile softened, "because you're my best friend and now you're actually more like my sister than my sister. Which is great, because Franny is way too much like Daddy."

"You're the one who ran away from me when you were drunk the time in Puck's basement." Santana whispered, "Brittany was a mistake and Rachel is... well she happened and I stuck, okay? You have Puck, you actually care about him, so don't get caught up in all of this crap."

"I ran away from a threesome that I was very much not ready for, thank you very much." She teased. "But I think I'm already caught up in "all of this crap" and so is he." She looked at Santana with a little smile for a moment, "You know... I got accepted to the University of New Orleans too. No scholarship, but I've got my savings and there's always grants, plus it's like _way_ cheaper than most of the other places I could go..."

"Do... you got it." Santana beamed, "Really?" Her eyes shown brightly as she tackled her friend. "Please, please come! Come with me!" She exclaimed as she hugged her friend and accidentally ended up straddling her waist. "Come to New Orleans. You can live in the townhouse we got, it's got a furnished second apartment. Please."

Quinn laughed, hugging Santana back. "I can't just let you go off alone with Berry, now can I? She might corrupt you and the kid into wearing argyle and animal sweaters if I did," she teased, looking up at her best friend, "Besides, Britt's staying here with Artie and who could you trust more than me to back you up on cheers? Some one has to be there to catch you, flyer."

Santana beamed and pulled Quinn into a tighter hug. "Thank you." She whispered, more relieved then she had ever been before. "I didn't want to leave you." She whispered softly, "I'm so freaking happy right now." She clutched onto the blonde, proving without a shadow of a doubt that she was terrified to leave what she knew, to live Lima.

Quinn shrugged, bashful at the display of affection from the normally standoffish Santana. "You and Berry might think you can handle a baby all by yourselves, but I figure that I'd need help in your shoes, so I guess you will too. And hey, my best friend's baby," she smiled teasingly, doing her best to show that she was going to try and be okay with everything, "I wanna meet them."

"You just wanna see how short the thing is." Santana teased, "I'm totally dressing it so that she does not put argyle or sweater with a damn unicorn on it." She said as she sat back on Quinn's thighs. "Do you think Puck will come down? I think he could find work if he wanted... that's if you wanna stay with him."

Quinn shrugged, propping herself up on her elbows. "I don't know. Sometimes I think he'll do anything Berry asks him though. Speaking of your baby's mom though," she looked nervous, "will she be okay with my coming along? I really don't want to put up with her bitching at me all the time..."

"Honestly. She's so scared that I'm gonna leave her or something that she'd be fine with anything." She sighed, "I don't get why she's so freaked. She's the one who's had a bunch of boyfriends and cheated on Finn with Puck and evidently me... I don't even get why she thinks _I'm_ gonna leave."

"Well, Finn kind of asks to be cheated on with how he pushes everyone to cheat _for_ him," her lips twisted in a wry smirk, acknowledging her own shortcomings, "but maybe she really likes you. You don't exactly have a reputation for staying with one person for a long time, S. Besides, _I_ know you love her and all but does she?"

Santana shrugged, "You know why I don't stay with anyone for longer than a few weeks." She stated, rolling off Quinn and onto the grass, "Because I really didn't need any of those dickhead's who wanted to _date_ me to find out I had a dick bigger than theirs, now did I?" She sighed, "I was so scared of anyone finding out and beating the fuck out of me or killing me like I saw on those movies and in the news..." Santana looked down at her hands. "Rachel found out and didn't care."

"I know that, S," Quinn sat up, crossing her legs, "but she doesn't. Or maybe she hasn't accepted it yet. It's hard to tell with her. But she doesn't really have the world's best relationship with women. I mean, I saw her mom basically tell her she didn't want her. That was really harsh."

"I know." Santana smiled softly, "That's why I love her, because even though all the shit that happened to her, she's still driven and amazing and wants to be the best mom ever." she looked down. "I need her to be okay with me because I need to be okay with me somehow. It's easier when she's around."

Quinn reached out and put a hand on Santana's shoulder, squeezing gently, "Well, if she makes anything easier for you then, weird as it still feels to see you two together - baby or no baby - I support you. I want to keep my best friend in my life. Also, you may not be aware of it, but Puck's got this bizarre notion that he gets to be Uncle Puck and the man in your kid's life." She rolled her eyes, "You should _hear_ him go on about want to teach the kid to play football and stuff."

"You better watch that, bitch will wanna get a rock off in you and sperm you up to make another little Jew." She shuddered dramatically. "He can help me teach the baby a real sport, like soccer. Not football, or wrestling and god knows the kid will not be tall enough to play basketball." She smirked, "But I'm glad he's excited, Rachel needs him. And as long as he keeps his dick to you, I'm kosher."

"Ew, San. That is disgusting," She looked grossed out for a moment then just rolled her eyes. "Maybe you're ready to do the whole baby thing, but I'm not. And I am _definitely_ not having a baby until I'm married. If Puck wants to be a part of that," she blushed slightly looking away, "then he'll have to get his act together."

"Awe my little girl wants to get married." She smiled and kissed the girl's cheek. "Good, because he's gots to be good enough for by bff to be with." She looked up at her and pushed the blonde hair back. "you look awkward without a pony." She noted.

"Oh thanks," Quinn shook her head with a fond smile, "and you better get outta that uniform before -"

"Sandbags, _what_ are you doing on my field getting my uniform filthy with your graduated sweat?" The words were accompanied by an angry squeal and click from the megaphone they were shouted through. "Get your ass into the locker room and return my togs of success before you dull them with your collegiately bound self!"

Santana laughed softly and hoisted herself off the ground. "Wait for me and we can take the Jews home?" Santana asked as she headed towards the locker rooms with a call over her shoulder. Santana jogged over to her coach, "Sorry, Coach, I just wanted some time on the field before giving it up."

"All I have to say to you, S, is that you had better not make me look bad in New Orleans. Hit the showers." Turning on her heel, the acerbic coach disappeared back towards her office.

* * *

It was totally weird to not be with Santana at school, Brittany thought as she wandered through the halls, peering into classrooms looking for her... Well, she _thought_ Santana was her best friend, but ever since she'd started dating Artie - who was super sweet and let her ride in his lap which was totally awesome - the other girl had been harder and harder to find and even Lord Tubbington wasn't sure they were friends anymore. It was totally sad.

When she'd told Glee that she was dating Rachel after they both quit - she'd known it would be a bad thing and they'd totally lost Nationals again without Santana and Rachel - it'd hurt. How come she could be girlfriends with Rachel but not her? How come she could date her when she wouldn't date Brittany? It made her head _and_ her heart hurt to think about it, so she tried not to most of the time.

But it was the last day of school and when they were tiny they'd pinkie promised to be together on the last day of school. Her face crumpled with worry and hurt the longer it was taking to find her friend. Maybe Lord Tubbington was right. Maybe her and Santana _weren't_ friends anymore. It made her heart hurt and she didn't like it.

Then she saw her coming out of the locker room with wet hair and she could have smacked herself in the forehead. Of course Santana was in the locker room! It was the last practice of the year! Why hadn't she just looked there _first_?

"San! Hey, San!" Brittany waved, her previous troubles forgotten as she jogged down the hall towards her best friend with a bright smile, "I was so looking for you!"

Santana looked up, not expecting to see anyone but Rachel. She had changed into baggy jeans because after tucking all day in a skirt she was sore, and chafing. She saw Brittany whom she had been avoiding because she had fallen for the girl back in sophomore year; but she couldn't tell the ditzy blonde her secret in fear of everyone in the world knowing. Brittany had never pushed her beyond sweet lady kisses and Santana giving her pleasure, but when Brittany let it slip that she still wanted to sleep with boys, Santana's heart broke.

"Oh. Hey, Brits." Santana said softly as she adjusted her black tank top. "Did you finish your exam?"

"Yeah," Brittany replied, skipping up with a bright grin, "Artie helped me. Did you finish yours? I've been looking all over for you today. We promised to be together on the last day of school but I almost didn't find you in time. You were lost really good, San. You should have gotten directions from Lord Tubbington like I did." She held out a hand, pinkie extended to hook with Santana's the way they always had.

Santana sighed and took the girl's finger. "Yeah, I only had to take physics." She stated, "I have an A in the rest of the classes so I didn't need to take any. I just had to scream at the sophomores vying for head cheerio." She shrugged.

"Aw, that sounds like fun. Maybe I shoulda come to practice instead of taking tests." Her face screwed up for a moment then she shrugged, "Oh well. I drew pretty pictures on my tests so the teachers can be happy instead of frowny." She smiled at her friend, swinging their arms slightly as they walked down the hall. "I'm totally gonna miss this place. Do you think they'll let me come back and go to classes and Glee and stuff next year if I want?"

Santana knew Brittany's GPA, she also heard from Sue that Brittany was going to stay back. "Brit... You know that you might have to come back anyway right? You went to that meeting with your parents and Figgins, right?" She hated that Brittany would have to come back. "At least Artie will be here right?"

Brittany frowned, slowing to a stop. "So it's like _not_ the last day of school today? San, am I a junior? I thought I was a senior like you..."

"Yeah, Brit." She sighed, "You get to come back and be a Cheerio and be in Glee next year. That's why you didn't win senior class president, because you're a junior." She squeezed the girl's hand and tried to smile. "Just me, Puck, Q and Rachel are graduating. Finn's a junior like you too."

"Oh wow, really?" Her eyes got wide, "Oh my gosh, San, do you think I could be head Cheerio next year like you and Q were? Cause that would be totally awesome and you and Q can like come and see us perform and stuff." She smiled brightly, not making the connection that if Quinn and Santana would be graduating, they would be gone.

"Maybe. But Q and I won't be able to come unless it's like Thanksgiving or Christmas. We're going to college out of state." She explained as she walked them towards the lockers. She twisted the lock with her fingers and popped it open, looking at the papers and cheerio merchandise cluttering it, "I'm not gonna be here."

Brittany's face fell, "But why not? We're supposed to be together forever! You always said so! Is it cause you're dating Rachie and the stork brought her Puck's baby?" She frowned, "Is that why you wouldn't date me? Because the stork didn't bring me a baby?"

"Brittany," Santana said sternly, "You. Didn't. Want. Me!" She stated, "You wanted a boy, you've always wanted a _boyfriend_. I can't be that and I won't, so you found one. I will be your friend forever but I need to go. I'm going to college. I got money to go to college out of state, Rachel is coming with me and so is Quinn." Santana ran her fingers through her damp hair. "The baby has nothing to do with it," She groaned, "I'm with _Rachel_ now, you're with Artie, it's been that way for months."

"Because you didn't want me when I wanted you." Brittany huffed, pouting. "You're really going away, San? Like away away? To be with Rachie and the baby?" She looked sad, "Are you ever gonna come back?"

Santana rested her head against her locker as she groaned, "Look... We didn't work. I'm sorry about that, but you're my friend and yes, I will be back." She sighed as she pulled away and grabbed the garbage can that was across the hall. She put her arm into the locker and pulled out the contents and put it right in the trash. She was pissed and she couldn't get over it. _Why does everyone want me now?_ , she thought looking down at the dark metal can. She tore down her schedule and pulled the pictures off and shoved them into her bag. "I'm having a baby, Brittany. I'm having a family with Rachel, just accept that!"

"I do accept it!" She scowled, her eyes bright with upset, "I do! I just..." she sighed, leaning against the lockers, "I'm gonna miss you a whole lot, San." She sniffed softly, "You and Rachie left Glee and it was like our family wasn't a family anymore." She picked at a flake of paint with one finger, "I thought I'd get to see the baby. Like an even tinier Rachie. But you never came back."

"It didn't feel like a family anymore okay," Santana sighed, "I don't want them as my family or anywhere near my family. You can come visit us, okay? And we'll be back at Christmas and Thanksgiving. We're staying here until she has the baby I think, so you can see it when it's born, okay? The baby needs to see it's Auntie Brittany."

"Can I? Can I really?" Brittany smiled big, leaning forward to wrap Santana in a big hug, "I'm gonna be the best Auntie Brittany _ever_! San?" She sounded a little uncertain, leaning back to look at her friend, "I know you don't like Artie and stuff, but can he come when I visit? He can give the baby rides on his magic chair." She looked hopeful.

"Yeah. If he wants. We're going to New Orleans so if robo-boyfriend wants to get on a plane... bring him down." She shrugged and finished cleaning her locker out. "Can... Can I call you when Rachel starts having the baby? You can come to the hospital?" She smiled and looked down bashfully.

"Yay!" She clapped her hands cheerfully, "And you _have_ to call me! Best friends have to be there when babies are born. It's like a rule or something."

She smiled, reaching in the locker and pulling out Santana's Cheerios jacket. "Hey, can I have this? I'd like to wear it to remember you while you're gone, if that's okay. You can have mine if you want," she started tugging off her jacket. "We can trade so we each have something close to put on when we like need a bestie hug and stuff while we're far away."

She smiled and nodded taking the blonde's slightly larger jacket. "Thanks, Brit-Brit." Santana hugged the girl and held her tightly, "You can call me anytime you want, okay?" She whispered, "You just press the two button and there I am." She smiled and kissed the girl's cheek.

"I can't call you _any_ time I want. Lord Tubbington will take my phone away again if I wake him up." Brittany deadpanned, "But I'll so call you when he's not sleeping."

She helped drag the trash can back across the hall. "You know, Sanny, it's so sad you and Rachie can't make lady babies together. They'd be so cute and tiny!" She grinned, "I so wish the stork brought her _your_ baby instead of Puck's."

"Um..." Santana hesitated, knowing that she couldn't tell the blonde the truth. "Maybe if I wish hard enough it will look a little bit like me and have my nose..." She joked softly as she held Brittany's coat tightly. She heard a door opening down the hall and smiled when she saw her girlfriend waddle out with Puck following her.

Santana beamed and looked down at the floor bashfully as she walked up to her. "You look tired, baby." She whispered as she kissed Rachel softly. "How'd you do?"

"I believe I did sufficiently well enough to ensure at least a 4.0 average. A bit lower than the 4.5 I was hoping for, but acceptable given the circumstances." She smiled tiredly at her girlfriend, leaning slightly against her. "I am exceedingly tired though. Can we go home?"

"Hey, B, s'up?" Puck smiled lazily at the blonde.

"Sanny is going away after Rachie has her baby and it's sad but we traded jackets so we can have bestie hugs whenever we need them." She hugged the young man then Rachel, "Hi, Rachie. San says I get to meet the baby when they come out and be their Auntie Brittany."

Rachel smiled tiredly as she returned the hug, "Of course you do, Brittany. I hope you'll consider teaching them to dance when they're old enough, too. If you wish to continue talking though, may I please request that we continue the conversation in a location with a chair of some kind if not a bed? My feet are exceedingly sore."

"Oh my gosh, of course! My mom was all kinds of tired before my little sister was born. I'm sorry, you can so go home."

"Thanks Brit." Santana smiled and tangled her fingers with Rachel's. "Come on babe, let's get you and the baby home." She stated as she started escorting her to the parking lot. "Thanks Puck!" She called behind her and they walked out of the school. "I think you deserve a hot bath and a tasty dinner tonight? How does that sound?" She asked as she slowly brought her girl to the car and helped her inside.

Rachel relaxed back into the seat with a low, almost sensual groan of pleasure as she got off her feet. "That sounds absolutely divine, Santana, but can we perhaps skip the bath and just cuddle? I just really want to take a nap for the next week or so right now..."

"Okay," she smiled as she kissed her softly before closing the door and going to her side of the car. She slid in and drove home. It took a few minutes but she finally got Rachel out of the car and settled in pajamas and the bed. She put on the third Harry Potter movie in the background and grabbed her ipad and began moving her fingers over the keys. "Wanna see what came for the house today?" she smiled as she held the photos of the couch and love seat set that had been delivered as well as pictures of the basic black furniture in the nursery. "We can pick out bedding and colors when we know what the baby is like."

"Okay," she smiled as she kissed her softly before closing the door and going to her side of the car. She slid in and drove home. It took a few minutes but she finally got Rachel out of the car and settled in pajamas and the bed. She put on the third Harry Potter movie in the background and grabbed her ipad and began moving her fingers over the keys. "Wanna see what came for the house today?" she smiled as she held the photo's of the couch and love seat set that had been delivered as well as pictures of the basic black furniture in the nursery. "We can pick out bedding and colors when we know what the baby is like."

Rachel smiled tiredly, fingers lightly brushing the images making the screen jiggle as her head rested against Santana's shoulder. "It looks lovely." She yawned, her eyes falling closed, "You're far too good to me. I..." The words trailed off into a confused jumble of syllables and a soft little snore as she fell asleep against her lover.

Santana smiled and laid down to continue to search on craigslist to find things they needed as Rachel slept by her side.


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

Santana plopped down beside Rachel. Graduation was finally over. They were done with high school, done with Lima, done with Ohio. Quinn and Puck had come over after the graduation party that was held by one of the football players that lived down the street to crash.

"Quinn woke me up this morning to hold her hair back as she puked," Santana mumbled as she hugged a pillow to her chest, "Bitch can not hold her liquor." She shook her head and looked over to the television screen that Rachel was fixated on. "Are you _really_ watching Funny Girl? Again?"

Rachel nodded, rubbing her stomach absently, "It relaxes me. I've been feeling restless and I hoped it would let me calm down." She tore her eyes from TV to smile at her girlfriend, a wince tightening the skin around her eyes as a pang of pain ran through her. "I've been out here all night. How did you sleep?"

The darker girl looked at her for a second, "You sure you're okay? You said your back was hurting when I said goodnight last night..." She looked worried, "I mean despite the drunken snores from Puck on my floor and the fact Quinn smelled like a whorehouse and kicks in her sleep... I slept okay."

"Yes, it just," she winced again, rubbing her stomach, "it just feels strange. Like a cramp. But then it stops and I'm ok for a while."

Santana froze. "It... stops then... starts?" She swallowed and quickly looked at the large protruding stomach on her girlfriend. "Um... shit. how long till it hurts again?"

"I don't know," Rachel shrugged, her breathing getting easier, "fifteen or twenty minutes? It's just enough time to start relaxing and then it hurts again." She shifted in her seat, uncomfortable, "You don't think it's the baby, do you?"

"Oh... Okay. Um. Okay. Don't move." Santana jumped up and left Rachel sitting on the couch as she grabbed her Cheerio's duffle bag out of her closet, not at all caring if her loud noises wake up her friends. "Clothing. Pajamas..." She mumbled to herself as she shoved clothing for Rachel and herself into the bag, she ran into the bathroom and grabbed Rachel's brush and toothbrush and shampoo and threw them into the bag as well. She grabbed the blanket she had bought for the baby that was still wrapped in the protective plastic and shoved it all into the bag. "Quinn!"

"What? What's happening." Quinn asked as she sat up and rubbed her eyes.

"Get a fucking shower now, we have 20 minutes before we need to leave to go to the hospital." Santana barked. Quinn nodded quickly and jumped into the shower.

"Puck! Wake the fuck up!" Santana exclaimed as she kicked his leg.

"Jesus, San! Kick a little harder why don't you?" He grumbled, sitting up and rubbing his leg with a wince, "What the fuck is your problem anyway?"

From out in the living room, there came a tremulous cry, "Santana? Either I just had an entirely unfortunate accident or my water just broke... I think we need to go soon."

"That's why! Get the fuck up and dressed Rachel is having the baby!" Santana grabbed the bag and rushed over to Rachel, she had a fresh pair of pants in her hand. "We need to get you dry first okay?" Santana whispered and helped ease Rachel down to the edge of the couch and pulled the wet pants off her. She made sure everything was dry and helped slide new ones on her. Quinn came down with a wet ponytail and Puck following her trying to buckle his pants.

"Puck? Can you carry Rachel to the car, and for the love of God if you drop her..." Santana barked, as she searched for her phone.

"Calm the fuck down, San. I ain't dropping the princess." He grumbled, scooping Rachel up as she wrapped her arms around his neck. "Hey, Rach. Time to meet the Littlest Jew, huh?" His smile was lopsided as he started making his way out the door, Quinn hurrying over to open it for them before running back to try and calm Santana down.

"It," she winced with a little whimper of pain as another contraction rippled through her, "It certainly appears that way."

Santana hoisted up the bag. "Q, can you call Brittany while I call my dad?" She asked as they followed Puck and Rachel out of the house to the car. Santana slid behind the wheel and waited for the other couple to get in the backseat. Santana quickly dialed her father as she pulled out of the driveway and listed to the phone ring.

"Hello?" Dr. Lopez answered almost distractedly through the speaker phone.

"Daddy?" Santana's voice cracked as she spoke. "We're coming to the hospital..." her voice wavered and her hands that were white from how tight she was gripping the steering wheel. "Rachel... her water broke."

"Okay, _mija_. Drive safe and we'll be ready." He stated, "I love you, and tell Rachel we'll take good care of her when she gets here."

"Okay, Daddy." Santana whispered, showing how scared she was before hanging up and ignoring the fact everyone in the car heard her conversation.

"It'll be okay, Santana," Rachel smiled as reassuringly as she could at her girlfriend via the rearview mirror, breathing through her nose to try and focus through the pain. "Why... Why don't you let Quinn drive though?"

For their part, the other two passengers were white knuckledly gripping the doors at the speed Santana was driving. "Y-yeah, San. You should totally be with your baby momma right now, you know?" Puck's voice trembled slightly, his complexion paling and looking mildly green at the combination of Santana's anxious driving and his hangover.

"I'm fine." Santana stated as she continued driving to the hospital. It was near silent in the car other then Puck consoling Rachel and the girl in labour's breathing. After seven minutes of driving she pulled into the OB wing of the hospital and saw her dad outside with a nurse and a wheelchair. "Okay. We're here."

By the time they arrived, Rachel had gone from mostly calm to anxious. Puck was doing his best to keep her calm, but all of her practice and preparation had been done expecting Santana beside her and he simply didn't know what to do. She cried out as he and Quinn helped her out of the car, her hands instinctively going to her stomach as she folded over from the intensity of the contraction.

Santana ran her fingers up and down Rachel's back and leaned closer and whispered, "it's okay baby." She kissed her temple, "It will be over soon and we'll have the baby. Just be strong a little while longer."

When the contraction subsided, Santana's father was standing beside her with a wheelchair, helping her into it. "Rachel, we're gonna take you in and get you settled. It's still early so we can give you some medication is if you want it. It will make your pain less, do you want that?" Dr. Lopez asked as they wheeled the girl down the hall.

"Dr. Lopez, I can do that." The nurse interjected as she watched the seasoned doctor roll a patient down to an exam room.

"No." He said curtly, "She's family."

Rachel was sweating trying to manage the pain through sheer will as she shook her head. "No, no medication. I don't want to do anything to hurt the baby." The last word was gasped out and she fumbled for Santana's hand with a soft mewl of pain, her eyes squeezing shut.

"It wont hurt the baby." Miguel explained as she helped Rachel move onto the bed. "I'd never do anything to hurt you and the baby. It will just make your lower body a bit numb to the pain."

Santana was running her fingers through Rachel's hair, trying to comfort her as Rachel worked to bring their child into the world.

She shook her head again. "No... I have overcome everything else my life has thrown at me without resorting to unnatural means. I," her breath caught in her throat and her grip on Santana's hand tightened as another contraction hit, "I can do this without medication too." She panted for breath, smiling wanly at the child's grandfather, "Women have been giving birth forever without drugs. I can too."

"Okay." Miguel smiled, "Okay, Santana you get her into a gown and I'll go and get the stuff I need to check her out and deliver the baby." Santana smiled as she kissed Rachel softly when her father left.

"Lets get you changed." Santana whispered, with a slow nod for Rachel and when Puck turned around Santana helped Rachel get undressed and quickly covered with the gown. "Are you cold?" Santana asked when she saw her lover shiver. "I can get you a blanket..."

"A little," she didn't let go of Santana's hand once they got her out of her clothes and into the gown, "but down go." Rachel looked scared and anxious, her hand sweaty where it was gripping Santana's, "Please don't leave me. Stay, please..."

"Of course I'm not leaving." Santana whispered, "Q, can you grab a blanket off the cart thing?" She pointed to the cart off to the side of the room, Santana continued to hold the girl's hand as she sat on the edge of the bed next to her. "This will go by fast," she whispered as she stroked her hand.

"Maybe," a tear trickled down her face as she winced from the pain rippling her body, "I read online that it can last _days_ sometimes, Santana. I don't know if I can do this for days..."

"You've met us right?" Santana smiled, "Between both of us we have like a 20 minute attention span and no patience." She kissed Rachel's forehead as Quinn nervously helped tuck the blanket over her. "The baby will come soon."

Dr. Lopez and a nurse came back into the room. The nurse helped Rachel get her legs up and set her up to look at her progression. "Alright, Rachel. I'm gonna check how much your dilated, okay?"

Rachel just nodded leaning back and closing her eyes, holding tightly to Santana's hand. Puck inched over carefully, looking worried and a bit nervous, to blot at her forehead with a towel. He looked between Santana and Rachel and Quinn anxiously.

"She's gonna be okay, right?" His words were more or less directed at Miguel. "I mean, I promised my Nana I'd look out for her back when we were dating and I ain't been doing so great a job of it but like she's totally one of my best friends and stuff. You gotta be okay, Rach..."

"She's gonna be pushing a baby out of her lady parts!" Quinn hissed, "She's not okay right now, but she'll be fine though." Santana rolled her eyes at her friends and focused on her girlfriend.

"Q and Puck, go call Brittany she wanted to come." She snapped as she watched them leave, "Sorry." She whispered to Rachel and kissed her head.

Dr. Lopez began examining the pregnant girl gently, talking to the nurse as he did so. The nurse set Rachel up with an IV and a fetal monitor. "Well, Rachel, seems the baby is eager to come. You're already six centimeters." He smiled before pulling his gloves off and going to wash his hands.

Rachel nodded, leaning towards Santana and squeezing her hand reassuringly. "T-that's good, right? How," she panted for breath, "how much longer?" Her grip on Santana's hand tightened as she sobbed through another contraction.

"Not too much longer," He stated as he went out of the room to get everything set up. Santana kept stroking Rachel's hair and she sang softly to her. After she finished she kissed Rachel's hand, "You're so brave." She whispered as she looked at her. "Just think about the beautiful thing you've created that you get to meet soon."

"We created," Rachel murmured, smiling up at Santana's and giving her hand a gentle squeeze. "Us. I could never have done this without you, Santana..." It hurt but she desperately wanted to know that Santana knew fundamentally that she didn't blame her for any of it.

"You're right. We did this," she whispered out of the earshot of the nurse. "Our child will be here soon okay?" She nuzzled Rachel's neck for a moment before pulling away when Quinn and Puck came back.

"I grabbed her some ice chips..." Quinn offered, "I saw it on TV that it helps or something." Santana nodded and accepted the basin before slipping one into Rachel's mouth.

"Thanks, Q." Santana smiled. She looked up at Puck and rolled her eyes, "Dude, keep it together alright? you look like you're gonna puke."

"Dude, it's like, scary and shit alright?" He leaned against the wall and folded his arms trying not to look at how distressed Rachel looked. "She's all tiny and I'm just worried okay?" He looked at Santana letting her see his fear that something could happen to his Jew. "She's my best friend after you and Q, San," his voice was soft as Quinn distracted Rachel by wiping the sweat off her face with a damp cloth, "she's my girl and I don't want anything bad to happen to her like ever, okay?"

"She's _my_ girl and I don't want any of those thing ether okay." Santana replied, the nurse looked up and brought the chart over to Puck.

"We need to have the father sign off when the baby is born." The nurse explained, looking at Puck. "So we'll need him to sign some forms."

"Can that just wait? Just go away and get my dad, just get him." She snapped, her words biting at the nurse who she hated for assuming the parentage. "Just go away."

"Santana, calm down." Quinn whispered, which earned her a quick look.

* * *

Nearly an hour later, Rachel was wheeled into the delivery room. When the nurse tried to bring Puck into the delivery room Santana's eyes welled up and she looked at the ground.

"What the hell, man?" Puck scowled, pushing away the insistent nurse's grab of his arm to take him to get gowned up. "Only way I'm gonna go in that room is if Rach asks for me and I know damn well she ain't so what the hell you doing?"

Quinn slipped her arm around Santana's shoulders as the nurse tried again to encourage Puck back to get gowned. "She's in entirely too much pain to be asking for anyone, but a baby oughtn't be born without their father nearby. Just come with me and get gowned up. She'll want you eventually, sir."

"Will you get your head outta your ass and listen to me? I _ain't_ going in that room!"

Santana was shaking she was so mad. "Back. The. Fuck. Off." She hissed, her arm moving to grab the nurse the second she heard a shrill cry from the room. Santana pushed the nurse back and moved to run into the delivery room, disregarded the calling from the nurse.

"Santana, go wash." Her dad snapped as he nodded to the sink. One of the nurses put a gown over her clothing and helped her dry her hands.

"Daddy, fucking bitch of a nurse was trying to drag Puck in!" Santana exclaimed as she came over to Rachel's side.

"San, just help Rachel." He yelled as his daughter nodded and kissed Rachel's head.

"I'm sorry. I'm here now."

"I'm," Rachel gasped, her hand reaching blindly for Santana, "I'm _scared_ , Santana." She sounded tired, her normally healthy complexion sallow. "I'm scared. What if I can't do this?"

"You can do this. I'm gonna be here the whole time." Santana whispered. Dr. Lopez looked up, "Okay, Rae, I think it's time to push."

"She's right, on the next contraction you need to push hard okay? Hold Santana's hand and push."

Santana hooked their fingers together and nodded, "Come on, baby, push."

Rachel nodded, her face tightening as she pushed with a loud cry. Her grip on Santana's hand tightened hard enough it seemed like she would break her girlfriend's hand. She slumped back against the bed after she was done, panting fast enough to almost hyperventilate.

"You're doing so good, baby." She whispered as she wiped Rachel's head.

"Okay, Rachel, breathe for a few moments then we're gonna try again. I can see the baby's head, on the next push it will be out and then just one more big one after that for the shoulders, okay? You can do it. Just two more." Dr. Lopez exclaimed as he watched the monitor to check the mother and child's heart rate.

She nodded weakly, curling up with a scream as the contraction hit. She crushed Santana's hand in hers as she focused everything on pushing her child out. Eventually, she slumped back down into the bed. "I don't want to do this anymore," she sobbed, "It hurts too much. I can't, Santana. I'm too tired..."

"The girl I love would never give up on something this important." Santana said with earnest. "You can do it." Santana took a quick peek down where her dad was working, her stomach churned but she came back to Rachel quickly. "The baby's heads out. Just one more and you can rest, one more and you can hold our baby."

Rachel looked up at Santana, exhausted but shocked. "You love me?" She shook her head, unable to believe what her ears had heard. She felt dizzy and disconnected - it was obviously a horrible trick her mind was playing on her, trying to make her believe that Santana had declared the one thing she'd dreamed of to be true. But it wasn't possible and she sobbed brokenly as another intense contraction wracked her body, twisting her up in bed with an agonized scream as she felt something tear followed by a sudden relief of pressure.

She collapsed back into the bed nearly unconscious, too drained to sit up. Her eyes barely opened when she heard the shrill shriek of her baby fill the room, but a tiny smile curled her lips.

"A boy," Dr Lopez looked up at Santana with a proud grin behind his mask, "a handsome baby boy."

Santana let out a relieved sob when she heard the baby, she leaned down and kissed Rachel and whispered _thank you_ over and over again against Rachel's lips. When her dad nudged her to cut the cord she looked up. That's when she saw him, a beautiful tanned baby boy with thick black hair. "Hi, baby-boy." She whispered, her shaking hand taking the scissors and cutting the tether to his previous life force. Once done, her father delivered the afterbirth and put some stitches into the small woman.

The nurse cleaned him up and brought him over to Rachel's arms. "Say hi to your son." The nurse stated as she laid him in the tired mother's arms. "He's seventeen inches and a little under six and a half pounds. But his mom is tiny, so it's to be expected."

Rachel cradled him against her chest, regarding the tiny baby with exhausted amazement. "Hi, little one," she whispered with a worn out smile, "it's good to finally meet you." Her arms trembled with exhaustion and she looked up at her girlfriend tiredly, "Come meet your son, Santana..."

The darker girl moved closer and ran her lithe fingers over his head. "Hola." She whispered. She looked up at her dad not realizing that tears were streaming down her face. "Daddy, look." She beamed as she looked back down to her son.

"He's beautiful, girls." his voice cracked with emotion as he finished working on Rachel. Santana leaned down and kissed his head and then kissed Rachel.

"He's amazing," she breathed out.

"He's," Rachel whispered, shaking her head slowly, "I can't believe we created this perfect little person. Hello, baby." She reached up with a shaky hand and gently brushed a finger over his cheek. "So soft and tiny... Your mommy and I love you very much. We're going to do our best to take good care of you, so you grow up to be a big and strong young man."

She carefully leaned down and brushed her lips against his forehead, making him stir and grumble. "I already love you almost as much as I love your mommy," she whispered against his skin, almost too soft to hear.

Santana was so taken with her son that the world drowned out around her. After a few moments her dad came over and touched her shoulder. "We need to take him to get checked out and take Rachel to get cleaned up. I'll come get you when we're done." He whispered before hugging his daughter and wiping away her tears.

"Rae? They're gonna take him to get looked at and take you to the maternity ward. I'll be there when you get there okay?" Santana stated before kissing Rachel and nodding. "I'll be there."

Rachel was so exhausted by the ordeal of giving birth that all she could do was nod weakly and allow the nurse in pale pink scrubs to take her son away. She fought to keep her eyes open, but they slid closed despite all of her efforts as she fell into a dreamless sleep.

* * *

When she woke up again, she was in a different room and a different gown. She blinked confusedly, looking around to see Santana asleep in the chair beside the bed she was in and Puck and Quinn talking quietly on the other side of the room. Her eyes lingered on the dark beauty slumped over with her head on the edge of the bed, a slow smile curling her lips. She slid her hand over and gently combed her fingers through Santana's hair, wondering if maybe if she was good enough, she'd be allowed to always wake up next to this woman.

Santana's eyes blinked open a few minutes later. "Hey." She smiled, looking up at her. "You were so deep in sleep when I came back awhile ago..." She moved her bruised hand to cover Rachel's. "I took Quinn and Puck to see our son." She beamed, "He's so beautiful, Rachel."

"He's ours," she whispered with a soft smile, continuing to gently stroke her fingers through Santana's hair, "he'd have to be beautiful with a mother like you. Is he okay? There's nothing wrong, right? We took care of our baby?"

"He's little..." she said, "But with our genes? He's going to be a tiny boy... but he's perfect." She looked up when the door opened and a clear bassinet with the blue bundle inside. An African American nurse who worked with Santana's father since she was young. "Hi, Angela." Santana smiled looking up and relieved to see a familiar face.

"Hey girl. Your dad asked me to bring this little guy in here..." She smiled knowingly. Angela worked at Santana's dad's practice and knew about Santana, so the young woman was relieved to see the older woman with her son. Angela picked the baby up and brought him over to Rachel. "Hi, momma, wanna hold your boy?"

"Can," Rachel smiled up at her girlfriend, "can Santana hold him? I'm a little tired still and," she looked shy, "I'd feel better seeing her with him."

Angela nodded and rounded the bed. "Alright, Sanny." She smiled as she placed the baby in the girls arms. She back up watching the girl she has watched grow up holding her child. "She looks like her mom." Angela stated, before turning back to Rachel. "I'm gonna be with you until you leave, I've known Santana since she was little and her dad wanted someone you'd both be comfortable with."

Santana watched the baby yawn and blink his little eyes as Angela spoke. "Dr. Lopez took care of the birth certificate, by the way." She whispered to the young mother as she fixed her IV.

Rachel smiled with a relieved sigh. "Oh good. There's only one person I wanted listed as our baby boy's other parent and as dear to me as he is, that person certainly isn't Noah."

Hearing his name, the boy perked up and looked over. "Oh hey, baby time!" He crossed the room to wave at the tiny boy, "Man, San, he is _tiny_. Can I hold him you think?"

"No," Santana said quickly. "Mine," she whispered as she kept her eyes fixated on her son. "My baby," she popped his little cap off his head and ran her fingers through his hair.

Angela chucked and wrote in Rachel's chart. "She's not letting go of that boy anytime soon." she shook her head with a laugh. Quinn rolled her eyes and looked at her phone. "Puck, Brit is here let's go get her and give San a second to gawk at her spawn."

Puck mumbled and pouted, "Baby-hog." he said under his breath as Quinn dragged him out of the room.

Rachel laughed softly, patting the bed beside her. "If you won't share, at least sit beside me? He's my son too, you know. I'd like the chance to be close to him too." She smiled fondly at her little family.

Santana nodded and slid onto the bed beside her girlfriend. "Didn't want Puck holding him yet. Puck has dirty hands and I don't wanna get the baby dirty," she said as she nuzzled the boy's hair. "Baby needs a name, Rachel," Santana whispered.

"I know, but I think you should name him." She reached over and brushed her fingers gently over his hair, "I carried him, you should be the one to name him." She leaned over, her head resting on Santana's shoulder, "Give him a good, strong name, Santana."

"That's scary," she whispered. "What if he turns out like me? Hates his name because he doesn't wanna be a boy?" She was scared, she was lucky because her name was unisex but what if she named her son something that he hated.

"Then give him a name that could work for either gender. It'll be fine," she turned her head to press a kiss to her girlfriend's shoulder. "If he is like you, we'll still love our child. Because that's what parents do, Santana. And we're parents now." Rachel smiled as of she couldn't hardly believe it.

"Are you sure? My mom didn't love me anymore when she found out." she looked down at her son, who she already loved more than anything. She didn't understand how her mom left her, she already loved the boy no matter what he decided to do in life. She thought about it for a minute, "What about Aaron. It's both Hispanic and Hebrew right? It's in both Catholic religion and Judaism... I like Aaron." she explained rolling her _r_ perfectly at the pronunciation of the baby's name.

"I like it," Rachel's hand covered Santana's on their boy's head. "It's a good name, Santana. Strong, but if he's like you, then it just takes a minor spelling change to Erin. Our child is going to be amazing. And I'm sure we are both going to love him no matter what. What could he possibly do to make us want to leave him? I could never leave either of you," her gaze was fixed on their baby as she smiled, "I love both of you far too much to ever do so."

"We love you too," Santana whispered, before turning her head to kiss the girl's temple. She rocked the baby back and forth as they sat in silence. "He needs a middle name too. Something that sounds good with Berry."

Rachel thought about it for a minute, just taking in being with her family. Finally she spoke, "Julian. Daddy loves the Strokes and it's another unisex name. And I think it sounds," she smiled softly, "right. Aaron Julian Lopez. We can call him AJ for short. What do you think?" She asked, finally looking up at Santana with a bright, though still slightly tired, smile.

"I love it." She whispered, leaning down to kiss Rachel. "I love you." She pulled away and rested her forehead against Rachel. She was about to say something else but a blonde blur burst into the room.

"Oh my gosh! It's a baby!" Brittany exclaimed as she clutched a giant unicorn stuffed animal.

Rachel jumped, startled by the sudden intrusion and the newly dubbed AJ woke and started crying. "Oh no, don't cry AJ, please don't cry. Santana, please..." she pleaded with her girlfriend to get her best friend to calm down as she slipped the baby into her arms and tried calming him.

"Brit brit. Calm down, he gets scared easy... like Charity when Lord Tubbington pounces on her," Santana soothed as she leaned down to kiss her son. When Brittany calmed down, she moved closer with her eyes wide.

"It's a boy?" Brittany asked, her blue eyes peering down at the newborn baby. "Sanny." she looked up, "Sanny? the baby..." Brittany was confused, the baby looked like Santana. The blonde peered back at Puck and then back to the baby. Santana moved closer and helped Rachel pull her gown down and get the baby lips to secure around the girl's breast. Santana pulled a blanket over Rachel's shoulders and looked back up.

"His name is Aaron Julian." Santana said proudly, as she smiled to her friends.

"Cool," Puck smirked, leaning back against the wall and trying not to show that it still stung that he'd been refused in his attempt to hold the boy.

Quinn came in and hugged Santana, "That's a cool name, S."

Brittany just stood there puzzled for a moment before something clicked in her mind and she looked up at Santana with wide eyes. "Oh my gosh, Santana, are you magic? Did you wish on a star or like one of those special fountains in the park? Oh my gosh, I can't believe it worked! You always said wishing on stuff was silly but you did and Rachie's baby totally looks like you!"

Santana saw Rachel trying to hold in her laugh. "Yeah." She exclaimed, "Yeah I did, Brit." She bit her lip.

"But... is the baby still Puck's if he looks like you?" Brittany wondered, cocking her head to the side. "Cause he doesn't look like Puck." Brittany looked over to the young man and pouted sadly. "I'm confused."

"It's like magic and stuff, Britts." Puck explained coming over to hook an arm over the gullible blonde's shoulders. "See, I gave the baby over to San and Rae when he was still tiny and he decided he wanted to look like his other mom instead of my dumb ass, 'kay?"

"Noah, language," Rachel scolded, though she didn't look up from the baby suckling her chest, "Don't swear around our son."

"Okay." Brittany accepted with a smile before hugging Puck. "I got him this, San!" Brittany smiled and plopped the large unicorn down into the chair. "Your baby is a unicorn like you and Rachel!" She beamed and clapped her hands. "I'm so excited, he's so tiny! And he likes boobies like Santana!"

"Brit!" Santana exclaimed with a shake of her head. Quinn stifled a laugh in the back of the room trying to watch the girls with a bemused grin.

"Oh, wow, Brittany. That's certainly an impressive unicorn, though I think he'll have to wait until he's bigger to play with it." Rachel eyed the massive toy uncertainly. "Do you want to meet him?" she asked as she felt him finish feeding.

Brittany nodded and Puck continued to pout. "She gets to hold him and I don't?" he exclaimed.

"Jesus, Puck, stop bitching," Santana rolled her eyes and helped Rachel cover up again as she brought the baby up to see everyone. His baby blue eyes blinked open and looked around. "Brit, come sit on the bed. You too, Puck." Santana stated, smiling when then did so. Quinn came over and stood next to Santana and let her fingers play with the new mom's ponytail.

"He's so tiny. My sister's dolls are bigger than him!" Brittany pointed out as Rachel leaned forward and placed the baby into Puck's arms. "Hi, little boy." Brittany whispered as she peered over Puck's shoulder.

"Wow, San, this is totally cool," Puck grinned down at the tiny boy in his arms, "Hi there, little man. I'm your totally cool Uncle Puckasaurus, but you can call me Uncle Puck when you learn to talk and stuff. Quinn, look at him! He's the smallest kid I ever saw! Man, I don't want nothing to hurt him, not ever."

He looked up at Quinn with a bashful smile, "You think our kids'll be this awesome someday?"

Quinn blushed and looked down at where her hands were threading through her friend's hair and let out a quick nod.

"Puck, keep those little Pucks the hell away from Q," Santana said quickly, "Aaron does _not_ need a cuz anytime soon."

Quinn rolled her eyes and tugged on the girl's hair, "Says you."

"Shut it, tubby." She joked with a smiled before looking over to her son. "And yes, he's perfect and tiny like Rachel."

"The closest I am to perfect is having perfect pitch, though I am diminutive in stature." Rachel murmured with a soft sigh, smiling at her friends as they cooed over the baby.

Puck just ignored Santana and smiled at the baby, wiggling his fingers at him with a goofy grin. "Aw, man, you're gonna be such a badass when you grow up. Your mom and I are gonna teach you like _everything_!"

"Please don't turn my child into a delinquent, Noah."

"Oh, he can't do that, Rachie," Brittany smiled at her from where she had been making faces at AJ trying to get him to smile at her. "There's totally only one of him so he can't have like four twins or nothing."

Santana was too tired to understand what Brittany was saying, so she just smiled and helped Brittany hold the boy for a few minutes before he started fussing. Santana took with back with a shrug and held him over her heart. She whispered words in Spanish that no one else but the girl understood, but the look on her face told Rachel everything she needed to know. Santana wasn't going anywhere. She had her son and she _loved_ Rachel, they were all she needed.

Rachel was trying to stay awake - watching Santana and their son and seeing how tenderly the other girl treated made him her whole body feel warm with happiness - but it was a battle destined to be lost. Leaning back into the pillows again, surrounded by friends and family, she drifted off. Quinn noticed with the hint of a fond smile.

"I think that's our cue to leave," she nodded at the sleeping new mother, "I'll take a raincheck on meeting AJ, okay, S?"

The girl looked at her friend and smiled, "Okay. You'll come over when we come home? I need to ask you something when you do..." She looked bashful for a moment before looking back up.

"Totally." Quinn smiled, "Gotta go shop for that little boy now, come on Puck, B." Quinn held out her hand for Puck and he smiled and took it. He pressed a light kiss to Rachel's head and then Santana's.

"Later little dude." He smiled, before following Quinn out. Brittany sat up and kissed Santana's head with a smile.

"I'm really happy your wish came true, San." She whispered before kissing the baby's head and bouncing out. Santana smiled and carefully nuzzled in next to Rachel as she held her son to her chest. She nodded off a few moments later, basking in the warmth of her son.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let us know what you think, guys. :)


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

Santana leaned her forehead against the window of the nursery. There were about a dozen little cotton wrapped bundles of pink and blue laying swaddled in their tiny beds. She stood in front of one bassinet in particular. _Her_ son. Aaron Julian _Lopez_. Rachel had signed the birth certificate with the baby's last name as _Lopez_. The little boy yawned without a care in the world. Rachel was sleeping after getting a check up from the nurses and a less than restful night's sleep, so Santana stayed with their son. She didn't want him to be alone, she _never_ wanted him to feel alone or lonely.

After a indeterminable amount of time rolled past a hand came and rested on her shoulder. Santana looked behind her and smiled tiredly, "You did good, _mija_." Miguel whispered, his eyes sweeping around the nursery. "Which one is Aaron?"

"Daddy, there are fifteen infants in there. Fourteen of them are gross and red looking... guess which one is your grandson?" She rolled her eyes knowing full well that her father knew that the boy in front of them was hers.

"The handsome little brown one right there... He's a Lopez. He's so beautiful, Santana." He smiled as he squeezed her shoulder, "I'm so proud of you."

"Even though your trans daughter impregnated another girl at seventeen?" She whispered, looking down at her feet.

"You are my daughter. Yes, you made a mistake by engaging in sexual activity without being protected... but I doubt either of you knew this would happen. But, honestly, Santana. This boy? He's a miracle... you've been on hormones long enough - low doses but it should have left you sterilized. You have a beautiful boy, Santana, you have a girl who loves you and this boy? This boy is every bit as beautiful as you were as a baby and I think you did good."

"Thanks, daddy," Santana whispered as she blinked away tears.

* * *

Sue stepped up behind her former Cheerio and peered through the security glass surrounding the nursery. Almost as if guided by the same guidance systems programmed into the most elite ICBM missiles, her gaze zoomed directly to the smallest child in the room. A slight twitch of her lips that could almost be categorized as a smile appeared on her face as she dropped a hand on the younger woman's shoulder.

"I'm impressed. You do good work, Lopez. That child of yours doesn't appear as if it would ever burn my retinas with the terrifying levels of ugly most children possess. Congratulations."

"Uh... What." Santana stuttered, she was more than shocked to see her former coach at the hospital. "My... What?" She looked up with a panicked glare.

"Your boy there. I admit to a certain amount of admiration at your ability to impregnate Streisand, but good work, nonetheless." She cocked a brow at the glare being directed her way. "Don't look at me like that. You were one of my girls for the entirety of your high school incarceration. I highly doubt my possession of any information truly surprises you."

"I... Puck... baby..." she looked down, "you don't know shit." she whispered, her voice breaking with emotion.

Sue frowned, "Don't treat me like I'm an idiot, Lopez. My ninja spies informed me of your unique situation years ago. I was impressed by your ability to disguise yourself so completely and decided to allow it as a worthy skill in one of my best Cheerios. An entirely suitable skill set as one of my permeate proteges." Again the slight quirk that could almost be a smile, "And now, despite your foray into the realms of the Sapphic Sisterhood, you have still managed to succeed in passing your genetic excellence to the next generation."

Santana leaned her back against the window, "I'm so confused right now." She whispered as she looked down to the ground. "No one knows but my dad, my mom, Puck and Q and Rachel... how do you know?" She worried her lip between her teeth and scuffed her converse against the ground.

"Clean your ears out, S!" She barked, "Ninja spies. I just told you. That and an extensive camera system throughout the school. You and the loud-mouthed diva's exploits should be used as an example of how the act of procreation should be carried out. I was at once appalled and intrigued. Your manner of sexual dominance should be applauded."

"This is not happening!" Santana groaned and put her head into her hands. "That's disgusting and _illegal!_." she shuddered at the thought of Sue watching her and Rachel have sex. "Creepy perverted..." Santana rambled off into a monologue of Spanish as she paced back and forth. "Who the fuck watches their students fuck!"

"Better question, Lopez. Who fornicates in public and expects to not be caught? It's hardly illegal to have cameras in _classrooms_ and _storage closets_ ," her lip curled, "which seem to be your dens of vice of choice. Perhaps your perverted teacher's greasy hair somehow rubbed off on you and killed your brain cells, but if you want privacy, I would recommend somewhere _not_ in a public school of which you are a student."

"Was a student." She corrected the taller woman. Santana sighed, and ran her fingers through her hair. "Whatever...it's done... we're outta here as soon as we can travel with the baby." Santana looked down and scuffed her shoes once more before she looked up. "I can't believe I have a kid." she whispered as she looked into the eyes of her mentor. "I can't believe it."

Sue's lips quirked again. "You're one of my girls, Lopez. I have no doubt that you and Streisand are going to be perfectly adequate parents. You had best make me proud in New Orleans. I'm expecting to hear annoyingly good news out of you and your hobbit like girlfriend."

The younger woman smiled softly and nodded, "I will, mostly because I know you'll be creepy and pop up in my house screaming at me through a bullhorn if I don't..." Santana smirked as she looked back to her boy, "He's amazing. For the first time ever I don't feel out of place; like I don't belong. Almost like I'm whole again." She whispered, her eyes locked on her boy as the nurse changed him and re-wrapped him in a blanket.

"No one's whole, kid." Sue pointed out, nodding at the nurse who looked afraid enough at seeing the coach to be a former Cheerio, "We're like broken open puzzle boxes where half the pieces are missing. It's just a matter of finding the people whose puzzles fit your puzzle. This is one of the few areas in which I can't claim expertise, but it seems to me that you found a couple puzzles that fit you pretty good."

The nurse came out of the nursery with Aaron in her arms. "San..." Angela butted in to the conversation, "I think that he's hungry and you should take him into Rachel so she can feed him." Santana took her son onto her arms and smiled and held him closely.

"You're right, Sue." the new mother stated as she began walking away from her coach, "I found the missing pieces."

"Enjoy living in sin with your baby's momma, Lopez. It's a good thing you're leaving the state cause as soon as I'm elected governor, I'm pushing for laws to outlaw that sort of moral ambiguity!" Sue gave another glare at the poor nurse in the nursery before striding off down the hall the opposite way from Santana and her baby boy.

* * *

Santana closed the door to the room where Rachel was sleeping, she carefully moved closer to the bed and smiled. "So beautiful," Santana whispered. She didn't want to wake Rachel up, but she knew the boy needed to eat, so she carefully unfastened the girl's gown and tried to get the boy to latch on.

"Come on, Aaron." She whispered, "Please just eat."

Rachel stirred, her arms rising instinctively to cradle her son at the awkward pawing at her chest. "Hmm?" she muttered, barely awake, "What's wrong?"

"He's just hungry, baby." Santana whispered and pressed a kiss to Rachel's head. When she realized that he wasn't getting a hang of it, Santana sighed. She had heard that babies sometimes had issues getting the flow going listening to people talk around her father's clinic so she quickly leaned down and wrapped her lips around Rachel's nipple and sucked until she was able to kick start the flow. She quickly pulled away and got Aaron feeding.

"S-Santana, what," Rachel woke the rest of the way with a surprised gasp, "what are you _doing_?" She looked around the room, anxious to ensure no one had witnessed her girlfriend's behavior as she held her son to her breast and tried to sit up so he could feed properly. Her cheeks were tinged red with an embarrassed blush as she struggled with the bed controls, trying to rise up.

When Rachel was settled, Santana sat down and shrugged, "Read in a book that newborns don't have great sucking yet so if a mother hasn't fed in awhile it might be hard for him to get milk." she explained like it was the most common thing in the world.

"Yes, but," Rachel sputtered, flustered, "but we're in _public_ and I was lying down, and...and...you sucking on my breasts does not induce a motherly affection, Santana!"

The darker girl rolled her eyes and shrugged again. "Not to offend, but you and your sexy thoughts are why we have a little baby now, so calm your tits and let the baby eat." She moved to snuggle in beside Rachel and watch AJ eat.

Rachel gave out a flustered huff and tried to shift AJ to her other breast. "I fully admit to being at fault, but I find that our son makes my poor decisions regarding the unfortunate manner of our relationship's beginning worth it. However, not to offend _you_ , but right now I don't know if I _ever_ want to have sex again." She squirmed slightly, the ache between her thighs from her healing flesh not remotely comfortable. "This is not a pain I ever wish to experience again."

"Damn you mean that I kept my dick for nothing?" Santana asked as she attempted a joke on her own expense. She kissed Rachel's cheek, "I doubt you'll every be in the position of doing this again," She ran her fingers over AJ's hat and smiled, "Though I will make fun of you the minute you're begging me to make you come."

"Don't joke so," Rachel pouted, "the sensations currently occurring between my legs I would not wish upon my worst enemy." She looked thoughtful for a moment, "Though perhaps Finn could use the experience as a learning moment of sorts..."

"You are not allowed near anyone's junk regions... ever... but mine," she cut in quickly. Santana rested her hand on Rachel's now flatter stomach and sat contently for a moment. "I'm sorry you're in so much pain. I wish I could help or make it stop."

"I just meant that I wish he could feel this bad," Rachel chuckled softly, reaching over to comb her fingers through Santana's hair as they watched their child nurse. "I know, but getting to hold our son, getting to see _you_ with him..." She looked up at Santana with a tired but heartfelt smile, "I would do it all again."

Her smile became slightly hesitant and her voice softened, but she kept her eyes locked with Santana's as she spoke. "I love you, Santana Lopez. I think perhaps I fell for you when you saved me in fifth grade. And...no matter what happens, I," she licked her lips, trying to ignore how fast her heart was racing, "I wanted you to know that."

"I love you too." Santana replied softly, "I want you to know that too. I'm also never gonna leave you or Aaron." She punctuated her statement with the thing she knew Rachel was scared of. "I'll take care of both of you until I die."

For a moment, Rachel felt like her heart stopped. She just stared at Santana, looking more than a little shocked. "You...you love me?" she whispered, her voice soft and uncertain, "Really? Me? Not...it's not just because of Aaron, is it?" She shook her head with an insecure smile, brushing fingers gently over his hair, "Because you...you don't have to say that just for him or...or because I told you how I feel. I won't leave if you don't. I promise. Just...don't say it unless it's really true." Her bottom lip trembled slightly as the hormones still flooding her system from the pregnancy combined to make things feel even more intense, her voice barely audible as her eyes searched Santana's. "I couldn't bear it if you said it and it wasn't trueﾅ"

"I've said it like 5 times now," Santana pouted, "Granted you slept through the first couple and they were in Spanish..." her hand coming up to tangle with Rachel's. "No one has ever just accepted me. Treated me like I'm normal... I love that, it made me fall in love with you."

"Treat you like...?" Rachel looked confused, "Santana, you _are_ normal. You're healthy, you're _sane_ , an athlete and incredibly beautiful and popular..." she shrugged trailing off as she shifted their son as he finished eating, "You're the most normal girl I know."

Santana took the boy when Rachel handed him off to her and patted his back softly, "Yeah." she replied, she sighed and moved Aaron down to cradle him. "My dad says we can drive down to NOLA in a couple weeks..."

Rachel wasn't looking forward to the stress of a long road trip with an infant, but she still smiled at Santana. "That sounds wonderful. I can't wait to see the home you found for us, though I still wish I could contribute _something_ to our domicile. I just," she appeared wistful, "I just feel like I'm...freeloading all the time. Like it's _your_ home or your father's home. I," she shrugged, trying to make it less of a big deal, "never mind. Hormones. I've probably been raving irrationally the last few months, haven't I?" She tried a sheepish smile, hoping she'd get away with it.

"First, it's _our_ home." Santana explained, "You picked out all the stuff that will be in the place, it's our home for our family." she was trying to make Rachel understand that it was a shared home. "You gave me a son and the best I can give you back is a place we can raise him in."

"Our home," Rachel whispered with a weak smile, "right."

She didn't feel like she belonged there, in a place Santana had paid for entirely by herself. Where she hadn't contributed _anything_. It didn't feel like _her_ home. Yes, she'd given birth to their son, but that didn't feel like a worthy balance to everything Santana was doing for them. Especially not after how she had _forced_ herself on her girlfriend to cause this whole situation in the first place. She felt miserable and undeserving of everything Santana was giving her, especially her love, but she was doing her best to hide it.

Santana sighed. "I don't understand why your being like this..." She was frustrated and Rachel's lack of communication was getting to her, "If you don't want to move we don't have to. You can still get in at a different school..."

"No," Rachel shook her head. "That's not it at all. I want to move. I _want_ to live with you. I just," she sighed, frustrated at her lack of ability to properly explain how she felt, "I want to _help_. I just feel so... so _useless_."

"You're not useless. Okay? Look, just cause I paid up front doesn't mean I'll never need you to help. I had the money and if you were to do it, you'd have to tell your parents _why_ you needed that much cash! I've gathered the impression you don't want them to know..."

"It's my money," she whispered, shrugging, "It became mine in December when I turned eighteen and it's not that I don't want them to know but that I'm afraid if they do they'll try to push me to give him up and I never want to do that. I don't ever want to make him feel like I did growing up knowing his mom gave him up. It's," she glanced up with a little smile, "it's probably just hormones, Santana. I've spent the last few months with my life revolving around this little one growing inside of me," she stroked her fingers over his tiny head as Santana's held him, "and now he's born and everything just feels... _wrong_ and I don't know how to deal with it. I'm sorry."

Santana sighed, she had no idea what to do. "Okay," she licked her lips and fixed her gaze onto the child. "Maybe... Maybe you and Aaron should figure out what you want," she whispered, not understanding if everything was her fault or not. "Maybe you... I don't know. You're not happy living with my dad and I - I'm not blind I can see that - so maybe you are just unhappy with me."

Rachel looked shocked. The idea of not wanting to be with Santana having not crossed her mind. "W-what?" she stammered, paling, "No! No, that's not... No! Santana, I _want_ to be with you!" One of her hands wrapped around Santana's arm as if she was afraid she'd get up and walk away right then, "I'm happy with you, I am. I just," she blinked quickly, trying to keep the tears back that seemed determined to come. "I don't feel like I'm doing enough to deserve you," she slumped, her grip loosening slightly, "not after all I've done..."

"I'm the one who got you pregnant. It's _my fault_ so please for the love of God do not do this to yourself or _us_ ," She hissed, mildly annoyed that Rachel was still talking about this. "I participated. I willingly had sex with you no matter _how_ it started. We couldn't have hooked up without my dick being hard, so I doubt it's that big of a deal so just fucking drop it."

Rachel barely resisted flinching back from the harsh tone, instead nodding quickly. "Okay. I'm sorry." Her eyes were watering and she couldn't seem to stop it, "I'm sorry... please don't be mad. Please don't..."

"I'm not mad, I'm just not understanding," Santana sighed and she got off the bed and slid into the chair that was closest to the bed. She gently bounced the whimpering boy in her arms to get him to stop crying, whispering to him, "I'm sorry, baby. I'm sorry."

Rachel tried wiping away the tears trickling down her cheeks, but she couldn't seem to stop crying. She hated how confused and emotional everything seemed now. It felt like she wasn't in control of her own emotions any longer and it frustrated her as did the sense of _missing_ something. She didn't know how to explain how she was feeling to Santana no matter how much she wanted to.

"I'm sorry," she sniffled, "I don't mean to be this way..."

"Don't worry about it. You're tired," She sighed, moving to hand the baby back to Rachel when he fell asleep. "Just try to rest okay?"

"Okay," Rachel nodded, sniffling as she cuddled their son. "I love you, Santana. I love our child. I want to live with you in our home. I do. I just... I don't know. I feel so strange. Please don't be upset with me..."

"I'm not upset," Santana whispered as she pulled her knees to her chest. "I just don't understand..."

"Neither do I," Rachel whispered. "I know I want to be with you. Please believe that. Something just feels like it's missing... I don't know how to explain this, Santana."

"Well, the six pound baby you just popped out is one thing missing. But he's here in your arms."

"I know," Rachel sighed, rocking AJ gently. "It's an entirely strange feeling. Perhaps leaving this city will help?" She looked over at Santana hopefully, "Do you think it could? Getting away from this place to somewhere new where we don't have to hide as much?"

"Fuck, I hope so..." she sighed resting her chin on her knee. "It can't be any worse than here."

"Santana?" Rachel whispered, looking over at her girlfriend in the chair beside the bed, "Could you please sit with us? I'm sorry if I'm being overly clingy, but I would really like my," she glanced shyly at Santana, "family close right now."

Santana uncurled herself and moved to sit back on the bed. She didn't know what was wrong or how to fix it.

Rachel leaned against Santana with a quiet sigh, holding AJ so his other mother could reach him too. "Thank you. I apologize if I'm overly emotional right now. I can't seem to help it. But I feel a bit better when you're close. Like things are manageable..."

"We'll figure it out, I promise." Santana whispered, running her fingers over AJ's foot.

The tiny baby kicked out in his sleep, making Rachel smile. "As long as we can have moments like this, I can handle anything my unsettled emotional state can throw at me. We're going to be happy in New Orleans, Santana, because it's going to be our home." She turned her head to place a kiss at the corner of her girlfriend's jaw, "It'll be good to belong somewhere."

"Yeah," Santana said. She didn't want to admit it but she was scared to move away from her dad, her therapist and where she grew up. She was relieved that Quinn was coming with them, it made everything less scary for the moment.

"Your dad is going to come visit, right?" She sounded anxious, "I want Aaron to know his grandfather. Maybe," Rachel looked hopeful, "maybe my fathers will become adjusted in time and will want to know him too, but for now, I don't want him to not know your dad. It's important, Santana." She didn't at all want to admit she was afraid of completely cutting ties with the town she'd grown up in.

"He will," Santana whispered, "I think he will..." she played with the boy's toes as she spoke. "We'll have Quinn, so it will be kinda like having a family."

"Do you think Noah will join us?" She sounded shy and curious, "He seems quite enamored with Quinn and it will be good to have a positive male influence for our son around to help him with things that women wouldn't be able to properly address, don't you think? I know there were several occasions when I could have benefited from a female influence in my life growing up with two fathers."

"I think Quinn can't get rid of him that easy." she smiled and rested her head on Rachel's. "I think he'll come."

"Good," she teased, trying to ignore the heavy feeling inside of her as she wrapped an arm around Santana's waist and hugged her, "I need a friend to help me understand you."

"I am quite confusing." she sighed as she nuzzled Rachel's neck. "I don't even understand me."

"I think that maybe you're like me," Rachel whispered, moving to kiss Santana softly, "Lonely, doing your best to seem strong and driven, but just wanting someone to love you for being you. Does that sound right?"

"Yeah... It's a good thing we have each other then." she smiled softly. "I don't think that I could be this okay without you."

"I think maybe I could be _okay_ without you," Rachel admitted quietly, "but I don't think I'd be happy." She adjusted AJ so he was nestled between them, "You, the two of you now... being with you makes me happy."

"I want you to be happy and never lonely." Santana whispered, "but I know I'll disappoint both of you at some point."

"Not if you stay and do the best you can." She sighed, nestling in next to her girlfriend's side, "I'm more afraid I'll disappoint you or somehow fail and mess up everything. All I have is my voice. What if it's not enough?"

"No matter what, we have a son who will love us even if we fail... But you are going to be a star. You're too talented to hide away."

"Thanks for believing in me," Rachel whispered, her eyes starting to close, "Not many people do."

"Rae? Everyone believes in your talent, even Quinn." she smiled, "You just don't believe in yourself, which I'll spend every day trying to change."

"Mmhmm," Rachel murmured, not really hearing Santana having drifted off with her head on her shoulder, comforted by the warmth and the reassuring scents of her lover and their child.

Santana just held the woman and their baby as she drifted off. She sighed. She knew this wouldn't be anything near easy, but she was willing to try to make it work.


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

Everything was packed and delivered. Santana and Rachel has discussed and consulted her dad about the best methods of moving down to New Orleans. Aaron was a little over two weeks old when Dr. Lopez told them it would be okay to fly. Rachel had hesitated about bringing the baby on a plane but it was a better option then driving close to 20 hours from Lima with a new born baby. So, they packed up Santana's stuff and then went to Rachel's house and helped her pack up her things there. After a teary 6 hours of packing at Rachel's dad's house and getting the moving truck sent off, Santana held their son as Rachel wrote her dads a letter.

After a another day at Santana's house, Miguel drove his daughter, her girlfriend and their son to the airport. Sitting in business class - tickets that were bought with Rachel's dad's frequent flyer points on Rachel's credit card- Santana looked out the window as Ohio sped by under the wings of the plane. She looked over when she heard Rachel singing softly to their son who was resting in her arms.

"How's he doing?" Santana asked as she leaned closer to her lover.

The baby was fussing, pawing at the sides of his head and Rachel looked worried as she tried to calm him. "I don't know. Maybe the pressure difference is hurting his ears," she sounded scared and increasingly upset, "maybe this wasn't a good idea, Santana. Maybe we should have driven instead." She was rocking their boy, trying to soothe him before he started screaming. She was nearing tears herself as nothing she did seemed to ease her son's distress. "I don't know what to do, Santana..."

Santana's dad said this might happen. "Give him the pacifier or breastfeed him my dad said that it would be better if he could suck on something... I promise, babe, it will be okay."

"I don't like using a pacifier with him," Rachel mumbled fumbling with the baby, a blanket and her top. Eventually she gave up and looked to her girlfriend helplessly for assistance. "Please help, I don't think I can do this on my own right now..."

The darker girl unbuckled herself and got up and moved so she could stand next to her. Santana kissed Rachel's head as she settled her arms and slid the blanket over the girl's shoulder, helping her with her top and her nursing bra. When Santana slid her hand under the blanket she linked her hand over Rachel's on Aaron's back and eased him so he could suckle. His whimpering stopped the moment his mouth started to suck, the movement in this throat soothing his ears.

"See. He's okay, you need to calm down, Rae."

Rachel nodded hesitantly, soothed by both AJ's calming down and the sensation of suckling. She sighed softly, gently stroking his back though his onesie. "I know," she whispered, "I just want to be able to make everything better for him and it scares me when I can't..."

The other mother sat down in her chair and turned to face the other girl. "I know you're scared, but he can tell when you're scared too... It makes him nervous." She sighed and ran her fingers over AJ's head before moving to hold Rachel's hand.

"I know," Rachel worried at her lip, "I'm trying to get better. I just don't have control over how I feel yet. I'm sorry..."

"It's fine, Rae..." Santana whispered her hand rubbing Rachel's. "We'll get you some rest as soon as we get to the house. I'll watch the baby and you can get some real sleep, okay? I just want you to be okay, to be happy... You haven't been happy in a long time and I don't know how to fix that."

Rachel sighed tiredly, leaning over to rest her head on Santana's shoulder. "I haven't been happy in far longer than you've known me, love, but I'm happiest with you and our son. I'm sorry I'm such a mess. I wish I knew how to be better for you."

"I just want you back. No better, no worse." She sighed, and kissed Rachel head. She was trying her best to be comforting and she was really trying. She was stressed out trying to take care of everything so Rachel wouldn't have to worry. When Rachel was distant when she came back to the Lopez's after the hospital, Santana's dad took her aside and explained to her about postpartum depression. Now, Santana was just trying to hold everything together.

"I'm trying," she whispered, barely awake, AJ looking up at his other mom as he fed.

"I know you are." She whispered, watching as Rachel fell asleep. After a bit, AJ pulled his lips away and reached out for Santana. She carefully did up Rachel's top and wrapped a blanket around her lover as she took the baby, burping him and smiling down at him in her arms. She lifted up the armrest and let Rachel snuggle into her as she pressed kisses to her baby's head.

"I love you, little man. We'll be home soon."

AJ gurgled softly and snuggled into the comforting warmth of his mother, one tiny hand snagging in his mom's hair as he did.

* * *

Landing was almost as bad as takeoff, the poor boy shrieking disconsolately as the pressure mounted. His stress was too great to let him suckle or accept the pacifier and Rachel was nearly in tears again trying to calm him as the plane touched down. "Santana, I'm sorry. I can't quiet him!"

Santana took her boy and held him over her heart, she balled up a bit of her shirt and he instantly started sucking on it. He was still crying and Santana rubbed his back and started singing softly, "Because darling, you are the only exception; and I'm on my way to believing." She kept singing until the plane touched down and she was able to pop his panda soother into his mouth. "See, buddy, not so bad, you're okay. We'll be home soon and you and mommy can go to sleep."

"I'm sorry," Rachel muttered, wiping at her eyes, "I wish I was a better mother. I'm sorry. I'll do better..."

Santana was on the edge. "I can't do this right now. Stop crying please and we can get off the damn plane." Santana started gathering her stuff and put the sling around her shoulders and settled Aaron into in.

"I'm _trying_ dammit!" Rachel jerked out of her seat, standing up on tiptoe to angrily pull their bags out of the overhead compartment, tears streaming down her face despite her frustrated scowl. "Do you think I _enjoy_ feeling like this, Santana? Because I don't!"

She stormed off as soon as there was room to move, upset enough to leave Santana alone to get their son off the plane.

Santana sighed and looked down, trying to comfort her baby. She slid the diaper bag over her shoulder and slid off the plane ignoring the glares she was getting from passengers. Santana held her son and looked around for Rachel once she hit the terminal. She didn't see her and she sighed. She headed to the bathroom so she could change AJ's diaper and try to calm down.

In the bathroom, Rachel was huddled in the first stall trying to control the tears that were getting the best of her. She hated that she got angry at something so stupid, hated that she ran off and left the two people she loved more than anything. She sat on the floor, hugging her knees and sobbing into them because she didn't know how to make herself better and she was afraid she'd drive both Santana and their son to hate her.

Santana put the infant on the changing table - after she lined it with a burping cloth- and laid him on it. She carefully undressed him and blew a raspberry on his stomach. "It's okay baby. Mommy will be back, she's just not feeling good. She'll be back, I promise." She said loudly enough that it echoed in the empty - or so she thought- bathroom. Santana changed his diaper and then re-dressed him in fresh clothing. "There you go, all clean, baby."

When she heard Santana's voice, she dragged in a shaky breath and did her best to calm herself. "I'm sorry, Santana..." She whispered, but it seemed loud with no one else in the room but them.

Getting her feet under her, she stood - shaky after the long flight and pelting through the terminal to the nearest bathroom to lose what little she'd managed to eat. She unlocked the door and eased it open, looking pale and drawn under the florescent lights. "I'm sorry I'm so emotional all the time and I'm sorry I got mad and left. I wish I knew why everything seems so _hard_ and I'm just so _tired_ all the time..."

Santana turned around and looked at the girl sadly as she finished buttoning up the onesie that made AJ look like a tiger. She popped on his little booties and mittens and picked him up. "It's fine, Rachel... but I think we need to get you help. You're depressed and I can't fix that... I think you need medical help."

Rachel nodded tiredly with a wan smile. "If you think it will help," she whispered, coming over to carefully lift her son, "I'm sorry I went away, Aaron. I'll do my best not to do it again." She turned to look at Santana hopefully, "Can we go home now?"

Santana nodded and handed the baby to Rachel and grabbed their bags. She settled Rachel and the baby on a bench before going to get the checked suitcases. Once she go their two large suitcases she came and met with Rachel before getting a cab to their house.

* * *

It wasn't much. A split townhouse with a basement apartment and a main floor. Santana had been able to cut a better deal with the landlord when she found a resident for the basement apartment - Quinn and Puck would be moving down in the middle of the summer when he could get enough money. It was old, but it was theirs. Santana carefully unlocked the door and ushered Rachel inside. The entrance was was painted a simple pale yellow with dark wood paneling and floors. A staircase leading to two bedrooms upstairs and a full bathroom. The first floor had a large open living room that led into the moderate kitchen with a attached dining area.

"I hope it's okay." Santana whispered as she looked at Rachel for a positive reaction.

Rachel smiled as best she could as tired as she was and shrugged, "It's _ours_. That makes it about perfect as far as I'm concerned. Show me around? Or shall we explore together?"

The darker girl nodded and dragged the bags in and closed the door behind them. "Um... the movers just unpacked the boxes in the rooms the landlord told them too..." Santana showed her the living room. A black couch lined the wall, the room had a bay window which gave off a lot of light into the room it had hardwood floors and a small piano on the back wall near the kitchen. Santana smiled at it and nodded her head to it. "Happy Graduation and birth of the baby, Rachel," she said softly.

"A piano?" She smiled disbelievingly as she made her way across the room to brush her fingers over the smooth keys. "Santana, you didn't have to do anything like this..." She looked sad for a moment, "I didn't get you a graduation gift."

She shook her head with a little sigh, trying to shake off the melancholy. "Thank you. You're," she turned to Santana with a happy smile, the tears that were never far since AJ was born welling up in her eyes, "you're far too good to me. Thank you so much. So much."

"I thought you'd need something to practice on when school starts." She shrugged as she watched Rachel, "You did give me a gift... You're holding him." Santana smiled as she walked past Rachel into the kitchen. It wasn't big but it wasn't tiny ether. A worn looking table with four chairs sat in the corner and a island resided off the side of the cook space. The stove was nestled between a fridge and the counter. There was a door off the back of the kitchen that showed a tiny yard, and the alley which led to the basement apartment's outside entrance.

"So kitchen is pretty normal... Do you wanna look upstairs then lay down?"

"That depends," Rachel said, still blushing at being told their son was Santana's graduation gift. "Will you lie down with us for a little while? I could really use a hug after today."

"Yeah. Let's see Aaron's room and then we can have a siesta." She said softly, as she guided Rachel back to the stairs. She quickly flicked the lock on the front door and followed Rachel up the stairs. Aaron's room was on the right at the top of the stairs, Santana had been able to get the landlord to let in a painter in to do the nursery. It was white with a dark wood floor but midway up the wall was a foot wide lime green stripe around the room. There was a black crib against the wall and a dresser and a changing table. "We can go shopping when we decide how we wanna decorate for him." Santana smiled and kissed her son's head. "Come on, lets see our room."

She brought Rachel across the hall and she opened the door to a deep red colored bedroom with the bed from Santana's room in the middle. "I thought we could use something familiar," she whispered. In the corner of the room was a bassinet for Aaron and the rest of the room was covered in boxes - much like the rest of the house. "Is it okay?"

"Your bed?" Rachel breathed a soft sigh of relief. She hadn't been looking forward to learning to sleep on a new bed on top of everything else. It may not have been _her_ bed, but for the last few months it had almost started to feel like _their_ bed.

"Our bed." She corrected her girlfriend. "I think that it's our bed. We conceived that little thing there so... our bed." She kissed the side of Rachel's neck. "Lets get you in some pajamas and get into bed for a nap okay?" She whispered as she placed their son in the bassinet and grabbed a box that said bedding.

She turned and freed one arm to hug Santana, being careful not to crush AJ between them. "I love you. Thank you," she whisperer shakily, too overwhelmed to properly express how grateful she was.

Santana quickly outfitted the bed with fresh white sheets and she grabbed the black duvet and threw it on the bed and put the pillow's onto the bed. She looked up and smiled when she saw Rachel undressing to put on her argyle pajama bottoms and one of Santana's Cheerios shirts. The girl grabbed a box that said _San_ and rifled through it before grabbing her Superman boxers and a white tank top. She breathed a sigh of relief when her constricting boxers were removed and she put on more comfortable clothing.

Rachel moved to check on AJ, smiling down at him before moving to crawl into their bed. She watched Santana finish changing, feeling a slight stir of interest in her beautiful girlfriend, but far too tired to act on it. Pushing the covers back, she smiled at her instead. "I'm glad you're okay enough to be comfortable around me," she murmured, "I don't like it when you hurt yourself."

"Yeah... It hurts to sit on it all day." she sighed and moved to lay under the covers with Rachel. "I'm used to it but it still aches at the end of the day." she moved to wrap her arm around Rachel. "I know it's not home yet but I hope you like it here... we can make it ours, I just wanted the essentials to be here when we moved in."

"You're here," Rachel whispered, snuggling close and finally relaxing, all but melting into Santana's loose embrace. "Our son is here. That's enough to make this home for me. Everything else is just details." She sighed as she relaxed, feeling for once like maybe things were looking up.

"Okay." Santana smiled softly pressing tiny kisses to Rachel's shoulder. "I just want you to feel better... I miss you," she said quietly. "It's gonna be hard, we both know that... but maybe it will work."

Rachel nodded, barely awake, "I miss you too..."

"Get some sleep. I'll be here when you wake up." Santana whispered, running her fingers through the smaller girl's hair. "Just sleep."

"Thank you," she mumbled, drifting off, "Love you..."

* * *

Santana looked at the kitchen that was mostly stocked with canned goods and sighed. She needed to get Rachel to eat something when she woke up, but she didn't have much. After thinking for a moment Santana started a simple vegan soup, flicking on her iPod as she cooked and singing along softly to classic rock songs that came out of the speakers.

Rachel woke up a couple of hours later to the smell of something wonderful and the familiarly pleasant rasp of her lover's singing voice. She smiled, pushing the covers back with a sigh and climbing out of bed. She had a brief moment of panic when she realized that AJ wasn't in his crib where she left him before going to sleep, but she was able to reassure herself that Santana wouldn't have allowed anything to happen to their son and calm down.

Things seemed much brighter with some real rest - as if the world wasn't conspiring with itself to drive her into the ground. She made her way down the stairs following the smell, her stomach gurgling its desire for food. It was the first time in days that she felt actually hungry and she decided to attribute it to the nap she'd managed to take.

Stepping into the kitchen, she smiled to see Santana earnestly stirring a pot and dancing to classic rock. A quick glance told her that their son was fine, lying on his back in the playpen they'd salvaged from her old baby things in her fathers' basement. Stepping up behind Santana, she slipped her arms around her waist and hugged her. "Thank you for letting me sleep, Santana. I think I really needed it. What are you making? It smells delicious."

"Lentil soup." Santana explained, "Aaron woke up and I didn't want you to get up just yet so he and I decided to make dinner." She brought the wooden spoon up to the girl's lips. "Taste."

Rachel sipped from the spoon with a low hum of appreciation. "Oh, that's good. It may surprise you after the last few days, but I believe I may actually be experiencing hunger." She raised up on her tip toes to press a kiss to the corner of Santana's jaw. "Your timing could not be more impeccable, my love."

"I'm glad. We can go get real food tomorrow but this will do," she smiled and kissed Rachel quickly. Santana was happy to see Rachel acting more normal, she leaned down and pressed a proper kiss to the girl's lips, one like she hadn't been able to do in weeks.

Rachel hummed softly into the kiss, not responding as strongly as she would have before AJ's birth, but actually responding nonetheless. She hugged Santana as they parted, "I wish I felt up to doing something with that kiss," she whispered with a shy smile, "but I do feel a little better after my nap. Maybe much of this is just my being exhausted. Thank you for taking care of me."

"It's my job." she smiled before turning back to dinner on the stove. "I'm glad you slept though, you needed it bad. We all needed it."

"Mmhmm," Rachel murmured, letting her cheek rest against Santana's shoulder blade, content to just hug her, "It'll be easier maybe once our little boy is big enough to sleep through the night, though just _being_ here finally instead of frantically scrambling to _get_ here makes me feel a little better too."

"Good." Santana whispered, "Maybe we should think to bottle feeding him... that way you can sleep more and I can get up with him during the night?"

"Not yet," Rachel shook her head against Santana's back, squeezing her arms gently around her waist. "He's still too little and," she swallowed, pressing her face against Santana's shoulder, "and it makes me happy... being able to feed him. I know I'm tired all of the time, but I need it for a little longer... please."

"I prefer you to breastfeed honestly." Santana admitted, "I like it. It's really beautiful and it will make him stronger. I just wanted to give you that option." She shrugged and turned off the soup, she grabbed a couple bowls and spoons off the shelf and ladled some into each. "Come on, lets eat then we can cuddle with the baby."

"That sounds like a lovely idea, Santana." Rachel smiled, letting go of her girlfriend to take a bowl as they made their way over to the table. "Though these boxes won't unpack themselves and I'd like to at least get started today while I still have enough energy to help." Setting her bowl down, she stepped to the playpen and reached over to lift up their son, "I bet you're hungry too, aren't you, sweetheart?"

Santana sat down and smiled at them. "Eat first, he's not screaming yet." Santana remarked as she watched them. She smiled softly and took a bite of her soup and looked at the boxes, "We should unpack clothing and baby crap first so we know what we need to buy still then figure out everything else."

"I believe I can handle feeding myself as he eats, Santana," Rachel chided softly, pushing up her top to free her breasts so that AJ could latch on. She watched him for a moment with a soft smile before reaching to take a bite of soup. Swallowing, she glanced across the table at Santana. "Also, I know I've mentioned it before, but do control your language. I've read that babies are very impressionable and we don't want his first words to be curses, do we?"

The darker teenager rolled her eyes, "Whatever, he's gonna be badass." she continued eating as she snuck glances across the table at Rachel. "We can go exploring tomorrow if you want... walk around or go to the mall or something." Santana offered, knowing that they needed to get some more stuff for themselves and Alex as well as groceries. "But, tonight I wants to sleep and snuggle with you both."

"That sounds like a lovely idea, Santana, but I don't want our son to have a foul mouth by the time he's three, so kindly watch your tongue." She sent a pointed glance at her lover, pausing in eating to help AJ latch onto her other breast. "Also, I think we should unpack as much as we can before we go out so we know what we require most urgently, don't you agree?"

"Sounds fine." Santana shrugged as she continued eating. When she was done she quickly put a cover on the the still moderately full pot and put it in the fridge before cleaning up the kitchen. She came around and picked up Rachel's bowl when she was done, pressing a gentle kiss to her exposed neck. She moved around and popped the lid on a couple of boxes before she squatted down. She quickly made sure all of her parts were still inside her boxers and began sorting through things.

Rachel's lips quirked in an amused smile as she watched Santana's habitual checking while she burped their son and settled him back in the playpen. Wiping herself off, she tucked her breasts back away and came over to kneel beside the box Santana was working on. Reaching in and picking up their toothbrush holder, she chuckled softly. "Are we entirely certain these boxes are in the rooms they belong? Or were we perhaps less circumspect at ensuring compatible items were packaged together?"

"Stupid ass movers." Santana grumbled as she looked at the word _bathroom_ written on the box. "Can you start on that kitchen box and I'll take this one upstairs to the bathroom?" She asked as Rachel dropped the toothbrush holder back in the box and she picked up the box with a grunt and moved to carry it up the stairs.

"Certainly, but wait one moment please." She climbed to her feet and rested a hand on Santana's shoulder, leaning up to kiss her softly. Pulling away, she smiled and though there was still a dull tiredness in her eyes, she was starting to look more like the old Rachel, "There we are. That's much better." There was even a glimmer of brightness in her brown eyes as she winked and let one hand gently slap Santana's ass, "Hurry back, okay?"

Santana raised her eyebrow, "Don't tease, woman." She threw over her shoulder as she headed up the stairs. Santana dropped the box into the bathroom and and quickly unpacked its contents so she could throw it away. A few minutes later, she came back downstairs with another box in her arms. "Found another one." She placed it on the floor, her biceps flexing as she did. "Evidently the movers can't read."

"Or perhaps things simply became confused in the process of moving them in. It's okay. I'm certain we can resolve any dilemmas while we unpack." Rachel murmured, leaning over to give Santana a quick kiss before pulling out a stack of plates to place in the cabinet. "Though I do admit a certain fondness for watching you exercise your strength. It's quite impressive for a person of your stature and build and I will cheerfully admit it is an exciting thing to observe even if I am not currently up to the task of indulging that excitement."

"Mmhm. Never having sex again my ass." She winked as she looked over at her girlfriend as she continued to unpack.

* * *

Several hours and many boxes later, Santana had showered and put on a sports bra and a pair of sleep pants that rode low on her hips. She lay on the couch and rested Aaron on her stomach as she watched a movie on her laptop. She ran her hand over the baby's naked back, and felt him breathing against her abs.

"I love you, Aaron." Santana whispered as she looked down at him. Rachel had gone to take a bath when they finished unpacking the first floor and cleaning up the mess they made in the process. She wasn't paying any attention to the film, but instead focusing on the baby who was yawning and looking up at her.

AJ gurgled and reached for his mother. He didn't quite know _who_ she was yet, but she was still one of his favorite people. The soft sounds of her body intrigued him even as the smell of her filling his tiny nostrils calmed him down.

Rachel padded down the stairs wrapped in Santana's robe - it was the first one she'd found when she started looking - and her hair wrapped in a towel. Pausing in the doorway to the living room, she smiled at the sight of her girlfriend and their son cuddled on the sofa. She leaned against the door frame, watching them with a feeling of contentment.

Santana smiled and moved him up a bit so he could lay over her heart. She pressed little kisses to his forehead and temple as she did. "You're gonna grow up big and strong. I will love you no matter what, Aaron, but I hope you're not like me. I hope you never have to feel less than yourself because you're perfect," she whispered. "Do you know how much of a miracle you are? Your mommy and I didn't even know we could have you but here you are. You're here with us and I love you so much."

Rachel paced softly into the room to crouch beside the sofa and gently stroke the little boy's back as he snuggled into his mother's chest. "You're perfect too, you know," she murmured with a little smile up for Santana. "Perfect to me and perfect to him. I hope someday you can feel the same way about yourself as we feel about you."

"Aaron, first lesson." She said in a teasing tone of voice. "Don't eavesdrop, it's not nice." Santana turned her head to look at Rachel. "Just having some boy time." she whispered looking up into Rachel's eyes. "We should get him dressed and into bed."

"We should," She nodded, accepting the teasing, then looked shy, "Santana, can," she paused, obviously gathering her thoughts. "I'm not ready for," she dipped her head in a slight nod, " _activities_ yet - certainly not as vigorous as they can be with you - but, can I maybe touch you after we lay him down?" She looked uncertain, as if the offer would be refused. "You... you said you were sore, I," she blushed, "I'd like to try to kiss it better if you're willing. But if you're not, that's fine too, of course..."

After three weeks of no physical contact Santana's body begin to react the moment the possibility of relief was mentioned. She didn't want to push Rachel though. She didn't want the girl to be distressed or uncomfortable, "Rae... I'll live, I mean you don't have to." She said, carefully sitting up with the baby in her arms. "I don't want you to feel like you have to..."

"Santana," Rachel's lips quirked in an amused smirk, "I proposed the offer because I _want_ to, not because I feel I _have_ to." She stood and kissed her lover over their child. "To be honest," the blush staining her cheeks seemed to almost get darker, "I would _prefer_ to be able to offer you more than just my hands and mouth, but even my clothing is almost too much touch to bear at this point." She tried to avoid thinking about her fear that the lingering melancholy would make it difficult even after the ache between her legs healed, "I love you and I want to be able to give you this if you want it."

Santana hesitated for a second before nodding. "Yeah. I want you."

She stood up and carefully shut her laptop before following Rachel to the stairs. She watched the girl check the door lock before climbing the stairs. Santana followed and ducked into Aaron's bedroom to get him into pajamas and brought him across the hall to the bedroom. She kissed him as she laid him in his bassinet, "Te amo." She stated before making sure his hands were covered and warm enough. She sat down on the bed and watched Rachel tuck him in.

Gently double checking his sleeper was fastened all the way, Rachel brushed her finger's over the boy's head before turning to her lover with a soft smile. She crawled onto the bed beside Santana and kissed her gently. "Thank you for this, Santana," she whispered, gently teasing with soft brushes of her fingers along the warm skin of her abdomen just above the waistband of her sleep pants as she peppered her neck with light kisses.

The darker girl whimpered softly, her neck tilting to allow Rachel more access. With just a few simple, teasing touches her body was already on fire. "God, Rae," she whispered, her fingers running through Rachel's hair, "do you know what you do to me?"

"No," she whispered, her lips brushing tanned skin over the pulse point throbbing steadily in Santana's neck, "but I know what you do to me." She let her hand drift up, sliding over a bra covered breast and urging her lover to lay back on the bed. "I know how much it excites me to be able to touch you like this," she gently squeezed the mound under her hand, brushing her thumb over the cloth covering Santana's nipple. "To know I can make you feel good in this manner." She nipped gently at her lower lip, tugging lightly. "To be allowed to give you pleasure."

The other girl's back arched up under Rachel's ministrations, her hips moving to press against Rachel to press her hardening length into her girlfriend's thigh. "Please.. It's been so long, please don't tease me."

"Never," Rachel whispered, kissing Santana as she slid her hand into her sleep pants to stroke her gently. "Tell me what you want so I can please you best. My hand," she squeezed her fist carefully around the base of her girlfriend's cock, "or my mouth?" She kissed her again, harder.

Santana's breath caught and she groaned, "Mouth, baby, please mouth." She whispered, her breath coming in short pants.

Rachel nodded, her hand coming out of her pants as she slid down Santana's body. She peppered gentle kisses over the defined ridges of her abdomen, her hands sliding over the gentle curve of her lover's hips to slip her sleep pants down, easing the waistband over her straining cock. She kissed the tip, swirling her tongue around Santana's head to collect the pre-cum beginning to slide down the shaft as she dragged the sleep pants down over her lover's legs and tossed them aside.

She rolled her eyes up so she could watch Santana as she smiled softly at her, taking her length in her hand. The smile still on her lips, she carefully parted them around Santana's smooth shaft, sliding it into her mouth. She sucked on the head for a moment, swirling her tongue along the penis's ridges before pushing further, causing her to cough slightly as it hit her uvula, but she didn't stop until her lips were flush against the soft skin at the base.

"Shit." Santana gasped, her body shaking as she felt her dick getting swallowed. She watched as plump lips strained against her girth, then sliding when Santana's hips started rocking. Lithe fingers tangled into Rachel's hair as she carefully started fucking her girlfriend mouth.

Rachel moaned softly around Santana, causing her lips to vibrate against her shaft as she started swallowing. Her throat contracted and released around the head of Santana's shaft as she deep throated her girlfriend. One hand came up to gently cup and fondle her balls as the other worked its way under the tight material of her sports bra to pinch and roll her nipple to a stiff peak.

Santana's head thrashed against the pillow. She panted for air as she moved to sit up a bit for leverage. She pulled her dick out of Rachel's mouth and used her hand to control it as she traced the wet head over Rachel's swollen lips and down her neck to press lightly against the crease if her tits before moving it back up to the girl's mouth. "I can't wait til you feel better," Santana whispered, her eyes black with desire.

Rachel panted softly, her hot breath washing over the head of Santana's dick. "You're not the only one," she offered a tremulous smile against the fire burning between her legs that she didn't dare quench. She took Santana's penis into her mouth again, letting her teeth lightly scrape over the delicate flesh as she watched her.

Santana was on edge. She bit her lip hard as she thrust into Rachel's mouth. "God, f-fuck," she moaned softly. "I'm gonna come," she gasped before burying her dick in Rachel's throat and shooting unrelenting pulses of thick cum down it.

She made a soft almost choking sound, but she swallowed as quickly as she could. She drew back enough so she could pump Santana's shaft with one fist as she tried to swallow the cum filling her mouth down. A little trickled out the corner of her lips, sliding down her chin as she closed her eyes to focus on what she was doing to her lover, moaning softly in appreciation.

Santana slumped as she finished her orgasm, her hand releasing its hold on Rachel's head. She wiped the cum dripping out of Rachel's mouth away with her thumb. "You okay?" She whispered, fearing that she hurt her lover in her vigor.

Rachel nodded, crawling up to snuggle. "I'm okay. That was," she blinked slowly with a tiny smile, "fun, actually. Are you okay? I know you don't like... you know. Acknowledging _it_ like that."

Tanned limbs snuggled around Rachel's body, "You're a freak." She giggled into Rachel's ear. "But, yeah it was good. I came really fucking hard," she kissed below Rachel's earlobe, "As much as I hate that part in theory... it felt really good."

"I always want to make you feel good. Even when I'm at my lowest, okay?" She smiled shyly, nuzzling the crook of her lover's neck, "It makes me feel better about myself knowing I can give you pleasure."

"I like making you feel good too, so let me know. Whatever it is okay?" Santana whispered and kissed Rachel's forehead. "I just don't want you to be upset anymore okay?"

"Okay," she nodded, wrapping and arm around Santana's waist and squeezing gently. "I'm sorry if I've made you worry. I don't want to feel like this." She sighed softly, "I'm trying to get better. Things just have seemed... overwhelming lately."

"They _have_ been overwhelming, honestly. I know your hormones are still whacked out and whatever but you just need to talk, okay? I don't understand what you're going through, so you need to tell me when you want me to shut up or go away, alright?" Santana whispered as she leaned down and pulled her pants back up and curled back around Rachel.

"I don't ever want you to go away, Santana," she murmured, blinking against the aggravating stinging in her eyes that suggested she was on the edge of tears - _again_ , "I just don't know how to explain how I feel. None of it feels right anymore. It's all confusing. The happiest I've been since he was born is when I'm holding him or feeding him or... or when you're holding me, but I don't want to be clingy and I know I should be able to get past this. It's just so _hard_ sometimes and then I start crying and I can't _stop_."

"My dad said it's hormones and it will go away. Sometimes... sometimes I get like that too. I understand being depressed, I do. I just wish we could find out how to get you out of it..."

"Just be patient with me, please?" Rachel whimpered, snuggling close, "I promise I'm trying to get better. I want to be with you. I want to be Aaron's mom. I want to be better. I do."

"It's okay. You've helped me, it's my turn to help you." She whispered and wrapped them up in the blanket. "I love you and we'll be okay."

"Okay," Rachel mumbled, falling asleep nestled into Santana's side, the warmth of the taller girl soothing her tired mind to drift off.

Santana watched her for a few moments, kissing her softly before falling asleep soon after.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let us know what you think.


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**

It was frustrating. Most of the few places hiring someone as young as she was either weren't paying enough to support her family or weren't interested once she insisted she wasn't interested in taking off her clothes for them. She was trudging home from another day of fruitless searching when she passed the club that had been under construction since they'd moved into town two weeks earlier.

Something was different this time though. Tucked into a corner of the big plate glass window was a small black and red sign that made her stop in her tracks. _Help wanted_ , it read, _inquire within_.

Santana pushed open the dark wood doors and looked around. It was a dimly lit club with a small stage outfitted with a full band set up. She walked over to the bar and looked around. "Hello?" She called out into the empty club. A head popped out from the back and the middle-aged, slender African-American man it belonged to looked her up and down.

"Are you lost?" He asked as he came over to the bar.

"No, are you looking to hire someone? Cause your sign says you are and I'm lookin' for a job," she said with confidence. "What is this some sort of bar or nightclub?" She asked as she looked around trying to get a better feel for the place.

"Something like that," he admitted, climbing up on a stool and leaning back against the bar as he watched her. "I'm looking to make a music club, which I know is a dime a dozen in this town, but I ain't focusing on jazz or some other particular form of music." He shrugged, "What kind of work are you looking for, little girl? You even old enough to be working in a place like this?"

"I'm legal." She said simply, "I sing, I can pour a mean drink, I'm hot and I play guitar... what more do you want?"

"Not to get arrested?" He looked her over.

She smirked as she leaned against the counter. "I just need a job and I love music and wanna work here." She crossed her arms under her chest to make her cleavage more promanate. "What do you think, wanna give me a chance?"

He shook his head with a smirk, "Sweetheart, you obviously got the flirts to get tips, but you're a little too curvy and soft for my tastes, if you catch my drift. You got a resume? A lot of people claim they can sing and play, but a lot also wouldn't know how to carry a tune in a bucket. You want to do your thing in my club, you gotta be versatile and prove you're a headliner and not someone better suited to standing in the back and swaying."

Santana pulled out a her resume and slid a CD onto the top. She had gotten a copy of a recording of her performances during Glee Club of Valerie and several other songs and made the CD using her garage band program. "I can sing, play, give lessons... whatever. I just really need a job and I'll pretty much do anything to get one. This seems like a good place, I can get you other singers as well if you need them. My voice is more raspy but I got friends moving down here that are more mellow and shit and my girlfriend can belt like a fucking Broadway star. Please just give me a chance."

The man picked up the CD case and tapped it against the bar thoughtfully as he glanced over the resume. "This contact number you got on here is good, I'm assuming," he nodded at the resume. "Frankly, I'm impressed you admitted to having a girlfriend. This might be the French Quarter, but you can still get the hell kicked out of you for being out, so that took guts. I like it and I also like the idea of giving a sapphic sister with that much spunk a leg up." He set the CD on the counter with a soft slap, covering it with one long fingered hand. "I tell you what. I'm going to listen to this and if it's good enough, I'll consider you for a singing position. If it's not, I'm still gonna need a good waitress, maybe even a bartender."

He stood and held a hand out to Santana. "The name's Andre. Andre Plessy. You say your girl can sing, then you oughta bring her down sometime. Same with your friends. I ain't hiring a singer unheard."

"Word," Santana smiled, as she looked around again. "I can sing, but bartending and waitressing is good too."

"Well, you be honest and work hard and you'll find a job with me. Besides," he smirked, hopping off the stool, "you're the first person to come in looking for a job and I've had that sign up for a week now. Now, just to make something clear, I don't tolerate no one turning tricks outta my place just like I won't abide patrons taking liberties with my staff. I ain't saying you'd do anything like that, but that's my policy."

"That's cool." She said with a shrug. "I'm not that hard up that I needs to hook, though from what I hear it's quite the market for people like me down here." She said without even realizing it. "You know, Latinas." She bit her lip and looked away, "But I don't do that and it's good to know that you don't play that way."

"Well, Ms. Lopez, I surely don't so if you decide to work for me and anyone gives you lip or gets more hands-on than you like, you just let me know." He looked serious, "I might not be very big, but I'll be hiring some good hands-on types of my own who'll help the handsies right on out to the street. Not you or anyone else who works for me is gonna have to put up with that in my place."

"That's cool. Thanks, Mr. Plessy." she smiled, "When can I start? I can like help move stuff and whatever until you open if you want? I'm pretty strong..."

Andre laughed, "What no questions, Ms Lopez? Don't you even want to know what I'm offering for pay or benefits? And call me Andre, please."

"I mean. I'm hoping you gonna pay me, I gots bills to pay." She smirked, "But I'm still under my dad's healthcare so I'm cool about that and my lady is covered under hers so we're cool... I just really need a job, we just moved here like... a few weeks ago and it's been hell trying to find someone who will hire."

"Well, good to hear you're not gonna be wiped out by the sniffles." He chuckled, "I can offer four an hour if you're waiting or tending the bar and you can keep whatever tips you earn without splitting unless you want to. If this is any good," he picked up the case and tapped it against the counter meaningfully, "I'll give you two hundred for each night you sing. You start drawing and we'll talk about changing it. That sound fair?"

"Yeah, I mean look at me." She motioned to her self, "I'm hot, I'm gonna pull serious tips." She looked at him for a moment, "I think this sounds good. I want to work for you and I'm excited to get started."

"You are certainly a foxy lady, Ms Lopez. Would you like to start tomorrow? Say around ten? I want to open by next month and there's still quite a bit of set up to do. And bring your lady around if you'd like. I'd love to meet her, if that's not too creepy of an old man."

She looked up and nodded, "Yeah, I can be here. We don't live too far and like I can for sure do some set up and whatever." At the mention of her girlfriend, she got nervous, "I mean cool, Rachel might not wanna come and you might not want a five week old chillin' around here."

"Five week old?" His eyes widened, startled, "Forgive me, but you barely look like you've graduated high school and you have a five week old babe? You or your girl didn't feel need to go proving you weren't interested in women did you?"

"We graduated high school like six weeks ago... it's a long ass story but yeah we have a son. Aaron Julian, he's kinda awesome. Maybe I'll ask her if she's wants to bring him by, she's kinda getting over the post preggo crazys right now." Santana shrugged with a sad look. "He's pretty cool though."

"Ah," Andre didn't really understand, but he was her employer not her confidant, so he let it go, "Well, so long as we're not open, he's welcome. You'll understand if I'd rather not have a tiny baby around intoxicated people, though I'm sure he's a lovely boy. So, if everything's decided, I'll see you tomorrow?" He offered his hand.

"Yeah," she nodded and reached out her hand to shake his, "see you tomorrow." She smiled one last time before heading out the door and walking home.

* * *

Awhile later, Santana pushed through the door of the townhouse and smiled as she walked over to her girlfriend who had fallen asleep with the little boy on her chest. Santana knelt down and pressed soft kisses to her son's hat covered head before leaning up and kissing the corner of Rachel's lips.

"Rae? Wake up, babe," she whispered into the girl's ear. She was excited to tell Rachel that she had gotten a job, she smiled and took the girl's earlobe between her lips and sucked gently. "Rae."

"Mmm," Rachel groaned, slowly waking up to a stirring in the pit of her belly, "Santana Lopez, it is positively cruel to wake me like that when I can't receive gratification. You know how much that turns me on." She reached up blindly to pull Santana's face to hers and kiss her soundly before opening her eyes with a soft smile. "Hi. You seem to be in a better mood than usual. Did you have any luck today?"

"I got a job." She stated as she moved to sit cross-legged on the floor. She ran her fingers over Aaron's back with a smile, "It's a real one. At a night club lounge thing a few blocks away. They're looking for a bartender/waitress thing and a singer... I gave him my resume and I had a CD on me just in case." She beamed and rested her chin on the other girl's arm. "I'm gonna start tomorrow with setting up and whatever, but I totally got a job!"

"You did?" Rachel looked tired but excited in a subdued sort of way, reaching out to hug Santana while trying not to dislodge their son too much, "Oh, Santana, that's wonderful! I'm so proud of you." She kissed her as best she could from the awkward position, "You're working for a proper establishment right? Not some sleazy place that will try and push you into sexual relations for financial gain right?"

"Nope. He's pretty chill and a super homo so he's down with us." Santana smiled and pressed light kisses to Rachel's lips. "But he wants singers and I told him that you're pretty good yourself and that maybe when Aaron's older, you can come sing sometime." She said and looked at the baby in her lover's arms. "Did he nap any better today? He was up all night, I tried to keep him down here so you could get some sleep."

"Maybe and no, not really," She yawned, tired, "I just got him to sleep now. He's been fussy all day. I hope he's not coming down with something." She looked up at Santana with worn out but loving eyes, "We missed you today. Me especially."

"I missed you too. Do you want me to take him and you can try to get a nap in?" She asked as she ran her fingers through Rachel's hair. "I have a bottle if he needs it while you're sleeping." She knew how tired Rachel was, and she was just as but she also knew Rachel was still recovering from her depression so she wanted to give her as much relaxing time as she could.

"I'd rather just cuddle with my family if that's okay?" She leaned into the touch, closing her eyes, "I feel like I've been missing being close to you while you've been out looking for work. Can we just lie together for a little while?"

"Hold up one second," She smiled before bounding up the stairs to their bedroom to take off her slacks and slip on a loose pair of basket ball shorts. She quickly came back down and carefully crawled over Rachel and slipped into the space between her and the back of the sofa. "I can do that," She whispered softly as she slid her arm around Rachel's waist and rested her head on the girl's shoulder. "How's that?"

Rachel sighed softly, melting into her girlfriend's embrace, their son still cuddled against her chest. "Perfect." For the first time that day, she didn't feel stressed or near panic or even just completely worn out. She was relaxed and peaceful and things were right in her world for a moment. "Just... perfect."

"Good." She smiled and kissed the side of the woman's neck. "You ready to have neighbours?" Santana asked softly, knowing that at the end of the week, Quinn and Puck were moving down. "Think that AJ will like having Puck around?"

Rachel chuckled softly, "I'm not sure AJ is fully aware that _we're_ around yet. Noah may have prominence in his life as a male role model later, but for now I'm entirely certain that we're all he needs. How about you, love? Ready for the return of your best friends?"

"Yeah... I mean Puck and Quinn annoy the shit outta me but it will be cool to know people. Plus, you need your Jew bro to go do kosher things with and Q and I got Catholic guilt and whatnot," she teased, "but yeah... Though I don't want people thinking he's AJ's dad."

"Santana," Rachel huffed, "not only does AJ look like nothing but _your_ son, there is no way I will permit anyone to refer to him as anyone else's child but ours. Perhaps his conception was less than optimal, but he is _our_ son and I will be damned if I let anyone else claim him."

"Okay," she said softly. Her lips pressed against Rachel's neck and she smiled. "I love him... He's perfect and tiny and annoying as fuck since he's not sleeping but he's ours."

"Well," she peeked over her shoulder at her girlfriend with a smile, "some would say the perfect, tiny, and exceedingly annoying parts would exemplify him as our son, though don't swear around our baby. I don't want him learning bad habits." She moved back to rub her hand over AJ's back as he started to stir, calming him back down to sleep. "I love him too though. He's our perfect thing," she whispered.

"Yes, he is." Santana whispered and snuggled closer. "I hope he grows up to be a happy, healthy boy. And I'm surgically putting a condom on his junk when he starts taking about girls. I don't want any grandbabies anytime soon." She sighed knowing her own downfall in the relationship was the fact she didn't think about Rachel's sexual health when they started their relationship.

"Santana," Rachel began, wiggling until she was facing Santana and AJ was held cradled between them, "don't you dare blame yourself for this little boy. It was as much my responsibility as yours and _neither_ of us thought it was possible. Besides," she smiled wryly, still guilty about how their relationship began, "it's not like I gave you much of a choice." She reached up and stroked Santana's cheek before leaning in to kiss her softly, "Maybe the events leading to his conception were a mistake, but I will never believe he is. I love you both far too much."

"I know... I just get sad sometimes that I caused your dreams of New York to go away, but I'll work my hardest to make sure you can still sing on broadway and live up to your dreams." she smiled as she kissed Rachel's nose. "I just don't want this to be for nothing."

"There are other ways to get to Broadway than New York, Santana. Besides," she shrugged, snuggling, "I didn't get in anyways. That wasn't anything to do with you."

"You're made for those stages. You'll get there and our son will watch his mom be a star." she smiled and moved to rest the baby on her chest. "It'll be amazing and I'm gonna be so proud."

"I'm as made for those stages as every other girl with stars in her eyes, Santana." She moved to lay partially on top of Santana, resting her head on the taller girl's shoulder, "As long as you and our little boy are happy and proud of me, everything else seems a lot less important now."

"I know, but you're a star and I want you to be able to continue doing that even though we have a baby now." Santana shrugged, "I mean I want you to still be a teenager and have fun and enjoy college, do plays and all that shit."

"I can do all that still, but," Rachel smiled softly, bending to press a kiss to the top of their boy's head, "being a mom comes first. My _family_. You and our son. Come _first_ , Santana." She leaned up and kissed her, "That's simply how it is."

She smiled and nodded, "I know," She yawned and snuggled into Rachel. "Can we nap while he's being good?" Santana whispered and let her eyes fall closed, "Mommas need sleep."

"Yes," Rachel whispered, snuggling closer to her two favorite people as her eyes closed, "that's all I've wanted all day."

* * *

Santana came into the kitchen after spending the majority of the day helping Puck unpack their moving van. She pulled her dirty tank top of her and threw it in the hamper. She stretched her back out as her boxers peaked over her baggy boy's shorts as she entered the kitchen again. Quinn and Rachel had taken Santana's car out to the grocery store to grab the things they needed and when they got home Quinn went to help Puck unpack the boxes while Santana went to help her girlfriend put away groceries.

"Rae?" She called out as she grabbed a cloth and wiped down her chest and stomach to remove some of the sweat and dust.

"Hmm?" Rachel called back, bent over and putting things away in the refrigerator. "In the kitchen, Santana."

When Santana looked over and saw her girlfriend's tanned legs and thighs peaking out from under her skirt, she had to bite back a moan. It had been a really long time and Santana needed to realize some of the urges that had built up in her body over the last several weeks. She licked her lips and moved to come behind her lover and press her hips against Rachel's ass. "Hey," She husked, as she slid her hands up the girl's back.

"Hey," Rachel called back over her shoulder, backing up and pressing her ass into Santana's crotch as she straightened. Turning to look over her shoulder at Santana, she smirked at the feeling of a certain hardness pressing against her backside, though an element of shyness slipped in, "Someone seems happy today."

The taller girl's hand clutched the fabric of Rachel's shirt as she nipped on the other girl's neck. "I want you," she said without preamble, her hardening member pressing more and more into Rachel as her words were spoken. She slid her hands up Rachel's shirt and let her fingers slide up to cup the girl's breasts and run her thumbs over her nipples. "I want to be inside you. I wanna come inside your pussy, not your mouth or your hand. I want your pussy."

Rachel's breathing picked up as she leaned back against Santana, licking her lips. "Um, I, um," she swallowed, nervous but interested as she closed her eyes to focus on what Santana was doing to her, her voice tremulous and breathy with want, "I received the all clear from the doctor on Wednesday..."

Santana smiled and slid her left hand down the front of Rachel's skirt and gently slid her index finger up and down the cleft of Rachel's core through her panties. She moaned in the girl's ear as she tried to work the girl up, "That means it's okay right?" she pressed down a little bit more on Rachel's clit as she spoke.

Rachel swallowed harshly, her jaw dropping as she pressed back into Santana. "Y-yes," her voice wavered, "just...just be gentle? I've read that it can be like the first time again and could hurt and," she bit her lip, her voice softening, "I'm a little scared..."

"I promise," She whispered as she pulled back a bit to slide down her shorts and pull out her dick. She pumped it several times before it got to its full length. She ran her hands over Rachel's ass and flipped her skirt up and caressed her ass. "Baby, do you want me to use a condom?" She asked as she leaned forward and tugged on Rachel's earlobe with her lips.

Rachel moved from in front of the fridge - closing it to avoid wasting energy - to lean against the counter. "Why?" she whispered, nervous but excited as she leaned over the counter, her core practically throbbing with want, "We've only been with each other and we're clean, what's the worst that can happen? A sibling for AJ?"

Santana pulled down the cotton panties and spread Rachel's legs apart she dipped her finger tips around her core and then reached into her pocket. She ripped open the small tinfoil package. "Okay, no condom but we need lube." she said as she drizzled it over her cock then worked it over. "The internet said we might need it," she said before siding the tip of her member through Rachel's folds. "Fuck, baby," she groaned, "I missed you." she said as she slid the tip of her dick into her lover.

It hurt. Not as much as she was afraid it would, but it still caught her breath in her throat and made her tense, her hands griping the sink with white knuckled force. Her breathing was shaky and she whimpered softly, wanting to be able to give herself to her girlfriend again but afraid it would get worse.

"You okay?" she whispered, her dick throbbing with need but she didn't want to hurt her girlfriend. "I can stop." she groaned as she kissed the girl's neck.

"It hurts," Rachel admitted softly, focusing and forcing herself to relax as much as she could. "But don't stop. I want to be with you. Just," her voice broke slightly in a near sob as she fought to control herself, "just go slow please..."

"Baby..." She whispered, her lips moving to suck on Rachel's earlobe as one of her hands moved so she could slowly rub her clit. "Just breathe. It'll be okay," She assured her and waited for Rachel to moan from the clit stimulation and the sensations of her lover's mouth on her earlobe, before she slid a bit further inside the other girl. "God, baby, I love you. I missed being inside you, but I just want you to feel good."

"I do," Rachel gasped around the almost painful shudders as her body slowly became accustomed to being filled again, "it just hurts right now. I read this could happen but it'll stop, right? Just like the first time..." She was trying to relax but it was hard to do while standing in the kitchen. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly, letting go of her tension and trying to relax the tense muscles resisting her lover's penetration.

Santana used her height and moved so she could capture Rachel's lips over the girl's shoulder. She kissed her as she slowly slid the rest of her length into her girlfriend. She tried to kiss all the pain away as she kept herself buried deep inside Rachel as she let the girl's body become accustomed to her again.

Rachel's breath let out in a sob as Santana pushed inside of her, one of her hands shooting back to grip Santana's desperately looking for comfort as she moved her lips against her lover's. She breathed carefully, trying to get used to the feeling of being full. The place where her stitches had been removed stretched uncomfortably, but didn't tear. Finally, she licked her lips and closed her eyes again. "Move, please," she whispered, not letting go of Santana's hand, "I can do this."

"I love you," She whispered as she continued to slide in and out in a rhythm so slow it was almost timid. She kept one finger circling her clit to try to give her some pleasure. "You make me so hot, Rachel. I love that I get to be with you like this." She groaned as she started to speed up a little bit.

"I love you too," Rachel murmured, slowly getting into the movement, the pleasure beginning to override the pain. "I love that you want me even after all we've been through." She rolled her hips back against Santana's encouraging a bit more vigorous movement. "That you want to be with me like this..."

When Santana started feeling Rachel's body responding and creating more and more of its own lubricant she smiled, her hand coming to rest on Rachel's back and pressing her down so she was more leaning over the counter than standing at it. Santana started thrusting harder as she moaned. "You feel so fucking tight," She gasped, as she doubled her pace and twisted her hips to hit the spot buried deep within her lover.

"Ah!" Rachel gasped gripping onto the counter and rocking against Santana's thrusts. Every time Santana rubbed across her g-stop, a shudder rippled through her. She panted, moving with Santana, focusing on squeezing her muscles to clench around her lover as the pace picked up.

Santana's hands gripped Rachel's hips, helping her to move with her as she felt her body tightening on its way to orgasm. "F-fuck," she panted, leaning into her lover, her hands sliding around to knead Rachel's breasts as she thrust into her. "I'm gonna come."

"Please," Rachel gasped, barely able to speak, teetering on the edge of her own climax. She tightened around Santana, rolling her hips to meet her with each thrust, "Please, I need you..."

It was too much. It'd been too long since they'd been together and Santana couldn't hold on any longer. She cried out wordlessly, burying her face in Rachel's back as she came, shuddering as she released white ropes of cum into her lover. Rachel shook as her own climax hit, her walls tightening so much Santana couldn't pull out, pulsing along her length as if to milk every last bit of semen from her.

They stayed together for a long moment before Santana softened enough to slide out, Rachel gasping softly at the feeling of loss as the physical connection stopped. She straightened slowly, pressing back against Santana, the taller girl's arms wrapping around her abdomen and holding her close as they stayed standing by the sink. "Thank you," she murmured, turning to kiss her lover.

"For what?" Santana asked, nuzzling at Rachel's neck.

"For being here. For loving me." Tears welled up in Rachel's eyes as she smiled at Santana, turning to bury her face in Santana's shoulder. "For _everything_!"

Santana just held Rachel as she cried, whispering soothing things into her ear and rubbing her back. She still didn't like it when Rachel cried, but she preferred this sort of crying to the depressed sobs of earlier weeks. At least this was something she could do something about. "I love you, Rach."


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20**

The smell of frying potatoes and vegetables filled the kitchen as Rachel worked by the stove, her knife snicking against the chopping board as she chopped up mushrooms to throw into the vegetable hash for a protein. Behind her in his playpen, AJ cooed and gurgled in a black onesie with a bright imprint of a Bob Marley album cover on the chest, idly batting at the hanging mobile she'd clipped to the side of the pen. Periodically, she glanced over at him to see if he was okay.

She was tired, barely getting enough sleep at night and during naps stolen through the day to function. If it wasn't for the fact that school didn't start for another two months and Santana helping as much as she could, she wasn't sure how she'd be able to cope. Hearing the sounds of her girlfriend moving about upstairs, she glanced at the ceiling and smiled, giving the pan of frying potatoes and veggies a stir as she tossed in the mushrooms.

* * *

After hopping out of the shower Santana dried off and slipped on a pair of boy's cargo shorts on - they were small but still hung baggily off her slim hips. She pulled on a black sports bra and went to the mirror to brush her hair. She pulled it into a ponytail and grabbed one of her t-shirts from the drawer before heading to the kitchen.

"Morning," Santana said as she came into the kitchen. She moved straight over to her son and leaned over the playpen. "Hi, _mijo_." She cooed as his little hands reached up for her. She smiled and scooped him up and rested him in her arms against her skin. "Hello, my precious boy, how are you today?"

AJ gurgled and reached for Santana's face, cooing happily at his mom. Rachel glanced over her shoulder with a wry grin. "Oh, so the baby gets attention first thing but not the girl slaving over a hot stove to feed you and your friends when they join us for breakfast, hmm?" She chuckled, turning back to her cooking, in a good mood for once, "All I get is a quick morning as she runs away. That's love these days."

Santana rolled her eyes and carried him over to Rachel and kissed the side of her neck. "Hi, babe." She smiled, "I already gave you your good morning kiss when I woke you up this morning with my head between your legs. That's love." She kissed the girl's neck again, "Unless you would have preferred other types of wake ups."

"Mmm," Rachel murmured with a smile, reaching back and pulling Santana into a kiss, "that _was_ a delightful way to wake up, but have you ever known me to refuse a kiss from you? I'm making veggie hash but there's turkey bacon in the oven for my beautiful carnivore and her friends as well. AJ will be having his special as usual."

"Boob?" Santana said as she went to the fridge and grabbed the apple juice out and brought it to the table.

"No, dear, that would be _your_ special," Rachel teased with a smirk, giving the food a toss. "What are your plans for today?"

She grabbed plates and utensils and set everything up. "I think Puck's starting that job he found today and Quinn, fuck knows what she's doing," Santana exclaimed before flipping up the volume of the radio. "I need to go and finish painting the bar tonight though." She remarked as she began dancing around with Aaron to the classic rock on the radio.

"Language, Santana. Why don't you take Quinn with you? Perhaps she could help? I'd come but I don't want AJ exposed to paint fumes so young. Come taste this?" She held up a little of the hash on a fork, "Do I have enough pepper in here? I was trying to make it spicy the way you like it but I'm not sure."

Santana moved over and opened her mouth, her lips wrapped around the fork and she pulled away. "Hmm.." She thought for a moment. "Needs paprika," she remarked as continued dancing around with her son singing to "American Woman."

Rachel nodded to the beat of the song as she tossed the fork into the sink and grabbed the jar of paprika from the rack in the cabinet, shaking some into the dish and giving it a stir. She loved hearing her girlfriend sing and it reminded her. "Oh! Did Andre let you know if he was going to be using you as a singer in the bar?" She danced over and kissed Santana's cheek, slipping her another taste of the hash, "How is it now?"

"Awesome." Santana said as she took the bite and readjusted the baby on her hip. "This baby is gonna be a rockstar." She said pressing a kiss to his soft curls. "Plus he's got a head of crazy hair and I loves it." She said with a smiled as she ran her fingers through it. "I'm gonna braid the shit out of this kid's mop when he gets bigger." She said proudly, obviously very excited her son took so strongly after her own ethnic make up.

"That's wonderful, dear," Rachel remarked, not entirely sure about the idea of her son in cornrows, but willing to concede the point for now, "but what about Andre and your demo?"

"Oh. I don't know. He's kinda lazy about that stuff so he probably hasn't even looked at the demo yet. I played guitar and the drums the other night so he knows I can play." she said with a shrug.

Rachel laughed, turning back to her cooking. "Well, he'd be crazy not to have you sing. He does realize that you're gorgeous and have an amazingly smoky voice, right? And with our genetics, you know our son's going to be an amazing musician if he chooses to be."

She shrugged. "Not like I'm going into music or anything in college like you," she said as she cuddled the boy close. "Oh I'm thinking about only doing part time so you can do full time at school in the fall. Aaron will be three months and I don't really wanna leave him in the daycare all day." Santana sighed and looked at the other woman.

Rachel turned off the stove before turning and smiling at her family. "Whatever you want to do, Santana, so long as you're not giving up on school." She came over and hugged both of them, kissing Santana's neck, "I love you both and I love hearing you sing. I want our son to have the chance to see his mom perform someday. With me it goes without saying," she smirked, not at all having given up on her own dreams of performing, "but with you it's even more special," her lips brushed teasingly over her lover's neck, "because it's not what you want to dedicate your life to, even if you are amazing at it."

"I don't really know what I want to do with my life." She shrugged and kissed Rachel's head. "He'll have many, many chances to see you perform." She smiled and watched AJ turn so he could look at both of his mothers, he snuggled into Santana's neck and cooed at Rachel. "I'll hopefully do something he can be proud of too."

"You're his _mom_ , Santana," Rachel smiled at her, leaning up on her toes, one hand resting on Santana's chest over her heart. "That's something to be proud of right there. If it wasn't for you, he wouldn't even exist. But I want him to be able to see _you_ perform. I want him to know what an amazing musician you are in your own right. I want him to know how talented you are, love." She smiled shyly at Santana, "I want him to see the Santana I wasn't sure was still there before you joined Glee. The amazing, beautiful woman who comes out the most when you're on stage singing your heart out."

"Yeah. Yeah." Santana smiled trying to hide her flattered blush, "I think we should stop flattering me and get to eating." She said as she pressed a kiss to Rachel's lips and pulled away, "But, I love that you believe in me."

"Of course, I do." Rachel laughed, turning to dish up the food as she heard the door from the basement apartment open up announcing the arrival of Puck and Quinn. "I love you and I know you can do anything you set your mind to."

"How about feeding hungry, hardworking Jews?" Puck asked with a laugh as he tromped into the kitchen in his work uniform, his mohawk slicked down. "You any good at that, Satan?"

"Noah Puckerman! Do _not_ call my girlfriend that!" Rachel scolded, pointing at him with her serving spoon, " _Especially_ not in front of our son. Honestly, are you _trying_ to make the poor boy think he's the son of Satan already? And besides, the appellation is utterly absurd. Santana is a lovely and caring woman, hardly the Christian ruler of their mythical Hell."

Santana just shook her head as she smiled to Quinn when the blonde came to say hello to AJ. "Say _hi_ to Aunt Quinn," she said as she waved the boy's hand. He giggled and kicked his feet against Santana's abs.

"Hey, Aaron." Quinn smiled as she pressed a kiss to his head. "You being a pain in the butt still?" she asked looking up to Rachel. "You both look tired."

Rachel shrugged offering a tiny smile as she started carrying plates of hash to the table, "He's barely two months old. I believe it's in his job description to keep his parents up at all hours until they can't even think straight."

"Not that the two of you really think _straight_ anyway," Puck joked, pulling open the oven Rachel had turned off only moments before him and Quinn had entered the kitchen and grabbing at the pan of bacon, "Ouch! Shit!"

"Noah, _language_!" Rachel scolded, "And I just finished cooking, what makes you think that pan is cool enough to grab with your bare hands. I _know_ you're more intelligent than that. Use a pot holder."

Santana just laughed and put the baby down so she could slip on her shirt.

"Aww, man, did ya have to put it on, San? I was just starting to appreciate the decor," He waggled his brows at the girl with a leer only to get slapped upside the head by his girlfriend. "Ow! Hey, abuse!"

"You'll get a lot more if you don't cut that crap out, Puck." Quinn scowled, sitting down at the table, only to realize that the pan didn't hold some kind of weird vegan bread like she'd thought it would. "Oh my gosh. Rachel, is that _bacon_? _Real_ bacon?"

Rachel raised a brow, checking on AJ out of habit before joining the others at the table, "Well, it's turkey bacon, but it is _meat_ bacon, if that's what you mean. Santana, there's fresh coffee in the pot if you want it."

"Mmm. Coffee," Santana moaned with a smile, as she got up and grabbed a mug for herself. She carefully carried the baby and the mug back to the table and slid into her seat. "Thanks, Rach, this looks great." She remarked, keeping Aaron on her lap. "How's work going, Puck?"

Rachel smiled shyly, tucking into her food as Quinn grabbed a couple of pieces of bacon carefully and crumbled them happily into her hash. Puck just shrugged, shoving a forkful of hash into his mouth. "It's good. I mean, it ain't pool cleaning -"

"And it isn't _going_ to be pool cleaning if you want to stay with me," Quinn broke in, shooting the boy a glare.

Puck just rolled his eyes, "It ain't pool cleaning, but it's work and hey, I'm good with my hands," he smirked, "if you know what I mean. OW!" He jumped, glaring across the table at his girlfriend who'd just kicked him.

Santana laughed hard when she saw Quinn abusing Puck. "That's my girl," she smirked as she ate carefully to avoid getting anything hot on the baby. "I'm so happy I don't get beat," she teased, glancing at Rachel with a smirk and continuing to eat as she watched them.

"I'm sure she'd beat you if you want," Puck mumbled as he begrudgingly ate. "I mean she does bite." This time it was Rachel's sharp toed Mary Jane that dug into his shin. "Ow! What the fuck! Is it Abuse Puck Day and I didn't get the fucking memo?"

"Noah, I will tell you _one_ more time. Do _not_ swear around our son!" Rachel glared at him, leveling a fork in his direction. "I do not care if you're on _fire_ , you don't swear around my child. And how _dare_ you cast aspersions about my private life?"

"Rae, he's kidding." Santana reached under the table and patted her thigh. "He's Puck, it's what he does." She shrugged and sipped her coffee.

"Truth, some days I don't know why I put up with him." Quinn smiled and ate as she looked over to her boyfriend. "He's harmless, but seriously, Puck, no more jokes about the fact she used to touch you, I'm not into puking."

Rachel blushed scarlet and dropped a hand to cover Santana's for a second. "I still don't like it. And he shouldn't discuss such things as if he knows. Which," she was quick to add, with another pointed glare at Puck, "he _doesn't_."

Puck started to protest for a moment, then changed his mind and just smirked. "Oh, but I've got a _good_ idea now. Think I'll save that one," he nodded with a lecherous smirk, forking some more hash into his mouth.

"Perv." Santana shook her head and hugged her son. "Don't make me tell your girlfriend what kinda kinky stuff you like, Puck." She smirked a knowing look towards him which caused him to look down. "Good boy."

"Wait.. what kinda kinky... Santana..." Quinn looked at the girl with wonder, she knew they had been somewhat intimate in high school but never quite knowing the level.

"Well you see, Q..." She started which caused a loud cough from Puck. "Never mind."

Quinn looked suspiciously between the two before glancing over at Rachel who just widened her eyes innocently and shrugged. "I'm going to find out," she growled, her eyes narrowing as she regarded Santana and her boyfriend again. "You two are not good enough to keep stuff like this from me. I _will_ find out."

"So, Quinn!" Rachel broke in brightly, "Were you going to go with Santana to work on Andre's bar today? He is still hiring, right, Santana?"

"Yep," she mumbled with her mouth full. "Coat check girl or waitress but Quinn ain't a people person." she smirked.

"Sweetheart," Rachel began with her most sugar coated smile, "you wouldn't be telling Andre stories so that Quinn won't steal your tips because the patrons were intimidated, would you?" She teased her girlfriend, reaching over and gently rubbing her thigh under the table to show she didn't mean anything by the comment. "You know all you have to do is smile and the men will fall all over themselves to give you tips."

"Like that's all they'll be falling over themselves to give her," Puck muttered, leaning back in his chair and crunching on a piece of bacon.

Rachel smiled at him, but it was more like the sort of glares Santana and Quinn would give people who annoyed them than a cheerful expression. "Noah, if anyone were so discourteous to attempt to bespeak my girlfriend's services, which I like to believe I have sole claim to, I have been given assurances from Andre that that individual will be ejected from the premises. And if any were to linger to attempt once more _after_ , well... I may reconsider my vow of non-violence in that individual's case."

"Shut it, Puckerman." Santana snapped and glared at him. "Quinn if you wanna leave these heathens to their own devices we gotta bounce at, like, ten." She said before pressing little kisses to her son's crown as he yawned.

"Sure you can drag yourself away from your boy in time?" Quinn asked with a smirk.

Rachel stood as she finished her breakfast and took her plate to the sink, grabbing the half-finished pan of bacon before Puck could grab more. "Stop being so grabby, Noah, and I can make BLTs for the lot of you for lunch. If you want, that is."

"Hell, yeah I want! Homemade BLTs are way better than like McDonald's." He grinned boyishly up at the young mother, "You, like, rock at this mother sh...stuff, Rach."

Rachel shot him a sharp look at the near slip and started toasting bread and pulling out lettuce and a tomato. "Quinn? Santana? Would you like sandwiches as well?"

"Nah." Santana called over her shoulder as she moved to change Aaron's diaper. "I'm watching my weight, plus the medications I have to take at lunch don't make me very hungry." she said softly and she pressed kisses to her son's stomach and worked on making him giggle.

"That'd be cool, Rachel." Quinn said as she watched Santana and moved to Rachel. "That baby made her soft."

"You have no need to watch your weight, Santana. You weigh less than I do, and if you make one ill-advised joke about my figure post giving birth to Aaron, there will be consequences, Noah." The boy held up his hands defensively and tried to look like it was the furthest thing from his kind. "And Aaron didn't make her soft, Quinn," Rachel replied, looking at her girlfriend and son with a fond smile, "he just gave her permission to show it. She's still the same tough girl who can intimidate even the biggest men into backing down with just a glare and a few well-placed threats."

Santana laughed softly and picked up her son and brought him to Rachel.

"That makes me wanna puke," Quinn remarked as she headed to go get ready to go to work with Santana. The darker girl moved closer to Rachel and bounced her sleepy son.

"You gonna be good for mommy today? Be a good boy and sleep and eat and poop? Mostly sleep?" She asked as she nuzzled his neck and inhaled his baby powder fresh smell. "Be my good boy."

"He's always good," Rachel responded, not at all repentant at distressing Quinn as she reached for their son. "Doesn't always let me _sleep_ , but he's always good." She leaned up and kissed Santana softly, "Call me when the paint's dry or the room's at least aired out and I'll bring him down to visit his mom at work. I'd like to finally meet Andre in person instead of over the phone."

"Hey, guys, don't stop kissing on my account," Puck teased, getting up and putting the rest of the dishes in the sink as he collected the paper sack Rachel had assembled for him. "Thanks for the food, Rach. I appreciate it," He gave her a hug and ruffled the boy's hair before grinning at Santana, "Take care of my girl and don't let no one like me mess with her, 'kay bro?"

Santana pulled back once she handed her son over and snarled at Puck. "If you ever... ever call me _bro_ again..." she almost lashed out but she tried to pull back. "Just... please think about your words... I know. I know you don't mean it okay, it just.. it hurts me." She whispered softly before kissing Rae's cheek and heading up to change into work clothing.

Puck watched her walk away looking crest-fallen. "Aw, man... Rach, you gotta fix this please? I didn't mean to hurt her feelings or nothin'..."

"I know you didn't," Rachel sighed softly. "You've just got to watch what you call her. She doesn't like being called things like bro or dude, Noah."

"But I call you stuff like that all the time. It just means you're my friend and sh...stuff." He ran a hand over his mohawk, mussing it up slightly. "Man, I didn't mean that she's a guy or anything..."

Rachel shrugged, "It's different, Noah. Just...call her buddy or some other non-gender specific term. We all know she's your bro and you're hers, just don't _call_ her bro. It'll be okay." She leaned up and kissed his cheek, "Have a good day at work and don't worry, I'll make sure it's okay."

Upstairs, Santana stripped her shirt off and grabbed the black tank top laid out on the bed with a sigh. She curled up and held onto her pillow as she calmed her breath. She was upset. She knew he didn't mean to hurt her, but she had been feeling more and more out of whack with her body lately and she didn't know what to do.

Once Puck left, Rachel headed up to the bedroom with AJ nestled against her chest. When she saw her girlfriend curled up on the bed, she sighed softly and came in to sit behind her and gently stroke her back. "What's going on, Santana? Are you feeling alright?"

"Just tired like you," she mumbled into the pillow. She felt bad knowing that she felt like hell when Rachel most likely felt worse. She looked up and started sitting up. "I'm just tired and whatever. Puck's just being a idiot again and I didn't wanna deal with him."

"Santana, I've practically lived with you for close to a year now. I've seen you exhausted with AJ the first couple of weeks." Rachel looked worried, gently jostling AJ as he started fussing, "Are you sure everything's alright? You haven't been to therapy in almost two months and we haven't found you a doctor yet down here... maybe you should call your dad tonight?"

"Yeah. Maybe..." She sighed and blinked as she looked to Rachel and her son. She gently ran her fingers over his bare feet and closed her eyes. "I'm... I just don't feel good. Just kinda out of it and confused." She whispered and kept her eyes fixated on her child.

"Maybe your medications need adjusting. You know how sensitive they are. Call your dad tonight on Skype." She smiled at Santana, tired but willing to help support the woman she loved, "You can show him how big his grandson has gotten since he saw him last and see if he can suggest some good referrals to a local doctor. We're not in Lima any more, love. We can be us now."

"Okay." She said softly. "I... I just don't know why I feel like this. It's not fair to you when I'm depressed... when I feel like this." She rubbed her eyes and looked at Rachel. "He'll love to see the boy. He's so proud of him and us. I... I just don't wanna let him down by not being able to be anything more than I was in Lima."

"Well, one thing you don't have to do is hide anymore." Rachel smiled down at her, "No one needs to know where exactly Aaron came from unless you want to tell them and who cares if people speculate. I don't. And, Santana, we can be a family here. That's more than we could be in Lima already. Besides, you're going to find your passion and you're going to be amazing at it and Aaron and I are going to support you every step of the way."

"I know. You're right," she sighed and sat up. She rested against the back of the headboard and she looked at her hands. "I stopped taking my medications. That's why I'm feeling like this," Santana admitted as she looked at Rachel. "About two weeks ago, I felt like crap and I couldn't keep up with the baby and not let you get overwhelmed... I just stopped so.. I'm feeling all out of whack."

"Santana," Rachel chided, sighing worriedly, "you know that your medications keeps you balanced so you can be who you really are. I'm sorry I made you feel like you needed to stop taking them. Talk to your dad and we can work on getting you back to being you, okay?" She leaned in and kissed Santana gently, only to stop when AJ started fussing more noisily, pawing and gumming at her breast through her top. "I think someone is hungry."

She glanced up at the clock then smiled shyly, "Do you think maybe you'd like to help me feed him?"

"Plus I ran out of the medication and kept forgetting," Santana added, not wanting Rachel to think it was all her fault she stopped taking her medications. She watched and looked confused when Rachel asked her to help. "I don't understand, how do I help?"

Rachel smiled shyly and worried her lip, "I'm not entirely certain, but maybe hold me and help me hold him? It's not quite the same, but...I want to try to share it with you."

"Okay." She said as she motioned for Rachel to sit in-between her legs. Once she moved, she rested her chin on Rachel's shoulder so she could watch.

"Help me with my shirt?" Rachel whispered, fumbling at the buttons of a dress shirt of Santana's she'd swiped that morning with one hand while trying to keep AJ from crying with the other. "Just, I don't really know, treat me as an extension of yourself? This doesn't make much sense, does it?" She blushed, feeling silly for offering.

Santana nodded and undid the dress shirt and wrapped her arms around Rachel's to help hold their son. She watched as AJ's head rolled around and she smiled when he latched on. "Does... it feel weird when he does that?" She asked as she rested her head so she could watch.

"Weird?" Rachel thought about it for a moment, "No, I don't think so. It feels...almost relieving, actually. There's usually quite a bit of milk built up before he gets hungry and it kind of hurts if I don't feed him. Then when I do," she smiled down at their son with his tiny hands gripping her breast, "it feels good. It's...relaxing almost."

"Cool." Santana remarked as she watched her fingers playing with his hair. "I do love you, Rachel... even if I'm confused and depressed... I still love you."

"And I love you," Rachel turned her head and kissed her lover, "just as I did when I was really depressed and still do now that I'm slowly getting the hang of managing it again. I don't doubt you love me or our son, Santana. You just have to take care of yourself too. You do such an amazing job taking care of us that I think you forget about yourself sometimes."

"I know. That's why it sucks that I'm feeling like this. I wanna be better for you and Aaron. I don't really care about taking care of me, I wanna take care of you two, that's my job now."

"Santana, look at me," Rachel moved so she could catch Santana's eyes with hers. "What I need, what AJ needs, from you is for you to take care of yourself. We need you to eat and sleep. We need you to be able to go out with Quinn and or Noah some nights and enjoy yourself. But most of all we need you to not burn yourself out taking care of us and ignoring yourself. I'm scared something will happen to you because you're too run down trying to be everything for Aaron and me. I'm part of this family too. I'm strong enough to help with taking care of our family if you'll just believe in me..."

"I do believe in you. That goes without saying, Rachel," she insisted. "I just... I just don't know how to do both things, I was so obsessed with what to do when I got the surgery that I never planned the after part. Or planned for _not_ getting it. So, now life happened in a big way and I'm trying to handle it for us but sometimes it's hard and I don't wanna focus on other things like my health or therapy or whatever. It doesn't matter as much to me as finding a job was or whatever."

"And now you have a job with a good boss and Aaron's here and we have a home and are settled in with Quinn _and_ Noah just downstairs if we ever need them," Rachel pointed out patiently. "So you can take the time you need to relax and take care of yourself. Because our little boy needs his mom to be healthy, Santana. And I need you to be okay too so I can be okay."

"I know." Santana replied, "I'll be better I promise." she said as she kissed Rachel's temple. "I'll be better."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let us know what you think.


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21**

It was early, Santana had only entered the house about ten minutes after two am when she headed home from work. Rachel had texted her that Aaron had finally fallen to sleep and she was crashing so after a quick shower Santana pulled on shorts and grabbed an apple when she heard the baby screaming. She quickly went to pick him up to soothe him so Rachel could get some sleep.

"Baby, please stop crying, momma's here." she whispered as she pressed her lips to his head. He was warm, not his normal cuddly temperature but burning up warm. "Oh God," she said quickly as she grabbed the parenting book and looked up what to do with a feverish two month old.

Rachel stumbled into the room looking half awake at best and trying to fumble on her robe but not doing a very good job of it. She looked exhausted, rubbing at her face. "Please stop crying, Aaron," she whimpered, stumbling to the crib with her eyes barely open.

When she didn't find him, she dragged them open all the way and glanced frantically around the room. "Aaron!" When she saw Santana flipping through the baby book, AJ in her arms, she nearly collapsed in relief. "Oh thank God, you're home. He's been crying terribly and I can hardly get him to settle." She was practically sobbing as exhaustion and emotional overload started taking control, "I don't know what's _wrong_!"

"Fever," Santana snapped, not even looking up. "He's running a fever." She had him up on her shoulder, "Is he stuffy? Coughing? Puking? Anything?" Santana's voice rose in panic, "He was fine this morning!"

"W-what?" Rachel stammered, trying to force her exhausted mind to work, "He wasn't running a fever earlier! I...I mean, he was sneezing a little and coughed a couple times, but that... that's normal, right?"

"Fuck," Santana groaned as she laid him down and pulled off his onesie and hat. She took off his diaper and picked him back up. "Let's give him a cool bath. Do we still have the baby Advil?"

"I...I think so," she chewed on her lip, following Santana into the bathroom and moving to fumble about in the medicine cabinet. She had to keep blinking hard to keep herself awake and certain she was looking for the right bottle.

"He's going to be okay, right?" she asked as she finally found it and dropped to her knees beside the tub, "Please be okay, sweetie..."

Santana settled their tiny child in his bath chair and started lukewarm water. "I hope so." Santana pressed the infant thermometer to his forehead and sighed, "100."

Rachel whimpered, handing Santana the bottle after she determined that she was not nearly alert enough to measure out the right dose. "I'm so sorry I didn't notice earlier, baby," she murmured, reaching over to smooth his sweaty hair back.

"He most likely just spiked it," Santana said as took the Advil. "I'm sorry you had to wake up... Do you wanna sleep and I'll watch him him?"

"No," she shook her head with a tired sigh, "I should have noticed. I can't sleep when my baby's sick, Santana." She fretted, standing up after a moment and brushing her knees off, "I'll make us some coffee and start looking for a suitable physician."

"Alright," Santana sighed and carefully washed her son. "We can call my dad if we need to," she offered, measuring out the medication and squirting it in the baby's mouth.

"Can we?" Rachel looked hopeful, "I trust him far more than I do the doctors here."

"Yeah," she said as she carefully ran a cloth over his head. "My phone's on the counter in the kitchen, speed dial number 2."

She washed the baby and attempted to cool him off before getting him into his towel that had a hood that looked like a dragon. "Come on, Aaron. You're scaring Mommy," she whispered as she held him close. She went and put light pajamas on him and picked him back up and took him into the kitchen where she could hear Rachel on the phone to her father.

"Mr Lopez, I'm so sorry for waking you, but it's about Aaron." She nodded, pacing anxiously back and forth with the phone pressed against her ear, coffee percolating in the maker and smelling like a stronger brew than she usually made. "Yes, sir," she sounded sacred, "I know, but he's running a terribly high fever and I'm worried something's wrong. No, Santana just came home and she has him."

Santana cuddled their son as she watched Rachel on the phone. She knew babies get sick, but she also knew that it was better that her father told Rachel that then herself. She heard her father's baritone faintly rumbling through the phone and smiled. When Rachel got off the phone she looked up, "Did he tell you that he was okay? That we can take him to the clinic if he's feverish for more than a few hours?"

"Yes," Rachel agreed, but she still looked worried and chewed on her lip, "but are you sure he's okay?" She sat down beside Santana and let her head rest on her girlfriend's shoulder and she carefully brushed her fingers over their son's head.

"No... I'm freaked out." she admitted, "but I don't wanna panic so hopefully the medication will work and he will be okay soon."

"I'm so glad you're home," Rachel whimpered, "I don't know what I would have done without you here to calm me down."

Santana kissed her girlfriend's head. "That's why he has two parents. To calm each other down, right?"

"Yeah," she whispered, barely holding onto awareness. "I love you so much, Santana. Thank you for being here."

"I love you too," she sighed and stood up carefully. "Come on, let's lay on the couch," she said softly. "You can sleep..." She pulled Rachel along and sat down. She was dead tired after working all night and being up with the baby early yesterday morning, but she knew Rachel was emotionally and physically exhausted too and she didn't want to complain.

"No," Rachel shook her head with a yawn, rubbing at her eyes and getting up to pour some coffee, "you sleep. You've been working all day to provide for us. The least I can do is sit up with our ill baby boy and let you rest." She smiled at Santana, tired but determined.

"I'm cool," Santana said as she rocked Aaron. She was worried about Rachel falling back into depression so she had been trying to make sure she got enough rest. "I don't need a lot of sleep. My new medications keep me up." Santana had seen a new doctor a few days earlier, they put her on a new regime of medications and antidepressants, but one of the side effects were insomnia.

"I want you to rest," Rachel murmured, sitting down beside her. "I worry about you and Aaron. I'm fine. Just rest for now."

"I guess we're both staying up then." Santana stubbornly stated as she turned on the TV quietly to not bother the baby.

Rachel chewed on her lip, her eyes flicking from Santana to their fussing son. "Can't you see that I worry about both of you? I don't matter to me, Santana. You two are the only ones that do..."

"And it's my job to worry about you and him too. So just sit down and shut up about me going to bed okay? Cause it ain't gonna happen while the kid has a fever."

Rachel blinked, biting her lip and standing up. "I...I just... I," she stammered, before taking a breath and gathering her disorganized thoughts and forcing back the emotions that still hovered close to the surface. "I'm sorry I didn't notice he was getting sick, Santana, but you don't have to get mad at me. I feel bad enough about it already."

"I'm not mad alright?" she sighed and ran her hand over her face. "I'm just worried like you and wanna make sure he's okay, just like you do."

"I know, but I _can_ take care of our son," Rachel argued, feeling bad about the whole situation. "You don't have to treat me like...like I'm made of crystal or something, Santana. You just do so _much_ and I don't even have a job..."

"I'm not gonna fight." she said sternly. "I know you can take care of him, you do all the time."

"I don't want to fight either," she whispered, slumping back down onto the sofa. "I just feel like I can't do anything right. I'm not helping to support us. I'm not going to school. And now I missed our son getting sick!"

"Stop," Santana sighed and handed AJ over to Rachel. "Just stop." She was frustrated, and she needed Rachel to stop. "Just... Just hold him while I get coffee."

"You can have mine," Rachel murmured, gently bouncing their boy, "I made it the way you like it by accident anyway."

"You shouldn't drink coffee and breastfeed anyway,." Santana reminded her, "but you can do whatever... And if you don't wanna breastfeed anymore just tell me and I'll buy formula..." she rambled as she took a sip of the coffee and sat back on the couch moving to readjust her member in her boxer shorts. "I just don't want you to feel like you have to like keep tabs on what each of us do. You stay home with Aaron and I work, that makes me less worried about him during the day cause I know he's safe alright?"

Rachel curled up in the corner of the sofa with their son, tucking her feet under her with a soft sigh. "I just don't feel like I'm contributing anything, Santana. You come home tired and just get upset with me... you don't touch me... I just feel like I'm always not quite measuring up." She sniffled, burying her face in her son's hair and trying to regain her composure, "If... if you don't want me here... I'll go, Santana. If you want me to..." She brushed her fingers through AJ's hair, whispering, "I don't want to, but I never want to make you unhappy..."

"I... I can't do this tonight," she groaned as she stood up and moved into their bedroom. She flopped down on the bed and groaned.

"It's okay, sweetheart," Rachel whispered trying to calm the baby as he started fussing again, trying desperately not to cry. "We still love you. We'll always love you. You're our miracle baby." She tried not to look towards the stairs or feel like her heart was breaking but it was hard, "I'm just not sure I belong here. I love you and your mommy so much, Aaron, so much, but I can't keep making her sad. I just want her to be happy and if...if I'm not part of that...t-then I guess I'm just ... not."

* * *

After a little while Santana sighed and continued trying to ignore the anger and sadness coursing through her body. She needed a release. She needed to go beat the shit out of something, get into a pointless fight or _anything_ other than just stew. She reached down and gripped her member tightly, causing a mixture of pain and pleasure to run through her.

"Fucking hate you," she hissed at her manhood as she pulled at it. "You make everything worse." She started to run her fist over her dick until it was hard enough to pull out and start to jack off at a painful speed.

* * *

"I wish I could make this better, Aaron." The little boy started crying from how much the fever hurt, distressing the young mother even further. "I wish I could make you stop hurting. Please don't cry, please, baby..."

She was scared for her son. Santana was mad at her and she felt like she couldn't help anyone. She wished her fathers were there to bring her a glass of water and tell her she'd be a star. She wished she had a mother to call for help.

But all she had was herself. Her arms tightened around her crying son as the tears started to fall down her cheeks. "Please, Aaron, you have to get better. You're the only reason she stays with me..."

* * *

Santana groaned her body not responding because of her new medications. She tucked herself away and punched her thighs hard enough to leave dark bruising on her tanned skin. She got up and headed back down stairs and heard the baby and Rachel crying.

"Come on," she whispered as she brought a damp cloth and a water bottle to Rachel, "baby, don't cry." she pressed her lips to Rachel's forehead and put the cloth on Aaron's head. "I want to take him to the ER."

Rachel sniffled and scrubbed at her face with the sleeve of her robe. "Okay, I just," she swallowed, cracking open the water bottle and taking a sip, trying not to feel like she'd throw up if she drank any more, "I need to get dressed."

She gently handed AJ over to Santana before shuffling up the stairs to the bedroom. Once there she moved as quickly as she could to change from her pajamas to something half decent to wear in public. She was half-afraid if she didn't move quickly Santana would take AJ and leave her there in the house alone.

Santana got a blanket and put AJ into his car seat. She pulled her hair back and sighed as she pulled her hoodie back on.

Rachel came back down in a sweater that looked like it might belong to Santana and a pair of sweatpants. Making her way to the door she managed to get her feet into the canvas decksiders that she used as tennis shoes on the second try. Everything felt muzzy and slightly disconnected, but she shook her head and made herself focus. Santana and their son needed her to keep her head on straight. She didn't have time for feeling off.

Santana held out Rachel's jacket. "Babe, you look pale," she whispered and pressed her lips to the girl's head. "You're hot."

"It's just warm in here," Rachel mumbled, slipping her arms into the jacket and zipping it up with a little shiver. She stepped over and scooped up their feverish baby, cradling him against her chest. "Let's get our little man to a physician, okay?"

She sighed, "Baby, take some Advil." She grabbed another bottle of water and granola bars and threw them into the diaper bag. She got them into the car and drove to the ER, bringing them up to the counter.

"My two month old has a fever." Santana exclaimed as she looked over her shoulder and took Rachel's hand that wasn't holding the carrier.

Rachel hadn't bothered taking anything. She didn't get sick after all and it was patently absurd to take medication for no reason. She just shook her head and followed where Santana led, trusting her girlfriend over her own sense of direction at that point. She smiled vaguely at the feeling of Santana taking her hand, sighing softly and letting it anchor her.

"Can I get your names and how long has they been feverish?" The nurse asked, opening a new file for the infant.

"Santana and Rachel Lopez." she said quickly, "He's been feverish all morning." she looked back at the baby, "His name is Aaron and his fever is 101."

Rachel frowned confusedly as she suddenly seemed to lose her last name and gain Santana's. She shook her head, trying to clear it, certain she'd misheard. The nurse glanced past Santana at the girl behind her's behavior with a raised brow but didn't comment on it.

"Okay. Do you have a regular pediatrician already? And which of you ladies would be the mother of birth?" She didn't much approve of women getting married, but it would be her job if she commented.

"Rachel is," Santana offered. "Look, we just moved here and he's sick and I want to have a doctor see him. So can we cut the small talk and get to the medicine?" she hissed as she clutched Rachel's hand tighter. "Please."

"Ma'am, calm down. I have to ask these questions, so if you'll just stay calm and answer them I can get a doctor to you who knows what their getting into sooner rather than later." The nurse looked up from her screen with a stern expression.

"Santana," Rachel's voice was soft, "just...answer the questions."

Santana sighed, "No, he doesn't have a doctor yet. But I have insurance." she rolled her neck and rubbed her eyes.

"That's fine. If you'd like I can make a note that you have no standard pediatrician and try to get one of the doctors who have openings for new clients to check on you." The nurse looked over the information. "Okay," she picked up a clipboard and handed it to Santana, "fill this out and considering the age of the child and the degree of the fever, you are at the top of the list for the next open children's bed so someone should be with you soon."

"Thanks." Santana took the forms and brought them to a empty set of chairs. "Do you wanna hold him? I can fill these forms out." she asked when she saw him getting fussy in the car seat.

"Yeah," Rachel murmured, unbuckling him from his carrier and sinking into a seat, "Hush, little baby, momma has you. Please calm down." She felt faint, but she pushed through it, focusing on her child's discomfort and trying to calm him.

Santana filled the forms out and brought them back to the nurse and sat down putting her arm around Rachel's shoulders. She pressed a kiss to the other girl's neck. "Baby... You're hot too."

"No, I'm not," Rachel smiled lopsidedly, shaking her head, "don't be silly, I never get sick. It's probably just warm in here. See? I'm even sweating."

"Rach," she sighed, "you got a cold." she kissed her neck again, taking her hand.

"What?" she blinked muzzily, "That's not possible, Santana. I can't get sick. Aaron needs me. _You_ need me. Being sick isn't an option..."

"I'll just get to take care of you both then," Santana smiled. "look I can take care of both of you.., you need to rest so you can help me every other day... Let me take care of you."

Rachel wanted to protest, but she was just too tired. She leaned over towards Santana, her head resting tiredly on the girl's shoulder. "You're far too good to me, love," she whispered, stroking AJ's back to keep him calm as he hiccuped tiny sobs.

"You're my girl," she said softly, as if it explained everything.

* * *

After a while they got brought into the back and settled into a room. Rachel was laying on the bed with AJ and Santana was sitting in a chair waiting for the doctor to come.

Rachel looked over at Santana as the thought finally occurred to her to ask. "Santana," she began, speaking slowly to be sure about her words, "why did you tell the nurse I was a Lopez?"

"'Cause," she said softly playing with Aaron's feet. "one day I want you to be."

Rachel swallowed, her fever making it hard to focus and she wanted to be absolutely sure she understood what Santana was saying. "What," she swallowed again, licking her lips, her voice soft and uncertain, "what do you mean?"

"I wanna make us legit," she said, not sure what part if her being a Lopez Rachel wasn't getting. "I want to marry you someday."

"Y-you...you want," she looked incredulously happy, "you want to...to _marry_ me? Me? I'm," she looked at Santana, begging for her to confirm that this was not a fever dream, "I'm not dreaming? This isn't a hallucination? Some horrible teasing fantasy made up by my fevered mind?"

"Yeah. I wanna marry you." she smiled, and pressed a kiss to the girl's hand. "Some day." she rested her exhausted head on the bed and sighed. "When's the doctor coming?"

"I want to marry you too," Rachel whispered, squeezing Santana's hand. Just then, a young man in a lab coat carrying a metal clipboard came into the room.

"Alright, ladies. I'm Dr Cleary and I've got a note here saying you're looking for a doctor for your little one and that he's running a bit of a fever." He looked up and tsked as he saw the girl in the bed, "Looks like momma's a bit under the weather too. Let's take a look see at the littlest one and maybe we can sneak in a check for momma too, how's that sound?"

"He's usually really active and happy, but he's been lethargic and cranky all night and yesterday. My dad's a doctor and said we should bring him in..." Santana said as she sat up. "My girlfriend is sick too. They have fevers."

"It's probably just a cold. There's been a couple going around lately. Nothing to really worry about, but let's take a look anyway, what do you say?" He smiled charmingly at Santana and Rachel as he pulled a penlight from his pocket. "Hi there, little guy. What's your name?"

"Aaron," she watched closely as someone other than his family or Quinn and Puck touched him for the first time. Aaron looked like he was gonna cry, his arms reaching out to Santana. "It's okay, _mijo_." she whispered as she held Rachel's hand.

"Don't worry, he'll be fine," the doctor smiled at the boy, leaving him in Rachel's arms, "Right, Aaron?" He flicked the light on and peered down the boy's throat with the help of a tongue depressor, "Well, good news is I see no signs of strep down here. Let's check his ears," he returned the light to his pocket, tossing out the depressor and reaching for the otoscope in the rack on the wall. "So what are you girls doing down here in New Orleans with this handsome boy?"

"Needed a new scene." Santana said, pressing a kiss to her son's squirming feet. "And school." she continued less than interested in small talk. "Rachel sings so when you check her out check her throat extra hard." She smiled at her girlfriend, "She likes to think she never gets sick."

"I don't," Rachel pouted, shifting further up in the bed.

The doctor chuckled, "Don't worry, Ms. Lopez, I'm sure it's nothing more than a standard fever for both of them. Still, open up and say ah so we can relieve your little woman, hey?" he suggested, pulling out the light and a tongue depressor again and turning to Rachel.

Santana took the infant in her arms and watched the doctor work on Rachel. She pressed soft kisses to her son's head. "They'll be ok soon?"

"Absolutely," he replied, clicking off the light and tossing the depressor away. "Most important thing for these two is to make sure they get plenty of fluids and rest. I'm sure they'll be fine in a couple of days. So," he scribbled a couple of things down on the chart, "I understand you might also be looking for a primary for Aaron here. Is that correct?"

"Yeah. The only doctor we found is mine and she doesn't work with kids," Santana said as she readjusted her son. "Do you take patients?"

"Well, I certainly wouldn't be asking if I weren't," he laughed, closing the clipboard and setting it aside before taking a seat on the room's stool. "Though I must admit I'm not strictly a pediatrician. I'm a general physician, though I've taken enough courses in pediatric care to call it a specialization." He nodded at AJ cradled in Santana's arms, "The boy takes after you enough to make me think you're directly related, though your paperwork says Rachel here is the mother of birth. Forgive me for asking, but who donated the male portion. A brother or..."

"Dude. None of your business." Santana snapped as she started to gather up their stuff and put the baby back in the car seat. "Are we done here?" she said with a tight jaw.

"Santana," Rachel's voice was soft as she reached for her girlfriend's wrist, "please. We need a doctor for Aaron and there maybe a cause for his question. Am I wrong, Dr Cleary?"

He shrugged, "I'd be lying if I didn't say part of it was curiosity, but frankly, knowing the paternal heritage of little Aaron could be helpful. Particularly if he develops an illness later that could be more easily diagnoised by knowing his father and being able to ask. Ms Lopez, if," he licked his lips attempting to couch his statement as gently as possible, "perhaps Aaron's parentage is more...direct, shall we say, I certainly won't judge you for it. Nurse Caldwell maybe be a bigot, placing gay couples with what doctors she thinks low enough to... handle them, but occasionally that bigotry serves a better purpose."

"He's... he's ours, you think two 18 year olds are really out trolling for sperm?" she scoffed and avoided eye contact, not at all comfortable in the moment. She was shaking slightly at the thought of being honest about her son's birth.

"To be honest, I rather thought that was the case, though I had thought you girls a bit older than just eighteen." He straightened from his seat on the chair. "I've a cousin who crosses. Not the same as yourself, I've no doubt, but knowing her or well, him depending on the day, gave me a damn good reason to not hate people just be cause things aren't as I might think they should be for whatever stupid reason. You're the boy's parents, and that's good enough for me. Now," he helped Rachel down off the bed, "are you interested in a doctor still almost fresh from residency serving as your family's primary general, Ms Lopez?"

He smiled hopefully at Santana.

Santana scowled, "Don't cross. I'm a girl." she huffed as she places the pacifier if Aaron's mouth. "If Rachel wants you it's fine."

The doctor blinked, "I never said you did, Ms Lopez. I said my cousin does. But you shouldn't need any further aid. Just keep these two restful as you can and make sure they get plenty of fluids and your family will be well."

Santana nodded. "Follow up visits?" she asked softly, relenting to allowing him to be their doctor.

"One week from now," he pulled a card from his pocket and handed it to her. "And if the fever worsens or either mother or child develops a worsening cough or loses their voice, call me. Night or day, Ms Lopez. My cell's on there if you need it."

"Thanks," Santana said as she helped Rachel up and moved to pick up the carrier.

* * *

Santana drove home and settled Aaron on his crib and helped Rachel to their bed.

"Santana?" Rachel whispered as the girl started to pull away, "I know I'm hot, but will you please stay with me?" she smiled tremulously, "At least until I fall asleep? I've missed you..."

Santana nodded, she slipped her hoodie off and threw it on the floor before slipping into bed with Rachel. "I've missed you too... It's been hard - with work and the new meds - to feel attached to anything... I'm sorry if I'm ignoring you."

"I just want to know I'm still wanted, Santana," Rachel whispered, cuddling in against her girlfriend. "I didn't know your meds were affecting you like that because you don't talk to me about how you feel."

"I'm not used to someone else caring..." she admitted, "I'll be okay when they settle in... I wish you told me you weren't feeling great, I could have stayed home last night."

"I'm not used to getting sick," Rachel shrugged, pouting slightly, "I believed I was fine."

"I should have been home earlier to be here for you and him." Santana said, "I'm gonna give Quinn my shift tomorrow night so I can watch Aaron while you rest."

Rachel rolled over and buried her fevered face in Santana's chest. "It's not your fault," she mumbled, "don't blame yourself. You've been taking such good care of us, Santana. It's okay if things go wrong now and then. I know you'll be home soon to help me fix them." She looked up, smiling weakly, "Just like you were today. I love you. Thank you for caring so much about us..." Her voice trailed off as she started losing her fight against falling asleep, her arms wrapped loosely around her girlfriend's waist.

"Go to sleep baby." she whispered, "I'll be here when you wake up." she wrapped the blankets around them and turned on the baby monitor and just help Rachel, she softly hummed in hr ear until she felt her breathing even out.

* * *

When Rachel woke up a couple of hours later, the other side of the bed was empty and her head was pounding fiercely making her whimper. Trying to breath past the pain, she carefully swung her legs over the side of the bed and dragged her robe on to try and find her lover and check on her son. As she shuffled out into the hall, a tiny smile curled her lips as soft strains of song and a faint scent of cooking vegetables reached her.

Her eyes barely open, she kept one hand on the wall as she made her way down the stairs and into the kitchen. She could see Santana stirring a pot as she sang, AJ lying in his playpen behind her in nothing but a diaper. "Is he," she has to stop and clear her dry throat before her words were audible, "is he feeling any better?"

Santana looked up and smiled softly. "Hey." she said, "I'm making you soup." she explained as she looked up from the pot. "He's stuffy and still feverish but I gave him some Advil and he's doing okay. How are you feeling?"

"I feel like the morning after my train wreck of a party junior year," Rachel mumbled shuffling over after checking on AJ to wrap her arms around Santana's waist and rest her fevered head against the relative coolness of her girlfriend's back with a soft sigh, "with the added enjoyment of a fever on top of it. I'm so glad you're home today..."

"My boss understands. Sick baby and sick woman trump work." she said softly as she grabbed the liquid Advil off the counter and poured a dosage cup for Rachel. "Take this please it will help you feel better." she held the cup to Rachel's lips. "It's for your stuffy nose and sore throat too, I picked it up when I got Aaron's medication."

"Andre's sweet. I'll bake him a plate of my famous thank you sugar cookies when I'm better," she mumbled, drinking the bitter concoction and grimacing at the taste. "And _that_ is awful. I'll stick with my herbal supplements and teas I think."

"That's okay but this is more for fever." she explained as she turned the soup to simmer. "Want to go sit on the couch and I'll bring you tea?"

"Can I just stay here?" Rachel asked, burying her face back into Santana's back, "I feel better when I'm close to you..."

"Babe, I'll be right in." she said softly as she turned around to hug Rachel. "I'll watch _Funny Girl_ with you... or do anything that will make you feel better."

"I just want to stand here with you and AJ for a bit." Rachel pouted, looking up at Santana pleadingly, "Can I please? I feel like I've been lying down forever and it's bright in the living room."

"Alright, baby." Santana said softly. She flipped the switch on the kettle and wrapped her arms around the girl's shoulders. "You'll be okay soon, I think it's a 48 hour thing."

"I highly disapprove of being ill, Santana," she whined into Santana's shoulder. "It should definitely be against the rules. I can't do _anything_!"

"I know, but at least you can tell me what's wrong. Our poor son can't tell us how he feels and, by the way, you need to feed him. He wouldn't take the bottle earlier."

Rachel leaned back and smiled wearily, "At least there's one thing I can still do, right?" She pulled away and shuffled over to AJ, picking him up and making her way to a chair. "Hey there, sweetie. You hungry?"

She fumbled with the sweater she was wearing for a moment before finally shrugging out of her robe and just pulling it off. Slipping a breast from her bra, she held AJ up to it so he could suckle. Sighing softly as he latched on, she leaned back in the chair and stroked his hair. "He's getting so big," she whispered, smiling down at him.

Santana watched from across the kitchen as she made Rachel's tea. "I know. Though he's still frigging tiny for a baby. I saw another kid his age the other day and it was like three times the size of him!" Santana stirred the tea and brought the mug over to Rachel with a smile. "Drink this."

Rachel wrapped a hand around the mug with a grateful smile, taking a sip before setting it on the table. "We're small, so he'll be small too. But he looks so much like his mommy. Don't you, sweetie?"

"I wanted to kick that doctor in the balls. I need to be careful about what I wear evidently cause I look like a dude and have ceased to pass as a chick." Santana sighed and looked over to Rachel.

"Nonsense, Santana. All he did was note AJ's resemblance to you while you were holding him." Rachel looked up at Santana and smiled, "You're a beautiful woman, love. Having different parts doesn't make you less. It just makes you even more special and amazing." She blinked slowly, looking slightly dreamy, "And besides, you're my girlfriend and I don't want to spend my life or raise my family with anyone else. Ever."

"I know." Santana said softly as she knelt down and kissed her son's head as he suckled. "I love you and our boy, I just hate when people decide to make assumptions about how he got here."

"Well, he would need to know at some point if he's going to be Aaron's primary," Rachel explained as reasonably as she could while sick and her head still throbbing uncomfortablly. "Most people don't make that assumption and you could have told him his father was an imaginary brother of yours. And he's not judging you for being the other half of our son or anything..."

"I know..." she sighed and looked up, "I just don't want people asking forever if he's biologically yours or if a brother spermed for him..." she stood back up and went back to the stove. "It's not a big deal, I'll get over my issues."

"It is a big deal," Rachel insisted. "You want to be able to claim your son as yours. And I want that too. Dr Cleary needed to know as Aaron's primary, but no one, and I mean _no_ one, else matters. People can ask whatever they want and I can ignore them forever because I know the truth. I know he's _our_ son and that's all that matters to me, Santana."

She looked up at Santana, willing her to understand, "It is a big deal though. And your issues are mine the same way mine and Aaron's are yours. That's how a family works, right? We support each other..."

"I love you," Santana smiled as she took in her girlfriend's words. "I love you and our son and you're right fuck everyone else. All I care about is you two."

Rachel smiled, though she was still pale and sweating slightly with illness. "I love you too. You and Aaron are my number one priority. The people who matter know and are happy for us. So everyone else can go jump in the ocean because our family is going to be happy and healthy in spite of what anyone else might say. Present situation excluded of course."

"Totally," she said as she took Aaron to burp him. "Let's go lay in bed and watch TV okay?" she offered her hand to Rachel and smiled.

Rachel smiled and took a breath before reaching out and accepting Santana's help to her feet. She picked up her mug of tea before leaning up and kissing Santana softly. "That sounds wonderful, Santana. I," she paused as a thought occurred to her, "I hope we don't get you sick..."

"It'll be worth it," she said before helping Rachel up the stairs as she held AJ. She helped her lover into the bed and grabbed the remote and laid in bed with Aaron on her chest. "Movie?"

"Whatever you want," Rachel yawned, snuggling in close, their tired and sick son snuggled between them. "I just want to lie with my family for a little while and I'll probably fall asleep anyway."

Santana put on Aladdin and wrapped the blankets around the three of them before muffling a sneeze. "This way we can nap," she explained as she cuddled into her girl.

"Good," Rachel sniffled, cuddling her girlfriend and son, half-awake, "but don't think I missed that sneeze." She yawned big, "You need to take care of yourself too. We can't _all_ be sick."

"I'm fine." she said softly before running her hand up and down her baby's bare back. "We'll all be okay in a few days."

"If you get sick," Rachel mumbled, snuggling close as she started to fall asleep, "I'm taking care of you. Both of you. Cause I'm supposed to take care of my family..."

"I know, baby," Santana whispered, "just get some sleep." she smiled and watched Rachel drift off.


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22**

It had been a couple weeks since the bout of illness that ran through the young family's home. AJ was back to his happy self his giggles becoming louder and more pronounced when one of his moms tickled him.

Santana had finally evened out on her medications, her brain settling down and her hormone levels evening out to make her more like her normal self again. She was sitting in the floor playing with AJ as he rested on his blanket instead of working for once, so Rachel was able to rest. She had the night off from work while the health inspectors gave the bar a final inspection before they got the clear to open for business.

School would be starting soon which made Santana nervous - she'd decided that she was only going to a few of her required classes and cheer leading with Quinn so she could keep up her scholarship. Luckily there was child care on campus so Rachel and Santana didn't have to worry as much about where AJ would be.

"Wanna giggle again for Mami?" Santana asked she tickled her son's belly. "Come on, baby, one more before bathtime and bed."

Rachel came into the room just as AJ let out a happy peal of laughter, squirming under his mami's tickling fingers. "It seems you have an exceedingly happy little boy on your hands, Santana," she laughed, coming in to kiss her girlfriend. "Is it bathtime for him yet?"

"Mmhmm," Santana said leaning into the kiss. "Then bedtime so mommies can have some alone times," Santana smirked and nipped her girlfriend's lips before pulling away.

"Mmm, keep that up and Mami's going to be getting some _special_ alone time," Rachel smirked, scooping up the wiggly boy and heading to the bathroom with him.

"Kinda hope so," Santana smiled and watched Rachel walk away before going and cleaning up the kitchen and having a quick chat with Puck telling him to leave them alone for the night. She came back inside and headed into the living room to straighten up the toys and baby stuff.

* * *

Rachel laughed at her son splashing around in the tub as she washed his hair. The lukewarm water barely came to the tops of his thighs, but she wasn't about to leave him alone for a second. "I think your Mami wants to practice making you a sibling, little man," she teased, leaning down and kissing his shoulder, "so you better be quiet and sleep tonight, okay?"

AJ squealed and splashed his arms in the water. He calmed down a bit as his hair was washed, the lavender scent soothing him. When Rachel took him out of the water and wrapped him in his towel, he yawned and pawed at her chest.

"Hungry, little one?" She whispered with a smile, carrying him into his bedroom to diaper him up and get him dressed for bed before settling into the rocking chair in the corner. "Ok, sweetie. Let's fill your belly," she murmured, opening her shirt and freeing a breast so he could latch on.

Santana leaned against the nursery door watching her girlfriend and thier son. "So beautiful," she whispered as she watched from her vantage point.

Rachel sang softly, a gentle lullaby to coax the boy to sleep as he fed. Her fingers brushed lightly over his thick black hair. After a bit, he pulled away and didn't fuss enough to warrant a burping. She looked up and smiled at Santana as she readjusted her clothes. "Hi. I think he'll be asleep for at least a couple of hours," she whispered, standing and settling AJ into the crib before going over to her girlfriend and giving her a soft kiss.

"He's a good boy," she smiled and walked into their room.

"He's ours so of course he is," Rachel teased following her into the room. "Now, do I recall you saying something earlier about wanting alone time or was that just my imagination?" she asked as she pushed the door closed behind her, relying on the baby monitor by the bed to tell them if AJ was in trouble.

"Alone time is a must," she said as she ran her hand over the bulge of her semi hard penis in her sweats.

"I see that," Rachel whispered, leaning on the door and watching her girlfriend with a coy smirk. "And what sort of things would you like to see happen during our...alone time?"

"I would like to eat you out until you beg me to stop," she smirked, "then see what happens."

Rachel swallowed hard, blushing. "I...I'd like to see you try," she finally stammered, pushing off the door and moving towards Santana.

"Undress, baby." Santana said as she laid on the bed and ran her hand over her crotch.

Rachel's fingers slid up and slowly started undoing her blouse. "Like this?" she whispered, her eyes never leaving Santana as she finished unbuttoning it and let it slide down over her shoulders and off her arms to pool on the floor, leaving only her bra to hide her full breasts. She smiled coyly as her fingers toyed with the fasteners of her skirt, waiting for further instructions.

"Take it off," she husked as she pulled her shirt off and pulled her bra off. She let her eyes roam Rachel's body with a smirk. "I want you bare."

"Oh, so," she undid the fastener and let the skirt fall to the ground, reaching up to undo her bra and tossing it away, "like this?" She smirked at her lover, hooking her thumbs into the waistband of her panties and slowly shimmying them down over her hips and legs.

Santana moaned as she watched. "Sexy as fuck," she said as she pushed down her sweats and started stroking herself through her boxers.

"Mmm," Rachel murmured, crawling up on the bed and sliding a hand over Santana's where she was stroking herself, "you should save that for me, don't you think?"

It had taken months and lots of time on the elliptical but she was finally back to the shape she'd been in before becoming pregnant with their son, even if her breasts were still much larger than they'd been before. Her hand covered Santana's member through the cloth of her boxers as she smirked almost wickedly and leaned in for a kiss, "I want every moment of your pleasure to come from my body tonight..."

Santana kissed her hard before sliding her hands onto Rachel's ass. She stroked the soft skin. "I was just getting it ready for you. You know I can go all night," she smirked as she ran her fingers through the cleft of Rachel's ass. "God, you look good."

"Do I?" She sounded unsure. For all the work she'd put in to get back into shape, she still wasn't entirely confident in her appearance. Dating Finn had torn her self-confidence down so far she had trouble seeing herself as attractive even now. "It's all for you," she murmured, pulling one of Santana's hands up to cup her breast, leaning into the touch, her nipple hardening against her lover's palm.

"Mmm," she moaned as she reached for Rachel's lips.

She moaned softly as she captured Santana's lips with hers, stroking her tongue across the lower lip and begging for entrance as she pressed her body down against her girlfriend's. She let her hands slide up to tease and caress Santana's breasts, fingers rolling the stiff peaks as she ground the wetness of her core against the front of Santana's boxers. "I want you," she whispered. "Make love to me, Santana..."

"Can I come inside you and then eat you out?" Santana asked as she pulled down her boxers.

"Do you really have to ask?" Rachel smirked, reaching between them to gently squeeze Santana's member. "Whatever you want to do to me, I'm yours."

"Did... did you go on the pill? I don't want another baby yet." she whispered and lifted her hips up to meet Rachel's hands.

Rachel rolled her eyes, "Yes, Santana, I'm on birth control, though we are both well aware of how rare it was for Aaron to be conceived and how much rarer it would be to conceive another child. And, may I mention," she leaned down to kiss Santana, licking her lips before pulling away, "very unsexy to bring up at this moment."

"Being responsible," Santana mumbled as her fingers fell to stroke Rachel's wetness. "My dad screamed at me before we left," she pressed her lips to Rachel's neck and smiled. "but I like coming inside you."

"I," Rachel gasped with a low groan, pressing herself into Santana's touch, "I like it too. Will you...? Please?"

Santana took her cock and lined it up. "You want this?" she whispered as she ran her dick against the wet cleft.

"I do," she whimpered, trying to roll her hips onto Santana's member, "I want you, Santana. Please make love to me...just," she gasped with a soft whine, "oh God, fuck me please..."

Santana smirked and arched her hips she let her dick slide through Rachel's pussy. She slid onto her with a groan. "So tight," she gasped.

Rachel whimpered and held onto Santana, rolling her hips and tightening her muscles around her lover's length, moaning softly at the feeling of being filled by the girl she loved. "I love you," she whispered, her breath hot as it rushed over Santana's ear before she took the lobe into her mouth and sucked.

" _Te amo_ ," Santana whimpered as she rotated her hips in a circle teasing her lover's body. She kept them flush together and bottomed out her dick in Rachel's core.

Rachel groaned and arched her back, causing her sensitive breasts to slide against Santana's, sending shivers down her spine. She rocked into her lover, loving the feeling of Santana's head striking her cervix. "S-santana," she gasped, "my b-breasts, please..."

The other woman arched and captured Rachel's nipple in her mouth and sucked, "Too hard?" she asked as she lathed the peak with her tongue.

"N-no," Rachel panted, her heart racing as she continued to rock on Santana, her walls squeezing her lover's length, every touch from the other girl sending electric bolts of sensation shooting through her, "b-but careful. Nursing..."

"He won't need to eat for a bit." Santana smirked as she sucked gently with every thrust of her hips.

"Yes, but unless you're trying for a snack," she reached up and tangled her fingers in Santana's hair, raking her nails over her scalp and pulling her so she could kiss her hard before pulling back, "then I'd be careful."

She looked up as she sank back down over the breast she'd been toying with and sucked hard until she met with milk, smirking around Rachel's nipple until she managed to coat her mouth with her girlfriend's breast milk. She pulled away and licked her lips. "I like it," she flipped them to press Rachel down against the bed and started thrust hard into her.

Rachel's eyes were dark as she looked up at her lover moving above her. "You," she grunted as a particularly forceful thrust rocked her body hard into the bed, "you would." She wrapped her legs around Santana's waist, digging her heels into her body and rocking her hips hard into each thrust to encourage her lover.

Her hands came up and cupped Santana's breasts, kneading and rolling them. She loved the feel of the heavy fullness filling her hands, the way the stiff peaks felt against her sensitive palms. "God, I love these," she whispered, arching up to take a nipple into her mouth and suck hard, teasing with her teeth.

Santana groaned and arched Into Rachel's mouth. "Fuck," she moaned and thrust harder, her hands fisting into their bed.

Rachel whimpered around the flesh filling her mouth, her free hand sliding around Santana to scratch down her back as she came closer and closer to the edge. She moved with her lover, the force of their movements making the bed rock back and thump against the wall with each thrust. She could feel Santana slapping against her cervix and it made her moan and bite slightly at the nipple in her mouth.

"Shit, baby." she grunted, her hips rocking harder. "I'm gonna fill you so good." she whimpered and kept thrusting. "Baby, I love you so much." She kept thrusting until she started to shake.

Rachel pulled away from Santana's breast with a soft pop, gasping for breath. "I," she gasped, clutching Santana to her, "I love you too. So...so much..."

Then her orgasm hit, washing over her and all she could do was sink her teeth into Santana's shoulder and dig nails into her back to try not to scream loud enough to wake AJ in the other room. Her core clenched hard around Santana, pulling the girl's shaft deeper and milking along it as she shuddered through her climax.

When she felt Rachel let go, she gasped before grunting softly and spilling her essence into Rachel's core. "Fuck!" she grunted and kept thrusting until she filled her up. She pulled out and quickly dropped down and started licking Rachel's core and lapping up their combined cum.

"O-oh," Rachel gasped, her fingers fisting in Santana's hair as the girl's tongue lapped at her tender and sensitive core, "oh God..." Her legs spread wide, one heel hooking over the edge of the bed as she bucked up into Santana's mouth, her head pressing back into the pillows as her body rocketed towards a second climax.

Santana cleaned up her cum and moved to suck on Rachel's clit as she moved to slide her hand up Rachel's chest to squeeze her breast. Rachel whined, the only sound she could force out as she panted for breath as Santana not only took her to the edge, but pushed her off. She bucked into her lover's mouth, covering the hand over her breast with one of her own as she arched hard against the bed, freezing for one trembling moment, unable to even breathe, before collapsing in a trembling heap back on the bed. Her clit felt like it was throbbing with the rapid beat of her heart, but she didn't stop her lover from touching her, her arousal continuing to slick her thighs and Santana's lips and chin.

Santana continued to suck her girlfriend's swollen flesh. She slid her tongue Into her, the muscle resisting as it was clasped by the intense clenching from her orgasm.

"Oh _God_ ," Rachel hissed, bucking hard as a third orgasm thundered down upon her. Her nails dug hard into Santana's scalp, pressing her closer as the overwhelming sensation built into an incredibly intense pressure, like she was a reservoir filling beyond its capacity. "C-close," she groaned, feeling herself getting closer and closer.

Santana gasped as she felt the girl's nails dig into her head. She thrust her tongue into her lover and moved her hand to thumb Rachel's cilt. Rachel came with a wordless cry, arching into Santana, her climax squirting from her to drip over Santana's lips.

She shook and trembled, weakly pushing her lover away, her body far too sensitive to tolerate any further contact. "S-stop," she gasped weakly, "t-too much..."

Santana smiled and laid back, her breath coming out in pants as she rested next to her girlfriend. She laid down and looked down seeing her dick hovering over her lap as she rested. "Told you that you'd beg me to stop."

Rachel rolled on her side with a lazy smile, sliding a hand down to caress her lover's member, stroking it slowly. "Maybe I could try to do the same to you," she whispered, leaning over to kiss her. "Can I taste you? I want to taste you..."

"It's yours so do what you what." she whimpered. "It's yours to do anything with."

"I just want you to feel good," Rachel whispered, kissing her way down Santana's body. "You're my beautiful girlfriend," she murmured as she kissed the tip of her dick, "and I love you so much." Her lips slipped over the tip, taking her in just enough to swirl her tongue around the head and suck before sliding further down. She kept sliding down, taking her deeper and deeper until the head was buried in her throat and her lips stroked her skin at the base.

Santana groaned as she pushed Rachel's hair back so she could watch her. "I love when you do that."

Rachel just nodded as she swallowed around her head, breathing awkwardly through her nose. She reached up to fondle and caress Santana's balls with one hand, the other sliding up to squeeze and caress her breast, rolling the nipple between her fingers. Rolling her eyes up as far as she could, she smiled around Santana's member and watched her lover as she moved her lips against her body.

Santana whimpered as she started thrusting into Rachel's mouth. She slid her dick down her throat and held into the girl's hair. Rachel swallowed around her, taking her as best she could, doing all she could think of to pleasure her lover. She slid back nearly off of her until they were only connected by a thin string of saliva.

"I love you so much," she gasped, leaning up to suck on her breasts, stroking her dick hard before sliding back down to take her into her mouth again. She raked her teeth over the thick shaft, sucking hard before sliding back down to sheath her in tight heat of her throat.

Santana shook and gasped as she started shooting thick streams of cum down her girlfriend's throat. "Rachel!" she gasped as she felt her body shaking as she felt her body spasming hard.

Rachel pulled off until she could suck at Santana's head, her hand wrapping around her shaft and pumping out the last of her girlfriend's climax. When her member stopped throbbing and began to soften, she pulled off and licked the softening shaft clean. Siding up Santana's body, she kissed her, running her hands over her body.

"Do you feel good?" she whispered, smiling down at her as she palmed her breasts, "Should I stop?" She smirked, leaning down to pepper kisses over her throat, sucking gently on her pulse point.

Santana wrapped her arms around Rachel. "Feels amazing," she smirked and pressed a kiss to Rachel's head. "You okay? I didn't go to hard?" she asked as she wrapped her legs around the girl.

"Never," Rachel grinned, reaching down to caress Santana's inner thigh, "you're always just right for me, love. We fit together."

Santana groaned at the caress. "Babe, you're gonna get me hard again," she whispered in her girlfriend's ear. "I meant it by the way... I wanna marry you."

"Maybe I want to get you hard again," Rachel smirked, giving Santana's semi-soft member a squeeze. She froze as Santana's words sunk in, "Really?" she smiled softly, "That wasn't a fever dream?"

Santana's hips bucked as she tried to calm her breath. "I... Ugh." she whimpered, "yeah, I wanna marry you." She rolled away slightly to get something out of the nightstand. "I have this," she said as she held out a small box. "Stop touching my dick so you can open it."

"Don't think you're getting off so lightly," Rachel chided, but she released her lover and snuggled into her side taking the box. She just looked at it for a long moment, licking her lips and looking between it and Santana. "I...I'm actually really nervous," she laughed, a bit unsteadily. "It's almost like I'm afraid I'll open this and wake up in my bed at my fathers'. No Aaron. No graduation. No," she bit her lip and looked up at Santana shyly, "no you..."

"Just open it," Santana whispered nervously. Her father had given her the ring Santana's grandmother had worn before she died. After a long tearful conversation one night after AJ was born, Santana had told her father that Rachel was the one, the only one for her and that she would marry her. She had received the ring via overnight express the next day.

Rachel bit her lip so hard she was afraid she'd draw blood if she pushed any harder. Taking a shaky breath, she carefully opened the box, the hinges protesting with a low creak. When she saw the old style ring nestled in the black velvet, her breath caught in her throat in a shocked gasp.

"S-Santana... this... It's," she looked up at her girlfriend with an incredulous smile, "it's beautiful." Her face fell and she sniffled slightly, "I...I don't have anything like this for you..."

"Rachel Berry, you gave me a son... You accept me as I am no matter how crazy I feel." she said as she took out the ring and slipped it on Rachel's finger. "I love you, and you don't have to give me anything. You deserve this... You are a part of my family and I want you to have my abuela's ring,"

A tear trickled down her cheek as she smiled at the ring Santana had slid on her finger. "I want to give you a ring though, Santana. You...you gave me a son. You gave me a _family_. I...I don't have a grandma or...or a mom to give you a ring from, but I want to give you a ring." She moved to straddle her girlfriend, leaning down and kissing her hard, "I want the world to know you're mine. That this beautiful woman is off limits because she has a fianc? and a handsome little boy waiting for her at home."

She reached down between them, carefully stroking her lover hard again. "I want everyone to know you're loved and wanted in _every_ way," she gasped, raising up and sliding her fianc?'s member into her still very sensitive core so they were connected again, "and I want them to be _jealous_ of me because I'm the one who gets to give you that."

Santana shivered and out her hands on Rachel's waist. "I'm yours forever," she whispered as she pressed her lips to Rachel's heart. She sucked softly on the skin she found there until she made a mark on the girl's skin. "I want everyone to know that," she smiled when she looked up. "I want everyone to know you're loved and mine too."

"Shall I get it tattooed on me?" she teased, rocking on her lover's member. "Maybe on my hip? Ooh, with a gold star surrounding it? Property of Santana Lopez?" She panted, smirking down at her new fianc? as she felt her body begin to respond for the fourth time that night as she rode the girl her hands sliding up Santana's stomach to palm her breasts, squeezing them in time with the thrusts of her body down upon Santana's shaft.

"Uh-huh," she groaned as she pulled Rachel down on her so she was bottoming out. Her eyes fluttered closed as she arched up to meet each thrust.

"God," Rachel gasped, throwing her head back as she rode Santana for all she was worth, "I love how you make me feel, Santana. So," she groaned as a roll of her hips dragged Santana's member over her g-spot, "so _loved_ and w-whole...so _a-amazing_!"

Santana had long been rendered speechless her body just thrusting and reacting to Rachel's touches. She panted, feeling her dick straining inside Rachel, aching to blow its load deep inside her new fianc?.

"C-come for me," Rachel begged, riding Santana, her body sore and begging for release, "I'm so c-close!"

Santana thrust up hard several times before letting her body explode inside Rachel. She gasped and shook until the smaller girl's pussy clenched and milked her member for everything it had. Rachel collapsed against her, trembling and weak from the force of her fourth orgasm of the night. She made no move to pull off of Santana though, treasuring the feeling of connection between their bodies.

"I love you," she whispered, breathless. "And I want to marry you more than anything." She pressed a series of slightly exhausted kisses to Santana's collarbone, "You're it for me. I don't want anyone else. Ever."

Santana simply wrapped her arms around the girl and smiled. "Awesome."


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 23**

Santana was lying down on the bar with AJ sitting on her stomach. Her short shorts rode high on her thighs and her tshirt had slid up with the baby flailing on her stomach. She held her hand on the three month old's back and watched him as he giggled at the faces she was making at him.

Rachel had brought him by before the bar opened for the night to have dinner with her fiancé and son before she was lost to the bar for the night. Santana had captured their son and was hell bent on making him giggle and coo over her for the remainder of the afternoon if she had her way.

"Santana," Rachel laughed, coming over with a plate full of food, "are you going to spend all of our time with your son or are you going to eat?" She leaned down to kiss the girl on the bar, "Don't think I won't make you eat if you push me to it." She held up a fork full of veggie spaghetti with a mock-threatening glare.

Santana rolled her eyes and sat up. She held the baby in her lap and opened her mouth waiting for Rachel to feed her.

Andre chuckled from where he sat tuning the guitars as he watched the young family. "You girls are too cute."

"No," Rachel smiled at her fiancée, offering her the bite and leaning against the bar to feed her as she played with their son, "she's beautiful. Or stunning. Or perhaps breath-taking. But my girl is never," she glanced over at Andre with a bright, teasing grin, "simply _cute_. Would you like some assistance with that task? I have perfect pitch and Noah did teach me how to properly tune a guitar while we dated," she added off-hand to Santana.

"First, I request that you never remind me that you dated Puck. Especially in front of the baby," she pouted as she looked at her lover, "Secondly, how come you never tune my guitar at home? You always make me do it."

"Well, for one, because you never ask," Rachel pointed out with a smirk, feeding her girlfriend another bite, "and for another, because you called it your _baby_ when I asked about it and I thought it would be better to just keep away from that relationship," she finished with a teasing smirk.

"Aaron's my baby too, and I call you my baby and I let you play with other instruments." she smirked as she kissed Rachel quickly.

"Oh God, my ears."

Rachel rolled her eyes, "She's talking about our piano. Santana, you are a devil." She leaned up and kissed her, "And, lucky you, I brought a bottle so our boy can have some special Mami time before we have to go and leave you to work." She set Santana's plate down and turned to get the bottle from its place in the cooler, holding it out to her fiancée. "You know he'll only take it from you while I'm around..."

"What can I say?" she smirked, "My boy likes boobs." She let Rachel continue feeding her as she settled her son on her lap and leaned down to kiss him before coaxing him to take the bottle. "Anyway, Andre, I was referencing Rachel's piano... Mostly." She winked, "But yeah, she's pretty good, you could let her help if you want."

"Sweetheart, while your breasts _are_ delicious, _mine_ happen to be the source of that nectar he's so fond of," Rachel pointed out with a smirk, setting the plate on the counter beside Santana. "Finish eating, okay?" she whispered, giving the other girl a worried smile, "I know you don't eat much while you're working and I'll feel better if I know you've eaten and your meds aren't attacking a mostly empty stomach."

Turning to smile at Andre, she wove her way between the tables, "You need to loosen that E string, for example. Right now it's dangerously close to being an F flat and there's a tremor that could indicate an overstressed string."

"Damn, Lopez," He said as he looked fondly at Rachel, "your woman knows her stuff." He said as he handed the guitar over to the smaller girl and picked up the bass. "Do you play, Rachel, or just know all?" He smiled.

Santana watched fondly from where she sat feeding her son. She kept her hand on AJ's back as she leaned over and took another bite of her pasta before focusing on her child and girlfriend.

"I believe in fully researching my chosen field to the utmost of my ability," Rachel responded, sitting primly on a stool with the guitar settled across her lap. "Unfortunately though, I have fairly small hands and lack the necessary distal length and finger strength to play properly or for any great lengths of time." She took in a breath and let out a perfect E below middle C and held it as she carefully adjusted the peg until the plucked string matched her voice.

Andre shook his head and laughed, "You're something, kid." He said before starting to strum the bass and tune it to standard tuning. Santana looked over and put the bottle down and put AJ up on her shoulder to burp him. She looked over when she heard the door open and smiled when she saw a messy head of blonde hair flutter in. Quinn bounced over to Santana and kissed AJ's head before kissing Santana's cheek.

"Hey," she smiled and looked at her best friend before looking to where the music was coming from, "Huh. I didn't know she played... You teach her?" Quinn asked as she pushed herself up on the counter.

"Nope. Your boyfriend when he stopped sticking his tongue down her throat." Santana shrugged and looked to the blonde. "Aaron, wanna go see Auntie Quinn?" She asked as she handed the baby over to the beaming blonde.

"Hi, baby!" she squealed as she took the baby and hugged him.

"Scales is _hardly_ playing," Rachel chided, tuning the rest of the strings off the low E. "I'm positive Santana could give a far more eloquent test of this instrument than I could, after all."

"Ah, you're doing fine, kid," Andre laughed, twisting a peg on the bass.

"Perhaps, but I'm a singer. I can play the piano, but my preferred instrument is my voice," the young mother smiled at the man, making a final adjustment before holding it out to Santana, "Perhaps you could test my skills, love?"

Santana looked away from AJ and Quinn and hopped down off the counter. She fixed her shorts and shirt before moving to sit on Rachel's lap. She took the guitar and strummed it a few times before easily falling into a simple flamenco melody, she closed her eyes and let her fingers dance along he neck to a memory of a song she had heard her father play many times.

Andre watched, never having heard the small woman play before he looked on with a slight gape of awe.

Rachel just wrapped her arms around her girl and let her chin rest on her shoulder, enjoying the music. Quinn looked over and rolled her eyes in mock disgust.

"You see that, Aaron? Your moms are so in love I could puke." She rocked him gently, ignoring his fist tangled in her hair. "I hope that Puck and I can look like that some day," she whispered to the baby.

AJ squealed and clapped his hands the best he could when Quinn tickled his neck with her words.

"Look, beautiful," Rachel nudged Santana slightly to get her attention, "our son likes your music. You should play for him more often." Her fingers teased Santana's stomach behind the body of the guitar, murmuring in the girl's ear, "Besides, you know how much I love a good performance..."

"Mmhmm," Santana smiled before stopping playing, "That's enough for the moment, you slackers, this place isn't gonna open itself." She said as she stood up and moved around getting things ready to open for the night. She moved over to Quinn and took her son and bundled him back up and handed him over to Rachel. "Alright, Mami loves you and I'll see you later?" She smiled and kissed AJ then Rachel. "See you at home."

* * *

The day was warm and sunny. Puck and Quinn had decided to join Rachel and Santana for a outside day after the three girls toured the campus. Puck laid out a blanket in the park near the University and flopped down on it with the bag from the deli, he picked out a can of soda before popping the top and looking over to the girls. Santana was fussing over putting a hat on AJ's head that the boy seemed to not be at all interested in, while Rachel was putting sunscreen on him.

Quinn came over, plucked the sunglasses off her boyfriend's head and slid them over her own eyes before laying down with her head on his shoulder. "I love you, Puck." She said softly.

He looked over at her and smirked, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and holding her close, "I knew youﾒd come over to the Puckerman side eventually, Fabray." He kissed the top of her head, "Not to be all sappy and shit, but I love you too, babe."

"Romantic Puck." She sighed and moved to kiss him softly, "Don't get all sappy on me or whatever," she said, looking through the aviators over her eyes.

"Hey, the Puckmeister can do romance if my lady wants romance," he looked almost offended at the suggestion he couldnﾒt. "Like wine and candles and roses and shit. Babe, Iﾒd knock all the stops out for you."

"Nah..." She said softly as she pressed a kiss to his lips. "I like us the way we are." She whispered and pulled away running her fingers over his hair. "I just wanted to tell you I loved you."

He smiled up at her with a silly lovesick puppy sort of smirk, "Cool. You can tell me that any time you want, babe. And I like us the way we are too. We just," he thought about it for a moment, then shrugged, "like fit and shit, you know? You get me and thatﾒs way awesome."

"Yeah, and you put up with my crazy so it works." She smiled and rested back against him. She watched Rachel and Santana from afar and she tried to not feel a little bit of envy when it came to how happy they looked and how much they looked like a real family.

Puck was quiet for a bit, content to just have the girl heﾒd been in love with for what felt like forever lying with him. He watched Santana and Rachel for a moment before chuckling softly. "Man, I never thought Iﾒd see the day those two would tolerate being in the same room together without fighting like a couple of cats in heat, now look at ﾑem. Thatﾒs some crazy shit right there."

"I kinda hate it. How happy they seem... Like I know Santana's got issues and Rachel is trying to get over being crazy depressed... but somehow that baby makes them work... that he just kinda makes them understand each other. I never thought Santana would find that," Quinn said softly.

"Hey, my Jewbro is crazy but sheﾒs like," he shrugged, "good for her and shit. Makes her open her damn eyes and realize not everyoneﾒs gonna judge her cause sheﾒs a dude down below, you know. That sheﾒs still Santana and you know, sheﾒs our _girl_ and shit. I donﾒt get it, like at all, but Iﾒm happy for them. Mazel tov and all that."

"Yeah... I don't get it ether. But Santana's happy and hasnﾒt tried to kill herself in over 10 months so that makes me even happier. I just miss my friend sometimes, you know?" She said hating how petty she sounded.

"At least you two work together," he groused, "I donﾒt see either of ﾑem except for when Rach makes us all breakfast. Kinda sucks, you know? I mean, Sanﾒs my bro-whoﾒs-not-a-bro and all, but Rachﾒs my friend too and sheﾒs all about the little guy now. Heﾒs cute and all, but I totally get what you mean, babe."

Quinn sighed and shook the fleeting thought that rolled through her head and just hugged Puck. "I'll be busy with school soon and so will they... just don't forget about me okay? Still come home every night?"

He scoffed, "Babe, you're the only one I want to come home to." He reached over and lifted her chin with a smile, "Every night after the shop closes or the bar when I got a gig, I'm gonna come home to be with my lady. And hey, who knows," he shrugged, nodding towards the girls and their boy, "maybe someday weﾒll make a little kid of our own and they can miss us for a while."

"That'd be nice." she said as she searched his face with her eyes. "Thank you for moving here with me... You know how much I needed to get away from Lima... away from my dad, away from everything. I just," she took a breath, "I just need you, Puck."

"Hey, donﾒt cry or nothing," he smirked at her, leaning in to kiss her, "the Puckmeister is always gonna be here for my lady. You wanted out, I just wanted to help, no drama. Youﾒre my lady, I love you," he shrugged, "so moving was easy. Besides, I got a job pretty quick and this place has like a wicked crazy music scene so I can even get my jam on without running all over the damn country."

Quinn chuckled and wiped her eyes before cuddling back into him. "Alright."

* * *

Santana finally got the little cap to stay on AJ's head just after Rachel stopped slathering him with sunscreen. "I think he's good to go." She said as she put him on the blanket. "Isnﾒt that right? Mommy doesn't want you to get too brown so people get more confused about who your birth mom is." She smirked as she pressed a kiss to his nose.

"I like tanned, actually," Rachel teased, leaning over to kiss Santanaﾒs cheek. "I find it to be highly attractive. And I donﾒt mind if random people mistake you for being his birth mom. You _are_ his mom too after all." She leaned in against Santanaﾒs side, glancing over at Puck and Quinn, "They look comfortable."

"Yeah they do." She smiled and picked up the baby and him him on her lap. "I hope they last, Rachel," she whispered, "I need them to last. I don't wanna see Quinn sad again."

"Well, Noah has been completely in love with her forever, so as long as we're around to make sure he doesnﾒt _completely_ screw up..." she trailed off, smiling up at her fiancee. "I'm fairly amused that they havenﾒt noticed yet," she added, looking down at the ring on her finger, "since I am only engaged to the most beautiful woman and mother Iﾒve ever met."

"They're not very observant," She smirked. "Especially when we forced them to babysit so we could fuck yesterday." she said as she leaned close and nuzzled Rachel's neck. "Which I'm still not done with you, by the way. I woke up with a raging hard on again."

"Oh really?" Rachel smirked, leaning back slightly so Santana had more access, "You should have said something. It must have hurt a bit. Iﾒd have been happy to... kiss it better if youﾒd just mentioned it after all. Or maybe," she leaned in to kiss her fiancee, het voice dropping to a husky whisper, "maybe something more like the first time I cooked for you..."

"Ugh," she whimpered and looked at her girlfriend. "Don't do that now," Santana whined and looked up with a desperate gaze, "I'll pop one and I don't wanna do that."

Rachel chuckled and leaned away, "Now you know how I feel, beautiful. But don't worry. Iﾒll take care of you later," she smirked, "when we have some _privacy_." She leaned back in and rested her head on Santana's shoulder, playing with AJ. "I love you, you know. Hearing you say that you loved me, meeting our little man for the first time, and," she looked up at Santana shyly, "the night you gave me this ring... top three moments in my life. Even better than when I sang Donﾒt Rain On My Parade at Sectionals or any of my solos. Top three."

"Aww," Santana said dramatically, "More than the solos?" she smiled and pressed her lips to Rachel's. "Hearing that you think of me as a girl, meeting Aaron and kissing you for the first time." She said shyly, "Those are mine."

"Youﾒre not just _a_ girl, Santana," Rachel pointed out, "youﾒre _my_ girl. And I love remembering the first time you kissed me." She chuckled softly, shaking her head, "I didnﾒt even know what was going on or what it meant. I just knew it felt amazing and wanted to do it again."

"Well my dad was just all up in your junk and I saw my baby for the first time... I'd wanted to kiss you for awhile, so I did." She smiled before looking back over to Quinn and Puck. "Should we tell them? Or just invite them to hold the baby in the wedding?"

"Could you not remind me about your father being, as you so concisely phrased it, _all up in my junk_?" Rachel smirked wryly, shaking her head, "And we can tell them if you want to. I know I like the spotlight, but I kind of like hearing you say you want to marry me."

"Awesome," she said softly. "Hey, Puck... Q?" Santana called over to her friends before sliding over so she could sit closer to them. She moved the baby to sit between her legs as she looked at her friends. "Needs to talk to you both."

Puck shrugged, propping up on his elbows. "Sure, what's up? You need us to babysit again? I mean, we are like the baby whisperers and all."

Quinn just rolled her eyes and sat up, smiling and the baby and waving at him. "Hi, Aaron."

AJ cooed and reached out for Quinn, Santana picked him up and handed him over to Quinn and smiled at the sight of her best friend and her son. "Um, maybe later... but I wanted to tell you both something." She looked nervously over to Rachel. "Rae?"

Rachel moved over and smiled, reaching out to hold Santanaﾒs hand with the one wearing Santanaﾒs grandmother's ring. "Yes, love?"

"Um... Yeah so... A couple weeks back when Aaron and Rachel were really sick... I got scared that something would happen to one of them and I wouldn't be able to you know like see them in the hospital." She said as she took Rachel's hand. "Um. So I said that I'd wanna marry Rachel... and a few days ago I gave her a ring."

Rachel rolled her eyes, "How romantic, Santana."

Puck just looked back and forth between them with a confused frown. "So, like what... you want to marry Rach cause you think doctors will be dicks?"

"No. I wanna marry Rachel because I love her and I want her to be with me forever. But, on top of all that... yeah, I wanna make sure that I can protect my family." She shrugged, and ran her finger over Rachel's ring.

Quinn had sat there quietly, just holding AJ and looking between the girls when her eyes finally caught on the ring. It looked familiar and she had to keep fumbling through her memories for why until it finally clicked. The photo of Santanaﾒs grandmother on the wall in her fatherﾒs house. "Oh my _God_. Santana, is that your _abuela_ _ﾒ_ _s_ ring?"

" _Si_ ," Santana said softly as she looked down. She was nervous, she didn't know if Quinn would be okay with her choice and the fact she asked Rachel. She wanted her friend to be supportive and she needed her to be okay with it.

Quinn just blinked, stunned, her hands loosely around AJ to make sure he didnﾒt fall as he sat against her. "Oh my God," she shook her head, a vague smile slowly dawning, "you... youﾒre happy? Like actually happy?"

"Um.. Yeah?" Santana said with a confused look on her face. "Haven't we already talked about that?" she asked with a head tilt. She looked at Quinn like she was crazy, "I mean fuck we moved here, live together... have a baby, I told you I'm happy how much more do you want from me?" She pleaded hoping Quinn would approve.

Quinn let out a tiny laugh, "This is... wow. Just wow, San. I do need something more though..."

"What the fuck Quinn..." She gasped, "Really? Are you really gonna fucking give me crap now?"

"Yeah, I am." Quinn smirked, "Why the heck didnﾒt you _tell_ me you wanted to marry your girl? Iﾒm supposed to be your best friend here, San! And you donﾒt share a major detail like youﾒre gonna pop the question?" She reached out and slapped Santanaﾒs shoulder, "I mean, are you asking someone _else_ to be your Maid of Honor or what?"

"Yeah, some bitch named Lucy Fabray," she smirked before leaning over and hugging her friend. "It kinda just happened while we were fucking..."

"Santana, _language_!" Rachel scolded, only to be drowned out by Quinnﾒs disgusted "EW!"

"Seriously! I donﾒt need any details about what you and Berry get up to in the bedroom!" she looked grossed out and embarrassed, handing the baby back to Santana when he reached for her and cooed.

Puck, however, grinned, "Oh no no no! Details are great. Details are _awesome_! So, what _exactly_ where you doing before you decided to pop Rach _another_ big one?" Quinn promptly smacked him upside the head, "Ow! Dammit, cut that out! Domestic abuse!"

Santana just chuckled and took her son back and rocked him in her arms, "We were having crazy wild sex and I proposed," She smiled and looked over to Rachel with a wink. "That's also what we were doing when you babysat."

"Oh man," he let his head fall back with a dopey grin, "so hot." He rolled his head to look at Quinn with a smirk, waggling his eyebrows, "Whaddya say, Q? You and me when we get home? I bet we could keep the old ladies here awake all night." He winked.

"Weﾒre not _old_!" Rachel squawked indignantly.

He shrugged, "Youﾒre getting married and have a kid. All settled down and stuff. If the condom fits, Rach. So whaddya say, Q?"

"Says the bro who wouldn't know a condom if it hit him in the face." Santana spat back, "You're lucky I got my girl Q here on birth control the minute I found out that you were going near her." She said as she cuddled her baby. "And we have more sex than you could even dream of Puck."

"Hey! That hurts, San," Puck actually looked wounded. "Iﾒve been totally careful and suited up since we had the whole baby scare. Iﾒve only gone bare with you and Rach since and none of what we were doing were gonna get me sick or anyone knocked up. Unlike _someone_ I know." He nodded, significantly at the boy giggling in Santanaﾒs lap. "I ainﾒt gonna take risks with my lady."

"Hey!" Santana snapped, "I didn't know that I could get her pregnant!" she defended herself and crossed her arms around her baby protectively. "Plus, Rachel totally jumped my dick. I kinda thought she was on birth control..." Santana pouted and reached over and held Rachel's hand.

"Honestly, Noah. Thatﾒs not a fair blow and you know it." Rachel frowned at him.

He just shrugged. "Whatever. Throwing my big mistake in my face ainﾒt cool either. I got tested and sh...stuff. Iﾒm totally clean _and_ I use protection with Q. I ainﾒt risking screwing up her whole life again. And you know, worse to worse," he shrugged, looking uncertain, "I got a good job and I wouldnﾒt be _that_ bad a dad, right?"

Santana's eyes narrowed, "Boy, if you knock up Quinn," she nearly growled as she spoke not wanting her best friend to have to go through the same things she and Rachel had, "before she's done with school and _ready_ for a baby, Iﾒll kick your ass."

"San," Quinn said softly as she looked to her friend urging her to calm down. "Don't threaten him."

"I donﾒt think heﾒd do it on purpose, Santana," Rachel whispered, leaning over to kiss Santanaﾒs cheek in an attempt to calm her down.

"Rach is right, San," Puck sat up straight finally, folding his legs under him and looking at Santana seriously. "I might be an idiot and I mess stuff up, but I love Quinn. And I ainﾒt gonna do nothing to mess up her life. I want her to get her degree and get a good job and stuff and Iﾒm gonna support her the whole way. Besides," he shrugged and smiled lopsidedly at Quinn, "you know, gotta say I ainﾒt too keen on any kids of ours being Fabrays."

"Oh God, more half Jew babies." Santana laughed, "At least my baby is a Lopez." She smiled proudly and kissed Rachel's lips. "But alright, Puckerman... just be good."

"Babe," he smirked, waggling his eyebrows at her, "as you well know, the Puckmeister is _always_ good." When Quinnﾒs hand met the back of his head again he yelped like a girl. "What was that for?"

"You ﾒre talking too much," Quinn replied, giving him a smirk as she stood and dusted off her dress, "and I think we have somewhere to be, donﾒt you?"

"To... be?" It dawned on him what she suggesting and he scrambled to his feet, "Oh yeah! Yeah, definitely. Weﾒll totally see you guys later."

" _Much_ later," Quinn whispered, grabbing his wrist and dragging him off.

"Wow," Rachel murmured, watching them with wide eyes, before turning to Santana. "Do you think perhaps weﾒre a bad influence?"

"I don't want to think of him and his small penis defiling my girl." She pouted as she laid down and rested her head in Rachel's lap. "Though, we do have more sex then she should ever know... It's gonna suck when Aaron gets older and accidentally walks in on us banging."

Rachel looked startled for a moment then started combing her fingerﾒs through her girlﾒs hair as AJ played on her stomach. "Thatﾒs why weﾒll be getting locks on our bedroom door and utilizing them, sweetheart." She leaned down and kissed Santana slowly, "Because there is no way I am minimizing my time with you any more than I absolutely must."

"My parts love you and I love you too." She smiled and kissed her back. "Wanna go home and do it in the shower?"

"Ooh," Rachel smirked, "that sounds delightful. Perhaps youﾒd like to indulge in a lap dance on one of the chairs in the kitchen after?" She winked, gathering their things up as much she could with Santana still in her lap.

"Mmhmm." Santana smiled, "By the way, baby, you gotta wear more clothing when you visit me at work. You turned me on and I was wearing short shorts... Not easy to hide parts in those..." She smiled as she rolled off and helped pick up the stuff. "Come on. Let's get home and ignore the fucking in the basement."

"Or maybe," Rachel suggested as she finished cleaning up and slipped AJ into his baby sling so Santana could carry him, "I wear the same thing and just pull you into the bathroom to help with any, ahem, _wardrobe_ problems before I go?"

They laughed, walking off hand in hand as they followed in their friends' footsteps back home.


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter 24**

School had begun. It was only the first few weeks but between classes, studying, work, and taking care of AJ, neither Rachel nor Santana had managed to find any time for _them_. Sometimes it seemed like they barely even slept in the same bed. It was frustrating on more than one level and lonely.

Finally, about a month into the school year and on yet another night when Santana had to work late, Rachel decided to take matters into her own hands and do something about it. Gathering AJ's things and fixing him a fresh bottle for later, she bundled him up and headed down the stairs to the door that connected her and Santana's place with Quinn and Puck's apartment. Knocking on the door, it wasn't long before it was answered by a slightly mussed looking Quinn with a pen tucked behind her ear.

"Oh, hey, Rachel. Puck's working right now if you needed him for something."

"No, actually, I was hoping to find you," Rachel smiled shyly at the girl she was slowly beginning to find a friendship with. "I was wondering if you'd mind watching Aaron for a bit tonight while I go and visit Santana at work?"

Quinn smiled delightedly, "Of course I wouldn't!" She reached for the baby, cooing at him when he giggled and reached up for her fingers. It wasn't the first time she'd been asked to watch him, but it was the first time that _Rachel_ had asked her _alone_ to watch him. "Hi, Aaron," she cooed, bouncing him slightly.

Rachel unhooked his bag from her shoulder, "Everything he should need is in here, as well as a fresh bottle if he gets hungry. If you need anything else, you have the key of course. In fact, there's leftover lasagna in the refrigerator that you're welcome to if you'd like. It's vegan, but Santana says it's quite good and I don't believe she's just appeasing me this time." She watched Quinn with her baby, feeling a little anxious, but pushing it down by reminding herself that she'd get to see Santana, "He's been good tonight, but call me if he gets sick or starts fussing too much and I'll come straight home."

"Rachel, seriously, chill out," Quinn deadpanned, glancing at the worried mother over AJ's head, "It's not like I haven't done this before. Aaron and I like hanging out together, don't you, little guy?" she cooed at him, making him laugh and reach for her face, "He'll be fine and if anything happens, I promise, you'll be the first to know."

"Okay," Rachel blushed slightly, a little embarrassed at being called on her fretting. "Thank you for this, Quinn. I really appreciate it."

"No problem," Quinn shrugged, smiling at AJ. She glanced up at Rachel, speaking so softly it was almost a whisper, "Hey, Rach?"

"Yes?"

"Thanks. You know," she shrugged, smiling lopsidedly, "for giving me all these chances. I know I tend to mess them up a lot, but... just keep making her smile and I'll do my best not to this time."

Rachel smiled at Quinn with the same warm brightness she'd always held for the odd private moment between the two girls, "Of course, Quinn. You're her friend. If I ever stop making her smile, I wouldn't deserve anyone's friendship. Now, I'd better get ready." She leaned over and kissed AJ's cheek, "Be good for your Aunt Quinn, Aaron. I'll be home later. Thank you again, Quinn."

Heading up the stairs after one more wave, she left Quinn to giggle at AJ and take him into her and Puck's apartment as she hurried upstairs to change. Santana had specifically requested that she not wear revealing clothes when she came to visit her at the bar, so she giggled nervously as she dressed in one of her fiancee's tank-tops and a short skirt. She knew what she wanted to happen, even if she did feel nervous and awkward about it happening at Santana's place of work. It had been too long since they'd been alone together and she missed the spontaneity of their encounters prior to school starting.

Adjusting the tank top and skirt one more time in the mirror, she licked her lips and blushed hard before she carefully slid the panties she'd been wearing off. She'd have to be more circumspect this way, but if she got Santana's attention the way she wanted, they'd both be grateful for the easy access. Taking one last look in the mirror, she nodded and hurried down the stairs, pausing only to grab her purse and slip her panties inside before she headed out the door.

* * *

When she arrived at Andre's, it was busy, but not so busy she couldn't get in with little more than a quick wave and a kiss on the cheek to Gary working the door. She made her way up to the bar where Andre was serving drinks with "a wink and a smile" as he liked to put it.

"Andre! Hi!" She called over the noise of the band playing up on the stage and the crowd around her.

"Hey there, Rachel!" He leaned over the bar for a quick kiss on the cheek, "Where's your little guy?"

"With Quinn back home. Where's Santana?" She grinned at him, leaning on the bar.

He nodded out into the sea of patrons, "She's around. Due a break soon, but I think half these guys think flirting with her or just catching sight of her pretty face is lagniappe here."

Rachel laughed, "Really?"

"Really. Her and your friend draw more than the band some nights," He nodded with a smirk, before heading off to serve another patron.

Rachel turned around to lean against the bar and look into the crowd for the familiar sight of her fiancee working with a smile as he moved away. Her eyes roamed the crowd, but she didn't immediately spot her. Shrugging, she turned back towards the bar to try and get Andre's attention for a bottle of water.

"Hey there, baby." The voice slurred with a drunken rasp to her right making her frown slightly. "Pretty thing, like you doin' here?" She glanced to her side to find a man more than a little inebriated in a rumpled suit and loosened tie. He grinned at her, reaching over to put his hand on her ass, squeezing slightly as he patted his thigh with his other hand. "Why don't you come over here and sit on my lap?"

She froze. It was one thing to play with her fiancee. It was entirely another to be pawed by a drunken lout almost twice her size. She looked to the bar for Andre to help, but he was busy down at the other end and hadn't noticed yet.

As if Santana had a sensor of her lover in danger, she slid up next to Rachel and glared at the man. "Hands off." She growled, her low-cut black jean clad thigh pushing his leg away. Santana took Rachel's hand possessively, "Don't you ever touch a girl working here or the girl of someone working here." She said with a hiss.

The man sneered, "Look, babe, you're hot and all, but dressed like that in these parts, that ain't nobody's girl but the highest bidder's." He smirked, digging in his suit coat for a wad of bills, "And tonight that's _me_." He reached for Rachel's wrist, ignoring how she pressed back into Santana.

Santana pushed him away forcefully. "Back. The fuck off," she growled with a sneer before pulling Rachel with her to the other side of the bar. Worried, Santana cupped Rachel's face and looked into her eyes, "Baby, I'm sorry are you okay?" She whispered her thumbs running against the girl's cheeks.

"Y-yeah," Rachel trembled slightly, leaning into Santana's touch and letting it calm her down. "I just wasn't expecting that at all. Usually I don't have that problem here..."

"He's new and came in an asshole." Santana scoffed, "No one touches my girl's ass but me." Santana said as she wrapped her arms around her lover. "Come on, sit here." She lifted her girl up on the back counter and smiled, "Lemme finish of bit then we can go on my break, okay?" She said before turning back to the bar and waiting on patrons.

Rachel kept her legs pressed demurely together to avoid giving anyone a free show and waved cheerfully at a couple of the regulars she recognized. She vaguely was aware of John, the bar's other bouncer, "escorting" the sleaze who'd grabbed her out of the bar. Most of her attention though, was on Santana. She loved watching her work. The way her muscles moved under her tight clothing as she grabbed bottled and spun glasses across the bar. The curve of her neck as she turned to answer another patron with a smile. And her smile. Rachel loved seeing her smile.

She licked her lips distractedly, her eyes never leaving her lover. A slow smile curled her lips as she thought about how she looked without those distracting clothing, all lean muscle and tanned skin. Andre noticed her expression with a smirk, shaking his head at the exuberance of young lovers as he turned back to the customers.

After awhile of Rachel's leering at Santana's ass and bare shoulders Andre had enough. He sauntered over to Rachel and leaned next to her. "She's quite athletic for someone so petite." He smiled. Santana wore a simple green halter top that left a healthy amount of her shoulders and back exposed and half an inch of skin showing above her studded belt. "She's quite lovely."

Rachel turned to smile at him, "She's beautiful. The most beautiful girl I've ever seen. She's a cheerleader, was in high school too." She blushed slightly, "Please don't tell her this, but I used to go to football games just to watch her perform. It was fairly easy to convince people I was there or sitting in the bleachers during practice to see my boyfriends, whichever I was seeing at the time, but," she looked back at Santana a quiet, loving smile lighting up her face, "I was there to watch her. It's... it's beautiful to see her doing something she loves."

"I bet." He smiled, "She's... really lean and her hips are small so I bet she's good at that. She's a very interesting body type." He looked at Rachel pointedly, "I want to protect my girls... should I know something about Santana?" he asked in a whisper, trying to allude his understanding of Santana.

Rachel looked at him in confusion. "Like what?" she asked, cocking her head to the side curiously.

"I don't want to offend her by asking... the only reason I'd know is because I have a few friends who might be like her... and.. um your baby looks just like her..." He bit his lip, he wanted to know so he could protect Santana in case anyone figured the young girl out. "You know what.. never mind." he smiled and looked away and went out to the bar to set up for the next band.

Santana wiped her hands and flitted over to Rachel. "I'm going on break... wanna come?" She smiled.

Rachel grinned brightly and put her hands on Santana's shoulder's so she could help her down off the bar. "I thought you'd never ask." She leaned up and kissed her fiancee softly once she was back on the ground, moving to whisper softly in the ear, "Maybe we could go out back where it's more... private?" She leaned back with an inviting smirk, raising her brows in question.

Santana smirked and nodded leading them through the crowd to the back door. She pushed it open and propped it slightly ajar with a stick so they could get back in. Santana pulled Rachel over and wrapped her arms around the girl. "What did I tell you about wearing that stuff to work?" She asked as she pressed her body flush against Rachel's ass.

"Mmm, you said it turns you on," she murmured with a mischievous smirk, grinding back against Santana slightly, "but maybe I _wanted_ to turn you on?" She reached up behind her and pulled Santana down into a kiss as she turned to run her hands down the girl's chest, lingering for a moment on her breasts, "Maybe I wanted you to take me out here and," her fingers slipped down to the waist of Santana's tight jeans, popping the button open and slowly easing the zipper down, "take me up against the wall? Hmmm? How about that?"

"Mm," Santana groaned as she looked at her girlfriend with lust. "Keep touching my dick and we'll be ready to go in a moment." She whispered as she turned Rachel back around and pushed her up against the cold brick. she pressed kisses down against the base of the girl's neck, "I'm gonna fuck you from behind."

Rachel reached behind her to slide a hand into Santana's pants, easing her member out from where she'd kept it tucked between her legs and stroking it. "Oh, God, I wish you would," she whispered, thumb brushing over the tip of the girl's dick. "I've been wanting you for _weeks_ , Santana..."

"Sorry," she whispered and thrust up into Rachel's hand. She felt herself starting to strain and get harder than she ever thought possible. "I wanna fuck you hard and make you walk funny, like my dick's still inside you."

"Don't apologize," Rachel muttered, the soft hardness of her lover's cock in the palm of her hand making her drip down her thighs with want. She reached blindly for something to hold onto as she leaned over to make it easier for her fiancee, feeling the rough crunch of rusty metal under her palm as she hit the fire escape ladder, "J-just please... fingers, tongue, dick - I just need you inside me, Santana. I've had to take matters into my own hands too long..."

Santana moaned at the thought of her girlfriend touching herself and quickly went to work. She slid one of her hands between Rachel's thighs and ran her fingers through the abundant wetness she found and quickly began thumbing the girl's clit. She brought her other hand up to the woman's breast and slid inside her shirt so she could palm the bare flesh.

"O-oh _God_ ," Rachel gasped, her head falling forward to rest against a rung of the ladder gripped in her white knuckled hands. She spread her legs further apart to give Santana better access, only to be brought up short by her skirt. Whining in frustration, she reached back and yanked it up to bunch around her waist, revealing her bare ass to her lover, her thighs glistening with arousal in the dim alley light. "M-more... Santana, please..."

"My little slut," she smiled fondly as she moved her straining dick to plunge into Rachel quickly. She sheathed herself hard and fast before pinching one of the girl's nipples. "Better, princess?" She asked as she pulled almost the whole way out and then slammed back inside.

Rachel didn't have the breath to respond at first. Her body was on fire, her knees going weak from the first rough brush over her g-spot and slap against her cervix, only her grip on the ladder keeping her upright. She moaned breathlessly, rocking back to meet Santana's hips with each thrust. Little flakes of rust showered down from under her hands as she wrung the rung as electric fire rushed through her body with every little move her lover made within her. "S-so g-good," she gasped out, under the creak of the ladder as they made it sway above them. "Y-you make me f-feel so... _agh_... a-amazing, Santana..."

Santana smiled and kissed Rachel's neck as she kept slamming into the girl. She moved her hands down to hold onto the girl's hips as she began moving them together as she continued to fuck her. "I'm gonna make you come so hard, then I'm gonna make you come again and then make you go home and wait for me."

"Please," she gasped, tightening her muscles around Santana's member as she rushed towards the edge. "I," she panted for breath, "I wait for you e-every...every night!" Rachel barely remembered where they were in time to bite off a cry, turning it into a whine as she began to lose control.

Santana looked around and checked that no one was watching them as she lifted her leg up on the wall to increase her angle. "Fuck I love when you can't talk when I fuck you," she growled as she started thrusting wildly.

Rachel keened softly through her teeth as her muscles spasmed around Santana's dick pounding her. They clinched hard as her body locked down in orgasm, her head slamming back and her breath seizing in her throat. Her eyes were open, but she couldn't see anything but white as everything felt like it was firing at once. Finally she sagged in Santana's grip as the overwhelming explosion of emotion released her, her walls still fluttering along the girl's member. "Oh... oh God," she whispered, trying to catch her breath, "I love you so much..."

Santana moaned and kept pumping, "Turn around." She whispered pulling her hard, _wet_ dick out of Rachel and stroking it with her hands. She watched the wetness seep down the girl's thighs, "I wanna cum inside you."

Rachel turned on trembling legs, leaning up against the wall for support as she smiled shakily up at her lover. The brick was cold against her ass and shoulders, the rough surface scratching her skin slightly, but she was far too turned on to care. She ran her hands up her thighs, pulling the skirt up so Santana could see her swollen cunt, the juices of their fucking still trickling from her folds to drip down her legs. Her eyes locked on Santana, she dragged the fingers of one hand through her wetness, gathering up her essence and holding it out for Santana to see. "L-look what you do to me," she whispered, her eyes dark in the dim light. "All for you..."

The other girl's lips quickly wrapped around Rachel's fingers and sucked the wetness off them. "Mine," she growled as she pulled back, her fingers running down the cleft of the girl's core and getting soaked, she moved closer and used her other hand to slide back inside Rachel's pussy. "So tight," she groaned as she moved so she could pick the girl up and press her into the wall with her legs around Santana's waist.

She let out a low moan at the feeling of the girl's fingers penetrating her body. "The only one inside me like that," she gasped, "ever. Always. Only you, Santana." She rode the girl's fingers until she pulled out, leaving her whimpering with need. " _Please_ ," she sighed, wrapping her arms around Santana's neck and pulling her into a hard, needy kiss, rough with lips, teeth and tongue.

Santana kissed her hard and moved so she could slide her dick inside, but used the lubricated fingers on her left hand to slide around and slowly slide one of her fingers inside Rachel's ass. She grunted feeling her thick cock sliding inside her lover through the thin wall.

Rachel moaned at the feeling of being filled from both directions at the same time. She hadn't liked it when Jesse had taken her ass, but this was different. She whimpered as the feeling of both her pussy and her ass being stretched teased her even higher than she'd gone with Santana taking her from behind moments ago without letting her fall over. Her head slammed back against the brick wall hard enough to make stars flicker before her eyes, but her legs tightened around Santana's hips and her nails dug into her back pulling her closer. " _Yes_ ," she hissed, her heart pounding so hard her blood sounded like a river rushing past her ears.

Santana panted and pressed her cock deeper inside and added another finger before she got close to the edge. "Not gonna last..." She panted.

"Come." The word was all Rachel could get out, her body spasming around her lover as she trembled on the edge. She wanted it. Wanted the feeling of release from her fiancee. Wanted to be filled with her seed. Her teeth sank into the crook of Santana's neck as she fought to contain the scream that wanted to rip out of her from the intense feelings the girl was making her feel.

She gasped and kept erratically thrusting before grasping Rachel's ass and groaning as she kept thrusting until she let her body explode inside Rachel. That was all it took, feeling Santana's hot seed filling her body to push the girl that last bit over the edge. She shuddered, her climax rippling through her body, milking Santana's member for every last bit. She clung to her lover, doing her best to stay connected to her and ignoring the sting from the scratches on her back and ass from the brick work and the dull ache from being stretched a little too far.

"I love you," she whispered with a soft whimper as she felt Santana's softening member slipping out of her.

Santana groaned unattractively as she felt her dick limply fall to her leg. She slid her fingers out and held onto Rachel. After a few moments, Rachel let her legs slip from Santana's hips and shakily support her.

"Let me," she whispered, her breath flowing hot over the girl's ear, "clean you up before you go back to work." Pressing a kiss to Santana's neck, she carefully swirled her tongue over her lover's pulse point as she pushed her skirt down and moved to turn them so Santana's back was against the wall. "I want to make sure you're comfortable and not... sticky."

She slid down the girl's body, pressing kisses against her covered breasts, but being careful not to suck like she wanted to to avoid leaving telling wet marks. She couldn't resist pushing up the hem of Santana's halter top and nipping gently at her stomach though. When she reached her waist, she carefully wiggled the jeans lower on her hips, giving her more room to work with the limp dick still glistening with their mingled cum.

Rolling her eyes up to look at Santana as her knees hit the rough, damp pavement of the alley, she pushed the sides of her jeans away from where her member hung limp against her thighs, her thumbs covering the head. Watching Santana, she deliberately ran her tongue up the length of Santana's dick, from the tip to the base. With the head covered, it almost looked like she was licking the wet mound of a fully female Santana. She groaned softly, "So good..."

Santana looked down and groaned as she watched Rachel. "Ughhh," she whimpered, "so... sexy." She grunted as she watched her lover.

"All for you," she whispered, continuing to lick their mingled juices from the member until the returning erection made it too hard to continue to hold down with just her thumbs. Once that happened, she slipped her lips around the head and sucked, plying the tip with lips, teeth and tongue for a moment before sliding further down, her teeth lightly scraping the veined shaft. She coughed slightly as Santana's head bumped her uvula, but continued down until her lips were firmly pressed in a kiss against the soft skin connecting her shaft to the rest of her body. She swallowed, her throat flexing around the tip as she did.

"Oh god," Santana groaned loudly as she shuddered, her cock straining against the woman's throat. "Please..." She whimpered looking down to see just her lover's head between her legs. "Looks... ugh.. god it looks like you're licking my pussy," she stumbled out as she brought her hands up to clutch onto the fire escape.

Rachel breathed as best she could through her nose, humming softly in agreement as she nodded, doing her best to keep as much of Santana's dick in her as she could. She worked her jaw, moving her lips against the base and groaning softly, the vibrations rippling along San's member. Her hands slid around Santana's body to slide into her jeans and cup her bare ass, nails digging in slightly as she pulled her closer to her.

"Fuck, baby," she grunted her arms shaking, "I.. I need to come." She whispered as she thrust regretfully into Rachel's throat.

She nodded, swallowing hard and giving Santana's ass a hard squeeze before sliding her hands up her body under her shirt and bra to cup her breasts. She rolled her eyes so she could watch Santana as best she could as her fingers tweaked and tugged on her nipples, playing rough. She started sliding off, only to push back in after an inches, teeth sliding along sensitive skin and her nose pressing into Santana's abdomen with each thrust as she helped her lover fuck her throat.

After Santana thrust for a couple more moments, she quickly gasped as she came down Rachel's throat. She gasped and shook as she climaxed, "Baby," She grunted and after a few moments she pulled away, shivering as her dick hit the cool air. "I love you."

Rachel swallowed a couple of times to get the last bit of Santana's cum down, licking away a trace that had escaped her mouth as she carefully tucked Santana away and got her jeans pulled back up and done up again. She stood on legs that still trembled slightly and looked at Santana with the warm, shy smile that was only for her fiancee for a moment before kissing her softly, the taste of both of their essences mingled on her tongue as she wrapped her arms around her neck. "I love you too," she whispered, her lips brushing over Santana's as she spoke.

Santana smiled and kissed her girlfriend. "Baby..." She said softly. "You're gonna wear my pants home. No way in hell are you going home bare pussied and swollen without me."

Rachel laughed softly. "There's underwear in my purse," she whispered, holding it up, "but I'll wear your clothes if you want. I _do_ like getting in your pants," she teased. "But what will you wear?"

"I'll wear your skirt," she said softly as she pulled off her jeans and worked to carefully tuck her dick more securely into her special boxers. She made sure she was covered and she carefully held her pants for Rachel. "Put them on."

She bit her lip, but did as she was told, stepping out of her shoes and carefully sliding the jeans on before pulling off her skirt and handing it to Santana. Tongue slightly protruding from her lips as she sucked in her breath for the tiny bit of weight that had lingered after giving birth to AJ, she fastened the jeans up and slid her hands uncertainly over the tight denim.

"Do I look okay?" She sounded nervous, not used to wearing something quite so tight outside of a performance. "I mean, I know you'll look amazing in my skirt... so amazing if I stayed I'd probably get into a fight from all the men ogling your legs, but... I don't know..."

Santana sighed, "I need you to get home without getting fondled." She pulled the skirt on and let it hang low on her hips making it longer on her thighs then it was on Rachel. "I'll be okay, I'm a lot more covered than you were and I'm wearing boxers."

Rachel's shoulders slumped slightly, none of her worries about her appearance relieved. She was nervous in the close fitting jeans but she smiled and tried to hide it as she toed her shoes back on. "I know," she shrugged, "I'm sure you'll be fine. I know you can handle yourself, Santana. I just... I," she sighed softly, offering a smile that was almost timid, "I'll see you at home later, right?"

"You look really hot in my pants by the way." She smiled softly, "I can't wait to get home..." she smiled and kissed her softly, "Text me when you get there so I don't worry?"

"Of course," Rachel smiled up at Santana, but she felt like she was just being appeased by the compliment. "I'll try and stay awake to see you when you get home, but if I'm not," she leaned up to hug her fiancee, pressing a kiss to the corner of her jaw, "just wake me up okay? I want to see you."

"'kay," Santana smiled as she nervously fixed her underpants. "Love you, baby," she whispered as she headed to the door.

"I love you too and don't worry, Santana," she smiled at her, letting her see how much she was loved by the smaller girl, "you look absolutely beautiful. No one will know you're anything more than my amazing fiancee who just had a very _satisfying break_." She blushed, nodding at the mark she'd accidentally left on the crook of her neck. "I'd, um... wear my hair loose the rest of the night though."

Santana's hand slipped up to her neck and she rolled her eyes before taking down her ponytail. "Evil," she smirked before kissing her again and slipping inside.

Rachel watched until her fiancee was safely back inside before turning and heading out to the street to walk back home.

Inside, Santana crept into the bar and slipped back behind the counter and scrubbed her hands througthly before turning around.

Andre raised his eyebrows, "Nice skirt." Santana glared at him and turned around.

"Ass," she laughed as she started serving again.

* * *

She'd picked up a sleepy and fed AJ from a smiling Quinn once she got home, spending a little time talking with the other girl about a class they shared - English - before heading upstairs to get her son ready for bed. Once the little boy was dressed in his sleepsuit and mittens and settled into his crib - hopefully for the night - she'd headed to her bedroom to change into a nightgown and read for a little while. She'd tried to stay awake, but after about a half hour of reading, she was asleep, the book loosely held in one outstretched hand as she laid on the bed, not even covered up.

Santana trudged into the house, going into the bathroom and showering before going and kissing her baby goodnight. Happy he was sleeping soundly, she then headed into the bedroom. She stopped and smiled when she saw Rachel lying on the bed, sprawled out as if on display for her. She quickly dried off and moved to sit on the bed, running her fingers up Rachel's leg and she leaned down and kissed her soft knee. She kissed up her thigh trying to wake up her lover.

Rachel shifted, mumbling something unintelligible in her sleep and rolling to lay more on her back than on her side like she had been. She was tired after her long day and their vigorous encounter behind Andre's and her dreams didn't want to release her for something as gentle as a kiss.

When Rachel rolled over Santana smirked, the girl's nightgown had slid up nearly baring her thighs and core to her lover. Softly, Santana licked her way up the girl's thigh until she had to duck between the girl's thighs. She began licking softly at the girl's lower lips, moaning slightly when she tasted the lingering essence from their previous encounter.

Rachel moaned softly in her sleep, her feet sliding up the bed, raising her knees as her legs spread for her lover. "San," she breathed faintly, her dream obviously taking a turn for the erotic as one of her hands dragged across her chest to unconsciously massage a breast through her button up nightgown.

Santana's hands went to the sleeping girl's ankles and held them open as she slid her tongue through Rachel's folds, finding the girl's clit and starting to suckle it lightly with little pressure. She continued until she felt the arousal coating her chin and felt Rachel squirming.

Her hand on her cloth covered breast tightened as her hips moved vaguely in Santana's direction. "San," she moaned, her eyes still closed in sleep as her body began reacting to her fianc?'s slow and gentle touch.

The awake girl kept her languid pace, her lips bringing Rachel's pussy to a fevered arousal. Santana slid her hands up and down Rachel's legs lickling her until her core was sopping and saturating her chin with her juices. Santana pulled away to lick her lips before sliding her tongue down and making it rigid before sliding it inside her fiance.

"Unh, San..." Squirming with arousal, Rachel's free hand dropped her book and slid down her body intent on touching herself as her breathing increased. When her slim fingers reached the top of her mound though, they encountered hair which certainly didn't belong there. The startlement of finding something she didn't expect was enough to jar her awake with a surprised gasp. "W-what..."

It took her a moment to realize that someone had entered her home and was tongue fucking her. It was a wide-eyed and anxious second later before she realized that someone was her fianc?.

Santana looked up from where her tongue was sliding in and out of her lover's cunt. She pulled away and nipped her fiance's fingers that lay on top of her clit. "Fuck yourself," Santana husked as she licked her lips and worked to get all the fluid off her chin.

Blushing fiercely, she slid her fingers into her soaking wet folds and began to slowly circle her clit. She kept her eyes on Santana, taking in the glistening essence covering her chin and thinking about what she had just been doing to her. She carefully closed her thumb and forefinger around her clit and pinched, making her hips buck and her breath catch with a gasp, but she never looked away from Santana.

"Kiss me," she whispered, twisting and tugging gently at her clit.

With a quick movement, Santana slid up and kissed Rachel hard. She let her soaked mouth possess Rachel's she slid her hand over Rachel's breast and stroked it lightly as they kissed.

Rachel moaned into her mouth, her hand working herself even higher between them. She arched her back to press closer to Santana only to be frustrated by the layer of cloth between them. "Too much clothing," she gasped, "o-off... I...I want to feel you _on_ me..."

She nodded and pulled away, pulling off her own shirt and pushed down her boxers and the skirt before sliding back onto the girl. She pulled Rachel's nightgown off over her head with a broken button flying off the dress and onto the floor. Santana came and straddled the girl's thigh and leaned down to take the swollen nipple into her mouth. She ran her teeth over it and sucked slightly while her other hand teased the second peak.

Rachel was nearly wide-eyed at the speed with which Santana managed to get them both undressed, but she raised a hand and coated one of Santana's nipples with her essence, teasing it to a hard peak. "I l-love," her voice wavered as Santana's tongue stroked roughly over a nipple, "love being able to touch you...be with you... like this."

"Santana," she whispered, "watch..." She slowly ran her hand down between her legs and parted her folds. Carefully watching her lover, she slid her other hand down and slowly slid two fingers into her dripping hole with a wet squelch, gradually pushing them in and out with a sloppy sound. "F-for you...when y-you're not home...and A-aaron's sleeping... I think of you and do t-this..." Her thumb raked over her clit, sending a jolt of pleasure through her body.

Santana groaned and pulled away from Rachel's breast with a loud pop. She pulled herself to sit at the foot of their bed and watch, her erection protruding up against her stomach. She watched as Rachel fingered herself and reached down to grasp her cock in her hand moving her fist in time with Rachel's thrusts.

"I," she panted, watching Santana touch herself as she fucked herself for her, "I think of y-you touching me," she twisted her wrist, doing her best to curl her fingers to hit her g-spot but it was just out of reach, "of y-your fingers, y-you _tongue_ in-inside me... I th-think of when you f- _fucked_ me so h-hard I couldn't breathe, c-couldn't _think_ ," she spread her legs wider - as wide as she could - hooking one ankle over the edge of the bed so Santana could see everything. "W-when I was so sore for d- _days_ b-but I felt like I was c-climaxing whenever my _clothes_ o-or a breeze touched me!"

Santana was practically drooling as she watched Rachel fuck herself. She kept stroking herself moving faster when the other girl's hand started to move faster. When Rachel started to talk about their sexual history, she saw Rachel's cum start seeping down and out onto the duvet and she quickly moved and started licking up around Rachel's fingers so she could clean up the wet mess while she continued her thrusting.

Rachel gasped, shivering hard from the additional stimulation, but barely managing to hold onto the edge she was skating along. "W-when you p-put your...your _hand_ in me... I never felt s-so _stretched_. I just _wanted_ you all the t- _time_." Her voice trembled, dipping and peaking with the waves of fire sweeping over her as she fought to keep vocalizing the things she talked about. "I l-loved it when you took me wh-wherever you wanted... L-like," her hips were jerking into her thrusts and she was having trouble keeping her pace, "w-when you took me in M-mr Schue's office and _anyone_ c-could have walked in and saw h-how I _belonged_ to you..."

Santana kept licking around Rachel's fingers, she straddled her leg and started thrusting against the smooth patch of skin. She grunted as she rubbed her erection against the girl and kept moaning as she worked on lapping up the girl's fluids.

Rachel couldn't hold on any longer. She came hard, her muscles clenching tightly around her fingers, as her back arched up off the bed. Her fingers and palm were drenched from the force of her orgasm as she squirted, excess moisture smearing Santana's face and dripping down her legs to pool on the cover.

Santana nuzzled Rachel's hand and pushed her fingers out of the way. She licked off the girl's hand then went to work on cleaning off the rest of Rachel's tender pussy, down her thighs and back up to lap softly at the source of the liquid. She moaned as she cleaned off her lover, making sure she didn't miss a drop.

Rachel whined, her lip firmly caught between her teeth, her hands fisting in the cover beneath them as Santana's tongue started winding her up again. "If this wasn't Friday," she panted, "you'd be in trouble, c-cause I don't want to stop..."

"What do you want me to do... I'll do anything to you that you want. This is about you tonight," she said before writing _I love you_ on Rachel's clit with her tongue.

Rachel dragged her eyes open and smiled down at Santana, "I want... I want you to take me," she whispered, "Like at the beginning, but," the smile turned into her special smile just for Santana, "now we know we love each other. I belong to you, Santana. Body, mind, heart, and soul. I'm yours. Take me. Make me remember who I belong to for when we're apart..."

Santana hesitated, before sliding up and nodding. She took Rachel's arms and pinned them up above her head and pressed them down roughly, she began to bite at the girl's shoulders before she arched her hips and slid into her. She thrust hard a few times before getting annoyed and reaching down and pulling Rachel's knees up and nearly bending her in half so she could thrust at her leisure.

"God," Rachel gasped, arching into her, her walls fluttering against Santana's thick member, "y-yes... take me. M-make me yours, Santana..." She did her best to watch Santana, her years of dance giving her the flexibility to accept the position, "Any way you want, just take me. I'm completely yours..."

"Shut up, Berry," Santana grunted as she thrusted wildly. Santana had trained herself to try to not to hurt her lover, but she was being asked too. She pulled all the way out and pushed the head of her dick into the threshold of Rachel's ass causing her lover to scream out, she pulled away and rubbed her tip around her lover's core. She circled Rachel's clit with her fingers as she thrust her member through her wetness.

It took a moment before Rachel could open her eyes again after the sudden thrust just inside her ass. She panted hard, her chest heaving as she forced her body to relax. She looked up at Santana trustingly. "I'm yours," she whispered. "Completely. Take me."

Santana slid her tip back down and slid into Rachel pussy with a quick thrust she pumped shallowly never quite going deep as she knew Rachel would want.

Rachel whimpered, doing her best to push up into Santana to take her deeper, but having trouble from how the other girl had her bent. "Please," she finally whined, begging, her core throbbing with want and dripping onto the cover, " _please_ , Santana... I need you..."

Santana chuckled and kept going at the pace she wanted. After a few moments she pulled out and slapped her swollen and wet dick loudly against Rachel's core. "Fuck," she grunted doing it again before quickly switching to fill her lover and jackhammer her member into her girl hitting her g spot and bumping her cervix at each thrust.

"Oh God, _yes_!" Rachel nearly screamed with how intense the feelings ricocheting through her were. She arched her back, trying to spread her legs wider as if she could take the girl even deeper, but frustrated by Santana's firm grip on her legs. She panted, pressing her head back into the pillow to arch her breasts up towards her lover in silent appeal, nipples taut and straining towards Santana.

She loved it. She loved knowing she could take everything Santana could give her. Knowing that her body craved the roughness the fiery passion of her fianc? could give her. Loved being the only one who got to have that passion from Santana.

"I love you," she panted, her body rocking hard into the bed and sending the headboard pounding rhythmically against the wall as the bed shook with the force of their fucking. " _God_! I love you so much!"

With that Santana's dick spurted wildly inside the other girl, painting her walls with sticky thick cum. Santana moaned out and arched herself to have her dick pressed harshly against Rachel's cervix as she rode out her orgasm.

Rachel's body tightened hard, shivering her into an overwhelming orgasm. She bucked hard, her body freezing in a trembling arch, lips gaping open but no sound emerged. She couldn't see, couldn't breathe. All she could feel was the incredible rushing feeling of her climax. For a long moment, everything was white. "S-Santana," she gasped thinly before losing her grip and sliding into blackness for a moment.

Santana rolled to the side and carefully put Rachel's legs down. As soon as she slipped out of her lover she shivered sadly hating loosing the connection so she carefully slid her limp penis into her blacked out girlfriend and covered them up. She wrapped her arm around her and nuzzled her neck.

Rachel blinked her eyes slowly open a moment later and slowly smiled as she saw her lover. "Hi," she whispered, wrapping her arms around the girl and smiling a little brighter as she tightened her muscles, clenching them around the member filling her. "That was," she softly kissed Santana, "better than before, I think." She nuzzled close, "Because you're still here, still with me... I love you so much."

"I love you too," she whispered back and resting her head against Rachel's forehead. "I was scared to hurt you." She admitted. Unlike before, she actually was worried about hurting her lover more than anything else. "But, I'm glad you liked it." She said as she settled in to fall asleep. "The baby will be up soon." Santana sighed, "We should crash."

"You can't hurt me like this," Rachel murmured, already half asleep, a leg hooked around her lover's hip drawing them closer together, "we fit. I can take everything you can give me." She sleepily tightened her muscles around Santana again, "I love the way you feel in me...fingers or like this. I feel complete with you." Her eyes fluttered closed as her head rested by Santana's on the pillow, her breathing slowly evening out.

"I feel normal with you." She whispered and held her closer. "I'll love you forever." She whispered and kissed Rachel's head.


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter 25**

"Are you sure you have his bottle?" Rachel asked for what felt like the fiftith time since they'd gotten up that morning.

She'd spent almost two hours the night before packing and unpacking his diaper bag to make absolutely certain they had everything before her fiancee had managed to convince her to come to bed. Now they were standing in line waiting to board the plane, AJ clutched to his mother's chest. She looked up at Santana nervously, reaching for her hand as she remembered how unhappy the last flight they'd been on had been for the little boy.

"Yes, I have his bottle, his monkey, his pacifier, that nasty grape water stuff you give him when he gets angsty, and and if all else fails we have your tits," she said as she rubbed her son's back and held the car seat that was going to get stowed in the airplane. "He's older now and he's tired since it's freaking 6:00am... so he's gonna sleep. We can bundle him up when we get to Ohio but right now he should be good in his pajamas." She smiled and looked at her son in his Star Wars pajamas.

"I hope so," Rachel fretted, shifting the boy in her arms slightly, "I hate when he's hurting that much and I can't help him. It makes me feel like the worst mother ever." She leaned against Santana slightly until the attendant smiled and waved at them, directing them to get in and seated before the others so they could secure the seat and settle their son before it got crowded.

"You're the best mom." She smiled and kissed her girlfriend's head and handed the tickets to the attendant. "Thanks." She smiled to the older woman and helped Rachel with their carryons before getting to the plane.

Santana handed the car seat to the male flight attendant and they headed to their seats. She let Rachel sit near the window so that it would cause less people to coo over their son and she sat down by the aisle. She pulled the light green blanket out of the bag and laid it over Rachel and AJ after putting her lover's seatbelt on her. "Do you want the pacifiers or one of the toys he can suck on for take off?"

"Please?" Rachel looked up from where she'd been stroking AJ's hair with a grateful smile. "Is it okay if I sleep too? I didn't get much rest last night worrying about this flight..."

Santana nodded and grabbed the pacifier and sucked on it for a second knowing AJ hated cold things in his mouth. After a moment she popped it in his sleepy mouth as he sighed and gave out a yawn. "Of course you can sleep." She smiled softly, after popping a piece of gum out of her packet and slipping it into her own mouth then offering one to Rachel's.

Rachel shook her head, never having had a problem flying before. She just yawned sleepily and leaned over to rest her head on Santana's shoulder. "I love you, you know," she murmured, "but next year maybe your dad can come down and join us for the holidays instead."

"But... he'll be like one in a half and can play in the snow with me." Santana pouted, not really loving the idea of not being with her dad and having a white Christmas. "But... we can talk to him." She chewed her gum and sighed. "I just like having family around... At least we got to do Hanukkah with Puck... we can play dreidle with Aaron next year too!"

"Part of it and you just want a new toy to play with," Rachel teased, reaching up to tap Santana's nose. "But I'd rather we alternate years if possible. I want him around on the holidays too. I just want to spend at least a couple in _our_ home, Santana. And I'd like for your dad to be there, if that's okay."

"Totally." She smiled as she kissed Rachel's nose before the other passengers got on. She pulled the blanket over Aaron's head and rested back. "I understand and I want my daddy to spend time with his grandbaby so he can come down, okay?" she smiled.

"Awesome," she murmured, snuggling in as close as she could while buckled up and yawning tiredly as her eyes started drifting closed.

* * *

Thankfully the flight was uneventful and AJ slept through most of it as did Rachel. Santana had woken them both up with kisses and they got off the plane. After collecting their bags, Santana took them outside to the rental care she had procured through her father. "Ready to head to Lima? Are you hungry? Should we get food first?" She asked as she took AJ out of the sling and put him into the carseat.

Rachel stretched, looking around and shivering in the chilly December air. "I'd rather just head back to Lima. Aaron is starting to wake up and I'm afraid I'm not really in the mood to handle a fussy baby in a restaurant right now. Can we just go see your dad and let him play with his grandson for a little while while we go somewhere to get a salad or something?"

"Sure, baby." She kissed her gently and handed Rachel her jacket. "I'm glad we bundled the baby up inside." She remarked before locking him in his seat and putting it securely in the car. She got inside and turned it on after putting the bags in the trunk and she looked at Rachel. "I love you, and I know neither of us love Lima... but it's family time okay? You're my family."

Rachel wrapped her arms around Santana's neck to pull her closer and kissed her softly. "And you're my family, Santana. But you'll please forgive me for being a little more anxious than before about seeing your father again, won't you?" She brought the hand wearing the band that had belonged to Santana's grandmother around where she could see it sparkling in the sun, smiling at it with a soft blush, "I wasn't wearing this the last time I saw him after all."

"That makes you extra special family." She smiled, "That's why he gave it to me." she smiled and pressed a light kiss to Rachel's lips. Santana started driving, pulling out of the airport and getting on the highway headed towards Lima.

* * *

When they pulled off the highway at the sign marked Lima, Rachel felt an uncomfortable fluttering of anxiety in her stomach. "I wish he lived somewhere else," she murmured, looking out the window, "I hate this town and the way it crushes the souls of everyone in it..."

"He might be temped to move to the south if we tell him how warm it is." She smiled as she reached over to hold Rachel's hand. "I hate it here as much as you do, we just have to do this okay? It's only a few days."

"Ooh, can we try that?" Rachel glanced over at Santana with a hopeful smile, squeezing her lover's hand, "I like the idea of him being around to see his grandson grow up in person instead of via Skype all the time. And if you simply _must_ have your snowy white Christmases," she teased, "there's always vacations to places with _lots_ of snow."

"We can ask.. not like anything is keeping him here." She shrugged, "My daddy likes his job but he doesn't love it... if he could find somewhere closer to Aaron and us? A better job? Maybe he could find a girlfriend or something..." She shrugged, hating that her dad had no one now that she was gone. "I want him to be happy, you know."

"Definitely," Rachel pulled Santana's hand up so she could kiss it. "Also... he was a lot more accepting of the girl who pushed his child into sexual congress that had surprising repercussions than most parents. I," she bit her lip, looking down shyly, her voice softening, "I'm glad he accepted me..."

"He's a good guy." She smiled as she pulled onto the street she grew up on in Lima Heights Adjacent. "He loves you and our son." She said with a yawn. It was only mid afternoon but it had taken forever to get to Lima and Santana hadn't slept much the previous night. She pulled into the driveway and smiled, "We're here." She said as she kissed Rachel, she got out of the car and moved around carefully on the slightly icy driveway to get Aaron out of his seat. "Ready to see _Abuelo_?"

AJ laughed and reached for Santana as she went to unhook him from his carseat, getting a handful of hair and squealing happily. "Maybe we should just stay home tonight," Rachel murmured, smiling at the antics of her fiancee and child as Santana tried to get sticky fingers free without too much damage. "You're tired and it's been a long day already. Honestly, I'd be entirely happy to just curl up on the couch with you and watch your father play with his grandbaby at this point."

Before Santana could even respond Miguel came out of the house in just a tshirt and jeans. "Santana! Rachel!" He smiled as he walked around the car to wrap the smaller of the two girls into a hug, "How was your flight?" He asked as Santana worked on getting the baby out.

Santana giggled softly to her son as she heard her dad's voice. " _Su abuelo es loco_ ," she whispered causing AJ to giggle and let his hands go. She scooped him up, his black onsie jacket holding his little arms hostage as he tried to flail them around. She stood up and looked at her fiancee and her father hugging with a smile and closed the door with her hip. "No hugs for me and _tu nieto_?" she said with a slight pout. "No fair."

"Don't be ridiculous," Miguel laughed, coming over and stealing the baby away, "I always have hugs for _mi nieto bello_. Ah, he's getting so big! You girls make beautiful babies, but I hope you'll wait before giving this little one a sibling," he shot a telling look at Santana.

Rachel laughed at the slightly shocked expression and came over to hug her fiancee. "We're not in any rush," she spoke to Miguel but her eyes were on her lover as she smiled softly, "we've got the rest of our lives after all. Right, Santana?"

"Hey!" She pouted and scuffed her converse into the snow. "We're careful.. I just... you know I didn't think..." She just looked down with a scowl on her face. "fine, Daddy, love the baby and not me... I see how it is."

"No scowling," Rachel murmured, leaning up to kiss Santana softly, "it makes your beautiful face unhappy. He's just giving you a hard time. It was incredibly rare that Aaron was conceived and we _all_ know that, right, Mr. Lopez?" She looked over at him, raising a brow curiously.

Miguel let out a big guffaw, finally coming over to hug his daughter with one arm, the other still wrapped around AJ. "You picked a good one, baby girl. You'd better keep her around to keep you in line."

She nuzzled into her father embrace, smiling softly at the comforting smell of his aftershave and Irish spring soap. She hugged him tightly. She'd missed him every day since they left. He raised her, he was her best friend and she missed him. There were moments when Rachel's depression was at it's worse that had made his absence even more telling. "I missed you, daddy."

He held her close far longer than he'd held Rachel, just breathing in the familiar scent of his child. "I've missed you too, _mija_. So much." He kissed the side of her head. "So much."

Rachel just stood off to the side, feeling slightly sad that there wasn't really anyone who would miss her that much. She sighed softly with a wistful little smile and moved to start getting their luggage from the trunk of the car. Her fathers had made their choice when they put their work above their child, but it didn't mean she didn't wish they'd be just as warm and welcoming with her and her little family as Santana's father.

Santana pulled away and blinked away tears. "Daddy, take Aaron inside and get out of the cold, we'll be in soon," she said sternly before kissing her baby's nose. "His face is cold, now go." Miguel laughed softly and took the baby inside the house. Santana took a breath and gathered herself and headed to the back of the car. She pulled out the baby's suitcase and hers and Rachel's while she struggled with the carry ons, "Thank you for coming home with me."

"Of course," Rachel gasped, finally getting the carry on out before looking up at Santana with a soft smile. "Where else would I go? You're my family, Santana."

Santana put the smaller suitcase on top of the larger one and smiled softly, "I love you." She whispered and pressed a kiss to the girl's lips. She followed Rachel as they headed into the house, they were greeted by the warm sent of a fire in the fireplace, the soft crisp scent of the Christmas tree and the wafting smell of cumin and spices bubbling on the stove. "Dad, did you make that chili vegan?"

"Mmhmm," he smiled as he looked up from where he had AJ laying on his back and giggling so hard he was shaking. "This little boy's got quite the laugh." He beamed as he kissed AJ's face and hands.

"He's got Rachel's big mouth and vocal cords." Santana teased as she put the bags down. "Baby, my dad made vegan chili." she smiled as she took off her coat and hung it up.

Rachel rolled her eyes as she hung her own coat up. "I appreciate the effort, Mr. Lopez, and if your daughter doesn't watch her own big mouth, you'll have far less to worry about regarding the likelihood of a second grandchild."

She gave Santana a telling look with a teasing smirk. They'd gotten to a place where the banter that had given Santana such a bad reputation at McKinley had somehow just become part of how they flirted with each other. She knew her fiancee didn't actually mean anything offensive by the way she threw things out there, so she'd decided not to let it offend her and just play along.

Santana smirked and brought the bags up to the bedroom and then came back down with the diaper bag. "Aaron, show Abuelo how you roll over!" Santana smiled as she took Rachel's hand and moved them to sit on the couch. Santana slipped onto the floor and sat with her back against the couch in between Rachel's legs near her father and son. "Daddy, put him on his back and he will roll over." She smiled proudly.

Rachel relaxed back into the couch as Santana settled in front of her, idly combing her fingers through Santana's hair as Miguel moved AJ onto his back on the floor. "She just wants to brag about how fast her son is developing," she teased. "Were you going to mention how I've caught you _practicing_ with him at all hours, love?"

Once Miguel wasn't holding onto him any more, AJ looked around curiously. Hearing the sound of his mother's voice, he looked towards her, laughing happily and kicking. He leaned over, reaching for his moms with both hands and slowly rolled from his back over onto his tummy with a happy chortle as he found himself closer. He pushed himself up on his chubby little arms, gaping happily at his moms, a thin line of drool oozing down his chin. He reached for Santana with one arm, making happy baby motorboat noises and slightly unsteady with only one arm supporting him.

"There's my brilliant boy." She smiled and wiped his face with her thumb. "Do you wanna crawl to momma?" She asked holding her hands out and making her legs out into a 'v' shape. "Come on, baby, come see me."

Miguel moved to sit next to Rachel on the couch watching his daughter and grandson. "How are you feeling, Rachel?" He asked softly, patting her knee. "Things less overwhelming?"

She shrugged. "Sometimes more, sometimes less. We do have a lot on our plates right now." She looked down at Santana trying to coax their son into a crawl with a fond smile, "But I'm trying to take things one day at a time. I have Santana to help and no child could ask for a better mother than her."

"It's a lot for anyone. I hope you know you can call me anytime you feel like you need to vent at someone whose not Santana..." He said softly, "I know your parents... they haven't been around much from what Santana told me." He smiled when he saw the ring on Rachel's finger, "Plus, we're family now right?" he said with a gentle tap to the top of the ring.

"Almost," Rachel whispered, smiling down at the ring before looking up at him, " _almost_ family. I," her voice softened to try and not let Santana overhear, "I want to ask her too. Girls like to be asked and she shouldn't have to lose the chance to have that because she's with me." She licked her lips, smiling shyly up at the older man, "If... if you don't mind, I truly would like your permission to ask her to marry me and be my wife, Mr Lopez..."

"Of course, Rachel." He beamed, "Santana... she deserves that too and I can think of no better person to be with her forever than you... You love her and care for her despite the fact she's special and because of it." He smiled down at Santana who had moved to lay under the Christmas tree with AJ lying on his back on her stomach and looking up at the lights.

"I love her because she's amazing and a truly beautiful person, inside and out, Mr Lopez," Rachel smiled at her family. "The way I feel has nothing to do with her body." She looked back at Miguel, her eyes serious, feeling defensive of her lover even towards her father, "If her body was as feminine as her internal self or if she was 100% a man, I would still love her just as much. She's special because she's Santana, sir, and there's no one else like her in this entire world, not because of how she happens to be shaped."

"I know that." He smiled at his soon to be daughter in law. "And you have no idea how long I worried that Santana would never find someone who understood that. So thank you for making her feel so loved and loving her so much." He said softly, "I'm more than happy that you two will be married."

Rachel blushed, embarrassed at being so defensive around the one person who understood Santana almost better than the other girl did herself. "I'm sorry, sir. I just," she took a breath, "I love her. I love our son. Sometimes I get incredibly sad but it's never really her fault. She's amazing and a wonderful mother. She's my _family_... she made me understand what that word really means. I... you'll be there, right? When we get married? I don't have anyone to give me to her, but," her lips twitched, "I'd wear a suit and wait at the end of the aisle in a Christian ceremony to see her come down it on your arm in a dress..."

"I will of course give her away to you. Maybe... Aaron can give you away to her, or your dads..." He asked softly, "But I will give her to you. I promise that." Miguel smiled and pressed a kiss to Rachel's head. "Now, hot apple cider or hot cocoa?" He smiled and stood up to go prepare a drink and some snacks.

"I don't think they'll even be there," Rachel whispered almost under her breath, trying to ignore the brief pang that caused as she smiled up at the man, "Cider please. Thank you."

He nodded and quickly headed off into the kitchen.

Santana remained laying on her back gazing up at the twinkling lights with Aaron. She spoke softly in Spanish, her hand around his stomach and one behind her head. She spent most of her Christmas time as a child in the same spot, something about the lights calmed her and made her forget that they wouldn't be going to any family or friends' houses to share the holiday.

Rachel sat on the couch and just watched them quietly for a while. "It's strange," she finally spoke, looking around with a soft smile, "I never really decorated my house for holidays, just lit the menorah. Maybe watched some of the old movies that are always played around now. I... don't really know what to do here with everything so bright and pretty..."

"My dad said Christmas was his favorite. His parents used to make their house all pretty and Sofia came from a big family and Daddy said that they used to go to huge Christmas parties and stuff when they were together and in college," she said, as she turned her head to look at Rachel. "He just wanted to let me experience some of the same stuff that he did."

"I'm glad you had that," Rachel murmured with a soft smile, leaning back in the sofa and trying not to feel out of place in the brightly lit room so very different from how she was used to spending the holidays.

She wasn't sure exactly what she had expected. Maybe a wreath on the door or a tree in the corner like the one they'd decorated once in Glee junior year, but this was far more. Tinsel was strung about - conspicuously out of the reach of grabby baby hands. Garland wound the banister on the stairs. A nativity set sat out on display on the mantle across the room. It was very Christian and for a young Jewish woman who'd mainly raised herself, fairly overwhelming.

"It's not like we had family to go with but yeah we entertained ourselves," she sighed, a slight pain in her heart for a family she knew her dad left behind when he chose to leave his wife. "My dad does not like to be reminded of his family... it hurts too much I think."

"Yeah," Rachel whispered, shrugging her shoulders with a wry smile, "I understand that."

She missed her fathers, missed the happy holidays she only vaguely remembered with the big men. She never had been able to figure out what made them stay away more and more until even her birthday and big performances for Glee were just a card in the mail and maybe, if she was lucky, a good wishes email. Never figured out what she'd done wrong. So she tried not to think about it, but the holidays always made it hard. Thanksgiving. Hanukkah. Even her Papa's beloved Christmas. She had Santana and their son now, but there was still an ache in her heart where her fathers were supposed to be.

"Baby," Santana called out, "come lay with us?" She asked, hearing the pain in her lover's voice.

Rachel looked away from where she'd been staring blankly at the nativity set to meet Santana's gaze. She did her best to smile as she pushed herself to her feet and crossed the room to lay beside Santana. She curled into her side, one arm curled between them, the other resting on their son's chest as he wiggled and reached for the lights, her head on Santana's shoulder. "I'm sorry," she whispered, "I don't want to mess up your enjoyment of the holiday..."

"You're not," she replied. "You could never mess up anything." She wrapped her arm around Rachel and tangled their fingers on AJ's chest. "Holidays are here to make us sad. I figured out that a long time ago... they remind us of people we lost or people who don't like us anymore," She whispered, "Your dads suck for not keeping in touch with you and I hate them for that. They're missing out of knowing this awesome baby we created. I hate Sofia, my mother for hating me and getting the rest of her family to hate me. I hate my grandparents for not being open minded and not loving me and my dad enough to get over it... I hate them all mostly because they'll never get to meet you and see how happy I am and meet our baby."

Rachel just shrugged and cuddled into the embrace. "I guess. I don't want Aaron to feel like that. I want him to be happy. I want him to know he's loved and to have friends to go see. Anyone who doesn't want us," she nodded her head determinedly, trying to cement the belief into her mind, "doesn't deserve to know our son. They're not allowed to make him unhappy."

"Well.. unlike us he has both loving parents, a grandfather who would walk through glass to see him and Tia Quinn and Uncle Puck." She smiled and kissed her girlfriend. AJ reached his arms up and tried to bat the branch just out of his reach.

"And his _Mami_ should remove him from under the tree before he damages his eyes staring at the lights or learns to try and get a hold of it," Rachel leaned in and kissed Santana, raising her brows, "which could be exceedingly bad once he learns to walk. Or would you like to be the one home hearing the crash as he pulls _our_ tree over on top of himself?"

Santana humphed with annoyance and carefully slid them from under the tree. "Fine. I did the same thing and I turned out kinda alright," she pouted, but took him out and into her lap as her father came out with a tray of mugs and cookies.

"One of my patients is a strict vegan too, Rachel, and she gave me this recipe for snickerdoodles." he smiled and put down the tray. He handed Rachel her mug and left Santana's on the table.

"Thank you, Mr Lopez," Rachel murmured, reaching for a cookie to nibble on with a shy smile. She felt like she should be restrained around the man, constantly pulling herself in and trying to prove she was good enough for Santana.

"No problem," he smiled before sitting down next to Santana and taking AJ. "Drink your hot chocolate, San," he said softly as he let the baby play with his fingers. Santana slid over to the tray and dunked her cookie in her cocoa.

"Thanks, dad," she smiled. "He's gonna need a nap soon... Even though he slept the whole way here. He and Rachel were fretting all night."

"Mmhmm, of course," Rachel spoke almost absentmindedly, nibbling on her cookie, " _Aaron_ and I were fretting. Because you're so incredibly cool you don't _need_ to fret and never, _ever_ do..."

"I am too chill to fret." She smirked as she leaned up and kissed her girlfriend. "I love you and I calmed you down for a little while, didn't I?" she teased as she bit her lip.

Rachel blushed and raised a brow. "Do you really want to get into that right now, love? After all, he's not _my_ father and do you _really_ want him knowing details of that nature about us?"

Miguel covered AJ's ears and hummed loudly, "I do not want to know!" He exclaimed, "I do not need to know!" he shook his head and closed his eyes.

Santana just giggled and kissed Rachel's lips softly before sitting back down and drinking her cocoa. "What's new in Lima, dad?"

Rachel laughed softly and moved to sit close to Santana, resting her head on her shoulder as she sipped her cider. "Is anything ever new in Lima? Perhaps it's actually trapped in a time vortex or something."

Miguel chuckled at the fanciful idea. "Well, I suppose it depends on what you girls consider new. There's a couple of new menu items at Breadsticks. It looks like the Fabrays closed up their house and left town once Quinn decided to head south to join you three with the Puckerman boy nipping at her heels."

"Good. I hate them..." Santana scoffed, "Quinn said they went to somewhere in Georgia closer to her sister. She's less than upset about it." She sighed, and rolled her neck. "Our apartment is playing host to Mrs. Puckerman and his sister for the holidays. They got to do the Hanukkah thing with Rachel and Aaron, it was really nice." Santana smiled and looked at her girlfriend, "They're surprisingly happy."

"Sarah and Mrs Puckerman are wonderful. Mrs Puckerman was more than kind enough to have me into her home for Hanukkah on more than one occasion. It's not _my_ fault you cultivated such a promiscuous reputation, Santana," Rachel sniffed, teasing Santana about her "never say no" reputation that she'd managed to never have to act on before Rachel. "They're fond of _me_ after all and Quinn's willingness to attempt to learn our traditions was considered endearing."

"Yeah yeah, Quinn's a bundle of cute." she rolled her eyes, "Q still goes to mass with me on Saturday nights with Aaron so she's still got her Catholic card." Santana smiled, "Daddy, my church asked if Aaron could play baby Jesus." She smiled proudly and took a sip of her drink, "They were sad when I sad he was going to visit _Abuelito_ in LIma."

"I am sure he would be a perfect little Jesus," Miguel smiled at the boy, wiggling his hands back and forth as the baby laughed. "You take him to church?" He smiled brightly, looking between the girls.

"Of course," Rachel nodded, "he's a child of two faiths, so he should be exposed to two faiths. When he's old enough, he can decide which one he wishes to be part of in his adult life."

"He goes to temple with Puck and Rachel and Church with me..." She shrugged, "More religion is better than none I guess... I mean I have a pretty liberal church that doesn't wanna burn me in hell but... I mean we talked about it and decided it was best." She looked over at her son who was looking around and not paying attention.

"That's remarkably mature for teenagers such as yourself," Miguel pointed out, bouncing the boy slightly as he sipped his cocoa.

"We both do what we always have, daddy. Just with the baby now." She shrugged, "Rachel got like straight A's at school last semester!" She beamed proudly, "She's brilliant and I got Andre to let us sing at the club and Rachel does really good."

"Santana," Rachel chided softly, uncomfortable with being lauded for her academic achievements. "She's doing just as well as I am and working almost full time on top of it. I honestly don't know how she does it."

"Because I take two intro classes and cheerlead." Santana rolled her eyes, "I'm getting good enough grades to keep my scholarship... and the club is good... we only really are open Thursday, friday and Saturday so it's not that bad." She finished her cup and moved so she could rest her head on Rachel's knee. "Rachel's doing awesome, she's gonna try out for the musical in a few weeks."

"I don't know about that," Rachel murmured. Santana had been pushing her to try out but she wasn't sure she wanted to be away from AJ for the amount of time a play would demand of her. Maybe next year when he was a little older and Santana could bring him to rehearsals when she had time off work, but not now.

Santana sighed, hearing Rachel decline again. She hated that she was holding her girlfriend back in anyway. "Okay," she looked down and played with her hands.

Rachel rolled her eyes. "Santana, honestly. I have _years_ to prove myself at a collegaic level. Right now, our son is at his most rapid stages of development and I want to be here to see his milestones. He'll likely be our only child, so I likely only have one chance to experience his first steps, first words and I want so very much to experience them."

"I don't like holding you back," she said softly as she looked over at her son. It was times like this that Santana knew that no matter how much they loved their son he was still an accident that would screw up Rachel's life. She didn't like the idea of Rachel putting off any of her dreams. "But do what you want."

Rachel combed her fingers through Santana's hair. "You're not holding me back. I'm frightfully raw for performances at this level anyway. I'd rather take my time and be truly prepared for my first go at a college level tryout than try too early and fail. I'm just a freshman and at the rate we're taking courses, I'll have at least a couple of years to get my feet under me and try out for things."

AJ started fussing and Santana got up. "I'm gonna go change him and give him a bottle before he naps." She picked him up and carried him upstairs to her old bedroom. She changed his diaper and cuddled him in a blanket as he drank his bottle lying in her arms.

"I love you, Aaron..." She whispered, "I just... I'm scared I screwed everything up. That your mommy and I screwed up having you." She blinked away tears, not really knowing why she was crying. She was tired and stressed out by being back in Lima and all of her feelings were seeping through.

Back downstairs, Rachel just sighed softly and turned back to her cider. "I wish I knew how to make her believe that her and Aaron don't hold me back." She sipped at her cider, picking up a second cookie to nibble on. "They don't hold me back, they make me want to try harder and do even better than my best." She glanced up at Miguel with a wistful shrug, "I want to win my EGOT even more now that I know I have them behind me too."

"Santana has an unhealthy amount of guilt that she feels responsible for." He sighed, "She thinks that she made you give up your dreams and screwed everything up with your future. She thinks she ruined my marriage and my life by choosing to raise her as who she is..." He sipped his own drink, "I believe that you will do great things, and I know Santana wants the world for you."

"That's stupid," Rachel scoffed, proving for all her maturity, she was still a teenager in a lot of ways. "I didn't give up anything for her. I have a _family_ now because of her. I have a _reason_ beyond my own selfish need to be recognized as being worth something to succeed now. I have someone to look for in the audience and that makes it all worth it."

"Somewhere in that thick head of hers Santana knows that." he smiled, "why don't you go put Aaron to bed and take a nap with her then we can all have some dinner?"

Rachel smiled tiredly, leaning forward to set her mug on the coffee table. "That sounds like a lovely idea, Mr Lopez. Maybe I can cheer her up a little before dinner too."

Leaning over to give the man a shy hug, she got to her feet and made her way upstairs to tap on the door to Santana's old room. "Can I come in or do you need more time with just you and Aaron?" she smiled softly, leaning against the door frame.

Santana looked up from the book she was reading to AJ. "Nope, were cool... He's gonna crash soon." she said pressing a kiss to his head of curly hair. "I'm sorry I was being weird..."

Rachel moved over and slipped the sleepy boy from his mami's arms, kissing his head and walking him around a bit as she talked to Santana. "It's okay. It's this town. It's bad for us. You're just stressed out. Your dad suggested we take a nap before dinner."

"Maybe yeah. Lima is kinda a black fucking hole..." she sighed, rolling onto her side so she could watch Rachel. She pulled her messy bun out of her hair and ran her fingers through the locks that seemed to never end. "Maybe sleeping for the best."

As AJ dropped off, limbs going limp against his mother as she kept pacing. "How about instead I spend some time pampering my beautiful lover and helping her relax? If you want to sleep afterwards," she smiled over the baby's shoulder at Santana, "that can be arranged."

"You might be a sex addict," Santana smiled softly, "or I just think everything you say sounds dirty." she chuckled softly before getting up and unfolding the travel crib her dad had bought.

Rachel laughed softly, settling AJ into the crib once Santana had it set up. "If I'm an addict," she leaned up and kissed her fianc? softly, "then it's just of you. I was actually thinking of brushing your hair out and then perhaps a good rub down of your back. But if you _need_ something more," she trailed her hand down Santana's chest lightly, "and can stay quiet, I'm sure I could think of something to assist you."

"I can be quiet," Santana stated as she looked up at her girlfriend. "I know I'll actually sleep if you let me come," she explained, unlike the previous night in which Santana solely focused on Rachel and never sought her release.

"I want to kiss you," she whispered, fingers easing down Santana's shirt and easing it open as she made her way down to her pants. "This is not about me. Just my beautiful girlfriend and fianc?. I just want to touch you," lithe fingers undid Santana's pants and eased them over her slim hips before pushing her gently back towards the bed Santana's father had gotten to replace the bed they'd taken to New Orleans with them. "Is that okay? If I just touch you?"

Santana simply nodded as she watched her lover. Her hand came up to tangle in Rachel's hair as her body broke out into shivers. "Please."

Rachel stretched out beside her on the bed, tracing her jaw with her lips as she slid her hand into Santana's special boxers and started stroking her hand over the girl's member like it was a pubic mound. "I love touching you, Santana. Have I ever told you that?" Her fingers slipped down to tease the hardening shaft's tip before sliding back up, her palm slick against the smooth veined skin. "You get so wet for me and your nipples are so hard," she nipped down to swirl her tongue around a stiff peak through her bra, "so tempting. I just want to take them into my mouth and suckle."

Santana whimpered biting her lip to keep from talking or making noise that might wake their son up. She looked at Rachel with a smoldering gaze. "Please," she whispered.

She didn't answer verbally, sliding up along Santana's body to capture her lips with hers and swallow the soft sounds coming from her lover as she slid her fingers around her member. She squeezed almost gently at the base Santana's erection, wringing upwards with a twist of her wrist to the head where she teased the tip with her thumb for a moment before sliding back down to repeat the motion, the movements almost awkward under the cover of her lover's underwear. Her lips moved against her lover's, tongue slipping out to part full lips and explore before pulling away again.

"You have to stay quiet," she whispered, continuing to stroke her lover as her lips caressed down her throat to the pulse throbbing just under the skin. "Don't want to wake Aaron or let your father catch us..."

Santana's hips thrust with Rachel's hand, her breath was shallow and high pitched as she struggled to hold back a moan. She brought one of her hands up to cover her eyes and the other to tangle in Rachel's hair. As much as she usually hated stimulation like that, her body couldn't deny it felt amazing when Rachel touched her.

"I love you," Rachel whispered, her breath hot over Santana's ear as she touched her. "You're my beautiful, amazing girlfriend. You're the woman I love and the one I want to spend the rest of my life with." Her lips moved down to brush Santana's pulse point, teeth nipping gently. "I love touching you, stroking your clit, feeling how wet you get for me. I love _you_ , Santana."

Santana let out a tiny groan and pulled Rachel closer so she could kiss her hard, she kept the severity and force for her lover until she felt herself near release. "Gonna.." She panted as she pulled away from her girl's lips.

Rachel smiled down at her, whispering "Come for me then." She leaned back in, capturing Santana's lips with hers, kissing her hard as she picked up the speed of her stroking.

After a minute or two her hips shook and her mouth fell into a silent moan. Her body tensed as her essence spilled over Rachel's hand. She let out a weak gasp and fell back against the bed. Rachel laid still on top of her for a moment, just kissing her gently and holding her loosely. Eventually she slipped her covered hand free of her lover's underwear and licked it clean with a pleased smile.

"You always taste amazing," she whispered, leaning in to kiss her. "Want me to clean you up or just find you a change of underwear?"

"I think maybe I'll just grab a quick shower..." she said softly as she kissed her girlfriend. "New clothing and everything will be clean and whatever." She smiled and stood up on shaky legs. She pulled off her top and pushed down the rest of her pants before grabbing her towel and heading into the ensuite.

"Not fair," Rachel groaned softly, watching her lover head into the bathroom. She flopped back on the bed, letting her head roll until she could see AJ burbling in his crib, waking up from his brief nap to wriggle on the mattress of the crib. "You are so loved, little man," she whispered with a smile. "We're going to do everything to make sure you are more loved than we ever were growing up."

AJ stretched his arms up, not paying attention to anything more than his stretching and new found limb freedom. His mom just laid there on the bed, her body turning towards him as she watched her child move with a soft smile. It still amazed her sometimes to see him, to know that she'd created that little life with the woman in the bathroom.

There were still times, like now, where she just wanted to lay there and watch him, learning new things about her son with every moment. She didn't have time for a new production right now. She was too busy with this one and she didn't regret it. Regretted the missing sleep sometimes and worried about the future lots of times, but, watching their son learn about the world around him and knowing her lover was just in the other room, she couldn't bring herself to regret it.

AJ kicked his legs out with a rush of air from his mouth, he managed to curl his legs up to his chest and roll around slightly. The water in the bathroom turned off and Santana reentered the bedroom in a towel. She quickly got dressed and smiled at him, "The boy's refusing to sleep... Wanna see if he wants to cuddle with his moms?"

"Absolutely," Rachel smiled, pushing the covers back and sliding in to wait for her fiancee and son. "I hope we didn't wake him," she teased, holding the covers up for Santana to come in.

Santana picked him up and kissed his face and smiled when he hugged around her neck. She carefully slid into the bed and lay down with him snuggled into her chest. "He normally cries when we wake him up, I think he just wanted cuddle times." She smiled and waited for Rachel to wrap her arms around her.

Rachel settled the covers around them and wrapped her arms around her son and lover, one leg shifting to slide over the girl's hip as she cuddled in close. "That could be. I think he gets that from both of us, don't you think? The urge to cuddle with the people he loves."

"Maybe. Or he's just a attention whore," she smiled and kissed his cheeks. "But he's so warm and cuddly all the time I love it." She smiled and held them both. "We should get some rest." She yawned as she started to drift off.

Rachel sighed softly with a little smile, resting her head on Santana's shoulder near their son lying on the girl's chest. Her fingers drifted gently down AJ's back until the boy slipped into sleep. Satisfied, she let go of her own hold on consciousness and dropped off herself, snuggled into Santana's side, an arm around her and their son.


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter 26**

At fifteen minutes after midnight on Christmas Eve, Rachel found herself looking at the clock in the living room at a loss for what to do. Miguel and Santana had wanted to take AJ to his first ever Midnight Mass, and she didn't have the heart to deny them the pleasure, nor did she want to deny her son any exposure to the traditions of his mami's faith. But it had left her sitting alone in the brightly decorated house as Christmas Eve slid into Christmas Day.

She'd already slipped the neatly wrapped little box into the stocking for Santana as well as small gifts for Miguel and AJ that she'd picked up down in New Orleans. The gift for Santana was the one she was most nervous about though and she could only wait anxiously until the girl opened it to see her reaction. But now that it was wrapped and put into the stocking, all she could do was sit and stare at the tree as she waited for her family to come home.

Staring at the tree though made her remember the first year her fathers hadn't managed to come home for the holiday. She'd been thirteen and still pretty small. Smaller than she was now anyway. She'd tried to keep the traditions of her previous thirteen years and set up the tree, so she'd dragged the box out of the the basement and tried to put it together.

For the most part it had gone well. It was a fairly simple operation to put the paint dipped metal ends into the color coordinated holes on the green dowel rod after all. And she'd had the idea to put it together on the ground and then push it up into place when she realized she wouldn't be tall enough to get all the branches in the top. In the end, she was scratched and far dirtier than she liked, but there was a bushy green tree in the corner of the room and she felt entirely proud of herself even if some of the branches were bending off in strange directions leaving big gaps here and there.

But a Christmas tree had lights and garland and ornaments so she treked back into the basement to find the boxes of decorations and haul them upstairs. It took several trips - one involving physically shoving the oversized Rubbermaid tote up the stairs as she walked up backwards with it leaning on her shoulders - but she got everything up there. The lights were a pain until she figured out that she could hook one end of the strings to the top of the tree and then spin it down to get them more or less on. The same with the garland. She hadn't even needed a stepstool, just leaning the tree back over each time.

But the ornaments were a different story. They hand to be hung individually. All _over_ the tree. And the tree was more than a foot taller than the little girl. She'd worried until she thought to get a chair to help her reach. She was so thrilled that she hadn't even thought that the desk chair from her father's study was so easy to get into the room despite being heavy because it was on wheels.

Things had almost worked though. Almost. She'd gotten many of the decorations on the tree and was standing on the chair, stretching to reach up and put the pretty angel on the top when her luck ran out. The chair rolled, shooting out from under her and she'd grabbed frantically for the tree to break her fall. But the tree wasn't strong enough to hold her even small as she was and it had teetered before crashing to the ground on top of her, ornaments smashing and tumbling about the room.

She'd lain there for a few minutes stunned and hurt, a small cut from one of the ornaments bleeding on her cheek and stinging from tears, but she didn't cry out, still trying to save her voice even unconsciously. After a while she realized no one would be coming to help her and shakily pushed the ruined tree off of her, getting her trembling legs under her and pushing to her feet. The floor was covered in broken glass and china and she tried to be careful, but she still stepped on a few pieces as she made her way to the bathroom to clean up.

It had been a disaster, only a small box of ornaments had managed to be salvaged and she'd been yelled at for the first time when her fathers came home from that business trip to find out many old family heirlooms had been destroyed. They'd never come home for another holiday after that and she hadn't even tried to decorate for Christmas again. But she'd loved the ornaments she'd managed to save and as she sat in the Lopez living room and looked at Miguel's tree she became determined to get it for her home. She knew Santana loved Christmas from how she acted and she was fairly certain with her lover's help, it wouldn't be another disaster and she wanted those ornaments.

Nodding her head decidedly, she sent Santana a quick text and bundled up against the cold before heading out to walk the two miles to her old home and get the box out of the basement.

* * *

Santana was bouncing her son on her knee as the choir sang. She had dressed him up in a burgundy polo, black pants and a little bowtie, her baby bag next to her protecting him from the grabby hands of old church ladies. Many of the women who she grew up around smiled and took turns trying to hold the beautiful boy and commenting on how much he looked like his mother.

She felt the side of her dress vibrate she carefully slid her hand into her pocket and looked at her phone. Rachel was letting her know she was going to her parents' place to grab some stuff. Santana almost immediately knew this would not end well, she carefully looked over her shoulder at the older African-American man sitting a few pews behind her with another man. She swore under her breath and looked at her dad. She quickly texted Rachel back.

**Hey, Baby... I think your dads are in town...**

* * *

Rachel didn't get the text.

It was cold, so she'd opted to keep her hands in her pockets, fingers curled around the key she'd kept to her fathers' front door instead of checking her phone when she felt it go off. It hadn't taken any longer to walk the two miles than it ever had, but after six months in much warmer weather, it certainly _felt_ longer. But when she turned the final corner onto the street where she'd used to live, she'd suddenly wished she'd stopped to check her phone.

The house was lit up.

Bright white icicle lights were strung along the gutter line and colored chasers framed each window and door. There were brightly lit plastic ornaments in the yard. It was the kind of gaudily overblown sort of decorations she remembered from when she was a tiny child.

Her fathers were home. For the first time in nearly seven years, they were actually _home_ for the holidays. They'd come home.

For the first holidays she wouldn't be there.

Rachel stood there on the sidewalk, frozen in place by more than the single digit temperatures and cold breeze. All she could do was stare at the house in disbelief. It was true. She finally realized it as the tears began to streak her face. Everything she'd been afraid of was true.

Her fathers had stayed away because of her.

It was everything she could do not to break down in tears on the sidewalk. She hadn't wanted it to be true. She'd wanted it to just be business. But she couldn't deny the fact when it was shoved in her face. She could only stare at the house and cry because her fathers - the two men who meant more to her than anything for the vast majority of her life, her _only_ family beyond Santana and AJ - hated her so much they'd waited until she wasn't there to come home for the holidays.

* * *

When Santana didn't hear back from Rachel she started to get worried. "Daddy, I need to go pick up Rachel. Can you brings Aaron home?" He nodded worriedly and took the baby from her.

Santana gave AJ a quick kiss and grabbed her keys and hurried out of the church. She drove as quick as the snow and ice on the roads would let her, pulling into Rachel's fathers' driveway and seeing her lover shivering in front of the brightly decorated house. Once she threw the car in park she got out and rushed over to her girlfriend. "Baby..."

Rachel was so cold she could barely turn to look at Santana. She looked completely desolate, like everything she'd ever believed had been ripped away. "T-they h-hate me," she whispered, her teeth chattering with the cold, but she still made no effort to warm herself. "T-they w-waited un-until I was g- _gone_..."

Santana quickly took off her black wool jacket and wrapped it around Rachel's body and escorted her to the car and helped her inside. She quickly turned it back on and blasted the heat before taking Rachel's hands and pressing kisses to them. "Maybe... maybe they just had the holiday off," she whispered hoping it was true. She leaned closer and brushed the snow off of the girl's head. "How could they ever hate you? You're amazing."

Rachel shook her head, miserable. "No... t-they haven't," she shivered, "haven't had the h-holiday off since I was twelve. T-then I... I messed up the t-tree when I... when I was th-thirteen." She shrugged, still staring out of the window at the brightly decorated house, "I d-don't know wh-why they even h-had me..."

"God gave you to them so you could find me and Aaron, right?" she whispered. "That's what you tell me... please believe me that they fucked up and don't deserve you," she stated. "Lets go home okay? See our baby?"

Rachel just shrugged and nodded slowly, leaning against the cold window and staring out it. "Okay," she finally whispered, her fingers dragging down the glass, "I d-don't belong here anyway..."

Santana leaned over and took Rachel's hand and kept it tightly grasped in hers. She carefully drove back to her dad's house, parking before coming over and practically carrying her out of the car. She brought her up to the bedroom, noticing that her dad was yet to come home and laid her on the bed. She sat next to her and stroked her girlfriend's face.

"You're the most amazing, beautiful person I've ever met." She whispered, "I think that maybe they made a mistake, but I don't think they avoided you."

Rachel just curled into a ball on the bed. "They have a funny way of showing it," she whispered, miserably.

"Honestly, they suck," Santana whispered, pressing light kisses to her woman's neck. "I love you and I want you to be happy but I know how hard and hurtful this is... can I do anything? I'll do anything I promise."

"Can you make my parents love me?" Rachel whispered brokenly, feeling the tears starting to come again. "Can you make my mother want me? Can you make any of the people who were suppose to want me care for me at all?"

"I can't make them love you... but I can make sure you feel more love than you ever knew possible for the rest of your life," She said sadly, "I'm sorry I can't make them better..."

"No one can," Rachel whispered, laughing unhappily. "I'm an orphan and I didn't even know it. How could I have been so naive and stupid, Santana? I should have known the first time they didn't come home for my birthday or even call. When telling them about my boyfriends coming over didn't phase them. I," her voice cracked, "I thought they _loved_ me! I didn't know _anything_!"

"Rachel... I can't tell you anything that's going to make you feel better. I don't know why some parents just decide to dislike their children, or why families sometimes suck super hard." She sighed and rubbed her back, "But, you know that you're loved. I love you, our son loves you and my dad loves you. If you want you have our family... I know it's not a replacement for them.. but it's the only thing I have to give."

"You're all I have," Rachel whispered finally rolling over and reaching for Santana, "you and AJ... please, _please_ don't ever leave me..."

"I never will. We will love you forever okay?" She whispered running her fingers through her hair. "Baby, you're freezing... my dad has the baby do you want to take a bubble bath and I'll keep you company?"

She sighed softly and leaned into Santana, "Please? I just... I don't want to be alone for a while."

"I'm not going anywhere," she whispered, scooping Rachel up and kissing her temple before walking them into the bathroom. She carefully settled her down and started running the bath with some of the baby bubbles before moving to help the girl undress. She got her stripped and into the hot water. "There you go."

Rachel shivered as the hot water hit her cold skin, sending a ripple of prickling fire across her body. She rubbed her arms and legs as the feeling came back to numb limbs. "I didn't know I was so cold," she whispered, staring down at the water.

"You felt like an ice cube," Santana said as she knelt down next to the claw foot tub, grabbing the body puff and put body wash on it and started working on the girl's legs and washing her softly. "I love you, Rachel. I'm sorry you're so hurt and I wish I could do something to make it better."

"So do I," she sighed, shrugging and leaning back against the edge of the tub. She laid limp, just letting Santana do whatever she wanted with her. "It just hurts so much to finally have to accept it." She sniffled, "I always just thought they _couldn't_ come home, you know? That it wasn't me..."

"Maybe it was... but they don't deserve you, Rachel. No matter what... they don't deserve how amazing you are and how loving you are," she sniffled, trying to keep her emotions at bay.

Rachel rolled her head to look at Santana, reaching up to brush at her cheek. "It's okay to be sad, Santana. I'm sad too." She looked at her for a moment, then shifted in the tub, "Come in with me? I," she smiled sadly, holding her arms out, "I just want to feel something besides hurt..."

Santana nodded and quickly pulled off her dress and under garmets. She looked in the mirror and pulled her slightly curled hair into a a messy bun on top of her head and slid in the tub behind Rachel and wrapped her arms around the girl's middle. After a few minutes of silence, Santana sighed and simply remarked, "I should get my hair cut..."

"Why?" Rachel rolled her head where it laid against Santana's chest so she could look up at her, "I like it long. You look so beautiful and I _really_ like running my fingers through it." She recognized the attempt for what it was and appreciated it, smiling softly up at her lover.

"It's really long," Santana said softly. "Maybe I'll just trim it so it's at my boobs like it was before we graduated, it's like down to my ass right now," she said softly, as she pressed a kiss to Rachel's crown.

"I know. More to hold onto," Rachel offered, with a slight teasing lilt to her voice. "But if you want it shorter, it's your decision." She nibbled her lip, considering something that she'd been thinking about asking but not having the courage to. Now though, it seemed like she had nothing else to lose by asking, "Santana, would you... could I ask you a question?"

"Maybe, I just cut it back to my boobs or something... more manageable," she shrugged and rested her hands on Rachel's stomach. "Sure, you can ask my anything you know that."

Rachel took at deep breath, "I was... wondering, um... when we have sex if you," she chewed on her lip, fidgeting slightly against Santana, "or well, if _I_ could, maybe," she swallowed, nervousness pushing back the sadness of earlier enough where she could manage it, "penetrate you? Um... anally, but I just... I really want to be inside you sometimes. If... if it'll make you more comfortable, you can to me... I don't mind. I trust you."

"Um... you.. you want that?" she asked softly, her fingers dipping into Rachel's bellybutton as she rested her hand on her flat stomach. "I mean... if that's what you want we.. we can try it," she whispered as she blushed into her girlfriend's neck. "I'll try anything with you."

"I just... want to be the one to take _you_ sometimes," Rachel blushed, shoving the hurt from her fathers' rejection down further with each word. "If you want to with me, you can. Just... be slow please? So I can adjust?"

Santana kissed Rachel's shoulder. "Can you do the same with me?" she asked softly. "I've only been like that once and it hurt and I didn't enjoy it so much... I just kinda don't wanna feel like a fag you know?" she said in a whisper, her own gender and sexuality being in question in her mind.

"Santana, I'm fairly sure having your girlfriend finger your ass doesn't make you a _fag_ \- and that is a _terrible_ word besides," Rachel rolled her eyes, leaning back for a kiss. "I'm pretty sure that doing anything with me doesn't change you from being my beautiful girlfriend. I don't like labels but if you insist on them, you're more of a lesbian than anything, Santana, and I'll always be slow and gentle if that's what you need."

"When you say it like that it just sounds so sexy," she chuckled softly, "But yeah we can try it."

Rachel smiled lopsidedly, "Cool." She slid around in the tub until she managed to get her knees on either side of Santana's hips, their bodies facing each other. "I love you, you know. All of me loves you. All of you. You and Aaron are all I have, Santana." She searched her eyes, "I need you to know that. I need you to know that if I didn't have you and him, I don't know if I'd even be here to achieve my dreams. I need you to be in the audience cheering for me when I'm performing almost as much as I'll need to see you smiling at me when I go up to get my awards if I want to be able to calm down and remember my lines."

"You can't hold me back," she whispered, begging Santana to see the truth of her words in her eyes, "because everything, _everything_ I do from now is for you and Aaron. Every success, every award or interview. _You_ are my inspiration." She leaned forward and kissed her softly.

Santana smiled into the kiss, her arms coming up to rest on Rachel's hips. "I love you and I will be there for you every step of the way, I promise," she whispered and kissed her again.

"Just like I'll be there every step of the way to where _you_ decide you want to be. Whatever it is, I'm beside you," Rachel whispered, leaning down to slide her lips and tongue over Santana's throat, her body held only barely off of Santana's at their laps.

Santana whimpered as she reached between them and slid her hand over Rachel's core. "Want me to distract you baby?" She softly asked as she tenderly stroked her girlfriend.

Rachel whimpered as Santana put her finger on exactly what she wanted. "Please," she begged softly, "I'll do anything... I just want to think about you."

Santana nodded and gently stroked her girlfriend's core before she slipped two fingers inside her. She pumped slowly before moving her fingers out of her pussy to fill her lover's second opening with a single finger. She gently stroked her clit with her other thumb as she let her lover get used to being filled.

She moaned softly, biting her lip and pressing her face into Santana's shoulder as the strange sensation of her ass being stretched made her feel full in a way very different from when the same fingers were pumping into her core. She let her teeth sink almost gently into Santana's shoulders as she made herself relax and accept the feeling. It helped that the other girl had never stopped the gentle rubbing of her clit as she filled her. "Oh my god," she hissed into tanned skin, tentatively attempting a rock against the fingers spreading her.

After a few minutes, Santana took advantage of the water and slid her dick up and rubbed it over the girl's puckered hole. She removed her fingers and let her head push against the stretched muscle. She gasped when her head got enveloped and she pushed in slightly deeper.

Rachel whimpered, her body trying to push out the invader, only making it easier for Santana to slide in deeper. "S-so big," she whispered. She dragged her head up to look at Santana as the girl filled her, "You're the only one that completes me. The o-only," she slid a little further down on Santana's shaft, "only one who makes me feel so amazing."

Santana's mouth dropped open, "F-fuck." she grunted as she thrust up and worked to fit her whole member inside Rachel's ass. "So... tight... can't.. can't move." she whimpered, her hands pushing Rachel up so she was in more control of how much of her dick went into her.

Her ass tightened with every movement as Rachel shifted her weight above Santana, working to get more of her inside. "S-santana," she moaned, the water sloshing around them as she slowly slid down inch by inch until she could feel the soft hardness of the girl's balls pressing against the curve of her ass. "I-inside... your fingers... please," she dragged her eyes open and looked at Santana, spreading her thighs as much as she could in the narrow space of the tub to give the girl better access to the hot core pressed against her lower abdomen as she sheathed her rigid member in her ass. "Fill me. A-all of me..."

Santana quickly slid her fingers inside Rachel's cunt. "I.. I can feel myself in you." she whispered as she started pumping quickly as she started quickly slamming her fingers inside the girl.

Rachel arched her back, her breasts pointing at the ceiling as she rode her lover. "Oh God!" her voice was louder than usual, dragged from her from the intense feelings of being filled from both ends. "M-more, Santana," she hissed, thighs flexing as she pushed her self up and down. " _Fuck_ me! I want to be sore until we go home! I want to feel you even when you're across the room and remember being connected to you like this!"

Santana started pumping her dick faster, almost breathless with exertion. She started to push three fingers inside, pumping in when her dick pumped out and kept going hard. "Fuck!" She nearly screamed when she felt Rachel's walls clamp down.

Water splashed over the side of the tub with the force of their movements. Rachel could feel her body stretching with a dull soreness that she knew would be far more intense when the endorphin high she was riding to her climax wore off but she didn't care. As long as she was with Santana like this, she didn't have to think about her fathers or how so many things she'd believed about her childhood were lies.

She bit her lip nearly to bleeding as her body clenched hard, walls rippling almost painfully tight against the fingers buried in her as she arched back, hands white knuckled on the rim of the tub. "S-Santana," she gasped, the words dying into a thready whine as her breath gave up with the force of her orgasm.

Santana came as soon as she felt Rachel's body find release. She came hard and let her dick slid out of Rachel's ass as she watched her cum drip out of her girlfriend and into the water. Her fingers slowed and she fell back exhausted against the tub. "Holy god," she whimpered as she let her limbs limply hang in the water.

Rachel slumped against Santana, her cheek pressing against her shoulder. "Ow," she chuckled softly, pleasantly sore for the moment but aware of how much that pleasant feeling would wear off soon enough. "Merry Christmas, Santana," she whispered after a moment of just panting for breath, leaning up to kiss her softly.

"I didn't mean to hurt you," Santana whimpered as she kicked the plug in the tub and drained some of the water. "I can't feel my limbs or hips," she said softly. "Is your ass gonna be okay?"

"Good hurt," she whispered, smiling at Santana, "very good hurt. I'm okay, though I'm afraid I may be engaging in a more awkward manner of walking for at least a couple of days. I'm going to remember this. Are you okay?"

"Yeah," she said softly, "I love being with you... but I don't think I can do that again anytime soon." She looked away, "It makes me feel like too much of a boy." She looked down, "I love you and I want you to be happy, but... I don't think I can do this..."

"Santana, I honestly don't think I could let that happen any time soon." Rachel admitted with a sheepish smile, "I'm going to be sore for a while. Can we just..." she swallowed, smiling shyly, "just fingers for a while? Or like," she blushed, "your mouth? Like other girls? I'll take care of you in other ways. I just want to be with you just like girls for the next few times. I like it and you're really good at it... Is that okay?"

"I'm more than okay with it," she whispered and struggled to help them both get out of the tub. She wrapped a towel around herself and Rachel before heading back into the bedroom. "Get some pajamas on and get to bed I'm gonna clean up the bathroom and go make sure daddy brought Aaron home from the church ladies who wanted to eat him."

"Let me," Rachel murmured with a lopsided smile. "I'm just realizing how much I asked you for - far more than I expected and...I kinda want to be the one to crawl into bed with my girlfriend waiting for me to cuddle for once." She leaned up and kissed Santana. "Besides, I think you worked harder than me this time."

"I need to go put my dad's presents under the tree and _Santa's_ gifts for you and Aaron," she said softly as she pulled on sleep pants and a long sleeve shirt. She carefully grabbed the duffel bag from the table and she slipped down stairs. Her father was sitting on the couch in the dark with only the Christmas tree lights lighting him and his grandson.

"Hello, _mija_." He said softly as she looked up from the tree.

"Oh god, Daddy," she clutched her chest when she heard his voice. "You're home."

"Yep," he smirked, as he looked up, "Is Rachel cleaning up the bathroom?"

"Oh god!" She blushed, "I didn't think you were home!" She put the wrapped gifts under the tree, "I'm sorry!"

"Whatever, San, I lived with you and Rachel for half a year... I'm kinda used to it." He rolled his eyes and stood up, "Aaron took a bottle and I changed him when we got back so he should be good for the night." He stated when Santana stood up and took him in her arms. "You doing okay, baby girl?" he asked as he noticed the worry lines in his daughters forehead.

"I'm okay, Daddy," she sighed and gave him a hug before cradling her son. "Merry Christmas," she whispered before heading back to Rachel. She came into the room and brought the baby to Rachel's face for her to kiss goodnight. "Say goodnight to the baby."

Rachel laughed softly and kissed his cheek, "Good night, Aaron, though something tells me your mami is going to want to cuddle her boy for a while." She looked up at Santana from where she was mopping up the water, "How about until I finish cleaning up in here? Your dad was home the whole time, wasn't he." She blushed, assuming it from something in Santana's body language.

"Don't ask," she rolled her eyes and moved to lay down and cuddle her son close her her chest. She sighed softly as she watched him fall asleep in her arms with a soft yawn. She closed her eyes and kept one arm around him with a sigh as she drifted off.

Rachel finished cleaning up the bathroom and peeked in to see Santana asleep with AJ curled on her chest. She smiled softly as she watched them sleep for a moment, "He really does look like her son." Shaking her head quietly, she slipped out of the room and down the stairs pulling her robe on as she went.

She found Miguel in the kitchen drinking tea. "Hi," she spoke softly to avoid having her voice carry upstairs and wake her family. "I think I owe you an apology. I'm very sorry we were so loud, Mr Lopez."

He shook his head. "You're young and in love," he laughed softly. "I was worried that she'd never be happy or find someone to be intimate with or even that the hormones would hurt her sex drive. I'm glad to know she's a normal teen, honestly." he shrugged as he sipped his drink.

Rachel sat down in the chair across from him. "It's hard sometimes, but we manage. She tries to make me happy. Too hard sometimes."

"That sounds like my daughter," He sighed, "She tries too hard to pretend she's normal and everything is under control." He ran his hand over his face.

"Don't get me wrong, I love her for trying, but she doesn't always understand that I'd love her just as much for telling me she isn't comfortable wish something," Rachel smiled softly, glancing towards the stairs. "I'd give anything to make her even half as happy as she does me. We didn't always get along, but I'm so glad she gave me the chance to be with her."

"She loves you and she likes herself a lot more now then she ever did before." He smiled, "Part of me thinks maybe the surgery would have made her happier... but then the rest knows there would have been something else to remind her of the bad stuff. Rachel, I know your family is not the best and neither is Santana's... but I love you both and your son and I want to make sure you both are healthy, happy and loved."

"Thank you, but I don't have a family, sir," Rachel spoke quietly and calmly, her emotions about it locked away until she was away from Lima again and could just curl up in Santana's arms and cry her grief away, "I'm an orphan. Your daughter and our son is all I have for a family. They're all I need."

"Oh... kay," he nodded slowly. "Well... you have a father-in-law too I hope," he smiled and looked at her. "You are spectacular and make my kid happy. I couldn't wish for anything else. Well, maybe that you weren't so far away," he shrugged, hating to admit how lonely he was in Lima now that Santana had left and he had no real friends to speak of to take her place.

"I wish we weren't so far too. You're the only grandparent Aaron has and it's terribly important to me that he knows you." Rachel reached across the table and covered one of the man's hands, "Lima is just...bad for us. It has far too many bad memories for us to be happy here. You're the only reason we came back to visit."

"Maybe I'll look into relocating closer... I have nothing that ties me here, not like I have friends or a wife here. I can find another job... but I'm sure you don't want an old dude around all the time." he smiled softly, being only in his early 40's he knew starting fresh wouldn't be hard.

"Don't be silly," Rachel smiled at him, "we'd love having you closer. I know Santana misses you terribly and I rather miss our weekly dinners as well. Noah and Quinn join us for some meals, but it's not the same."

"I miss all of you, but Santana has been my whole world every day of the last eighteen years and I miss her so much it hurts." He smiled sadly, "How about I think about it and I'll let you know?" he put his cup in the sink, "Alright, you, get to bed or Santa won't come." He kissed her head and headed to his bedroom.

"I'm Jewish, sir. I don't believe in Santa," she murmured with a smile as she got up and headed up the stairs. She paused in the door, smiling at her son and the woman she hoped to one day call her wife. "Besides, I already have my presents right here." She slipped into the room, sliding off her robe and hanging it on the room's chair before sliding into bed with the two, not wanting to disturb either of them. She slid her arms around them and cuddled close. "I love you both so much."

Before too long, everyone in the house was asleep early on Christmas morning.


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter 27**

Despite the late - or rather _early_ \- hour they'd gotten to bed, habit still got Rachel up at six in the morning, just in time to slip a starting to stir AJ away from his mami's embrace and climb out of bed to cross to the room's chair. Settling in the chair, she let him have a breast instead of going all the way downstairs to get a bottle and just watched Santana as she slept. The other girl almost always looked her most peaceful when she was sleeping or when she was with her son and Rachel loved to see the calm on her lover's often troubled face.

When AJ was finished, she cleaned him up and helped him burp up a little air he'd managed to gulp down with his breakfast before standing and walking about a bit to help him settle back down. She hummed softly as she walked, the soothing vibrations of her chest and voice lulling him back to sleep. Once he was limp in her arms, she gently laid him back on his mami's chest, wrapping Santana's limp arm over his back to hold him in place and smiling at the quiet sigh the girl issued in her sleep as she tightened her grip slightly.

Picking up her robe and sliding it on, she made her way down the stairs with a yawn. Rummaging in the refrigerator, she smiled to find enough ingredients to make a veggie hash. Biting her lip, she pulled out the eggs and small rasher of bacon at the last minute. She couldn't eat it herself and each egg she cracked and strip of bacon fried were going to scream like the poor dying animals they came from in her mind, but it was Christmas and after what happened - what she could still _feel_ \- last night, she wanted to make a special breakfast for her fiancee and future father-in-law.

As she got out the pans she needed and set a pot of coffee to brewing and a kettle of water on for tea, she caught a glimpse of the red stocking hung on the mantle for Santana and felt a little thrill of nervousness. It was the morning she'd been waiting for since she saw the item in the box hidden in the toe of the stocking in a pawn shop window two months earlier. She sliced onions and peppers with a tiny smile as she worked, trying to be as quiet as she could - and carefully keeping to the kashrut by habit even though she was mainly cooking for Catholics - to make breakfast for her family on Christmas morning.

The faint waft of food smells caused Santana's stomach to growl before she even woke up. When her eyes fluttered open, she smiled at the soft snoring of her son on her chest. She sat up carefully and laid him on his back on the bed while Santana got up and washed her face. She carefully pulled her hair into a lengthy braid that hung over her shoulder and she went and pulled on a bra and her boxers before putting on a new pair of sleep pants and a red thermal top. She smiled when she heard Aaron gurgling on the bed.

"Hi, baby boy, merry Christmas," she smiled as she pressed kisses over his face. "I want you to have the best first Christmas ever," She stated as she rubbed his stomach before moving to change his diaper and put him in a set of pajamas that Quinn had bought on a whim. It was a red and white sleep suit with a black colored patch around the waist that was to look like a belt. She pulled a tiny red Santa cap over his curly hair and smiled. She grabbed her phone and snapped a few pictures of him and sent them to Quinn, Puck and Andre before throwing her phone back on the bed and scooping him up. She carefully traversed the stairs, cuddling him in her arms as she walked and following her nose into the kitchen to watch Rachel cooking.

"Merry Christmas, Mommy!" She exclaimed as she held the boy dressed as Santa up so he was waving at his mom.

Rachel was busy carefully turning the eggs and checking the bacon before putting the lid back over it to avoid splattering grease all over everything, so it was a moment before she turned around and she found herself laughing when she saw the Santa-dressed baby. "Oh my gosh, Santana. Wherever did you get that?" She reached for baby and mom, looking for hugs.

"Quinn and Puck found it," she giggled and kissed her girlfriend. "She said every baby needs embarrassing first Christmas photos." She held Aaron up so he could give his mommy wet baby kisses."Merry Christmas, Rachel." Santana smiled.

"Merry Christmas, Santana," Rachel wrapped an arm around Santana's waist and gave her a quick hug. "I'm almost done with breakfast, but there's coffee - or water for tea if you'd prefer that - already ready. And," she reached over and picked up the tiny bowl of pureed banana and tiny bit of breast milk, offering it to Santana with a tiny spoon, "if you'd like to give our son something special. I fed him earlier so he might not be hungry yet."

"Special yummy times, Aaron!" She smiled, "It smells really good, Rae." Santana stopped for a moment and looked at the stove, "Oh dios... are you making bacon and eggs?" She looked up excitedly, "My dad is going to love you so much more now! But you don't do pork, you didn't have to make that."

"Well, yes, but I don't have to eat it," Rachel smiled shyly up at Santana as she worked, "and it's Christmas. I can make a special breakfast for the people I love every now and then - even if the eggs do scream murderer at me as they cook. It's a special day and, well, after last night you deserve to be treated as special as you are. So bacon and eggs. Because I love you and I know you like them."

"Hmm." She smiled. "You're amazing," she said softly as she looked at the pans. She turned off the bacon because it was nearly burnt but she bit her lip and smiled, "You seriously make me so happy..." She kissed her head and hopped up on the counter so Aaron and she could watch. "How are you today? Sore like you thought?"

"I didn't mess up the bacon did I?" Rachel looked a little anxious as she flicked off the heat to the slightly over-done eggs, not really wanting to make another batch and hoping her work hadn't gone to waste. "And," she blushed, "yes. You are exceedingly memorable, love. But," she bit her lip glancing up shyly, "is it wrong of me to say I like it more," she reached over and took one of Santana's hands, bringing it to her lips to kiss her fingers, "when _these_ are stretching me?"

"I prefer it too, honestly," Santana whispered softly. "The bacon is fine I just wanted to make sure it didn't get too crispy." She hugged her son and watched her lover. "I just... I thought it's what you wanted..."

"I just want to be with you, Santana. In whatever way makes you happiest," she smiled up at her lover, "I'll not deny that I enjoy our times where we're together in a more traditional manner, because I love being able to feel your hands and mouth on other parts of me while I'm connected with you. I love when you control me while we're together. But, I must admit, the feeling is so much more... _intense_ when we're together without it." She leaned up and kissed Santana softly, "You're so _amazing_ with those lips and _very_ good with your hands after all."

"I just don't think I can double penetrate you again..." She looked down, "I made me feel weird and I would prefer to just do the stuff we've done and experiment from that angle." She shrugged, "I just would prefer to not to that again."

"To be honest?" Rachel murmured, turning back to the hash, "I needed your fingers to remember it was you in me like that... can we just... only use your fingers if we're together like that again? It... reminded me of things." She nibbled on her lip nervously, "I know I said you could, but... I don't know if I can with, you know... again."

"I'd be okay with that," she whispered. "I just want to make you happy... and I didn't feel like that made any of us happy."

"Maybe," Rachel switched off the heat to the hash, coming over to press a kiss to AJ's head before leaning up to kiss his mom. "But it's good that we talk about these things like this. When I do things you don't like, it doesn't make me happy, Santana. If doing something makes you uncomfortable, I promise you it won't make me happy. So tell me, please. I'm happy when you're happy and if you're not at least comfortable with what we're doing, you're not happy."

"I didn't even realize until after... It just felt like something a boy would do and I don't like feeling like that if I can avoid it." She shrugged, "It just kinda hurts my feelings or my pride or whatever to feel that dude-like feelings." She sighed and rested her head on her son's.

"That's okay." Rachel reached up and ran her fingers through Santana's hair, "I didn't know how it would make me feel either. But if there's ever anything I can do for you to make you feel more comfortable or to make _you_ happy, I want you to tell me. Okay? Whatever it is, I'm willing to try for you." She leaned over to try and catch Santana's eyes and smiled softly, "Alright?"

"Okay." She nodded as she watched Aaron reach up and try to tug on Rachel's hair. "But no more talk of that... more Christmas talk and presents and hot cocoa and stuff." She smiled brightly.

Santana loved Christmas. It always felt special because it had traditionally been when Santana and her dad got really dressed up for church then came home to pig out and watch movies all night. He always got her the presents she actually wanted, like Barbies and ballet shoes when she was little unlike her mother who had always given her strictly boy things.

"Ah, yes. _Presents_ ," Rachel teased, reaching up to lightly bop Santana on the tip of her nose. "I'm certain they can wait until everyone's fed and your father is awake, don't you?"

Santana pouted, "Fine," She sighed and carried Aaron over so she could make a cup of coffee. She picked up the bowl on her way by of bananas and once she finished with her coffee she sat down with him and started to feed him small bites of the smashed fruit.

"Don't pout, Santana, it's unbecoming and besides, it's not like you don't have anything with your name on it out there," Rachel teased as she made up a plate of bacon, eggs and veggie hash for her lover. "How's he liking that? I know Dr Cleary said it might be a little longer until he was really ready, but he was reaching for the banana you were eating yesterday and I thought he might like to try a little."

Aaron's face was scrunched up as if he was trying to figure out what was going on in his mouth. He opened and closed it several times and looked up at his mami. "I think he's confused. I mean nothing is as tasty as boob, in my opinion." She laughed as she wiped off his face when he spat it out of his mouth.

"He might just not be hungry," Miguel suggested as he came into the room. "Rachel, that smells delicious, but what are you girls doing up at nearly," he looked at the clock, "eight in the morning?"

Rachel laughed, "Good morning, Mr Lopez, I'm used to getting up around six for Aaron's morning feeding, actually. And since it's Christmas, I decided to feed everyone. There's coffee or water for tea if you'd like it."

He smiled, pouring a cup of coffee. "Gracias, Rachel. I'm still not used to waking up to the smell of cooking food despite having you in my home for nearly six months." He leaned down and kissed her cheek, "Merry Christmas, my dear."

Santana pushed the bananas away and cleaned off her baby and turned him around and fixed his hat. "Morning Papi." She smiled brightly as she played with her son's hands.

Miguel shook his head with a laugh at his daughter's obliviousness while she had her son in her arms. "Good morning, Sanny," he leaned down and kissed her cheek and the top of AJ's hat covered head before taking a seat at the table near her, "and little Aaron. How's our boy doing on his first Christmas, mom?"

"I don't know," Rachel teased, bringing over plates of food for Santana and Miguel, "other than feeding him, _some_ one has been hording my son all morning." She smiled fondly at Santana before going back to get her own plate and a cup of coffee for Santana having already poured herself a glass of orange juice that was sitting at the table. "Eat up, everyone. I know it's not exactly in my normal culinary repertoire, but I hope it's not too terrible."

"Thanks Rachel." Santana smiled, "And I let you horde him all eight nights of Hanukkah. My religious holiday." She pouted as she snuggled her son and took a bite of the bacon. "Dad, did you let the creepy church ladies manhandle my son last night after I left?" she asked as she eat a bit of the eggs.

"Yes, _mija_. They made lots and we auctioned him off to the highest bidder," Miguel rolled his eyes, eating some of his eggs. "No, the _creepy church ladies_ didn't touch him though I did have to sit with old Mrs. Galvanek and let her coo over him before I was allowed to leave." He chuckled, shaking his head, "I don't know how you did it, but that boy seems to thrive on attention."

"He likes people. He likes faces and hands." She smiled letting her son play with her fingers on her hands. "He likes to see new things I guess. Rachel and I take him for walks lots so he likes to see whats going on around him." She shrugged and continued eating, "He's a curious little dude."

"That's good. Rachel, this is very tasty," he added, nodding at a forkful of hash, "you should let me know the recipe before you girls head back home."

Rachel smiled, blushing slightly and ducking her head, "It's fairly simple, sir. Just whatever vegetables you have available diced up and fried in a vegetable oil with shredded potatoes and a little oregano, thyme and salt and pepper for flavor." She took a couple more bites before glancing towards Santana, "How is it? I know you want to get to your _presents_ ," she teased.

"I like presents." She shrugged, "But it's really good baby, thank you so much." She said as she continued to eat she took a few more bites before AJ started getting snuggly again. He yawned and lifted his own arms and put the on the table, Santana smiled and kissed his head and continued to eat.

Rachel watched him move about on Santana's lap as she ate. "I think we'll have to look into getting him a high chair before too much longer, Santana. You're going to have a difficult time holding him and feeding both of you once he starts eating solids more." She rarely ever held their child as they ate unless he was feeding, since Santana enjoyed it as much as she did.

"It's not as impossible as it appears, Rachel," Miguel pointed out, finishing his food, "I did it with Santana quite a few times. Just takes a little getting used to. So, girls, ready for your presents?"

"Mr. Lopez, I really don't need anything," Rachel looked slightly uncomfortable at the idea of receiving a gift in celebration of a holiday she didn't really believe in, "I truly hope you didn't put yourself out on my account. You really can't give me any greater gift than having your daughter in my life after all."

"Suck up." Santana stuck her tongue out at her girlfriend and hoisted her son up in her arms as she stood up. "But yes, daddy, I want Aaron to enjoy Christmas." She smiled, so excited that it was his first Christmas.

Rachel rolled her eyes as she finished eating, getting up to clean everything up. "Yes, dear. And I'm excited that it's Aaron's first Christmas as well." She leaned up and kissed Santana gently before whispering in her ear, "I just really am not comfortable accepting gifts for myself today." She leaned back down with a slightly anxious look before smoothing it away and heading to the counter with a load of plates.

"Even from Aaron?" She raised the baby up and pouted beside him. "Aaron got his mommy a present and he'd be sad if he couldn't give it to you." She made her lip quiver slightly as her father laughed and walked into the next room after refilling his and Santana's coffee.

"Santana," Rachel murmured, setting the plates in the sink and starting to fill it up, her heart aching at being put in this position. "I'm Jewish. You know I'm Jewish. I appreciate the pomp and ceremony of Christmas and I want our son to enjoy it, but it's not _my_ holiday. I truly don't want anything and I wish you hadn't," she blinked, looking down at the soapy water and starting to wash things up.

"Please stop being sad, I was just playing," she sighed like she did something wrong. "I just... I just wanted to share this with you and the baby." She looked down, "If you don't want to it's fine and we can just not do Christmas again if it makes you unhappy... but I get gifts for people I love and I love you and I love our son and our son loves you... so he picked you out a gift."

Rachel sighed, turning from the sink and drying her hands on a towel before wrapping her arms around Santana's waist, AJ gurgling as he was slightly squished between them. "No, don't do that. You love this holiday and I want Aaron to love it just as much. And I love that you want to share it with me. I'm simply not comfortable receiving gifts on it because I don't actually celebrate it." She moved to try and catch Santana's eyes, "Maybe I could open the gifts from you and Aaron tomorrow?" She tried a smile, "It can be our special day. Just us. No religion involved. How does that sound?"

"Christmas eve is religious... Rachel, Christmas eve is religious... but Christmas? This time? This is just family... this is family loving each other." Santana sighed, "It's not religious, I wouldn't do it with you if it was... it's just a stupid tradition."

She sighed and pushed down her discomfort with celebrating the birth of a man she didn't believe was her saviour and smiled. "Okay, Santana," she whispered, not happy but hiding it to make the woman she loved happy, "okay. I'll accept the gifts. I want you and Aaron to have the best Christmas and it's about family, right? So I'll accept them."

"No, Rachel.. just.. just do what you want okay? I know you're just sucking it up and that's shitty because it's not about Jesus or fucking anything like that for us. It's just a damn holiday and I wanted it to be special for you and Aaron," Santana huffed before scuffling her feet. "I didn't care when you were doing your religious stuff, I love that Aaron has both, but unlike your holidays Christmas is not about anything concrete. It's about a fat ass white man bringing our baby presents!"

Rachel tensed and pulled away when Santana started snapping at her. "Fine," she breathed, "I...I got you something. I wanted you to have it today because I thought today was important to you. I didn't want to mess things up. I'm sorry." She wrapped her arms around herself protectively, feeling like she had messed everything up by being Jewish in a Catholic family.

"Today _is_ important to me. I just want you to be happy and enjoy spending time with me and our son! God why... why does it have to be a big deal?" She whispered, "It's not a big thing, okay? It's just... it's just a day where we get presents and give presents. I'm not going to make you convert or believe in anything... it's just something I wanted to experience... with you!"

"I'm _trying_ , Santana," Rachel whispered. "I'm just...this is the first time in _years_ that anyone wanted to do something like this with me. It's...it's _disconcerting_ and I feel out of place because I...I'm not like everyone in your life. This day has been one that I spend alone since I was thirteen. I'm just uncomfortable..." She shrugged, looking at the floor, "It's not something I know how to react to. I got things for Aaron and you and your father. I just am not quite comfortable with everything yet..."

"It's really chill... Rachel, my dad and I.. we're just freaking be lazy and sit in pajamas and play Xbox all day," She sighed. "It's like Sunday with me and Puck! But with presents!" She cracked her neck, "I don't want to fight, I really don't. I just wanna be with my family."

"I just want to be with you too," Rachel admitted, looking up at Santana with a shy smile. "Can't I just be with you and give presents and open ones to me tomorrow or after midnight this year? I'll try to be better by next year..."

"Can you just open Aaron's?" she sighed not really caring about her own gifts to the girl. "Please." She was trying to not be offended or annoyed that Rachel was getting her way. "I don't care about the rest." she rubbed her eyes tiredly. "Just open Aaron's."

Rachel chewed on her lip, her gaze shifting towards the living room. "Can I...can I wait until you're done? I'll open everything if I can just wait until after you..."

"You might be the strangest person I ever met," Santana conceded. "Fine, yeah." She picked up AJ and walked over to Rachel and kissed her cheek. "I love you." she stepped back and headed into the living room. "Come in and join the rest of the family."

Relieved, if still discomforted from a religious standpoint, Rachel smiled. "Give me five minutes to get these pans rinsed and soaking and I'll be out. Don't start without me, okay?"

"You don't have to do the dishes," she called as she settled onto the floor near the tree. She held Aaron between er legs and stood him up on his little legs and held him under his arms as he bounced. "You're perfect, Aaron," She smiled and kissed his nose.

"I know that," Rachel responded a couple of minutes later when she came back out, drying her hands on a towel, "but that doesn't mean I have to leave a mess either. They'll be easier to clean later this way." She sat down beside Santana, leaning over to kiss her softly. "So...how does this work?"

"Daddy picks a present for the youngest which is Aaron, then Aaron picks for someone else and so on." She smiled and looked up and saw her dad with a box in hand already.

"Alright, young man." He smiled and sat down with the girls, "This is for you from me." He smiled. AJ hit his hands against it and giggled, "How bout I help you?" He asked as he unwrapped it, revealing a new mobile for his crib with had a mixture of birds and clouds.

"Dad, it's amazing." Santana beamed, "Did you make this?" she asked as she ran her fingers over the well figures.

"Yeah," He smiled and pressed a kiss to his grandson's head.

"Wow," Rachel murmured as she looked at it. "This is very impressive, Mr Lopez. I'm sure if he could talk, Aaron would be thanking you profusely." She reached over, her fingers gently brushing the carved and polished wood. "Even after he's too old for it," she looked at Santana with a shy smile, "we'll save it so he can give it to his children when he's grown."

"I wanted him to have something special... I made San one when she was an infant but I couldn't find it when we moved." he shrugged, "I thought something to keep his head in the clouds would be fitting."

"Thank you dad." Santana beamed and carefully set it back into the box. "Okay. I think Dad is next." She handed him the gift from Rachel to Miguel.

Rachel watched anxiously as the man unwrapped the neatly wrapped package. When he ran his hand over the linen cover instead of opening it, she bit her lip uncertainly. The cover crackled softly as he lifted the cover to peer inside.

"Oh my... Rachel, is this?" He turned the pages slowly for a moment before looking up at the girl.

She nodded with a shy smile. "You didn't get to see him get so big, but I didn't want you to miss out."

He nodded, turning back to the book and slowly turning through the pages full of photo after photo of AJ as he grew older in his first six months of life. When he reached the last page he almost laughed out loud. The final picture almost completely filled the page. AJ slept peacefully nestled in the protective arms of his mother who was also sound asleep, early morning light filtering in through blinds seeping over their faces.

Rachel smiled softly as she looked at the picture over his shoulder. "That's my favorite," she murmured. "They look perfect like that to me."

Santana's face scrunched up, "Hey..." She said softly as she looked at the picture, "No sleeping photos!" She laughed softly, "God knows what else you do to me when I'm sleeping." She whispered before looking at AJ looking at the book and trying to chew on it.

"Rachel, it's beautiful, thank you so much." He smiled and held it to his heart. "I love it." He held it on his lap as he leaned over and grabbed a gift for his daughter. "Santana," he smiled as he handed the box to her.

Santana shook the box and raised an eyebrow. She carefully opened the small box and carefully took out it's contents. It was a ivory and ebony rosary with a silver crucifix on the end and a pendent of the Virgin Mary.

"That, _Mija_ ," He smiled, "Is your great grandmother's rosary." He laid it out , "It was your grandmother's too. She told me once that when a woman in our family has a child they get given this by their family, so I'm giving it to you."

"Santana," Rachel breathed, too awed to even try and touch it. "It's...that's beautiful..."

" _Gracias_ , Papi." Santana blinked as she looked at the token. " _Gracias_."

Reaching over and picking up a fairly small box, she handed it to Santana, "If you don't mind me interrupting your turn, this is from me to our son."

She sat back as Santana helped the boy tear at the loosely wrapped paper, exposing the open topped box and the small somewhat awkwardly crafted stuffed cat. Rachel blushed as Santana examined the cat, noting the awkward and at times sloppy stitches. "So, I'm not the best seamstress in the world. But I tried my best and considering I'd never really sewed anything before and I went through far more material than I'd expected and the directions were entirely difficult to understand and...and, well," she trailed off, fiddling with her hands, "I know it's not very good, but I didn't want to just go and buy a stuffed animal for him like the men who raised me did..."

"I love it." she smiled and handed it to AJ who squealed in delight and he hugged it and started chewing on its ear. "Look at that, he loves it too. It's amazing... so this is what you do when I'm at work," Santana teased.

"I do a lot of things while you're at work, but that took up far more time than I thought it would." Rachel pouted, looking discomfited.

Miguel stifled a laugh, "Alright, how about we see what Santa brought?" He got to his feet, deliberately ignoring the couple of small things labeled for Rachel as Santana had been doing, taking his cue from his daughter's behavior. "Here's Aaron's," he handed down the small green stocking for the boy, "and Santana's," he handed hers to her, "And...well, this was supposed to be Rachel's but it seems to have something with my name on it now?"

Rachel blushed and ducked her head, having not realized the older man wouldn't have a stocking when she'd put things in it.

Santana laid her stocking down and helped Aaron with his. "Santa got confused obviously." She smiled and winked at her fiancee. She carefully unwrapped the book of the month subscription for Aaron, a few new teething rings, some bibs and a pair of baby converse Santana had put in there for a few months from now. She showed Rachel with a broad smile.

"What the hell?" Miguel looked down at the envelope which contained one of his gifts from Santana. Registration to an online dating site, "Santana..."

"What? Daddy, you needs to get laid." She said with a giggle.

Rachel covered her face with her hand trying to hide the furious blush spreading across her cheeks, "Oh my God, Santana, I can't believe you _said_ that to your _dad_!"

"What? It's true! It's been like thirteen years! Thirteen _years_ , Rachel! Shit's not healthy," she explained before looking at her father who couldn't decide whether it was totally inappropriate or very sweet of his daughter.

"Um... never say that again and thank you," he said before folding the paper up. Santana just giggled and occupied her son with a new teething ring so she could dig in her stocking. Some new hair clips, nail polish, a couple of T-shirts and then Santana's fingers hit a small velvet box.

"Whats this?" she said as she pulled it out.

Rachel's breath caught in her throat as she saw Santana pull out the box she'd been nervously anticipating since sliding it in there the night before.

Miguel shrugged. "I don't know. It's not from me. Why don't you open it and find out?"

There was a letter neatly wrapped around the outside. When Santana opened it all she could see was the neat handwriting of her lover.

_Santana,_

_I know you don't expect this, but when I saw it I knew I had to get it for you. Every girl dreams of the day the person she loves will ask her to marry them. I'm sure you're no exception. I wanted a grand gesture, something to tell you how much I love you and beg you on one knee in a crowded restaurant to marry me, but I realized for all your bravado, you're much too private for that. So instead I'm asking you today, on the holiday I've listened to you speak of with such happiness for the last few months, like this._

_Santana Lopez, will you do me the incredibly great honor of accepting my ring and allowing me to pledge my troth to you and make you my wife?_

_All of my love forever,  
Rachel_

Santana read the note over once, twice, then a third time. "R-rachel." she stumbled, she opened the box and saw the small ring with a chip of a diamond and two amethyst chips around it. "It's... it's amazing." she leaned over and kissed her tenderly, "I thought I already asked you though?" she whispered.

Rachel smiled lopsidedly, "You did. But no one asked you and I couldn't let that happen to the girl I love the most. Every girl deserves to be asked. Which means _you_ deserve to be asked. So," she reached over and gently slipped the box from Santana's hands, "I'm asking. Will you make me the happiest woman alive and be my bride?"

"Yes." she whispered, not trusting her voice any louder as she let Rachel put the ring on her hand.

Rachel smiled brightly as she slid the ring onto Santana's finger - even more pleased that it fit since getting a ring size for the girl had been far more difficult than she'd realized. She raised the hand to her lips and kissed the ring, the smile never leaving her lips. "You make me so incredibly happy, Santana," she whispered, "I love you and our son more than anything in this world."

"I love you too," Santana whispered simply, pulling Rachel into a hug but were soon interrupted by their son. "He wants in," she laughed, bringing him in the middle of the hug and smiled.

Rachel laughed, "He _is_ in!" She leaned against Santana resting her head on her fiancee's shoulder and looked over at Miguel with a shy smile. "Do you approve, sir? I hope my proposal was tendered in a manner that was worthy of your baby girl in your eyes."

"It was beautiful," he smiled and wiped away the tears that threatened to fall. "I'm really happy for you two," he said as he reached out and took AJ in his arms and hugged him.

"It was what she deserved," Rachel whispered, smiling up at Santana. "Besides," she teased, "now those louts she calls patrons will know she is well and truly taken and that they'd better keep their hands _off_ what is _mine_." She hugged the girl possessively, leaning up to kiss her cheek.

"You know there's only one dude who flirts with me," she laughed, wrapping her arms around Rachel, "though I like possessive you."

"Well, you're mine and I don't like it when he flirts with you like that," Rachel pouted for a second before smiling up at Santana again. "Am I forgiven for being weird and wanting to wait until after you opened your gifts now?"

"Yes," She said softly before reaching under the tree and grabbing the box from AJ. "As promised, the gift from Aaron." She smiled and handed it over to Rachel.

Rachel smirked wryly up at Santana, still not entirely comfortable with the idea of accepting gifts on Christmas, but she'd promised. She eased her fingers under the tape, carefully releasing it from the paper and unfolding the paper from the rectangular package. It was heavy for the size, ruling out a book, but she took her time opening it anyway, not rushing to find out what it was. Perhaps Santana had purchased it, but it was the first gift she would ever receive from her son and she wanted to savor it.

Santana took AJ from her dad and sat him on her lap as they watched Rachel open it. She had made the clay mold one morning at the church Quinn and Santana went to. They had been doing a mommy and baby class and Santana jumped in and they had made a press of AJ's hands and feet. She wanted to give it to Rachel because she knew their son was likely to be their only biological child and he would always be the most important thing in both of their lives.

Rachel blinked down at the reddish clay tablet with a lopsided smile. "It..." she caught her lip between her teeth as her words caught in her throat, brushing her fingers lightly over the tiny indents in the shape of their son's hands and feet, his name more or less neatly inscribed on the bottom with the date of his birth. "It's beautiful," she finally managed to get out in a low, emotion-choked whisper.

"It was your son's idea." She smiled and held him up. "He told me that _mommy needed a kickass present to commemorate my awesomeness._ " Santana nodded and kissed his head.

"Santana," Rachel whispered, leaning over to kiss her before whispering in her ear, "is it bad that I find it a considerable turn on when you use polysyllabic words so adroitly?" She leaned back with a smirk before smiling down at the present again, "I love it. I'm keeping this always as a reminder of how little our boy was today."

"His giant ass baby growth has made him even bigger now look!" She pressed his feet to the cast and they were slightly too big now. "I made that two weeks ago and he's already Gigantor." She smiled before blowing a raspberry into her son's neck causing him to burst out in giggles. "And I'll have to remember that thing about big words," she winked before handing the boy to his other mom. "Baby cuddles?"

"Always," she reached out to take her son, cuddling him to her chest, his little arms curling around her neck in a baby hug. "I love you so much, Aaron," she whispered against his neck. "You make your mami and I so happy, little man."

Santana watched them for a moment before laying back and resting her head in her dad's lap with a smile. "I like family times."

"I do too," he smiled down at his daughter and ran his fingers through her hair. "You've made me so proud, baby girl," he murmured. "I'm so glad you found your family."

"Daddy," she said softly. "Move closer?" she asked as she looked up at him, "I want Aaron to have you in his life always and I need my dad and Rachel and I need parents. Fuck... Puck, Quinn, Rachel and I need a parental figure and I want my dad close to me."

Miguel chuckled softly, "Would you believe me if I told you I had almost this same conversation with your girl last night? I'm looking into it, _mija_. There are things I'd have to put into order before I could. You know that."

"I know..." She said softly, "I just... I don't have a mom...and Rachel's dads suck." She sighed, "I just wish that you could be there to see the baby grow up and stuff all the time."

"Mmm, me too, _mija_. And speaking of Rachel's fathers," he glanced over at where Rachel was playing with AJ, "she's calling herself an orphan. What's going on?"

"She went to their house when we were at church and they were home... fuck they were in the church with us... they haven't been home on a holiday since she was like 13 and she thinks they stayed away because of her." She sighed, "I just... I don't get it." She growled and looked up. "She deserves better, I don't even think they know she had Aaron."

His lips thinned and he sighed. "I don't know, _mija_. They've always been private people. I didn't know she'd been alone that long or I'd have invited her to share the holiday in our company. But, they are Rachel's fathers. How she chooses to handle their behaviours is her decision. But I want you to be ready to catch her, baby girl. Your lady love is not so strong as she wants everyone to think, I believe."

Santana sighed, "I know, dad, I know." She looked over at where Rachel was lying on the ground with AJ on her chest and she was talking to him softly. "I'll try to make everything better."

"I know you will, _mija_ ," he leaned down to kiss her head, "but don't forget about yourself either."


	28. Chapter 28

**Chapter 28**

Santana had AJ bundled up in a blanket as he sat in the grocery cart. He sucked happily on his pacifier as his mami pushed him slowly. "Babe, we need to get some Diet Sprite for my dad," she remarked as they went through the aisle. Miguel got called into an emergency at the clinic and he assigned the young mothers to get groceries. It was a few days after Christmas and the girls would be heading back to New Orleans and back to their normal lives soon enough.

Rachel smiled up at Santana, peeling off her gloves to tuck them into her pockets as she warmed up. "I remember. I'll go get it if you remember my veggie chips this time," she teased. She'd relaxed and been happier since Santana had accepted her ring, taking that nervousness off of her shoulders.

"We can just go up and down the aisles," she smiled. "That way we won't forget anything again and then we can grab some stuff for the plane trip back." She pulled a bunch of bananas in the cart. "Ooh... Yeah, can we go to Breadstix for lunch okay? I really wanna have some 'Stix if it's cool?"

Rachel rolled her eyes and laughed, "Only if you promise not to verbally assault any of the waitstaff into filling our luggage with breadsticks." She looked around for a second before shrugging and slipping a hand into the crook of Santana's elbow. Who cared who saw now? They weren't stuck here anymore.

"Family outing with our baby." She smiled, "They can suck it." She continued walking and putting a few things in the cart.

Rachel sighed happily and rested her head on Santana's shoulder as they walked. "I would still prefer you don't berate someone making minimum wage into overcompensating you with crusty baked goods. I'm sure Aaron doesn't need the example _quite_ so early in life."

"I can't promise because I love my Breadstix." She smiled and pushed the cart to the next aisle. "Do we need diapers? Yeah? We always need them right?" She didn't even notice the two men at the end of the aisle starring at them.

"Yes, we need diapers, but not a big package since we won't be in town much longer." Rachel pointed out a smaller package of the brand they got down in New Orleans.

"R-Rachel?" One of the men at the end of the aisle spoke hesitantly, taking a step closer. "Is that you?"

Santana grabbed her son's diapers and threw them into the cart. When she heard her fiancee's name she looked up and scrunched her face up. They were the men that she saw on Christmas eve that her dad pointed out. She instinctively moved closer to her lover and put her hand on her back.

Rachel had been smiling when she started to look up, thinking it might have been one of their friends from Glee, but the smile faded away as she realized it was her fathers coming down the aisle towards them. She wanted to scream or cry or just run away, but she took comfort from Santana's hand on her back and managed an expression of polite disinterest. "I'm sorry. Do I know you?"

"Rachel..." Santana whispered as she clutched onto the girl's top. She looked at the men and didn't know what to do. She wanted to punch them in the face. She couldn't understand how they could willingly leave their daughter to fend for herself, to have a baby by herself and not even send a card or call. She hated them more than anything in the world. The two sets of people just stared at each other for a moment before AJ screeched because he was trying to reach for his moms and no one was paying attention. "Sorry, _mijo_ ," Santana whispered as she carefully lifted him up and held him close as she stood behind Rachel.

The man who had spoken smiled confusedly, gesturing to himself and his taller partner. "Rachel, it's us. It's your dads. You know who we are."

Rachel just blinked at them for a moment before turning to make sure her son was okay. "I'm afraid I don't have a father, let alone two. You must be mistaking me for someone else. Now if you don't mind..."

"Who's the kid, little star?" The bigger of the two spoke up, using a nickname from her childhood, "Your fiancee's?"

"He's my son," she answered sharply, "Now if you'll excuse me, my _family_ and I have our grocery shopping to finish."

"Baby," Santana sighed before readjusting her son on her hip. "Mister Berrys... I understand that you're confused but really I don't think that right now - after all you've put her through - that you have any right to question her," she said as she looked at them. "If you had any contact with your _daughter_ in the last year... hell the last five years you would know who our son is."

The smaller man scowled at Santana, "Look, you little," his eyes raked over her, lingering on the baby on her hip, " _trollop_ , you may have pulled the wool over her eyes, but we can see you for what you are. How dare you corrupt or innocent little girl into consorting with a...a hussy like you?"

Rachel eyes flashed angrily and she took a step towards them. "How dare _she_? How dare _you_? How dare you intrude on me with demands in as if you have some right to me? I don't know you and you don't know me _or_ my family which you have so rudely insulted so I suggest you leave before I request the store summon the police for a more formal suggestion!"

"Rachel, calm down." she pulled her back. "Look, sirs, it's not my fault you might be the most neglectful parents I've ever seen so you need to step off."

"They're not my parents, Santana." Rachel snapped, turning her back on the men and ignoring the hurt in the taller man's eyes. "I haven't had any parents since I was thirteen. Ignore them. They're obviously delusional." Sliding her arm back into Santana's, she tried tugging her back down the aisle away from the men.

Santana nodded and turned them around to start to walk down the aisle. "Do you wanna go to the car? I can finish up quick," she didn't want her fiancee to be upset. "Or we can just forget this stuff and bounce now."

Rachel smiled up at Santana gratefully. "Have I mentioned how much I love you lately? Because it seems like I keep losing track the number grows so fast." She squeezed her arm and shook her head, "No, we'll finish our errand so we can spend the rest of the day just being together. They can't ruin anything as long as I know you're there to support me."

Santana handed their son into his other mom's arms, knowing how perfect he was for making everything feel better. "Okay, I'll always be here to support you." She smiled and pushed the cart to the next aisle pulling some more items on the list into the cart.

Rachel cooed at AJ and bounced him in her arms to make him laugh. "That's my boy!" She danced about in the aisle with him, humming along with the store music. "Oh! Santana, get some more of your dad's teabags. I noticed he was almost out when I was making your coffee this morning."

"Alright," Santana nodded as she pulled the green tea box into the car before grabbing some more non-dairy creamer. She watched Rachel with a fond smile before continuing to push the cart. She grabbed a roasting chicken from the meat case, "Baby, I'm gonna make a roast chicken for my dad tonight. It's his favorite and we can do the sweet potato mash that you like and some brussel sprouts. Does that sound good?" She asked as she triple bagged the meat and put it in the cart. She looked to make sure she had the things they would need in the cart.

Rachel glanced at Santana with a smile. "Sure, that sounds nice. I'll make one of those soy burgers your dad was so nice to get for me so you can enjoy with him, okay?"

"Back to vegan when we get home for me though," Santana smiled and kissed her cheek, "Do you think AJ would want sweet potatoes? They're tasty and soft," she asked as she thought as she saw Rachel's fathers watching them again.

"You are entirely too good to me, sweetheart," Rachel grinned up at her, always pleased to be reminded of how her fianc? had taken to her lifestyle. "Sure, he might like that," she held AJ up higher. "Would you like to try sweet potatoes, sweetie? Huh?" She bounced him a bit before turning to Santana again, "Just make them plain and we can mix them with breast milk for moisture."

"Sounds tasty," she beamed, "We can see if he likes it, I bet he will." Santana smiled and looked at her girl's breasts before moving away. "Okay, more shopping."

Rachel rolled her eyes and ignored the men following behind them. "You just want some for yourself," she laughed softly, leaning up to kiss her cheek as she caught up to her again. "Maybe that could be arranged later."

Santana bit her lip and nodded before bashfully going and pulling some of the frozen vegetables into her basket. "You're bad."

"No, just attracted to my beautiful fianc?," she smiled up at her, picking up a bag of frozen sweet potatoes and putting it in the cart. "And I have no problem with expressing that attraction and willingness to have said beautiful fianc? physically express her personal attraction towards me." She grinned impishly at her lover before heading off down the aisle. "Do you think your dad would like it if I made a pie for dessert? I was thinking perhaps peach?"

"How about strawberry rhubarb?" She asked as she watched her. "He doesn't like peach," She called out softly as she caught up. "Is that okay?" She picked out a container of vanilla ice cream and one of coconut milk ice cream for Rachel.

"That sounds perfect." Rachel smiled at her, walking backward down the aisle so she could watch Santana. "Perhaps with a streusel crust? We should be able to use frozen fruit too."

The darker girl nodded and grabbed the fruit they needed from he freezer. "Want to make pie crust or buy a pre-made one?" She looked at the different ones and back to her soon to be wife. She noted that they were still being followed she looked at the bed and groaned, "Seriously... Can you just back off? Please?"

"I need to make it from scratch to make sure it's vegan," Rachel pointed out, looking into the freezer of frozen fruit. "What?" She leaned out with a bag of strawberries and one of rhubarb, looking confused, "Back off of wha...?" She frowned when she spotted the men again. "Santana, we have everything now, right? How about we just go now? The atmosphere in this location is entirely off-putting now."

"Fuck it lets bounce," she sighed and pushed the cart to the que. she more or less threw the items on the belt and sighed, "Lets just get home I'm not hungry anymore," she said as she took the bags and put them in the cart. she swiped her dad's bank card and looked to Rachel. "Come on," she said as she put Aaron's hat back on his head.

Rachel sighed, heading out to open up the car's trunk and start helping Santana unload bags into the trunk. "I'm sorry, Santana." Her shoulders slumped as she worked, obviously unhappy their day out had been ruined by her past deciding to show up.

"Honestly? I'd rather go home and put the baby to bed and get rid of some of this... aggression with you," she said looking up from where she was strapping the baby into his car seat. "If that's okay with you."

Rachel smiled lopsidedly, reaching for her lover's hand. "When have I ever not been willing to help you," she smirked, "relieve aggression?"

Santana smiled before putting the rest of the bags in the car and got into the car and drove back to her dad's.

* * *

After putting the groceries away, Santana rocked her son to sleep before flopping on her bed with a growl. Rachel had taken to working on the pie while Santana was putting the baby to sleep so the darker girl was alone with her thoughts.

As soon as she got everything together and the pie in the oven, she set the timer and headed upstairs to her lover. "Santana?" she whispered as she came in the door. Seeing the girl curled up on the bed, she sighed softly, assuming she was napping. Coming in, she crawled on the bed and curled up behind her. "I'm so sorry our day out was ruined," she whispered, unhappy that she'd been forced to deal with her fathers the way she had and Santana had been dragged into the middle of it.

"Not sleeping," Santana said as she rolled over and looked at her girl. "You couldn't control that happening," she explained. "They just suck and I kinda hope that they get kicked in the balls. I wish I could change it."

"You couldn't help it any more than I could." Rachel wrapped her arms around Santana and hugged her close. "I'm glad you wish you could change it though. You're kind of amazing and I love you so much for putting up with my drama."

"I mean we got a lot of drama between us so it's okay." she smiled softly and kissed her. "It's what it is... We'll go home and forget all of this in a few days, okay?"

"Okay," Rachel smiled, resting her forehead against Santana's. "Now I seem to recall you wanting to relieve some aggression? Tell me how I can help you, love."

Santana's hands automatically moved to push up Rachel's top. She pushed it up and over the girl's breasts before she flicked the front clasp of her bra. Without a word Santana just kissed her sternum then over to the swell of her breast before taking one of her lover's nipples between her lips.

Rachel, for her part, didn't protest or complain in anyway. She just rolled to her back and gently stroked her fingers through her lover's hair. She moaned softly at the feeling of the girl's lips, teeth and tongue working over her slightly full feeling breasts. Knowing that AJ wouldn't need to be fed before she became uncomfortably full, she let her lover suckle as long as she wanted, doing her best to ignore the wetness forming between her thighs.

Santana didn't suckle often, she mostly just liked having the connection to her lover. She liked feeling her fiancee's heartbeat under her lips. She drank some, baffled by Rachel's womanhood. The fact she could produce sustenance for their child blew Santana's mind.

Rachel breathed heavily, her fingers dragging along Santana's scalp. She whimpered, doing her best to keep her voice down in case Miguel came home or AJ woke up. "I love when you touch me like this," she whispered, happily focusing on the feminine feeling of Santana's upper body pressing against her abdomen and the firm softness of her lips.

After a few minutes of intermittent drinking, Santana pulled away. She licked her lips and kissed down the girl's stomach to the hem of her skirt. "I'm gonna lick you," she explained as she slid to the floor to kneel and pulled Rachel's thighs closer to her head as she stripped the tights off of lean legs.

"O-oh," Rachel whispered, pushing up to help Santana move her as best she could while sliding her skirt up to bunch around her waist. "P-please," she murmured, propping herself up on her elbows and spreading her thighs wider so she could watch the dark head of her lover move between her legs, her body shivering softly in anticipation.

Santana quickly swiped her long, warm tongue against the other girl's hot core. She moaned at the amount of wetness that was waiting for her. She explored slowly, never making contact with the girl's clit as she gently cleaned up some of the juices that had spread out of Rachel's pussy.

Rachel whimpered, distractedly combing her fingers through Santana's hair as she licked her. "Don't tease, baby, please don't tease."

A mumbled agreement was heard before Santana's tongue dove deep into her lover's tight core. She flicked it in and out several times before moving her lips up to suck on Rachel's clit in a similar manor to how she was treating her nipples. She brought her hand up the girl's leg and slid two fingers deep inside.

Rachel let out a deep, almost guttural groan. Her head fell back and her hips arched up off the bed to try and press the girl's fingers into her core. "Yes," she hissed, drawing the word out into a sibilant growl of pleasure. It never failed, no matter how the other girl could make her feel with her male aspect, it was always as a woman that she brought Rachel to the highest emotional state.

Santana pumped her hand quickly, her lips and tongue beating Rachel's clit as she did so. She moaned softly as she fucked her lover, her own right hand moving down to press her palm against her straining erection which was still painfully tucked between her legs.

Rachel had to bite down on her lip so hard she almost tasted blood to keep from crying out as the first wave of her climax hit. She'd almost recovered when Santana's fingers hit her special spot and she sucked hard on her clit. Her back bowed so hard she arched off the bed as it thundered through her, a low whine escaping her clenched lips as something released in her and her cum flooded out to drench Santana's lips and chin. "Oh god," she panted as she started coming down, "oh God, oh God..."

With a grunt, Santana cleaned up the mess that Rachel's orgasm made. After a few minutes of soft licks she pulled back and sucked off her fingers and lips.

When she could finally breathe again, Rachel pushed herself up to smile down at her lover still kneeling on the floor. Reaching out she grabbed her shirt and tugged. "My turn, beautiful. Don't think I'm letting you go without getting _you_ to come as close to that hard as I can. I love being able to lick you and," her voice dropped to a low growl, "suck your clit..."

Santana whimpered still not loving the idea of her dick being sucked no matter how they called it. She stood up nervously and sat back on the bed.

"Santana," Rachel whispered, softly kissing along her neck, recognizing the discomfort and nervousness in her lover's voice and body, "if you can tell me a better way, I'll do it," she hesitated a moment then nipped at the girl's pulse point as she moved to straddle her. "Perhaps this would be easier unclothed," she suggested, reaching down to undo Santana's jeans and push them down off her hips, keeping her body between Santana's eyes and her member as best she could.

Once the jeans and special boxers were gone, she undid her skirt, offering up a quiet prayer of thanks that she'd thought to wear a simple wrapped skirt that she could take off without getting up and tossed it aside. She pulled her top and bra off as well, leaving her naked on top of her fiancee, smiling down at her. Unbuttoning Santana's shirt, she undid the front clasp of her bra and revealed the girl's breasts. Brushing her fingers over stiff peaks with a smile, she leaned down, her lips just brushing Santana's as she spoke, "I have an idea. If you'll play along with me, perhaps it could work out in a mutually pleasurable fashion."

"O-okay," she whispered, closing her eyes and trying to not feel her member pressing into Rachel's body.

"First," Rachel murmured, sliding up until Santana's member was trapped between them, pressing into her folds, "I need you to remember that you are my amazing, beautiful girl," she trailed kisses along Santana's jaw, "and that one day soon I'm going to make you my amazing, beautiful _wife_." She nipped at the corner of Santana's jaw, rolling her hips as she did to cause the girl's member to slide through her quickly moistening folds, slicking the firm shaft, "Have I mentioned how much I'm looking forward to that? Calling you my _wife_?"

"M-me too," she said softly as she whimpered. "I... I just want to make sure that I'm good enough for you." She looked up and tried to stop the urge to thrust her hips. "I just... I just don't want my penis, Rachel... I don't want it."

Rachel almost wanted to cry when she heard the desperation in her lover's voice. "I know," she whispered, kissing along her neck. "I wish I could take this from you. If I could, I would take it from you. I would give you my body and take every ounce of pain you've felt as my own." She leaned up and stroked her fingers through Santana's hair. "I love you and if I could find a way to make your outside appearance match the beautiful _one hundred percent_ woman that I know is inside you, I would. And I'd still be with you because I love _you_ not your body."

"I know," she whispered and blinked away her tears. "Some... some days... I just want to make it all go away and I don't wanna go on anymore living like this... then others I'm okay..." She tried to cover her eyes, she tried to make her tears not be visible to her lover. "I just... I'm so confused," she whimpered.

Rachel brushed her lips over Santana's cheeks, kissing away the tears that escaped and doing her best to hold her own in. "Santana," she murmured, kissing the girl, "whatever you need to do to be happy, I'm here." She wrapped her arms around the girl, pressing their bodies together, breast to breast, "I promise I won't leave you. I want to marry you no matter what your body looks like. If," she sighed softly, "if the surgery would help you, then we can save up and I'll be sitting by your bed holding your hand when you wake up. Whatever you need. You're going to be my wife and I'm going to be yours. What is or isn't between your legs doesn't change that."

"You didn't want that before... I... I didn't do it because you didn't want it?" She whimpered looking up to her lover. "I'm still so confused, Rachel... I'm so confused."

"I was stupid before," Rachel whispered, combing her fingers through Santana's hair. "I didn't realize how much more important you being happy and healthy is to me. I love when we're together, I can't deny that... but I love seeing you smile more. I love seeing you with our son, happy and laughing. As long as I can have that... as long as I can see you smile in the morning or hear you sing and laugh as you play with Aaron," she shrugged with a lopsided smile, "then I can give up this." She nodded at their mostly nude bodies. "Because I need all of the rest so much more than I need to be with you like this."

"We could still have this... but without the gross thing coming out of me." She sighed, "I don't know, Rachel." She started to pull away, her body hating the feeling of her dick anywhere near anything. "I just can't do this right now."

Rachel nodded and rolled away with a tiny sigh, reaching for her clothes. "Okay. I, um," she tried not to feel sad at the loss of connection between them, smiling lopsidedly, "I'll go check on Aaron and the pie. It's probably close to done." She started getting dressed.

"I'm sorry," Santana whispered before quickly heading into the bathroom. She turned on the shower and curled into the bottom of the tub and started to sob quietly. She was so confused, she was hurting so much and just so upset about the entire situation. It was Lima. Lima was making everything worse, making her hate herself and her body more.

As she finished pulling her clothes back on, Rachel could hear the soft sounds of crying filtering out under the sound of the water. She bit her lip to hold back her own tears at her lover's pain and walked over to rest her head on the door. "It will get better." She spoke through the door, begging Santana to hear her, "We're going home soon. We'll convince your dad to move down so he'll be close. And... and we'll go and talk to your doctor about options. Together." She paused licking her lips, forehead resting against the cool wood, "I love you, Santana."

Letting her hand trail down the door, she turned away, focusing on controlling her emotions before sighing softly and stepping away to check on their son and head down to pull the pie from the oven.

Santana sobbed even harder after she heard Rachel's words. She wanted to become whole, but she didn't know how to do that. She had never figured it out and she couldn't fathom living the rest of her life feeling like she did at the moment. She couldn't live with herself is she constantly made Rachel upset or worried, or if she couldn't handle the reality that she was stuck with this part of her self, a relative cancer, that she couldn't get away from.

* * *

When Santana didn't come down right away, Rachel began putting things together for dinner, leaving the chicken for Santana to handle as she wasn't entirely sure what the other girl wanted done with it. She was in the middle of making the special bit of sweet potato mash for AJ when Miguel got home. Setting his coat and bag down near the door, he headed into the kitchen with a smile.

"Ah, smells like my daughter is one lucky woman, Rachel," he remarked, stealing a brussel sprout from the pot and popping it in his mouth. "She found someone who loves her that can _cook_!"

Rachel blushed and smiled, but it was tinged with worry for her fiancee still upstairs, "Thank you, sir, but none of this is very complex."

He smiled as he came in and kissed the baby's head. "Well, it's still quite a skill. My ex-wife couldn't cook to save her life," he said before grabbing a glass of water. "Where is my lovely daughter, by the way? She's normally watching you and hording the baby."

She bit her lip for a moment before looking up at the man with a smile. "She's upstairs still. She um, wasn't feeling well so she decided to take a shower. I'm sure she'll be down soon."

He nodded and washed his hands. He started grabbing spices for the chicken and an onion and lemon. "Is she okay? Did you guys have a fight or something?" He asked, slightly worried about the girl's heightened stress level since they came back.

"A fight? No," she shrugged, "though we did have to deal with some minor unpleasantness regarding two men with the delusion of being my fathers at the grocery. She just," Rachel sighed softly, her voice softening, "she hates her body. I can't fix that." She focused on fixing the bib AJ had managed to half untie somehow while she spoke.

"I'm afraid that's never going to go away." He sighed, "She's always hated it from the moment she was born I think." He focused on the chicken so he didn't have to show his daughter's fiance the fact he blamed himself for her pain. "She used to claw at the clothing her mom dressed her in and at her face and hands... I've never seen a child _hate_ so much."

"I, um," Rachel licked her lips, glancing at her future father-in-law, "Maybe she needs the surgery. I know I've been scared and uncertain regarding it," she admitted, uncertain of how much Santana might have told the man about her reactions to it, "but I think maybe if I just _learn_ more, it'd be okay. I just want her to be happy... whatever if takes."

"In all honestly?" he sighed, shoving the lemon inside the chicken with some force. "She's not going to be happy even if she gets the operation. I know my child. She's going to feel unattractive and like she's missing pieces of herself. She's going to feel like a freak... she did for weeks after she got her breasts... she will always have that part of her brain that makes her not happy with herself." He lathered some olive oil and spices onto the bird as he spoke. "I just... I don't know how to fix it. I'm not sure if it's how all kids like her feel... or it's because I didn't leave her mom sooner."

"Oh," Rachel whispered, slumping slightly. She hadn't thought that there was a possibility of the surgery making things even worse. "I wish I knew how to make her happy," she murmured, blinking back tears as she scooped her son into her arms and held him close, "but... I guess I just can't."

"I've spent her whole life wondering how to do that... and you do make her happy," he said as he put the chicken into a pan and then washed his hands. "She's happier than she's ever been before with you, but she's unhappy with herself when she remembers she's different."

"But I love that she's different," Rachel murmured, sitting in a chair and playing with AJ. "If she wasn't different, we wouldn't have our son. And... she's unique. There's no one just like her in the world and there's no one I would rather raise a family with or spend the rest of my life with. I wish I could find a way to let her see herself the way I do, just for a day." She sighed wistfully, "She's so special to me..."

He smiled at the girl, "I love that you love my child like that." He came over and sat down across from them after he put the chicken in the oven. "You have never seen her as anything other than who she is." He gently played with AJ's feet causing the boy to laugh. "I just think sometimes Santana doesn't know anything else but being angry."

"To be fair, sir," Rachel smiled shyly, "I've never _known_ her as anything other than who she is. I just got the hurricane force of Santana dropped in my life in fifth grade when I started school in this town and frankly, I've never looked back. I didn't really get to know her growing up like Noah and Quinn did. I've never known anything but the dynamic woman she became. I fell for her hard in fifth grade when she saved me from a bully and spent the next six years dreaming about being with her and thinking it was impossible."

She smiled to herself and played with AJ's hands, "Then I found out she liked girls and suddenly there was this tiny chance because, after all, _I'm_ a girl." She looked up at Miguel with a smile, "I went about things entirely wrong, but it doesn't change that everything I imagined growing up was about being with your beautiful _daughter_. The fact that God decided to allow her to bless me with our son is just a happy bonus to me."

He nodded, "I know... She loves you so much and she never showed interest in _anyone_ before you to be honest. She tried to like that Brittany girl... but when she said that she only liked guys and Santana wasn't a guy..." he closed his eyes and looked down, "She contemplated conforming to her wishes... but she couldn't. She just wanted love and she found that with you. Now that she has that, she needs to learn to deal with the fact she doesn't love herself."

"I hope she can," Rachel whispered, toying with AJ's hair as the little boy cooed and giggled on her lap, "I don't want her to be anything but herself, whatever or whoever she decides that should be." She took a breath and looked up at Miguel determinedly, "I've decided after all. No matter what she decides she wants to do, I am going to be there with her. She's part of my family and family - _real_ family - sticks together no matter what. I want to be her family like you are. Someone she can depend on without any doubts."

"Maybe you two should visit a doctor? Listen to how it might change her and her life and yours?" he asked as she looked to the girl.

Rachel nodded. "I plan to. I want to know what she needs from me and what I need to do to support her. I just want her to smile more. She's so beautiful when she smiles..."

"She'll be okay, Rachel." He smiled, "She's full of hormones she doesn't understand. I think her new doctor took her off some of the medications that blocked her puberty for the most part so some of the crazy boy hormones are getting into her brain."

She shrugged, laughing with a wince as AJ managed to get a handful of her hair and tugged. "We'll figure it out. Whatever she needs, I'm going to do my best to be for her. Right now, her and this little guy," she leaned down and blew a raspberry on his cheek making him squeal with laughter, "are my main priority. I know she wants me to achieve my dreams, but there's nothing that says I have to do it all right _now_. I have time for my family _and_ the stage. And besides," she grinned down at her baby, "what are the bright lights worth if there's no one I love out in the audience cheering me on?"

"I hear that," He smiled. "I still can't believe the girl got me a subscription to a dating site." He shook his head with a laugh, "But... I was going to tell Santana tonight, but I talked to my supervisor and my contract is almost up at my current practice."

Rachel's head shot up with a bright smile. "Really? Will you come to New Orleans? We really would love to have you closer, sir. And it would mean the world to Santana if you were there."

"I'm looking into it. I need to find a practice, but it might be nice living somewhere where being Latino _and_ Black isn't a minority or non-existent," he smiled. "I'm thinking about it and I would love to be closer to you two and this little man." He smiled and reached out his arms to take AJ from his mother, "I never thought I'd get grandkids... I always wanted to have a bigger family and we were gonna try but then Santana deserved all of my attention to protect her from her mother and then we left."

"Santana does tend to require one's full attention," Rachel teased, watching AJ giggle and pull at his grandfather's hair. "And her son isn't much different. I'm glad I could give you a grandchild, sir."

He looked up and smiled brightly, "He's a beautiful boy." He said softly as he put the boy on his lap. "He's quite bright and very happy, I don't think I've ever heard him cry." He watched AJ as he played with his fingers but didn't acknowledge the fact he was talking, unlike when his mothers spoke. "Interesting." he mumbled.

"Oh he cries," Rachel chuckled ruefully. "He definitely cries. Interesting? What's interesting?"

"Nothing." He said as he looked up and at Rachel. "Is he sleeping through the night? Or does he wake you up all the time still?" He asked as he carefully moved his arm and made sure his watch clamoured against the table. AJ still didn't notice.

"Most of the time," Rachel was watching intently. "Forgive me, sir, but what are you doing?"

"Oh just hit my arm accidentally." He smiled as he picked up the baby and lifted him over his head and smiled, "You just like attention, little man, I bet you're like Santana when she was your age... You never wanna sleep in your own bed always wanna sleep in your mom's arms, right?" He looked at Rachel, "Right? I bet he likes taking baths now too."

Rachel smiled, "Definitely. Santana has this little mini-bath that she puts him in when she takes showers. I wonder if he'll like swimming when he's older." She grinned at her son, "You like being in the water, don't you, sweetie?" He laughed and reached for her, clearly responding to her voice.

"Santana started demanding wearing her swimsuit when she was showering when she was 13 months old." He chucked and sat the baby on his knee. "I bet he'll love to swim and play in the rain and get all muddy." He smiled, "He's going to be quite the boy, he already is." He smiled softly.

She smiled softly as she reached over to let the baby grab her fingers. "I bet she was adorable. And he's definitely quite the boy, but," she gently resisted his pulling, letting him tug harder, "if he's really a girl in that fuzzy little head, then we're going to love her just as much. For Santana's sake though, I hope he's a boy through and through."

"Me too, honestly," He said. "Honestly, Santana started showing signs around his age so he might be okay." He smiled and pressed a kiss to the soft hair covering his head. "How's he doing at the doctor's? He all healthy and happy?"

"He's passed all the well baby tests with flying colors." Rachel grinned at the boy, proud of him, "And he seems just ahead of the curve regarding development. We're going to have a heck of a time keeping up with him when he starts walking."

"Oh totally. A little hellion like his mami," He said, when he heard footsteps he looked up and saw his daughter scuffing her feet as she tiredly sauntered into the room. She wore baggy jeans and a thermal, with her hair in a floppy, messy bun on top of her head. "Morning, sunshine," He smirked when he got a glare from his daughter. She plopped down on Rachel's lap. When Aaron saw his Mami, he started babbling and reaching for her and wiggling until she scooped him up in her arms.

Rachel laughed softly and wrapped her arms around Santana's waist, holding her in place while she dealt with their wiggly baby. Resting her chin on the girl's shoulder, she took a deep, happy breath of the unique scent that she'd labeled as just washed fiancee in her mind. "Hello, beautiful. Are you hungry? Dinner will be ready soon."

"I forgot to do the chicken before I went to sleep," she yawned, her body showing the obvious signs of taking Xanax. She was limp in her lover's arms and holding onto her son who was attempting to climb her. She moved him onto her shoulder and patted his butt.

"I did it for you, San." he smiled.

"Oh.. thanks, daddy." She said softly as she rested her head against the boy's.

"Do you want to help Aaron eat some sweet potatoes, sweetheart?" Rachel asked, placing a gentle kiss on her neck. "You can even finish them off if he doesn't like them," she teased, giving her fiancee a squeeze.

"Yeah, cool," She nodded as she stood up and sat back down quickly in Rachel's chair when she got up.

"Rachel? Can you also bring San a glass of milk? She's dizzy..." he remarked, knowing how his daughter reacted to her medications.

"Dad, I'm okay." Santana said softly as she held Aaron on her lap and looked at her father with unfocused eyes.

"Stop lying," He said sternly. Santana just looked down and rubbed her son's belly.

Rachel just kept quiet and poured Santana a glass of milk before bringing it and the small bowl of sweet potato and breast milk slurry she'd made earlier over to her. "Here you go," she murmured, handing them to Santana with a smile. Reaching out she tipped her chin up, "If you're too tired, we can go to bed. I'm sure dinner can make an adequate breakfast if necessary and I am not at all adverse to cuddling with my favorite girl early tonight."

"I can eat.. I haven't today so I can..." She whispered softly before taking some on the spoon and feeding it to AJ. He seemed to like it or he just liked his belly being rubbed because he continued to eat it with little fuss.

"Well, you ate a _little_ earlier," Rachel teased, moving to the stove to fix three plates up with sweet potato mash and brussel sprouts, stepping aside to let Miguel get the chicken out and cut off portions for himself and Santana.

"I really don't want to know what she's talking about," Miguel began, pouring himself some iced tea before taking his plate to the table, "but I'm glad you ate, San."

Santana nodded, not even blushing as she fed her son. "Thanks dad." She stated as she kept feeding Aaron. "He likes these, Rachel."

Santana's dad sighed and put the the plate in front of the teenager. "Want me to put him into the playpen so you can eat, San?" He asked softly.

"Okay." Santana nodded and handed the baby over to him.

"We'll have to make them for him again sometime then," Rachel smiled at Santana, familiar with her dazed state from whenever her doctor adjusted her medicines and she had to adapt. "Apparently mother and son have common tastes, since you like the potatoes too."

She set the other plate with chicken in front of Miguel with an understanding smile and moved to sit close to her lover. Reaching over, she squeezed Santana's hand gently, her voice soft and caring, "Would you like to go and cuddle before bed after we eat? We can bring Aaron along for some mommies time if you'd like."

Santana nodded, smiling tiredly before struggling to use both of her hands to eat. She used her right hand to fasten her left around the fork and she carefully ate a little bit of everything as her family ate as well.

Miguel watched his daughter, happy she was eating. Santana had a tendency to accidentally overdose slightly when she was upset and getting some food in her stomach always helped her come back to reality. "Rachel... do you keep her medication sorted into doses?" He asked softly knowing that Santana would be too far gone to comprehend.

"Mmm," Rachel murmured, eating some of her potatoes. "It's easier that way since she's often tired when she gets home from work. If her pills are pre-sorted, then she can just take them and come to bed."

Finishing her food, she reached over and took Santana's fork, "Sweetheart, would you allow me to indulge in a moment of extreme sappiness and let me have the pleasure of feeding you?" She smiled at Santana, holding her arms out to suggest the girl sit in her lap and cuddle through dinner.

Santana sighed, "Okay." She moved slowly to sit with Rachel and she brought her milk with her and drank out of the straw her father had put inside it.

Rachel wrapped an arm around Santana and snuggled her close. "I like being able to take care of you," she whispered, offering the girl a forkful of potatoes. "Though I don't always like why it's needed. Your doctor should be more careful with your medications. If you'll let me, we can meet with her together when we get back home." She kissed her lover's shoulder, offering another bite after Santana finished the first.

Miguel sighed, seeing more and more reasons he should move closer to his daughter and her partner. He wasn't sure her doctor was good enough and he wanted to make sure Santana would be okay. He smiled sadly at Rachel and started cleaning up as she fed Santana a few more bites until she refused to eat anymore and just buried her head tiredly into the smaller girl's shoulder.

"Thank you, Rachel." He said softly, "For loving her and taking care of her like you do." He blinked away a tear and turned back to the dished, "Take your family to bed and I'll clean up."

"I couldn't do anything less," Rachel murmured, getting her feet under her and taking a breath before standing with her fianc? in her arms. "Thank God she's so tiny and I spent so long obsessing on my physical fitness regimen too. But she's saved me more than once. I'll always take care of her." She smiled at Miguel as she headed out of the room, "I'll be back for Aaron in a couple minutes after I tuck Sleepy here in."

Miguel nodded and watched them leave before going over to AJ and leaning over him. He snapped softly near his ears and watched as the boy didn't react. He bit his lip out of worry before grabbing his cellphone and pressing a higher chime. Aaron reached out at the chime and a relieved look came over his face. "Maybe it's not that bad," He whispered as he picked up the boy and kissed his head.


	29. Chapter 29

**Chapter 29**

It was the first week of the new semester. The holidays and break were over from University and Santana was taking the lightest full time course load she could manage, most of her classes being online versus having to go to into the campus as much as Rachel. She still needed to go for Cheerleading but that was mostly on weekend mornings.

Santana had decided to keep AJ with her while she and Andre stocked the bar early morning on the first Monday of classes. Rachel had left with a pout at leaving her son and fiance but headed to class with Quinn none the less before Santana bundled up her son and headed over to the bar. She had set him up in his bouncy chair near where she was stocking so she could sing softly to him and attend to him if he started complaining.

"Baby boy," she smiled as she looked over to him. He had a New York Mets' cap on his head and a black onsie overing his body and a pair of baby jeans, "you look so fly." She smiled and pulled his damp fist out of his mouth so she could put a new toy in his grasp.

"That's one cute boy you got there, Santana," Andre remarked with a smile as he hefted the last load of bottles in from the truck. Signing off on the delivery, he waved at the driver before she hopped back into the cab and pulled off.

"Yeah," she smiled up at him, "I think I'll keep him," She said standing up and cracking her back. She smoothed out her jeans and her old Cheerios' sweatshirt before helping pick up one of the leftover boxes and putting it up on the counter. "It was touch and go for awhile."

Andre laughed and reached down to pull a pair of bottles out of a box with each hand. "Isn't that the nature of kids? Say, Santana, would you mind me asking you a personal question? I don't mean any harm now. Just wondering."

"Uh... sure, I guess," she stumbled over her words, not normally liking where _personal_ questions might lead. She pulled out two bottled and started stocking behind the bar as she waited for the conversation.

"Now, listen here, Santana. I like to think of you and your family as friends of mine. That ain't gonna change no matter what your answer is, got it?" He put a couple of boxes away before leaning on the counter and looking at Santana for a moment before asking. "Is that handsome little devil yours? Like really yours. It's pretty obvious he's Rachel's but I think he's yours too. Am I wrong?"

"He's my son... How could he not be mine? He has my last name and I'm on the birth certificate..." She trailed off, not really understanding what he was asking so she just played dumb.

Andre watched Santana for a moment before sighing. "Look, Santana, I'm not dumb or blind and that boy could have come out of your body he looks so much like you but I know damn well Rachel's his birth mom. If he is your son biologically, that's fine. It's no harm and he is a fine boy."

She looked down, trying to see if her _tell_ was visible, or something. "We... we used a donor.. Someone.. who looks like me," she lied badly, not used to getting blindsided.

He sighed softly and stepped forward to rest s hand on Santana's shoulder. "You and I both know high school lesbians don't have the wherewithal to go buying donor sperm. Look, if you were born a guy, that is fine with me. I've got a couple friends who are just like that and they are the some of the finest women I know."

"I was _NEVER_ a guy." She hissed pulling away like she was burned. "Never."

Andre winced, realizing how big a mistake he's made. "Look, Santana, I get that, but I don't know how to ask another way. I'm sorry for implying you're not a girl, when it's damn obvious to me that you are. I just want to know the truth so I can protect you if I need to. This place is a safe place, Santana, and I damn well intend to keep it that way and I just want to keep you and yours safe. Okay?"

"Fine. Good job, you figured out that I'm a freak," she hissed as she slammed some of the bottles down into their places. She was pissed, she didn't want anyone to know. It didn't matter how gay he was, she knew people still hated people like her and she didn't want her differences to get out. "I don't give a shit about your safe space... I'm not a documentary, I ain't Chaz Bono and I don't want anyone else knowing."

"Oh for God's sake, Santana!" Andre hissed putting things away himself, "You think I give a shit how you're built down below? You're the best damn woman I've ever worked with and if you could get your head out of your ass, I think you might make a damn good partner in this place someday if you want it. I want to know how hard I can lay the hammer down on the assholes who come in here if someone tries shit with you."

He slammed the fridge open and tossed her a beer. "Take a damn breath and realize I ain't attacking you for a moment. You're not the only person with a similar genetic quirk I know."

Santana just caught the beer and looked stunned, she popped the top of the glass bottle and took a long swig of it. She hopped up on the counter and looked at the bottle between her hands for a few silent minutes. "Sorry." She mumbled, "I... I just get mad for no reason."

"Yeah," Andre grabbed another bottle and jerked the top off before taking a swig, "I noticed. Ever tell you I used to have a lover who ended up being trans? Scariest damn conversation I ever had. Started thinking oh crap, I'm straight?" He laughed, gesturing at her with the bottle. "She is one fine lady though. Still one of my best friends. Married now though."

She nodded, "Did she end up changing everything?" she motioned to her lower body. "Did she... I mean. Did you like do her? Like... did she use her stuff?" she had never really know another male to female trans-person. Everyone in her group was female to male and they just didn't get it.

"Who, Lisa?" He hopped up on the bar and took a swig. "She went all the way after getting married. Got another friend, Samantha - though we all call her Sam - and she calls herself a "woman with penis". Damnedest thing. But Lisa and me... She was called Leo then and, well, forgive an old man for graphic stuff, but most of what we did was oral but we did some more ah...advanced stuff too."

"She got the thing removed?" She asked softly, "That's what I wanted before... Rachel." She drank and looked over at her son. "He was an accident. I never wanted to use my thing but it kinda happened and like... as much as I know she understands that I'm a girl... she really likes my penis and she used to freak out when I would talk about getting it taken off." She sighed, "I just like... I wish that I succeeded in taking it off when I was little."

Andre winced at the idea of removing a penis, but tried to cover it with a long swallow of his beer. "Well, I don't know nothing about all that, but maybe you should talk to the girls some time about it. I bet they'd have some insight for you."

Santana laughed sardonically, "I was a fucked up five year old. My dad didn't let me alone when I was changing or bathing for awhile after that incident." She sighed and looked at her son, "Maybe it would be okay." Santana said, "Maybe.. maybe Rachel could talk to Lisa's husband?"

"Definitely. Tell you what," he hopped down off the bar and set his empty bottle on it, "how about I hold a barbecue at my place and invite the girls and their families or well, current fling in Sam's case, and you and Rachel come by with Aaron to meet them? I'll even get some of those weird soy patty things for your lady."

Santana nodded and drank down the rest of her beer with her nerves mounting. She got up and moved to pick up her son and cuddled him to her chest. "I just... I don't like people knowing... Only Rachel, my dad and Quinn and Puck know..." she sighed, "I guess my mother too... but she still considers me the other way if she doesn't consider me dead."

"I can understand that, Santana, but sometimes it doesn't hurt to let people know who can help. And you know neither Sam or Lisa or their families are going to out you since you're all the same." He reached over and tousled AJ's hair, "And there ain't no way I'm letting anything happen to my best worker. After all, who _else_ do you see throwing in to help on stock day?" He gestured around to the otherwise empty bar.

"Everyone else is getting educated and Puck's lazy." She smiled as she looked at her son. "Plus, I like my job and I get to bring baby-face here with me," she said as she kissed her son's head. "But I think like.. that sounds cool with your friends..."

"Great. I'll give them a call and set it up as soon as you tell me a day you and Rachel are free." He stepped over and brushed a hand through AJ's hair. "I like having the kid around. If you need to, you can set up one of those knockdown crib things in the office for him to sleep in when Rachel and the rest of you kids have too much on your plates and can't watch on work nights."

She smiled. "Thanks, dude," she said softly, "He's kinda the best thing in my world." She looked at the sleepy baby adoringly, "He's always so perfect and happy."

"And even I've seen him sleep through stuff that would wake me up and, pretty girl, Andre ain't no light sleeper." He teased, "Like when Johnny dropped a case of Bud during stocking last month. Whatever you girls do with that sweetheart to keep so calm, you oughta bottle and sell it."

Santana nodded nervously. She had been noticing that Aaron didn't pay attention to certain things. Like trucks backfiring as they passed outside their home... or Puck's voice at all... or even as she watched her son he didn't seem to be registering that Andre was speaking at all.

"Yeah... I mean... Yeah." she said with a stutter. "He's a good boy..." she kissed his temple in fear of finding out something might be wrong with her son.

"You okay, Santana?" Andre frowned worriedly, glancing over from where he was replacing bottles behind the bar. "You're looking a bit pale there."

"Yeah," she said before tucking the baby into his carseat for a nap and heading back behind the counter to work.

"Well, alright, Santana. There's a case of Beam in the back, can you grab it? We're getting low out here."

* * *

Santana carried her sleeping son in the house around dinner time. She knew Rachel would be home and she smiled at the smell of food wafting through the place. "Rach?" she called out as she threw her belongings on the couch and pulled Aaron's hat off him. She headed into the kitchen.

"In here, Santana," Rachel's voice came back from the kitchen.

"Hey, how was school?"

"Hi," Rachel smiled back at her from where she was busily stirring a pot of vegetable stew. "It was good. We're doing a unit on Shakespeare in Drama 101. While not my preferred musical theatre," she leaned up for a kiss then relaxed back into her fiancee's arms when they wrapped around her waist once AJ was settled in his playpen, "it's The Bard so I'm fascinated. How was work? Was Aaron well behaved?"

"Aaron was a little pile of awesome like always." She smiled as she kissed Rachel again. "It was good, stocking boxes... Andre gave me a beer because I yelled at him." She shrugged and pulled away to take off her sweatshirt so she could walk around in just her tank top.

Rachel startled, "Hold on, wait, _what_?" She turned to look at Santana with wide eyes, "You _yelled_ at him and he gave you a _beer_? Santana, what _happened_?"

"He asked me if I had a dick and spermed you up to make Aaron." She groaned, remembering the conversation in her head as she spoke. "It was not a pleasant moment."

Her jaw dropped in shock. "He asked you _what_? I'm sorry, Santana, but that does not sound at all like the man I know."

"Not in those words." She mumbled, "But he asked me about Aaron and said he had friends like me..." she sighed, "I didn't want anyone to know."

Rachel tapped her spoon on the pot and set it in its holder before coming over and wrapping her arms around Santana's waist, pulling her close. She rested her head on the girl's shoulder and sighed softly. "It's okay though, right? Nothing bad is going to happen because he knows. Right?" She was looking for reassurance, though she wouldn't admit it. "He's like a friend, Santana. He wouldn't do anything bad..."

"I know... I just don't want people like... guessing." She whispered and curled into her fiancee's arms. "He wants to have a BBQ with some of his friends who are like me... and one of them is married and maybe you and him could talk?"

"That doesn't sound so bad," Rachel murmured, gently stroking her hands over her fiancee's back. "Well, maybe the cooking murdered animals part," she teased, "but meeting people who know what you're going though... that doesn't sound so bad."

"Andre said that he'd get you soy-veggie burgers," Santana said softly. "But maybe it will be okay." She sighed and looked over at her baby. "Can... can we talk about Aaron for a second?"

Rachel bit her lip and looked nervously at the boy happily playing in his playpen. "What about him?"

She did her best to keep her voice light and cheerful, but inside she was worried. She'd noticed how he always managed to sleep through thunderstorms and even Puck had started commenting about how he didn't react to his voice. But she didn't want to say anything for fear that if she did - if something was wrong with their son - Santana wouldn't be able to deal with it and would leave.

"I... I think," she looked down at her feet, "I don't think... I don't think he can hear well." She knew this was bad. She knew that her perfect little thing was broken and she was scared that Rachel was going to leave. She was scared that it was her fault that the medications and the fact she shouldn't have been able to get Rachel pregnant... That everything had just sort of _combined_ to hurt her baby. "I'm so sorry."

Rachel bit her lip and pulled away to go pick up their son and cuddle him close. "But he can hear us," she whispered, the boy cooing happily and reaching for his mom. "He can hear us. That makes it okay, right? He's not... not deaf or anything, not really." She bounced him in her arms, making him laugh.

"But.. he can't like hear thunder... or like Puck or Andre or my dad..." she whispered as she looked at him sadly, "I'm sorry.. I didn't mean for him to get broken... it's all my fault."

Rachel held him protectively against her chest, "He's not broken! He's our _son_ , Santana! He's not _broken_!" She sounded scared and defensive, not wanting Santana to think AJ was somehow not right. She didn't want the girl to leave them, but she was also scared it was her fault he couldn't hear properly. Miguel had told her more than once that she should have added more animal proteins to her diet while she was carrying him, but she couldn't bring herself to do it and now she was scared that her unwillingness to deviate from her lifestyle for her son might have harmed him. "He's not broken," she whispered, nuzzling the side of his head, "he's not... he's perfect..."

"I know," Santana blinked away tears, slumping down in one of the kitchen chairs. "Please don't leave because he's not... please don't leave," She whimpered as she looked at her son then to Rachel. "I'm sorry I didn't know the medications could affect him..."

Rachel's head jerked up, startling AJ into crying for a moment before she instinctively calmed him down. She stared at Santana with a dropped jaw and open mouth. "L-l- _leave_? Why would I leave? Santana, you're all I _have_! You... you think I'll _leave_? Because our Aaron needs more help? W- _why_?"

"Because my mom left when I needed more help," she whispered. "Your dads left when you needed them... I can't do that to Aaron." She reached out to touch his hand. "I can't do this if you're not here."

"Santana," Rachel swallowed, blinking rapidly to hold back tears, "I want to _marry_ you, not _leave_. You and Aaron are all I have that's worth anything... I can't leave. I couldn't. I'm not your mom _or_ my dads... I thought... I thought you knew that." She sniffled softly.

"I'm so scared," she whispered. "I just... I want him to be okay. I don't want him to get picked on or not be able to hear you sing..." She pressed a kiss to his head, "I want him to be okay."

"He _is_ okay," she insisted, watching Santana carefully. "So what if he can't hear everything? We love him anyway, right? And Quinn and Noah and your dad and... and everyone who knows him. So what if he needs more help? That's why we're his parents, right? To help him?"

She nodded, "I just..." she whispered, "I wanted him to be whole and not have parts missing."

"Santana!" Rachel scolded, holding AJ close. "Our son doesn't have _parts missing_! He is all here and _healthy_ and if he can't hear everything, at least we know he can hear _us_. Isn't that what's important?" She smiled hopefully up at Santana, "He can hear our voices and we can tell him how loved he is..."

Santana sniffled, "I just... want his life to be easy." She whispered, "I want... I want him to be better and I don't want him to have to struggle."

"Life is _about_ struggling, Santana," Rachel murmured, reaching out to pull Santana close and hold her whole family. "It makes us who we are and I, for one, think I'm better for struggling while I was younger. He's going to be better than us, you'll see."

Santana just rested her head on Rachel's shoulder opposite from her son. She watched him as he made faces and cuddled into his mothers. "We should see a doctor with him."

"Okay," Rachel whispered, kissing Santana's cheek and moving AJ so he was cradled between them, "so long as you stop acting like he's... _defective_ or something. He's our son, Santana. There's nothing that can be wrong enough to make me leave. I promise you. Even if he couldn't hear at all and never heard our voices at all, I'd still stay. I love you, Santana. You and our son."

"I'm just nervous." She whispered, "I feel like it's my fault..." she said softly as she pressed kisses to his nose and forehead. "I just... I love him so much, Rachel."

"I know you do and this isn't your fault," Rachel hugged her, sliding the boy fully into Santana's arms so she could hold her lover. "No more than it's my fault for staying vegan when your dad kept telling me it could be bad for him," she admitted softly. "This is just how he was meant to be and we're going to love him anyway."

Santana cuddled her boy. "Rachel... can we take a bath with him? Have some bonding times?"

Rachel laughed softly, happy that their little crisis seemed to be averted. "Certainly we can. Just let me turn the heat down on the stew and it'll be ready when we're done, okay?"

Santana nodded and headed to the bathroom on the first floor and started to undress the baby. "We'll be okay." she whispered to him.

In the kitchen, Rachel put a lid on the stew and set it to simmer before straightening up, giving Santana some alone time with their boy. She was worried about her girl and sent a text to her soon to be father-in-law to give Santana a call that night. When he texted back, she sent that they were worried that AJ may have hearing loss and Santana was upset. He sent that he'd definitely call later before she set the phone down and headed into the bathroom.

Santana had put some of the baby bubbles into the bath and started the water. She had stripped down except her underpants and was holding her naked son against her bare chest. She was singing to him softly - she had started using _Songbird_ as her lullaby for him when he was first born and continued to use it for him now. AJ reached his little hand out and tangled it in Santana's braid as she sang to him.

"See?" Rachel whispered, taking her clothes off with a soft smile as she watched her fiancee and their son. "He hears you." It was obvious to her that even when Santana sang without touching him that he responded and calmed down. Stripping off the last of her clothes, she came over and wrapped her arms around her from behind, placing gentle kisses against her back. "He's still our perfect boy, sweetheart. Because he's ours. Also, have I mentioned how beautiful you look like this lately?"

"Half naked with baby?" She smiled and turned and cradled him between them. "He wants you though... he's been trying to eat my boob and God knows nothing is in there for hims" she said as she handed him over to his mother. She pushed off her boxers and slid into the water, opening her arms for her fiancee.

" _Mostly_ naked with baby," Rachel pointed out with a mischievous smile and waggle of her brows, "and there _could_ be something in them for him if you wanted to go through the effort of inducing lactation without being pregnant." She slid into the tub and nestled back against Santana's chest, cradling AJ against her chest and helping him latch on, "After all, if men can do it, then I see no reason why my amazing fiancee can't." She glanced back over her shoulder with a smirk, "Have I mentioned the latest variation in my Tony's dream to you yet?"

"I would truly rather not go through that process thank you," she said with an eyeroll, she wrapped her arms around Rachel's waist and watched Aaron nurse. "What's your Tony dream, baby?"

"I dreamed that I got to the awards show. There's the red carpet and I'm in a limo and there's just thousands and thousands of bright flashing lights." She leaned back into Santana's embrace, carefully adjusting AJ to keep him from getting too wet while he nursed, "And I get out of the limo and everyone's smiling and taking my photo and calling my name."

She glanced back at Santana with a shy blush, "But then I stop and turn around to hold my hand out to where the limo's door is still open. And this red gloved hand grasps mine. And I pull the person out of the limo and she is _gorgeous_. She has this beautiful red dress on and, mmm! I could just eat her up! And there on her left hand is this," she tugs Santana's hand up, showing her the ring she'd proposed with, "with a simple gold band behind it. And everyone is so envious. Even those hot male stars are all but drooling."

Rachel leaned back and kissed Santana softly, "Because _my_ wife is the hottest, sexiest woman at the entire event and they all wish they could be the one to take her home. But all I can think is how it doesn't matter if I win or lose for the categories I've been nominated for, because I won the biggest prize when Santana Lopez promised to be my wife." She pulled away and smiled at Santana, "I think that's my new favorite Tony dream too, by the way."

"I like that dream," Santana whispered. "I like it a lot." She pressed a few kisses to the girl's neck, "I think that one day it will be a reality and our son will be sitting at home with his Aunt Quinn or his grandpa and drinking hot cocoa and waiting to see his mom be called out and given a award for her brilliance." She ran her fingers down Rachel's arms, "Then you'll come home and put it on the shelf next to all your other awards and Aaron's like pee-wee soccer trophy and our wedding photo."

"Definitely," Rachel nodded, brushing wet fingers over his head, "and when he's old enough, he'll come with us and then I definitely can't lose. Not with both of your smiling faces in the audience." Her voice softened, "You make me believe I really can do it, Santana. More than just the desperate wanting of a child. You make the woman I like to think I'm becoming believe it can be more than just a dream. Thank you."

"It's what I'm here for. You're gonna achieve everything you want. You're gonna be on Broadway and Aaron and I will be so proud of you ever step of the way," she said adoringly as she smiled at her son when he decided he was finished. "Isn't that right, AJ?" she said when Rachel brought up her legs and rested him on her thighs. "You're gonna be Mommy's biggest fan?"

He laughed and reached for his mami where he could see her over Rachel's shoulder. Rachel just chuckled and shifted him so he could reach his other mom. "We're gonna be your biggest fans too, Santana," she murmured, patting his back. "Whatever you decide to do, I know you'll be amazing at it."

"What if," she whispered as she played with her baby's hands. "What if I just wanna be a mom?" she asked.

Rachel smiled, catching one of her hands and bringing it around so she could kiss the knuckles. "Then you'll be an amazing mom." She said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "If that's what you want, then I support you. Completely, Santana." She looked back over her shoulder, "Isn't that what fiancees do?"

"Totally." Santana smiled and held them both, gently getting the washcloth and bathing her son. "I just don't really don't know what I wanna do... except you know like support you and Aaron. So, I'll keep at the bar and maybe get my degree in something like business or whatever just in case."

"That sounds suspiciously like a plan, love," Rachel teased, relaxing into her lover and helping her clean AJ. "I like that idea."

Santana just nodded and watched Aaron look around. "How much do you think he hears? I know he can hear us... but like what about everything else?"

"I don't know," Rachel admitted softly. "I know he doesn't react to thunderstorms or Noah or really your dad. But he seems to hear Quinn. We should take him to a specialist, use some of the money in my trust - don't worry, I'm sure it won't cost so much it'll impact our abilities to continue attending school by taking our son to have his hearing checked."

"We have my dad's insurance so it won't cost too much at all," she said as she looked at the boy again, "I hope he can hear you sing," she said softly. "I know he can't hear me and Puck on the guitar though." she whispered sadly.

"He'll be able to hear you sing," she spoke with assurance, convinced it was true. "He will. We'll get him one of those special hearing enhancers if we have to, but he'll be able to hear you. I promise he will."

Santana smiled, "You know the little bastard is gonna like flush them down the toilet." She said as she looked at her son with a smirk, "He is my baby, and I used to like get into all kinds of trouble."

"Santana, do not call our son that!" Rachel scolded, slapping her thigh through the water, causing AJ to splash as well as she let him back down against her thighs. "But, I know he can hear you sing _Songbird_ to him. I can see him watch you while you're singing. Even when you're not looking at him. He looks right at you."

"Doesn't mean he's not gonna be a little bit insane... he is _our_ child!" she smiled as she played with his kicking feet. "He's gonna be crazy."

"True, but that's what makes him so lovable." She smiled down at the happy baby leaning against her thighs, "Just like his mami."

"He's gonna be my partner in crime." she smiled as she poked his belly button causing him to giggle uncontrollably.

"Do you need capes?" Rachel teased, shivering slightly, "I think it might be time to get out and have dinner before this water gets much colder. I made vegetable stew with barley, cilantro, lime and peppers just for you. There's flatbread or tortillas to go with, which would you prefer?"

"Please, baby, tortillas." She smiled as she held and rinsed off Aaron when Rachel got out she handed him over to her lover when she held out the dragon towel to her. Santana got up and wrapped a towel around herself before taking the baby back into her arms. "Come on, Aaron the Magic Dragon," she smiled and dried the squirmy baby off, "Let's go get dressed with mommies and we can have some dinner."

AJ laughed and clung to Santana as she headed out of the room towards the bedroom. Rachel just shook her head with a smile, following after.


	30. Chapter 30

**Chapter 30**

The day of the barbecue dawned cool and clear. By the afternoon it had warmed up to something warmer than cool, but the sky was still a nice, cloudless blue. Rachel looked down at the scrap of paper in her hand to the modest house and back again before looking over at Santana sitting in the driver's seat.

"Are you certain he gave you this address?" She looked uncertain, looking again between the paper and the single story white sided house with the handful of cars parked in the driveway. It looked the very picture of suburbia and she was having a difficult time correlating it with the boisterous personality of the man they knew.

Santana nodded and parked on the street. "I know it's a little... stifling to be Andre's but I guess it's what it is." She threw the car in park and leaned over and kissed Rachel softly, "I love you and I need you to know I'm scared right now," she admitted as she threw her keys in the diaper bag and got out of the car. She unbuckled the baby and handed him to Rachel once he was out so she could grab the pop up crib and his toys.

"You're not the only one," Rachel admitted softly, watching Santana as she cradled their boy, "but we're together so we can handle it. Right? Besides, we have Aaron with us and who can resist this cute little face?" She pinched his cheek, making him laugh, "No one, that's who!"

"He's like the best awkward moment buffer ever." She smiled and kissed his nose before taking Rachel's hand. "Let's do this." She walked up to the door and knocked on the wood before looking at her feet then back up faking a smile and confidence.

"I know a better confidence booster," Rachel murmured, getting a grip on Santana's collar and pulling her down for a possessive kiss, giving her lower lip a bite as she pulled away as she heard footsteps behind the door. She looked up at her lover with darkened eyes and a smirk as she smoothed a bit of her lipstick from her lover's lower lip with her thumb. "I love you, you know." She took her hand and brushed her lips over the knuckles, "Feel any better?"

"I love you too, and I feel lots better." She smiled and smoothed out her button down shirt that was neatly tucked into her skinny jeans. Andre opened the door with a grin when he saw the young family.

"Look at you!" He exclaimed as he leaned in and kissed Rachel's cheeks twice and then did the same to Santana. "You both look lovely and so does this little guy." He said as he tapped the fedora on the baby's head.

"Yes, Santana does know how to make a young man look especially dapper, even when he's not even a year old yet," Rachel teased, squeezing her lover's hand. "It's good to see you again, Andre. I'm terribly sorry I haven't been able to come by the bar lately."

"You're busy with these two and school. I wonder how you do it some days." He smirked as he took the playpen from Santana. "Come on, come in." he stated as she ushered the girls into the house. "So this is my house, it's quaint but lovely enough." There were voices mostly coming from the yard, but in the kitchen was a relatively thin tall man pulling bruchetta out of the oven.

"Chris?" Andre called, the man looked up with a soft smile. "This is Rachel, Santana and their son Aaron."

Santana gave a slight wave and smiled, "Hey, nice to finally meet you," She said, after hearing about the man constantly for the last few months that Andre had been seeing him.

"You too, Santana." he smiled. "It's nice to meet you as well, Rachel."

Rachel hesitated for a moment, not expecting to be confronted with a couple that reminded her so much of her fathers but she quickly shook it off and offered Chris one of her best show-stopping smiles as she held out a hand. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Chris. Thank you very much for having us over to your home, Andre. Not too many people are interested in being visited by a nineteen year old lesbian couple with an infant in tow, so we don't get many invitations."

"Well, we're a little bit special here," he smiled before taking the plate out to the back yard. "Follow along I want to show you off." Andre drawled as he gestured for them to follow.

"Can... can I hold Aaron?" Santana asked nervously as she reached for him.

"Please," Rachel replied handing their son off to his favorite mom, "I need my hands free for meet and greets and to keep greedy hands off my woman!" She winked at her fianc? with a sassy smirk and headed out after Andre and Chris.

Santana cuddled her son and followed them out. There were about five people outside congregating around a few tables. Most everyone was in their mid 30's or older and they all kinda looked up when Andre clapped his hands.

"The women of the hour!" Andre announced. "This is Santana and Rachel. Santana works for me and Rachel is her lovely girlfriend whom, may I add, sings beautifully," he said adoringly and looked at Santana, "Oh! And their baby! He's Aaron."

Santana just waved slightly and held the baby closer.

"Hello, everyone!" Rachel waved exuberantly, hiding her nervousness under her patented Broadway bravado. "My fianc? and I are thrilled to be invited to your little soir? and to have extended the invite to our little Aaron?" She grinned and laid a hand again her chest. "You're all simply too kind."

A tall woman with bright red hair, clothes that Kurt would have described as "screaming look at me!", and a complexion not far from cafe au lait smiled and abandoned the woman she was with to come and shake Rachel and Santana's hand. "There is simply no _way_ you aren't Rachel," she smiled, "so that beauty behind you must be your intended. Am I wrong?"

Rachel shook her head with a proud smile, but the woman continued before she could say anything. "Oh excellent. I'm Samantha, by the way, though everyone just calls me Sam. That pretty thing over by the hor d'vours is my date, the lucky girl. Her name's Missy...or maybe Mindy? Oh well. The pretty blonde is Lisa and that's her husband Charlie. Their son Teddy is around somewhere," she looked around for a moment but just shook her head. "Ah well, you'll know him when you see him!"

Rachel stared with wide eyes almost in awe of the sheer force of personality the woman was emitting.

Santana's jaw hung open. Someone just out personalitied her lover. "You talk faster and longer than she does." The girl gaped as she looked at Sam.

Sam laughed, "Sweetheart, don't you know? Faster and longer's what I'm all about." She winked at Santana making Rachel glower.

"Hey-" she began after laying a possessive hand on Santana's arm, only to be cut off by a soft voice.

"Lay off the girls, Sam. They're a bit young for your style of friendliness right off the bat." The woman was smaller than Sam by almost a foot and slender. Her long blonde hair fell in a smooth cascade past her shoulders and her clothes were tastefully understated but of good quality and design. She rested a slim hand on Sam's shoulder and gently eased her out of the way before offering her left hand. "Hello, girls. I'm Lisa and that's my husband Charlie as Sam told you. Please, come sit down and relax. This supposed to be a party not a meat market, no matter what my friend's behavior may imply."

Santana blushed and hugged her son. "It's nice to meet you... we.. we really don't know anyone in New Orleans except our housemates - who we brought from Ohio - and Andre."

"Well that simply won't do," Sam gushed, getting behind the girls and pushing them towards a couple of empty seats at the table. "A couple of lovely ladies like you? Andre says you've been in town over half a year already and he's been keeping you all to himself, the miserable old coot!"

"Girl, you're just upset you can't get with my fine ass!" Andre called from over by the grill.

Chris rolled his eyes, "Old man, I'm surprised she _hasn't_. You know if she crossed you'd be all over that."

"But she's not and she won't, so don't you be spreading no tales about Mrs. Jenner's favorite daughter now!" Sam laughed, picking up what looked distinctly like a Mimosa and taking a long sip. "This queen bee is _all_ woman. No old gay boy is going to perk _my_ stinger up."

"Sam, that is just crude." Lisa shook her head, sitting back down next to Charlie and leaning up to kiss his cheek.

The man smiled down at her, "Liece, you know that's just how she is." He slipped an arm around her shoulders before smiling over at the girls, "And who's the dapper young man escorting you girls today?"

Santana moved to sit down in the empty chairs with AJ while Rachel sat next to them. "This is our son." She said as she turned him around and fixed his little hat and his pink polo shirt. "Aaron." she said as she made his hand wave. "He's eight months."

Charlie smiled and waved back, making the boy giggle. "He's pretty fly for a little guy," he grinned at Santana, "Yours? Cause he looks like you."

"Uh," she looked over to Andre not sure what he had told the group of people about her.

"Of course he's hers," Rachel replied glibly, smiling and leaning on the table to play with one of AJ's hands as he reached for her after she spoke. "Where else could he get these cute little dimples or that curly hair?" He laughed and gurgled, bouncing in Santana's lap, "Or that ladykiller smile? You're just the picture of your mami, aren't you Aaron? Yes, you are!"

Santana blushed and looked down still not 100% comfortable taking biological credit for her son with people she didn't really know.

"Santana... don't worry, alright? We're all friends here," Andre comforted as he handed them glasses of soda.

"Yeah... It's still just strange for me." She said softly as her eyes kept downcast. "Yeah, but he's ours."

"Oh!" Charlie looked started, looking between them, "Both of yours?" He blushed, "I'm sorry, I thought... well, I thought you were the mom, Santana."

Lisa rolled her eyes, "Ignore him. He's an idiot sometimes. Loveable and I wouldn't trade him, but an idiot nonetheless."

"Yeah," she reached over and took Rachel's hand for strength. "Yeah, he's um biologically both of us but the Hispanic genes kinda seep through more than the Jewish ones," she teased and fiance and played with the ring on the girl's left hand.

"That's probably a good thing," Rachel pointed out, moving to lean into Santana and rest her head on her shoulder with a pleased smile at how things were going. "His nose is far less prominent than mine for example and I love how healthy his natural tan makes him look. We made one handsome baby, don't you think?" She kissed Santana cheek.

"Awww," Sam gushed, knocking back the rest of her drink and ousting her date from her chair, only to pull the woman back down onto her lap with a giggle, "aren't they just adorable? Shame on you, Andre, for hiding them from us!"

"So you're like Sam and I?" Lisa inquired with a soft smile for Santana, "I applaud your courage for being who you were meant to be at such a young age. And you for being with her, Rachel."

Rachel blushed, "I love her. There's no need for courage." She lifted Santana's hand so she could kiss it, "She's my soul mate and I'll stay by her side as long as God permits."

"I was..." she took a breath, "I like was never really a boy. I, um... have been living as a girl since my dad took me away from my mom when I was like five." She said, "It's not really anything courageous... my dad just wanted to keep me alive rather than have a dead son." She kissed her fiancee's head and forced a smile. "So.. yeah."

"It still takes courage," Lisa pointed out with a smile, "especially as a lesbian and with a child. I'm jealous, in a way. I'll never have a child that's biologically mine. Teddy's a sweetheart, and I'd never trade him," she glanced over at where the boy was rolling around in the yard with Andre's yellow lab, "but he's not mine and Charlie's the way Aaron is yours and Rachel's. You're quite lucky."

"We didn't know it could happen..." she said honestly, "He was kinda an accident and probably the only one we can ever have so... yeah." She said softly as she kissed her son's temple.

Andre watched Santana's face, knowing she was depressed and it upset him that he couldn't help her out.

"Accident or not, he's a cute kid," Sam pointed out from across the table. "And the two of you are adorable together. Adding him just makes it like mind-boggling cute." She laughed, "And who cares about the lesbians with a baby stuff! Look where you are! Be loud, be flamboyant!"

"Or even shut up before my neighbors complain!" Andre entreated, helping Chris bring over a large plate of grilled chicken and a special soy burger just for Rachel.

"And before you ask, my dear," Chris smiled down at Rachel, setting the burger in front of her with a flourish, "we cooked it first and just kept the patty warming on the side grill while everything else was cooking so no cross-contaminates."

She blushed softly, reaching over to take a sip of her soda, not at all used to being catered to like that. "Thank you, Chris. I appreciate it."

"Think nothing of it." He smiled, heading over to sit down with his boyfriend.

Santana smiled and picked a container and a banana out of her bag. She smooshed it into a bowl and put some breast milk into the mash and picked up a spoon. She put his hat on the bag and kissed his mop of hair.

"Rae? I'm braiding this mess this weekend," She said as she fed little bites to Aaron.

"Ghetto baby!" Andre smiled.

AJ laughed and reached for his mom's hand as she fed him, pretending to feed himself. Rachel just rolled her eyes. "If you insist, sweetheart, I'm not going to stop you. But you're in charge of washing it out if you do."

"Yeah yeah," she smiled as she fed him and looked up to see everyone beaming. "Sorry, he will cry if he can't eat too."

"It's alright, Santana, I'm sure Rachel wouldn't be interested in flashing around a letcher like Sam," the woman in question gaped for a moment in shock before deciding it was a compliment and grinning, "and it's entirely natural to want to take care of your baby," Lisa pointed out, fixing a plate for her son as Charlie fixed ones for him and his wife. "Teddy, come eat!"

The twelve year old romped over to the table, hopping into a seat and waving at Santana and Rachel only to scowl as his mom hit his hands with wet wipes. "Mom!"

"Don't mom me, young man. If you want to come to the table without washing your hands after playing with a dog, you get wet wiped." Lisa scolded as Charlie tried not to laugh.

"But mooooom!" He whined, trying to get away but she just widened her eyes mockingly at him and didn't stop until he was finally clean to her standards. "You're mean."

"And you were dirty. Deal with it." Lisa gave him a look before turning back to her own plate.

The boy rolled his eyes then smiled at Santana and Rachel. "Hi! I'm Teddy!" He reached across the table to shake hands. "You're friends with my mom and dad?"

Santana shook his hand, "Hey, Teddy." She smiled, "Yeah I guess we are." She looked at him, "I work for Andre. This is my wife and son, Rachel and Aaron."

"Santana, we're not married _yet_ ," Rachel chided, smirking at her, "and don't think you're getting out of a wedding just cause you want to call me your wife while I'm still your fiancee."

"She's cute," Teddy grinned at Rachel showing off his dimples. "Wanna marry me instead?"

"Teddy!" Lisa gasped, blushing as her husband started laughing so hard he almost choked on a piece of chicken, prompting Sam to wallop him on the back until he started coughing.

"Sorry, bro," Santana said, "she's mine." She cut up her chicken carefully and only took a bit and mostly just salad.

"Aww," Teddy pouted, picking up a scoop of mac and cheese on his fork, "But I'd be a really good husband. Just like Dad is with Mom. Promise!"

"Sorry, Teddy," Rachel smiled graciously, ignoring the blush spreading over her cheeks as she picked at her salad, "but Santana's the only one for me. I'm sure you'll find a lovely girl someday though."

"Plus, she might be your size but she's much older than you." Santana smiled,"But you're a cute kid." She ate slowly dodging AJ's attempts to steal her food.

Rachel rolled her eyes. "Santana Lopez, I am _not_ kid-sized," she huffed taking a bite of her burger then looking at it with wide eyes. "Oh! This is delicious!"

"My own recipe," Chris smiled. "I'm glad you like it."

"I definitely like it!" Rachel smiled happily, "Santana, you have to try this!" She offered the burger to her fiancee with a grin. "It is far superior to the brands carried at the market, don't you think?"

Santana took a small bite and nodded, "So good, Chris." She smiled before going back to her salad.

Andre smirked, "My man can cook. He's a chef at one of the fancy hotels downtown."

"And only half your age, old man," Chris teased, popping a piece of chicken into Andre's protesting mouth.

"So, Santana, are you gonna start coming to the meetings?" Sam asked curiously, stripping a drumstick with her teeth, "Andre, you _did_ tell her about the meetings, right?"

Santana's brow furrowed, "Meetings? I'm.. I don't have a drinking problem..."

"It's not about drinking," Lisa laughed softly, "but more about being part of the... community. Of people whose... insides don't match their outsides so to speak."

"And there are far too few sexy women there already!" Sam complained with a pout, "Not that I don't like a big strong man every now and then, but these poor eyes miss a pretty face here and there."

"Sam, I will remind you once, she's engaged. To _me_ ," Rachel placed a hand on Santana's arm and leaned across the table, glowering at Sam. "So kindly refrain from _inveigling_ my future wife to some... some _debauchery_ with you!"

The taller woman blinked wide eyed, "Sweetheart, while I might flirt, I do not _encroach_. Santana is your lady and I have no intentions of picking her up off you."

Santana just looked confused, "Like a support group? Is it full of chicks that used to be dudes cause I was in one like that in Ohio but I hated it." she said as she crunched on a carrot. "I don't really know I'm comfortable with too many people knowing..."

"Well, it's more about being around people like us," Sam explained, feeling bad about riling up Rachel. "People who are special and about the people lucky enough to love us."

"What Sam is trying to say is that it's kind of a support group, but also a social group. And there are more men in the group than women, but we're," she gestured between her and Sam, "not the only ones there, I assure you. And, unlike groups I was in in other cities, our families are welcome too."

Charlie set down the bone he'd been stripping clean and wiped his mouth before speaking. "You've got no idea how grateful I was to be able to talk to some of them when Lisa started preparing for her operation. It was a lot more scary than a guy like me should be admitting, to be honest."

"You... you had the operation?" Santana asked softly, "Can... I talk to you about it once day?" she bit her lip and looked at Rachel hesitantly, "We could go sometime... I mean... yeah."

Andre smiled, "I think it would be good for you. You kinda live in a bubble, girls, everyone here will take care of you. I promise."

"Yes, I did," Lisa nodded, leaning into her husband, "and yes, you can. If you need or want to."

Rachel slid her hand over Santana's thigh and squeezed gently, smiling at her supportively. "That sounds wonderful. It'll be nice to meet new people and expand our circle a bit. And I admit, it would be exceptionally nice to have people who understand how amazing it is to love someone as special as my Santana."

Santana nodded and everyone continued to eat with mild chatter. Once everyone was done, she excused herself and took AJ to change his diaper and to set up his playpen in the living room. She took off his little jeans and rubbed his tummy as she sang softly to him, smiling as she heard Rachel talking animatedly to Andre and his boyfriend through the screen door.

"You have a lovely voice," came a soft voice from behind her. Soon it was revealed to be Lisa as the woman came over to sit on the loveseat beside where Santana was playing with AJ on the floor. "And a wonderful little family. I meant what I said earlier. You're very lucky."

"Thank you," Santana smiled honestly as she looked up from her boy, "Yours is lovely too." She said as she cradled AJ in her arms and continued to rub his stomach trying to get him to fall asleep.

Lisa sighed softly as she watched with a gentle smile, "I wish I had thought to save my sperm before going through with transitioning. Then at least Charlie and I could use a surrogate and have a little baby of our own. I've never been interested in women though, so even if I'd remained whole, I wouldn't have been able to create a life like you did. I admit, I'm a little jealous."

"I mean... I've been with a guy," she said softly, "but, It made me feel just like gay dude, you know?" She asked as she looked down at her hands. "Then like... Rachel happened and I guess I've always thought women were attractive but like... she's fucking beautiful." Santana smiled as she looked out the window at where her fiancee was entertaining their host with an involved tale. "Aaron... he, well, happened when I convinced myself that I didn't have a real penis and she thought I was like intersexed or something... I don't even know. We didn't talk much in the beginning."

"Mmhmm," Lisa nodded, "I got the surgery because I wanted to be with Charlie like a woman and I couldn't as long as I still had it. He was always understanding... well, after he came back anyway."

"He left?" she asked softly, "But like... does the surgery... it doesn't, like, make it like a chick... I wanted it for so long and then, Rachel didn't want it so I moved us to here with the baby," she admitted, "I just hate waking up to this thing every day."

"He left," Lisa nodded, "right after I told him that I'd been born in the body of a man and was transitioning. It took him nearly six months before he came back and it was almost two years before it felt like we were anything more than just friends. But the surgery... it's not like the horror stories from the sixties any more. I," she smiled shyly, "I like to think I look fully female now and Charlie certainly doesn't complain about how anything works. But why don't you think Rachel wants you to be fully female?"

"When I told her before.. she freaked out," Santana admitted. "She didn't want me to have it because she thought I wouldn't need her or want her anymore." She sighed and looked at their son. "She cried a lot, and so did I." She looked down, "I just... she didn't know how to love me without my dick... and I don't know how to be okay with it."

"Ah, and now?" Lisa cocked her head to the side and watched Santana interestedly, "I noticed you both have rings and using terms like fiancee and wife... that usually means you're in things for the long haul. Is she still convinced you won't need or want her?"

"I broke down a few weeks ago... She said if it will make me happy, she'll be ok," she whimpered and looked at her son. "I just have no freaking idea anymore."

"Sweetheart, it's up to you to decide what you need to be happy." Lisa reached out and gently squeezed Santana's shoulder. "Just take your time, talk to people and figure out what's best for you. For me that was getting bottom surgery as well as top. For Sam that was just top. Some women just get hormone replacement and that's enough for them. There is no wrong path okay? Whatever is right for you is right. And, I think I'd like to call someone like you and your fiancee as my friends, so if you need to talk..."

Santana nodded, "Maybe... when we're better friends..." She whispered, "I... can you show me what it looks like?" she bit her lip, "I don't really know. I've only seen photos and they're pretty scary."

Lisa's eyes went wide and she blushed with an awkward smile. "And that's why Sam calls us special," she laughed eventually. "Most people wouldn't be so bold as to ask to see a person's special place until they at least had a few drinks in them! But, if it would make you feel better, then it's possible. I have photos from right after my surgery that my doctor took that might be less...personal than a one-on-one viewing that might make both of our partners less than happy, okay?"

Santana nodded, "Thank you... I'm... I'm just scared I'll look like a barbie doll." She pouted and sighed, "I'm also scared it won't work... I'm just... I really, really like sex."

"Well I can definitely tell you that you won't look like a Barbie doll," Lisa reassured her. "And I may be married but if it's not too much coming from an old married woman like me, but I find sex entirely enjoyable with my Charlie now. Far more than I did before."

"I was told I could lose all feeling..." She said, "like... Sam kept hers... Does she still use it?" She asked slightly in wonder, overwhelmed that there were others like her.

Lisa sat back in her seat and regarded Santana for a moment. "Honestly? It's probably _possible_ to lose all feeling. _I_ didn't, but I'm sure there's someone out there with a horror story from going to some cut-rate surgeon or being too proud to ask for help when something wrong happens. Just like there's people out there who have caught on fire during surgeries or been hit by lightening multiple times. You'd have to talk to your doctor to know what your likelihood is. As for Sam," she grimaced slightly, "you'd have to ask her but be aware she will _gleefully_ regal you with her exploits if you do."

"I just... I hated knowing I was man enough to produce a baby." She admitted, " I love him more than life.. But I'm a girl... I shouldn't have been able to..."

"Do you know how many women out there, both born complete and not, wish they could do what you've done, Santana?" Lisa asked curiously. "To hell with man enough, you're a lesbian who managed to have a child with your lover. And you did it _together_. There was no doctor involved to get Rachel inseminated with a _stranger's_ sperm. Just you and her together and you made a baby that's part of both of you. That's a miraculous thing. Stop worrying so much about _how_ it happened and realize that _by_ it happening you've managed to live the dream of generations of lesbians."

She offered a wry smirk, "As Sam would no doubt say, that probably makes you a super-lesbian, not a man, Santana. And I've heard her call _herself_ that while drunk and she _hasn't_ created children. Thank God."

Santana giggled as she nuzzled her baby's head. "Rachel's amazing though... She's never treated me as anything but a girl and I love her for that," she said softly as she looked at the older woman. "I'm just scared because she has to deal with my crazy and the fact I'm depressed all the damn time."

"That's why you have to open up and talk to a professional, Santana. I'm not a doctor, so all I know is my nearly twelve years of experience more than you and what I went through. But I also didn't really start to transition until I was in high school and you've clearly been at it longer than I too." Lisa shrugged, "I'm sorry I'm probably not much help..."

"It's just... I'm just like it's cool knowing people who are like me." She shrugged and got up and laid the baby down in the crib. "The group that I went to was all like drag queens and dudes who used to be chicks."

"Yes, it does seem there's fewer of us at support groups." Lisa shrugged, patting the other side of the seat as an invitation for Santana to sit down, "Perhaps because there are natural women who view those of us who retain our... equipment, if you will, as a threat." Her lips quirked unpleasantly, "After all, if you have a functioning penis, you must be intending to rape a woman, am I wrong?" She shook her head, "I hope to God you never meet those sorts of ﾑfeminists', Santana. You, Rachel or Aaron."

"Yeah well.. no one will ever know about it." She shrugged and sat down next to Lisa. "It's my thing and Rachel's.. no one else needs to know so that's good. I'm small and everyone thinks I'm a girl so it's fine."

"Absolutely," Lisa nodded. "Honestly, you come across more as a natural born woman than Sam does and she doesn't have too much trouble. If I had to guess, I'd say the only people who guess you're special like Sam and I either know people like us or have know you for a long time. Am I wrong?"

"Even then, I kept it secret for like my entire high school and grade school education." She shrugged, "I'm just really small and took hormones that postponed puberty."

"And now? You're speaking in the past tense, which, to me, implies that you've stopped postponing that. You still have a very sweet voice," Lisa leaned back into the arm of the love seat and watched Santana. "Unlike some of us old mares who had to get reconstructive surgery for our voices because we didn't start so early," she added, stroking her throat with a wry smirk. "Lots of money went into making this body right."

"I'm working on changing my meds. I still take medications to try to make sure I don't get all gross overnight and whatever, but like it must have stopped working so much to the fact I could produce enough _whatever_ to produce Aaron..." she shrugged, "but like... my dad gave up a lot for me. Not just the surgery and medications... but like having to start over and get divorced and give up everything for me. Plus my boobs were costly as fuck."

"Yes, but they seem very nice," Lisa teased gently. "And as for things not working, maybe you were just intended to have him with Rachel. Maybe you were just so very fertile that the hormones couldn't stop all of your fertility and all it really takes is one after all. Had you ever been checked to see if you were sterile or was it just assumed?"

"Yeah. My dad's a doctor," she said softly. "He and my endocrinologist were like 99% sure it wasn't gonna work because of the medication and I have super low testosterone." She shrugged and looked out the window where Rachel was playing cards with Chris.

"Yes, but things unchecked are things unknown," Lisa pointed out reaching over to lightly tap Santana's nose. "And now you have a son and a woman who not only loves you but treats you as you are, not as part of you is shaped. That doesn't seem so bad."

"It's not. It's just a lot some days. Being eighteen with a kid and school and all of this other crap kinda sucks sometimes." she said, "But you and your husband and son are cute. I'm glad I was able to come today. That we could meet you."

"I'm glad I was able to meet you and your family too, Santana." Lisa smiled at her pulling a card out of her pocket that declared her to be a real estate agent. "Here, it's my business card, but that's my personal cell and email if you ever want to chat outside of social situations."

Santana smiled and put her card into her pocket. "Thanks, I'm gonna go check on Rachel," she said as she stood up and checked on her son one more time before heading outside and plopping down in her fiancee's lap. "Your son's asleep."

Rachel tossed her hand down, cards forgotten in favor of her beautiful lover. Her arms wrapped around Santana's waist and she smiled up at her. "Oh, is he? Did you have a nice chat with Lisa?"

The taller girl nodded and kissed Rae's read. "You having fun? Sam behaving?" she asked softly.

"I don't think you could call that strictly _behaving_ ," Rachel groused, nodding towards where the woman had her date astride her lap and was making out with her, "but as long as she stays away from you, I'm fine with her. But I am enjoying myself. I've never really been to many social functions and this seems an admirable example." She smiled up at Santana, unaware of how cloistered she'd just reminded her lover she'd been by the social constructs in school.

"I've never been to one I didn't have to worry about someone grabbing my ass or junk," she said as she kissed Rachel softly, "but whatever... It's what it is."

Rachel kissed back for a moment before pulling away with a smile. "I never realized that high school celebrations were so raucous, Santana. The one we had at my house didn't seem that bad..."

"I was on top of Sam!" she whispered. "Thank God he did nothing for my sex drive."

"I'm very thankful that only I get to be the only one to get the full experience of your sex drive, love," Rachel blushed, "but I'm afraid, my memories of that night are predominately of you yelling you wanted me and getting hit in the face with Brittany's bra while staring slightly too fixedly at you after..."

"That was totally part of the song!" she exclaimed, "I was just singing along while you and Blaine vocally fucked! Though Kurt's face was priceless the entire night."

Rachel laughed, "I'm sorry, sweetheart, but no, it's not."

Santana pouted, "Yes, it is."

Andre came over and sat next to his boyfriend with a smile, "I told you they were cute."

"Mmhmm," Chris agreed, "they're so young though..."

"It's definitely not," Rachel teased, leaning up to kiss her softly.

"They're not that much younger than _you_ , smartypants." Andre pointed out, wrapping an arm around his boyfriend's shoulders. "It's young love. I hope it lasts for their sakes."

"Hey! Just cause you're a cougar doesn't mean I'm still a teenager." He smiled as he slid closer to his boyfriend. "I'm 29. I'm like ten years older than them," he pouted as he watched the teenagers. "But I hope so too... I don't think they'd make it without each other."

"Babe, I'm a _fox_ not a cougar," Andre pouted, kissing his cheek. "And I've seen more of those girls than you. They're stronger than you think. But," he smiled at the girl he was starting to think of as his protege, "I agree that they're stronger together."

"Mmhmm," Chris said, "and they have a very cute baby." He teased.

Santana watched Sam and her date while she rested her head on Rachel's shoulder. "It's crazy that she can get so many people to be with." She pondered, "I just don't think I'd ever be that okay to be with random people, or trust that they wouldn't freak."

"What? Who, Sam?" Rachel glanced over at the woman still making out in public with a deliberate eyeroll, "I believe it takes considerably looser morals than you and possibly a lower standard in partners for sexual congress."

She tried to tell herself she wasn't worried about Santana possibly straying, but when it was fairly obvious there were definitely people out there who loved people like her fiancee and were far more attractive than her own modest offerings... Well, it was difficult. She tightened her arms slightly around Santana's waist and offered her bravest smile. Santana loved her, she told herself. She wanted to marry her. She'd both asked _and_ accepted Rachel's own proposal. But the girl couldn't help the tiny frisson of fear that shivered down her spine and said she was only with her because she thought she was special for loving her.

Santana shrugged, "I guess I'm lucky because I found you." She said as she rested her head on Rachel's shoulder.

"Yeah," Rachel whispered, hugging her close and not wanting to let go, "but I think I'm the lucky one..."

"We're both lucky," she smiled as she leaned in to kiss her fiancee.


	31. Chapter 31

**Chapter 31**

When Santana came home from work a couple of weeks later, Rachel met her at the door with a smile, tugging her inside. She pushed her up against the front door of their home and ran kisses down her neck, nimble fingers making short work of the buttons of her shirt, soon pushing it open. "God, I've wanted you all _day_ , Santana," she hissed against her skin, moving down to bite her collarbone.

"I had the most _delightful_ daydream in my Sociology lecture today," she continued, lathing her tongue over the bite mark she'd left on her lover's skin, "and I wanted very much to try it on you so Quinn is watching Aaron for the next few hours and _I_ want to have my way with you. Can I? Would you mind?"

Santana groaned as she pressed against her fiancee. "Please. God, you can do whatever you want."

"Mmm, can I?" Rachel teased with a smirk, tugging on the open halves of her lover's shirt and pulling her towards the stairs, "Because if you're not opposed, I would like to indulge in a little play in our bedroom. In fact, I would _like_ to try blindfolding you tonight. Do you think that would be an acceptable addition to our lovemaking? I really would like to try having the control of being able to touch wherever I want on your beautiful body without you being able to see _where_ I will be touching or _how_..."

Santana whimpered. "God, yes," she stated as she licked her lips.

"Oh goodie! I have _just_ the thing!" Rachel laughed, pulling her up into their bedroom and pushing her shirt off of her body. "I like playing with you," she whispered, before nipping Santana's earlobe and unfastening her bra. " _Especially_ with these," she leaned down and sucked a nipple into her mouth with a low moan against tanned skin as her fingers slid down over her stomach to work the button of her pants. She pulled away with a pop, grinning slyly up at her lover, "So delicious."

Santana groaned unattractively, the surprise lust attack mixed with her quickly rising arousal was making her dizzy. "uh... Baby, slow down. I'll come if you keep going so fast."

"Aww," Rachel teased, pushing her lover down on the bed and tugging her pants off. "I suppose I could do that. It's just been a while since I've been able to play with you and I'm anxious," she admitted, leaning down to kiss her softly. "But I want you to last as long as you can," she gently stroked her cheek, "because I truly would like to maximize your pleasure today."

She straightened and slowly removed her clothing, gradually revealing the body she'd worked hard to regain the same tone and definition she'd had before her pregnancy with a shy smile. "Do I look okay?"

"So amazing," she said, her eyes taking in her lover's beauty. "More than I could have ever imagined," she murmured softly as she traced her girlfriend's hipbones. She leaned in and kissed the girl's sternum and pressed kisses to her nipples. "Though... I still love how big these are." she mumbled between kisses to the pillowy flesh.

Rachel moaned softly at the attention. "Prettier than those girls Sam brings to things?" she whispered uncertainly, needing reassurance that she was attractive enough to hold her lover's attention.

"They're whores and tranny-chasers," Santana pointed out simply. "They only like her because she's different and they wanna say that they fucked a trans person," Santana said before she sucked softly at the flesh. "You liked me before you found out. You love me because and in spite of my body."

"Of course I do," Rachel smiled uncertainly, running her hands over Santana's hair. She knew she loved the girl, knew that Santana knew she did. She didn't doubt any of that. She just doubted that she was as pretty as them. "Maybe I should try that blindfold now," she whispered, reaching for the navy silk scarf hanging from the headboard where she'd left it after taking it off after getting home from school.

"Anything you want, beautiful," Santana whispered as she pulled back and looked up at her lover. "I trust you."

Rachel smiled softly at her and slipped the cool cloth around her head. "I love you," she whispered and kissed her softly before covering Santana's eyes and tying it behind her head. "Lay back," she instructed with a low voice, gently pushing on her lover's shoulders. "I want full access to my beautiful fiancee's amazing body."

Santana pursed her lips and laid back shaking slightly from the chill running through her body. She was blind and she struggled to hear her lover's soft footsteps and movements to figure out what was to come next.

The bed dipped slightly beside her as Rachel crawled up onto the bed with her. Warm fingers ghosted over her skin, trailing from the corners of her jaw down her neck and over her chest. They lingered briefly on the peaks of her breasts, teasing to stiff peaks with the rough moisture of a tongue and cool breath before sliding down to drift over the smooth planes of her abdomen and tease at the waistband of her panties. "I did say I wanted _full_ access to your body, lover," she whispered, her breath hot on Santana's ear as her fingers hooked under elastic and tugged downward.

Santana lifted her hips in aid to get her boyshorts off. She pushed her muscular arms against the bed and lifted herself up to help kick them off.

"Beautiful," Rachel's voice breathed in her ear after a moment, a hand cupping and squeezing her breast. "You're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen, Santana." The hand slid down over her abdomen to brush her inner thighs with its nails. "I love how wet you get for me," she murmured as a finger slipped between the cheeks of her ass to brush against her hole. "I wonder if you'll let me fill you," her voice was soft, curious, "I wonder what it feels like to be inside you, your walls pulsing around me..."

Santana squeaked as she felt Rachel touch her ass. "You... you want too?" she panted as her hips rose her dick falling heavily onto her stomach.

"Of course, I want to!" Rachel laughed breathlessly somewhere above Santana, "Don't you realize some of my most vivid fantasies involved you writhing on my fingers as I sucked and licked your clit or breasts?" The very tip of her littlest finger dipped slightly into the puckered hole as her thumb rubbed the delicate skin just below her genitals. "But I won't if you don't want it..."

"You can," she whispered as she reached over and fumbled for tiny packet of lube she knew was in the nightstand. "I got this when you mentioned it before." She slid it down to her girlfriend once she found it.

"San," Rachel breathed in that soft, almost awed way she sometimes uttered the first syllable of her lover's name when she was the most surprised by something the other girl did.

The soft tearing sound of the packet being opened reached Santana's ears soon followed by the slick feeling of it being spread between her cheeks. But that was all that happened as the warm fingers stopped caressing her ass and slid up to play with her breasts instead. "Not yet. I want you properly worked up first." The warm, moist heat of a mouth surrounded a nipple, sucking hard, teeth biting slightly and pulling to gently stretch the flesh.

Santana whimpered and brought her hand to rest on Rachel's back and in her hair. "God..." she breathed as she moved her legs to wrap around the other girl's body.

Rachel smiled against the flesh in her mouth, humming softly to make her lips vibrate against her lover's breast. She kept Santana's body close and her member pinned between them. "You know," she whispered as she released the nipple with a soft pop, kissing and nipping over towards the other, "I might not need any lube at all." She rolled her hips, pressing her core against base of Santana's dick and letting her feel how wet she was just doing this. "Maybe I should use a more natural substance..." She stroked up over Santana's neglected nipple with a broad swipe of her tongue, reaching down to swipe between her folds and collect two fingers worth of her own arousal before rubbing against her lover's hole. "Do you think our wetness will be enough?"

With a buck of her hips, Santana nodded frantically. Without being able to see her senses had gone into a frenzy. She wasn't used to not seeing what was happening to her body, whimpering when the fingers were gone. She scratched at the other girl's back. "Please, Rachel."

Rachel groaned throatily at the feeling of fingernails scratching at her back. "God, I love it when you do that," she gasped, bucking against her lover almost involuntarily. She ran her hand down between their bodies again, collecting more of her essence and scratching Santana's inner thighs before pressing a dripping finger against her hole again. "I'm going to take you," she whispered, her own heart racing, "I'm going to fill you and thrust into your body until you climax, Santana." She pressed a little harder, the tip of her finger sliding into Santana to the first knuckle, "What do you think of that?"

Santana groaned her head rolling to the side. "Take me," she groaned, blinking her near black eyes open under the blindfold and trying desperately to see Rachel. "Fuck me."

Carefully watching her lover's face under the blindfold and biting her lip, Rachel slid her slender digit into Santana's ass. She curled it as she slowly began to pump in and out, looking for the girl's prostate. Finding it, she rubbed the tip of her finger over it with each stroke in and out of Santana's body. "Are you okay?" she whispered, her free hand coming up to roll and pinch at her lover's breasts as she slowly thrust into her. "Is this enough or do you need more...?"

Santana's jaw fell open and she winced when first penetrated, but soon after she moaned and started meeting the thrusts. She bit her lip as her hand rested flat against her dick pressing it into her body for relief from her straining erection. "M-more."

Rachel nodded though she knew Santana couldn't see her. Lifting one of the girl's legs, she hooked it over her shoulder to open her wider, carefully rubbing her fingers through the lube and arousal coating the girl's ass before slipping a second finger in when she began to penetrate her again. "God, Santana, you're so _tight_ for me," she hissed, groaning at the feeling of being inside the girl she loved. "I love how tight and wet you are..."

With a gasp, Santana started rolling her hips into Rachel's hand. One of her own hands came up and palmed her breast. "Kiss me, Rachel, please."

Rachel moaned softly and surged up Santana's body, her fingers still pushing in and out of her tight hole. "God, I love you so much," she whispered before kissing her fiancee hard and possessively, stroking her tongue out to brush along the crease of her lips, begging Santana to allow her complete entrance to her body.

Santana hooked her other leg around Rachel's hip and rocked, her dick stroking against their hip bones as Rachel thrust. She kissed Rachel with more fire than ever before. Her body starting to shake as her orgasm started to surge.

"Come for me," Rachel begged, her lips moving against Santana's as she spoke, "Let me feel what it's like to be inside of you when you find release. Please..." She dragged her fingertips over Santana's prostate over and over, working her lover to the peak. "I love you, my beautiful girl..."

With a final sharp arch Santana moaned and convulsed. Her orgasm shooting against their stomachs as she clenched around her lover's fingers. After several aftershocks she limply dropped her legs and lay against the bed struggling to find her breath.

Rachel slid down to lick the traces of Santana's climax from her belly. "So good," she groaned softly. "Santana," she wiggled her fingers gently where they were still inside her, knowing the girl still couldn't see her with the blindfold - or, more importantly, see her own body - and wanting her to believe in the fantasy for a little longer, "would you mind if I sucked your clit while I was inside you? I just... I've always really wanted to be able to do that to you..."

"Yes," she croaked softly as she felt her body stirring again. "Anything."

"Touch me while I do," she whispered, using her free hand to guide one of Santana's hands to the back of her head. "The way you said you would in those text messages we shared in Glee last year. Show me how you want to be touched." She slowly began to slide her fingers in and out of Santana again as she ran her tongue up her lover's member from the base to the tip. Swirling her tongue about the tip, she carefully took the soft penis into her mouth, easily taking the entire thing in its small state.

Santana fisted Rachel's hair and started rocking her hips. "You feel so good."

Rachel continued pumping as she allowed Santana's growing member to slip from her lips. "I love when I can get you off with just my lips," she carefully suckled the tip of her cock with a smirk, "but I'm starting to think it's best with lips _and_ fingers." She twisted her wrist, sliding both fingers along Santana's prostate, "What do you think, love?"

"Fucking shit," she gasped as she bucked her hips. "God! Fuck, Rachel, can I eat you out while you do me?" she panted.

Rachel's eyes widened with an interested smile. "I hadn't thought of that," she murmured, licking her lips as she carefully pulled out of her lover and moved to straddle her face, "Like this?" Her dripping core was barely an inch from Santana's lips, the girl's nose just barely shy of brushing her swollen folds. Leaning down, she pushed Santana's legs apart and carefully slid her fingers back inside, using her free hand to hold Santana's erection down against her stomach so she could flick her tongue over the tip back and forth.

Santana didn't respond with words. When she smelled her lover over her mouth, she started sliding her tongue over the engorged flesh, the smooth muscle sliding deep into the girl quickly causing her to moan as she ate her. Rachel groaned, rolling her hips to meet her lover's thrusts as she began fucking her faster, swallowing her dick as deep as she could and working her throat around the tip. She ground her breasts against Santana's stomach, reaching back with her free hand to pinch and tug on the girl's nipples, each moan and whimper from her throat sending vibrations along Santana's shaft.

Santana nipped at Rachel's clit, her lips the wrapping around it and sliding two fingers deep inside her pussy. Rachel whined in pleasure around the dick in her throat, her body already beginning to clench around Santana's fingers, arousal coating the girl's lower jaw. She tried to focus on her task, but it was hard. Her fingers worked inside of Santana, stroking at her prostate and trying to push her to a second orgasm as she began teetering on the brink of her own climax.

Santana moaned and arched her back and slid her tongue as deep as she could into Rachel before giving into her own climax. She shot her cum down Rachel's throat as she urged her girl to do the same.

Rachel cried out around the dick in her mouth, grinding her core down into Santana's mouth as her orgasm hit. Her walls pulsed around Santana's tongue as if trying to draw her even further into her body. She'd been resisting climaxing for so long that she felt something release inside of her and the clear essence of her climax gushed from her, splashing over her lover's lips and chin and sliding down her neck. Her body spasmed a couple more times before she finally calmed enough to let Santana's softening member slide from her lips.

She slipped her fingers from Santana's body with a whimper, rolling off of her to sprawl exhaustedly beside her with a blissful smile on her face for a moment. "That," she gasped, panting for breath, "that was _amazing_." Once she started to feel her legs again she shifted until she was facing the right away and sprawled on top of Santana, trying to tug the blindfold off and kiss her at the same time, needing to see her eyes. "Are you okay?"

"I'm tired," she said softly as she cuddled into her lover's warm body. "I like that... The blindfolding and fingering... But maybe that's a once in awhile thing."

"Yeah," Rachel agreed with a happy sigh, snuggling in and ignoring how sticky they felt as the sweat and cum dried on their bodies. "But I do like experimenting and playing with you. And I liked how you reacted with the blindfold. You seemed even more excited than usual. It was very.. .stimulating for me." She rolled over and kissed her lover softly, moaning slightly at the taste of their unique flavors mingling on their lips.

"You are insatiable," she said softly. "Though I just figured out a perk of our son being hard of hearing... He won't be subjects to listening to us fucking all the time." She smirked and pulled the blanket over them.

"I don't know," Rachel remarked with a little giggle as she cuddled back into her fiancee's nude body under the blanket, "you've managed to make me scream pretty high before." She slid her fingers down Santana's side to grasp her hip and tug her closer. "I guess you just have a magic touch."

"Damn right," she smirked. "So let's hope he just ignores it."

"Hope so," Rachel laughed, snuggling closer, "because I'm not giving up my intimacy with you any time soon and I don't want to have that conversation for a long time."

"I doubt we will ever need to have that conversation ever," she explained as she looked at the clock. "Can we nap before the baby comes home?"

"Please," Rachel whispered, already half asleep. "But I think we'll need to bathe to be presentable before he gets home too..."

"Yeah. Holding the baby covered in cum? Not a great parenting tool," she whispered as she set her alarm on her phone and closed her eyes. "I love you."

"Love you too," Rachel murmured sleepily, wrapping an arm around Santana's waist and her head on her shoulder.

* * *

Almost two hours later, Santana dressed in pajama pants and a tank top with her hair in a messy bun and Rachel in shorts and t-shirt knocked on Puck and Quinn's door. The sound of footsteps could be heard through the metal and wood before it opened to reveal Puck, shirtless in a pair of jeans.

"Ew can you not babysit our baby topless?" Santana asked, her face scrunching up in disgust.

"You're the one who only has us babysit when you need to fuck." He smirked as he let them inside, "So, if I have to hear you two screaming I get to not wear a shirt while watching your spawn."

Rachel blushed bright red and looked for her son. "You didn't hear us," she stated firmly. "That's patently absurd, Noah."

"Is it now?" He raised his eyebrow. "How did I know that you fucked your little lady there? Huh?" He smirked and headed into the home he shared with Quinn. "Want a Gatorade or something? Rehydrate?" He offered as he grabbed three out of the fridge and a bottle of water. He handed the water to Quinn who was rocking the baby on the couch and brought the drinks to the girls.

"I hate you, Puckerman." Santana pouted and moved to plop down next to Quinn. "How was he?" She asked as she pressed kisses to the crown of AJ's head.

"Good," Quinn smiled up at her. "He's a sweet little boy. I like watching him. It's like practice almost."

"I'm entirely certain you'll be an excellent mother when you're ready, Quinn," Rachel replied, reaching for her son as she sat down beside her.

"You're not spawning until after college," Santana said strictly. Puck just rolled his eyes and came over and sat on the chair.

"Whatever, Lopez. Your fault if we do cause we keep babysitting yours while you fuck..."

"Santana, please stop threatening our friends," Rachel chided gently, patting the couch next to her. "Noah, don't be foolish, neither you nor Quinn are ready for children yet. To be honest, Santana and I aren't either, but we have our Aaron and we rely on our family and friends to make up for that lack of preparedness. Perhaps too much, but if we didn't have the two of you, we'd be even farther out of our depths."

Yeah, yeah..." he smiled.

Quinn rested her head on Santana's shoulder, "I love watching Aaron... I just miss hanging out with San sometimes..." she said softly. "I know I see you at cheer and work... but it's not the same."

"I know, but we had to grow up someday..." Santana said tiredly.

Rachel looked between the two girls then glanced at Puck who nodded. "Well, then, this seems like a perfect time to suggest the thing that Noah and I have been discussing."

Quinn looked at Rachel sharply, but didn't raise her head off her best friend's shoulder. "What are you talking about, Berry?"

"Simply put," Rachel shrugged, "you and Santana need some time off."

Puck nodded again, "Look, you two been running like crazy between school and work and all and Rach and I think you need a break. So we've been picking up some extra work here and there and we got something for our girls." He grinned, pulling a folder off the top of the bookshelf near him and handing it to Santana, "Thought you two could use a spa day together."

"It's just a day and Noah and I are certainly sufficient to watch Aaron," Rachel explained. "You've been so good about taking care of me and our son, Santana, that I want you to have this time with Quinn to relax and recharge your batteries. And Quinn, you certainly deserve it as well with how often you've stepped up to watch little Aaron."

"Wow," Quinn said, "I don't know what to say..."

"Just take it, woman!" Puck smiled, "Just relax and have some fun." he said before kissing her goodnight and heading to bed.

"Thank you, Rach," Santana said, knowing she couldn't refuse it. "let's get Aaron to bed okay?"

"Of course," Rachel smiled up at her fiancee, standing with their son cuddled to her chest. "Little man here needs his dinner too. Thank you again for watching him, Quinn."

Santana kissed Quinn's head and headed back up to her and Rachel's place. "Go get him fed and I'll bring some tea up." Santana offered to her lover.

"Thank you," Rachel responded, kissing Santana softly, "I hope you like the anniversary present Noah and I chose for you and Quinn. Neither he nor I could properly decide when the beginning of our relationships were, so we just decided to give you a present now. Perhaps it's a bit arbitrary but we appreciate the idea of being able to celebrate together in such a fashion. And it _has_ been a year for us at least... I wanted to do something for you you wouldn't do for yourself."

"You're amazing." Santana smiled, "Go get in bed... I'll be up soon." She said after a light kiss.

Rachel smiled at her and carried their son upstairs to feed before laying him in his crib across the hall from their room. She sang to him softly as he looked up at her, smiling and cooing at his mother. "You're such a wonderful little boy, Aaron. You're going to be a good person, just like your mami." She reached in and stroked his cheek as his eyes started falling closed as the reassuring rhythms of her voice carried him to sleep.

Santana came in and pressed a kiss to his head, "Night, baby-boy." She smiled and took Rachel's hand and brought her back to their bed. "I love you so much."

She smiled at her fiancee, curling into her embrace. "I love you too, Santana. And don't worry, I'm certain Noah won't allow any harm to befall myself or our son while you and Quinn are being properly pampered in the manner you deserve."

"I'll miss you and Aaron though." she said softly, she pulled back the covers back and slipped in and waited for Rachel. "I'm sleepy."

Rachel crawled into bed beside her and kissed her jaw gently. "Sleep, love," she whispered, resting her head on Santana's shoulder where it fit best and wrapping her arm around the girl's chest as she stretched out beside her.


	32. Chapter 32

Chapter 32

"The Roosevelt?" Quinn stared at the imposing white and black front of the building with its neatly suited doorman. "H-how did they even... oh my God, Santana!" She looked back down at the card in her hand then over to her best friend. "Did you read anything about what they gave us? Like at all? The Guerlain Spa for Christ's sake?"

"They're fucking insane," Santana gaped. "They must feel really guilty for something," she joked as she looked up, "I guess we should go in."

"If they're guilty, they must have murdered someone while robbing a bank," Quinn muttered, shifting the daybag on her shoulder before heading inside with Santana. Once in the doors, she just barely stopped herself from stopping to gape again. "Did they seriously book us in here for nearly seven hours? I mean, Christ, it had to cost nearly a grand a piece!"

A polite looking gentleman in a three-piece suit came over with a smile. "Good day, ladies. Welcome to the Roosevelt. May I be of assistance in helping you find something? Perhaps you are checking in?"

"Yeah... we have a spa treatment thing." She handed him the certificates Rachel and Puck had given them. "That's here? Or somewhere else?" She asked as she looked nervously at Quinn.

"Ah yes," he murmured, looking over the certificates. "The Cocooning Impériale at the Guerlain. Very nice. My wife indulges once a year. Right this way, ladies," he gestured, leading them down the hall to the gold and beige hued entry. "Here we are," he smiled, handing the certificates back, "Just give these to Sally there and she'll be happy to help."

"Oh my God, San," Quinn hissed, looking around in awe, "what did we do to deserve this?" Her eyes were wide as she looked around, even her father had never paid for anything this lavish for her before. "Did Rachel tell you anything because Puck would say anything more than that it was just because. Because of what?"

"Well, I know... I know it's for Rachel and I's anniversary." Santana said as she headed into the lobby and headed to the desk. She looked at the redhead at the desk and raised her eyebrow when she put up a finger for her to wait. After a moment, Santana looked at her and held up the papers, which quickly made her put down the phone.

"There you go," Santana snapped. "Yeah, checking in for Santana Lopez and Quinn Fabray," she said curtly.

"Yes, I remember when your partners came in to arrange for this," Sally murmured, typing some things into the computer. "A tallish young man with a ridiculous hairstyle and a small but fairly loud young woman with a baby? Adorable child." She picked up a set of robes and towels and smiled at them as a dark haired man came up to take her place at reception. "Robert, the Karneys want to reschedule their appointment. Could you handle that while I help these ladies?" she asked, nodding at the phone.

He smiled. "Sure, Sally. You two enjoy your treatment now."

Sally led them to a changing area and set the towels on the bench. "The lockers are free to use and we are relatively secure, though I would keep small jewelry such as rings or necklaces or other valuables either with you or if you'd like I can secure them at the desk in our safe for your security. Your first treatment of the day is a thirty minute Five-Senses Hydrotherapy session, so if you'll change into the robes, I'll be back shortly to take you to the room."

Santana nodded and waited for the woman to leave before she looked at Quinn. "So... I bet my lovely girlfriend didn't tell them about my extra bits..." She groaned, "Hopefully I can just leave my underwear on."

Quinn rolled her eyes, starting to unbutton her shirt, "San, don't be ridiculous. This is a legitimate spa, not a happy endings massage parlor. The only person you'll likely be fully naked around is me." She glanced at her and raised her eye, "Unless you've got a problem with my seeing your junk. "She smirked, teasing as she pulled off her shirt and unfastened her bra. "Think it might get too happy around me?"

"You wish." Santana laughed and pulled off her top off and unfastened her bra. "You should be worried about getting all turned on by my sexyness." She smirked and looked back to her friend.

"Oh really?" Quinn asked, tossing the last of her clothes into the locker she'd picked and glancing over at Santana with a sly smirk as she stood there nude, running her hands over her flat stomach for a moment before reaching for her robe, "So there's no way you ever wanted to get with all this, hmm?" She smirked as she pulled the robe on but let it hang open, "Because that's not what I remember when my hand was around your special friend."

"What can I say? You're sexy." She smiled, "But I'm taken and so are you."

"Damn straight," Quinn smirked, "but hypothetically?" She belted her robe closed, "If neither of us were taken and we were in the same situation?"

Santana pulled off her pants and kept her tight boyshorts on before slipping the white robe over her skin. "Maybe." She smirked, "Like I said, you sexy. I'm seriously sexy, so who knows."

Quinn snorted, "Way to dodge the question, S." She leaned against the lockers and watched Santana as they waited for Sally to come back. "You know, Rachel and I talk about you sometimes. At first it was totally weird and kinda creepy, but she kind of... gets you in a way I don't think I ever did before I started talking to her and trying not to be annoyed in the first five seconds because she was talking."

"She's kinda cool." Santana smiled, a hint of a blush caressing her cheeks. "She's not as bad as she was back in the day."

"No, pregnancy definitely mellowed her," Quinn agreed, shrugging. "Or you did. Whichever. It's nice. She's a lot more tolerable now. But she doesn't see you as Puck and I do. I mean," she licked her lips, trying to think of a way to phrase it, "you've always been well... you to him and me. You're not a boy or a girl, you're just... Santana. But with her it's like... you're a girl. And then you're Santana. Does that make any sense or do I sound as ridiculous as I think I do?"

"No, I get it... She's had to learn how to adapt something new, unlike you two who always knew it was there since we had to awkwardly bathe as children." She shrugged, "I love you both for that. You're just Quinn and Puck to me too... despite the fact you two are having sex which weirds me out."

"Oh like you and the midget procreating doesn't freak me out at all," Quinn snorted as Sally came back to lead them to the hydrotherapy room.

Santana moaned softly as her feet were carefully rubbed. "Oh sweet god," she sighed as she rolled her head to look at Quinn. "Rachel and Puck did good."

Quinn groaned softly as the man working on her feet rubbed out a particularly sore knot. "So good. Puckie's definitely getting a treat when I get home after this. Even if he did go into this because he's guilty for something. God this feels good after working and cheer and school and all."

"God, don't be stupid. You've been together for a year." Santana said, "He wanted to do something nice and he and Rachel schemed this all together."

"It's no more stupid than when you and Rachel get your freak on," she moaned out. "Wait," her eyes snapped open and she rolled her head to look at Santana, "a year? It's our anniversary? Oh my God, I had no idea. San, we have got to do something amazing for them for this."

"I gave mine a cute baby," Santana said smugly, "What are you gonna do?" She teased and rolled her eyes, "I don't know what to do either honestly."

"Santana Lopez, do not hold your spawn over my head as if you did something wonderful." Quinn snorted, "Especially not when you've been basically threatening my man with castration if kids are even mentioned around me and him. Hypocrite much? I don't know... why not take her on a date? It's not like you two really ever have right? You kinda just fell into where you are."

"This is true." Santana shrugged, "What about you? What are you gonna do for Puck?" She asked as she rolled her neck.

Quinn just smirked and waggled her eyebrows, "Maybe just buy a box of those Trojans he likes so much and arrange for us to have a weekend off together."

"Really... Really?" Santana said a grossed out look on her face, "Remind me to be away from the house that weekend."

She laughed. "Oh like your marathon sex session with Rachel aren't totally audible down in our bedroom. Oh! Oh! San! Fuck me! Yes! Harder, baby! Ooh!" She mocked, "Rachel has never ever been quiet. About anything, Santana. And the damn thumping filtering through the walls? You're lucky AJ's hard of hearing or he'd never sleep through all that."

"My baby knows what's best for him." She smiled, "Please you need to get something real not just your blonde pussy."

Quinn rolled her eyes, "Unlike you, Santana, Puck doesn't have free access to sex. You should ask him what his favorite gift would be from me someday. If it doesn't involve porn, it probably involves a home cooked dinner waiting when he gets home, a box of his favorite condoms though he'd rather go without, and all of my clothing magically absent for an extended period of time. Besides," she shrugged, "even working as much as I am, I can't afford something on this level."

"Me either... I don't even know what the fuck to get Rachel..." She sighed, "Stupid relationships." She sighed, "I feel bad about taking this, she should be here... She's the one who had to push a baby out of her junk."

"And she's the one who insisted - with Puck of all people - for us to come," Quinn shrugged. "Besides, they're probably off being incredibly Jewish with your kid. It's fun for them and they did this awesome thing for us, so why ruin it? Look, your hobbit's into Broadway stuff and you know touring groups come down here, so just find out what's in town that she'd love and take her to dinner and a show. Puck and I'll watch AJ, it's not a big deal."

"My dad is actually moving down his weekend... he might want some grandbaby time." Santana said, "Maybe you and Puck can go out for dinner or have your sex marathon then."

Quinn smirked, "Cool. Thanks for giving us permission to have sex, Mom." She dodged Santana's half-hearted effort to slap her with a laugh, careful not to move her feet as the pedicurist worked.

"I'm just saying, you don't need to watch Aaron." She smiled, "Which I appreciate, by the way. I know him not being able to hear makes Puck sad, but I really think it's great he gets to know more family, ya know?"

"Don't worry about Puck being sad, San. He thinks that kid hung the moon anyway." She smiled wistfully, leaning back in the chair again and watching the pedicurist working on her feet for a moment. "Probably because he's yours and Rachel's. She might annoy me sometimes, but we both know they've been friends practically forever. So AJ's like the product of his two best friends and he loves being an uncle."

Santana smiled thinking about her son. "I fucking love that little boy. Sometimes when we get home from work and Rachel's sleeping I just go into his room and scoop him up and cuddle him. He smells so good."

"He's incredibly sweet and quiet considering who his moms are," Quinn teased. "But I love him too. He's done amazing things for you, San. You actually seem almost happy since he was born."

"I am almost happy." She smiled, "There are very few things other than waking up to Rachel putting him on my chest in only his diaper then her cuddling in and falling back to sleep as a family that make me more happy."

"Well, good. I'm glad you're happier now." Quinn smiled lopsidedly over at her, reaching over to squeeze her hand. "Wonder if getting married to that girl of yours and making her all legally yours will push you into being actually happy for once."

"I don't think we're gonna get married for awhile." She said softly. "At least not until before Aaron can walk." She smiled like she had a plan already.

"Oh really now," Quinn laughed, letting the spa workers handle her hands. "Sounds like you've got a plan, Ms Devious. Does Rachel know about it? You know how she gets when her plans are messed up."

"I want Aaron to walk her down the aisle," Santana said with a smile, "So he needs to walk first."

"San, that's a great and incredibly touching idea, but," she licked her lips, glancing at Santana uncertainly, "you might want to clear that with her first. I mean, she's not on such super terms with her dads and all... she might not want to walk down the aisle."

"But... if our son does it..." Santana said softly. "If he helps us get married... He's what brought us together." Santana looked confused - she thought it was a great idea and since Rachel didn't have a relationship with her dads anymore what could be better?

"San, just ask her first, okay?" Quinn looked concerned, "It's a big deal and not something you want to just spring on a girl. Especially not one as detail obsessed as Rachel."

"I know... but how cute would my little boy be in a suit?" she smiled and looked at her friend.

"You are not gonna let up, are you?" She laughed, "Alright, alright. He'd be adorable. You know that. Like that silly outfit you dress him in to go to church."

"Just imagine when his little baby curls get long enough for me to braid." She smirked, "my little playa." She said proudly, "and boy's gotta look good for God."

"Yeah, yeah. He takes after his Mami," Quinn smirked at her. "Hey, San... you think I'd be a good mom someday? Like you and Rachel with AJ?"

"I think you'll be an amazing mom." Santana smiled, "You're protective like a lioness and would cut a bitch if they hurt your family."

"Then," she licked her lips, rolling her head to face Santana, "why do you always tell Puck there's no possible way we could have kids? I mean... you'd be there to help and God knows Rachel would want input. The four of us are doing okay by AJ, right? Would it be so terrible if I did have a kid with Puck?"

"I just mean right now," she said softly, "You're too smart to throw everything away. You have such a bright future and I don't want you to lose your dreams." She sighed, "I wish Aaron could have waited for Rachel to get her dreams of New York..."

"San, she told me about the acceptance letters..." Quinn frowned, "You're not still blaming yourself for that, are you? She didn't have what they wanted. And for God's sake, she's happy down here with you! Would you rather she was in New York with freaking Finn?"

"No." Santana sighed, "She would have gotten in if she didn't have to worry about being pregnant for nine months before graduation."

"Seriously?" Quinn stared at her in disbelief, "Santana Lopez, you are an idiot. If New York was that damn important to her as she always used to say it was, she would have gotten in no matter what she was worried about. She didn't not get accepted because she was pregnant when she applied! She didn't get accepted because she didn't try as hard as she did for the school near where you were applying!" Her eyes went wide, "Oh no... don't tell her I told you that."

"I don't want to hold her back... I know she loves her program now but what happens 10 years from now when she's teaching because she's stuck with a kid and can't do Broadway?"

"You are so fucking emo it's not even funny," Quinn groused. "If Rachel isn't doing Broadway in ten years, it's not because she has a kid! I barely like her and I know she wouldn't let anything or anyone hold her back if she really wants something. So where do you get off? You're the one marrying her, big shot."

"I don't wanna talk about this anymore," she mumbled and covered her face.

"Typical," Quinn muttered, leaning back when instructed by the spa worker helping her to start her facial.

Santana sighed and closed her eyes.

That weekend found Puck and Santana - with moderate help from Quinn and Rachel for the bigger items - carrying furniture from the truck that had arrived that morning into the modest house down the street from the building they called their own. Carefully setting Miguel's favorite armchair down in the living room, Puck straightened with a tired sigh, mopping at his forehead.

"Damn, San. Your dad's got some heavy shit," he muttered. "Why didn't we just let the moving guys do this stuff?"

"Because, lunkhead," Quinn muttered, carrying a box in from the truck and setting it against the wall with the others, "you remember what they did to our stuff, right?"

"Oh," he blushed, "yeah... that would suck."

Rachel came out of the kitchen carrying a tray of glasses full of lemonade with AJ in a sling on her back. "Can I interest you three in some fresh lemonade?" she asked with a smile, heading to Santana first without really thinking about it. "I'm also making up some vegan friendly pasta salad for lunch if anyone's hungry."

Santana took the drink and drank down a long pull of the liquid. She took back most of it before breathing, "Refreshing," She squeaked after the tartness hit her throat.

Puck laughed, clapping her on the back. "Geez, San, don't die on us now. We still gotta get your dad's bed in and put together and there ain't no way I'm doing that solo."

"Oh, I'm sorry," Rachel apologized, handing Puck and Quinn their glasses. "Did I make it too tart?"

"Just not expecting it," she coughed as she took another sip to clear her throat. "Thanks, and I'm not dying you jackass." She glared at Puck and put down her cup on the table before stretching her tank top covered body with the strain of heavy lifting. "Are we almost done?"

"There's still a bunch of boxes," Quinn pointed out, sipping at her glass, "but I think the only really big thing left is the bed."

"We can get the boxes in after a rest if we all work together on the bed," Rachel suggested. "I think Aaron wants hugs from his mami too," she added, nodding at the little boy waving his arms over her shoulder towards Santana.

Santana moved over and kissed her son over Rachel's shoulder. "Let me finish this and I'll take him from you." Santana smiled and clapped her hand on Puck's back. "Come on, fatty. It's time to pick up the bed."

He coughed on the swig of lemonade he'd just drank, "Geez, Santana! Stop trying to kill me already!" He wiped a hand across his mouth and glared for a moment before shrugging. "Okay, let's get it in so I can put the barbecue together."

"I still can't believe you actually bought Mr Lopez a grill, Puck," Quinn shook her head, rolling her eyes and setting her glass on the mantle. "Alright, time to grab another box. Rachel, if you can help, we can get the bedding in."

"Sure," Rachel smiled, setting the tray down on the coffee table and moving to put AJ into the playpen they'd brought so she could help. "You be good, sweetheart, okay?"

AJ looked up and clapped before sitting down and crawling over to his stuffed bear and laying on it. Santana smiled and headed back out to the truck and aided Puck in carrying the bed frame into the floor and maneuvering it down to the bedroom. "Fuck, this shit's heavy." Santana groaned as she let her side sit on the ground. "Thank god, this place is only one floor."

"I think maybe we shoulda listened to the girls and carried it in in pieces," he gasped, just barely getting his fingers out from under the frame as they scooted it back against the wall. "That bitch was fucking heavy!"

"I think my back is broke." She pouted as she kicked the mattress, "But at least that's it? My dad can put the rest of his shit together."

"Yeah, that's the big stuff. This thing and his damn desk were the heaviest I think," he muttered, putting his hands on the small of his back and stretching to try and ease the ache. "Fuck, I think I'm getting old."

She nodded and pulled the edge of her shirt up to wipe her brow. "At least we won't need to hit the gym this weekend."

"True that," he kissed his bicep, "I think the guns of Puckerone got enough of a workout today."

"The guns of Puckerone better get on putting the girll together if Puckerone wants to get Mr Lopez to agree to let him grill tonight," Quinn pointed out as she carried in an armload of blankets.

"I still believe that Dad would be completely capable of handling it himself," Rachel said coming in behind her with her own armload. Calling Miguel Dad was still new, but she thought she'd try and become comfortable with the appellation before he arrived. "Don't you think, Santana?"

"Uh huh." Santana said. "Dude's been raving about these steaks he's bringing with him from Lima since he found out about it," she explained. "I think he might even slip you a beer he's so excited, Puck."

"Really?" He smiled lopsidedly, "Sweet! Your dad is seriously badass, San."

"You get drunk, you're sleeping on the couch. In their apartment," Quinn pointed out. "I'm not down with fending off your drunk ass advances all night."

"Prude." Santana chuckled as she took another sip of her lemonade.

Puck leaned over and kissed Quinn and smirked, "You love me." he said, "You like when I get all up on you."

"Not when you're drunk," she smacked his arm. "Do I need to remind you of what happened last time?" She raised a brow, reminding him of their near miss sophomore year.

"Everyone, there's no need to argue as I highly doubt that Dad will be slipping anyone sufficient alcohol to inebriate anyone." Rachel chided, straightening from where she'd been putting the bedding away. "Now let's have some lunch and take a break before carrying the rest of the boxes in and sending the movers on their way."

Santana nodded and peeled off her sweat and dirt covered tank top. "I'm gross." She pouted and wiped her now bra clad body with the top to mop of some of the sweat.

Puck leered. "Not that gross," he smirked, only to nearly drop his reclaimed glass of lemonade as two hands smacked the back of his head. "Ow! What the heck!"

"One, that is my finacee," Rachel glared at him, putting herself between him and Santana, hands firmly on her hips, "so keep your leering and drooling to a minimum, Noah."

"Two, you need to learn to keep your eyes in your head, jerk," Quinn snapped, folding her arms over her chest. "Especially when I'm right here. Seriously, are you trying to get cut off for the foreseeable future?"

He gaped, looking between both of them. "I can't even look? But she's showing 'em off!"

"And gentlemen don't stare!" Rachel growled, feeling possessive and defensive of her fiancee.

Santana just raised her eyebrows. "See... Puckerman, you'll never live up to me. Even Q wants all up on this," she teased. Puck just glared at her from over Rachel's head and looked away.

"Then put the store boughts away!" He cried, "It's not fair, Q. I'd look at any of you if you took your shirt off!"

"Noah Puckerman, you did not just go there," Rachel growled, taking a step towards him.

"Back down, Berry," Quinn snapped. "He's a dog, but he's my dog. I'll handle him." Spinning on her heel, she glared at Puck. "Outside and take care of that stupid grill or you'll be on the couch for the next week, got it?"

He sulked and trudged out of the room and outside. Santana looked nervous and down at her feet. "I... I didn't think it would be a big deal... You've all seen me naked before." She whispered softly.

"It's not a big deal," Quinn shrugged. "Puck's just been an ass lately and I don't like him leering at my best friend when I'm standing right next to him."

Rachel's shoulders drooped. "I didn't like him staring at you like that," she admitted quietly. "I just... I didn't like him calling your body store bought or... I'm sorry. I shouldn't have responded in such an immature manner."

"Puck doesn't hurt my feelings." Santana said, as she grabbed her backpack and pulled a clean white t-shirt out. "It's not a big deal. He doesn't want to sleep or be with anyone other than you, Quinn..."

"I didn't think he hurt your feelings," Quinn shrugged.

"I'm going to go see to lunch," Rachel murmured, heading back to the kitchen and AJ.

Quinn sighed. "Great. Now the hobbit's moping. Look, I smacked him cause it's not cool to leer at other women when your girlfriend is right next to you in my book. Rachel," she scoffed, shrugging, "I don't know her reasons, but she gets defensive of you. It's cute in a weird midget sort of way."

Santana shrugged and pulled Quinn into the bathroom with her as she wiped down her upper body, not wanting to go pick up her son dirty.

"He's being a douche, but Rachel shouldn't fret. He's just annoying like that." she shrugged and dried herself off.

"And she's just being protective of you. Is that so bad?" she asked, leaning against the counter. "She knows him. Probably better than we do. They're like creepy Jewish siblings."

Santana chuckled, "Truth, but you're my sister so it's good."

"I hate to break it to you, but we look nothing alike," Quinn deadpanned. "Seriously though, you need to let Polly Pocket in there know its okay to be protective of you if you like her doing that stuff. Even if she does look and sound like an angry chihuahua when she does."

"Whatever, Barbie." Santana smirked as she pulled on her shirt and headed back to the kitchen. "Rach?" she called out looking for her girlfriend and son.

Rachel had AJ cradled on one hip as she mixed the pasta salad up, humming softly to the boy as he reached for her hair. "In here, Santana," she called softly, still feeling discouraged at her defensiveness making her fianc? feel bad.

"Hey," she said, smiling as she kissed her son's mess of curls. "Don't pout. I like that you stand up for me."

"But I made you feel as if you'd done something wrong," she murmured, handing their son off to his mami. "I shouldn't have. He was just playing I suppose. I overreacted again."

Santana cuddled her son and watched Rachel. "He's a douche... you were standing up for me and I love that about you."

"I still made you feel bad," she whispered, glancing over at Santana sadly. "I never want you to feel bad or like you're behaving inappropriately due to my actions."

"I shouldn't do that. I just didn't know what... that I didn't realize that I shouldn't do it and I guess that's something wrong with me, but you didn't do anything wrong."

"You shouldn't do what? Take your shirt off when you're hot? That's absurd, Santana. Noah should be enough of a gentleman not to stare like a lecherous old man."

"I shouldn't do that because it's not proper and I'm engaged." she said, "He wouldn't look if I didn't show it. You are just being a good wife to be. I will think about my actions."

"Why is it improper? You still had a bra on and were almost more covered than some of the bikini's I've seen." Rachel frowned, "I strongly dislike the idea of apologizing for Noah's inappropriate behaviour as if he lacked the self-control to not stare simply because you removed your shirt. He is a grown man and there is no excuse for that behaviour. For example, he is an excellent example of male physique and yet you don't see women mindlessly ogling his pectorals when he removes his shirt."

"Quinn ogles him." Santana retorted, "But I know, it's a double standard and it sucks."

"I ogle you as well," she pointed out. "It's a right I get as your fiancee and she gets as his girlfriend. But Noah knows better, thus when he behaves like he's escaped from a lower branch of the evolutionary tree, he will inevitably be... corrected."

AJ started fussing and trying to get Santana's attention, "What is it, baby?" she asked, looking at him. "You frustrated because you can't hear mommy?" She asked softly, trying to not fear her son's hearing loss whenever he doesn't react.

"Mmmm," he started, bouncing in her arms as his little face screwed up in concentration. "Mmmmaa... Ma! Mmaaama! Mama!" He bounced happily, clapping awkwardly.

"Oh my gosh," Rachel's eyes went wide. "Santana, did he..."

"Mama!" He chortled, hugging Santana's neck.

"Oh my god," Santana gasped as she clung to him, "Holy shit. Rachel? He... oh god!"

"Mama!" AJ laughed, kissing Santana's cheek wetly.

"He spoke," Rachel stared with her eyes wide, hands covering her mouth. "Santana, he... he spoke. Dad's coming and Aaron just said his first word!"

"Holy crap," She exclaimed again, "That's my boy," She kissed his face, "That's my little man."

AJ laughed and patted her cheeks. "Mama," he cooed happy to have her attention.

Just then Rachel's phone buzzed on the counter and she picked it up to check the messages. "And Dad's going to be here in another twenty minutes," she smiled up at Santana. "I think it is imperative that you show him our son's newest trick upon his arrival, don't you?"

She nodded, just staring at her son in awe. After a few moments, she pointed him at Rachel, "Who's that? Baby, is that mommy?"

He blinked at Rachel for a moment then turned back to Santana with a confused frown. "Mama," he repeated, trying to hug her again.

Rachel just chuckled and shook her head, "Don't push, Santana. I'm sure he'll find a word for me soon enough. I'm just happy to hear him speak and call you his mama."

Santana hugged her son tightly and kissed his head, "I love you." she said as she looked at her girlfriend. "More than anything."

"Than anything?" Rachel whispered, stepping close to wrap her arms around her son and fiancee. "I love my family most I think. Thank you for giving that to me, Santana."

She nodded and closed her eyes as she felt AJ snuggle into them.

The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, everyone. We hope you've enjoyed. We may revisit these character a some point in the future, but we currently don't have any specific plans.


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